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Some Kind of Paradise (butterfly0408/gray)

Hearing the small choke of false laughter, Roland tried to stay calm, wanting to simply rush to her and wrap her in a tight embrace, yet knowing he couldn't do that, not now at least, besides, there was more he wanted to say. Listening to hers words, his expression softened, and he sat down slowly in his chair, keeping a faint smile on his face. "Perhaps, but your not a slave to me. Therefore, perhaps I can be forgiven for wanting you to have a happy birthday for once."

Motioning to the box he gave an almost embarrassed smile. "I.. truthfully, I didn't really know what to get you, so I hope it will do." Falling silent again, he gave her a moment to work out what it was she was feeling, praying against hope that maybe this wasn't all in futility after all.
 
She looked towards the box again and the battle of emotions was clear within her, just looking at the way she gazed at the box. It was many more long seconds of silence once again before she finally spoke, "Why?" That was all she said at first. "Why are you doing this to me? I only know one way of life Roland and you are trying to change everything I know! All I know! You expect me to change all I know overnight?! It can't be like that!" Her voice had escalated but after this point, she took a breath to calm herself. A few breathes later and she spoke calmly again, "I am certain whatever is in that box is beautiful. I am certain that if I was a normal girl that could afford to be woo'ed and loved that I would love whatever it is. But I am not a girl to be woo'ed Roland. I am one to be owned."
 
Hearing her speak the words, Roland wasn't sure for some time quite what to say, simply sitting and listening to what she had to say. Finally, as she finished, he spoke once more, finally starting to see, if just a little, the true problem of this whole ordeal. Or at least part of it.

"Is that really what you want?" Speaking softly, with an almost sad hint to his words, he stood, moving to her side of the table and lowering himself to his knees, taking one of her hands in his and holding it to his chest, eyes moving up to meet hers. "Eden.. What I do, I do because I honestly believe you are worth nothing less." Pausing, here he shook his head, realizing it was long past time for simple flattery, honest or not. "Eden.." He started again. "I love you. If you would truly be happy being owned then thats what I would do... But I think there more to you then that, your more then just something to be owned. All I want is to try and give you back the life that was taken from you."
 
Tears burst from her eyes as she slipped from the chair and was soon on her knees on the floor with him, "Of course it's not what I WANT! I want to be with you! I want to be normal for once in my life! I want that with YOU! But..." She shook her head, "How can I possibly have it? I can't. To have it you mean your downfall. People would frown upon you, upon us. We can't be anything more than this. No matter how much I want to be, I can't be. WE can't be! It's impossible. Nothing short of a miracle could change it!"
 
As she fell down to the floor with him, Roland finally wrapped his arms around her, holding her the her tears soaked through her cloths, embracing her warmly. As her fears and troubles poured out, he held her closer, wishing he could do more for her. At last he spoke, his words soft, almost a whisper. "Then I'll make a miracle happen." Was all he said at first, finding he fully and honestly meant the words, said with conviction even if it was very quite.

Pulling himself away from her just enough to look into her eyes, he spoke again ,his voice calm and soft, but leaving no room for doubt as to what he meant. "I want the same thing. This... All of this." He swept a hand around the room to illustrate. "It would mean nothing without you, it is nothing, compared to you...." Falling silent, he decided he might as well tell her everything. "Eden I.. I'm giving up the manor.. Everything I won't need. I spoke with Hile, it's a long shot but.. I think I might have found a lead on... your daughter." Pausing, wondering if it was wise to bring up such a subject. "I'll find us a place. A place where we can be together. If I have to carve a new land just so we can out of stone myself I'll do it. Eden.. I love you."
 
Eden looked at him in wide eyed shook. "No! No you can't do that Roland!" she should her head quickly from side to side. "This is your birthright. This is far beyond what you and I feel. This is what you were meant to be. And the position you are in, you have such influence. Such a thing both you and I may need later on. Give it up and..." she bit her lip and sighed, "And you could end up like me. Like my whole family did. Once upon a time, my family was like you, but somewhere along the way they fell out of power and by the time it reached my generation, my parents were forced to sell there own child into slavery just to survive on their own." She held his hands in her, raising them the her lips and kissing his knuckles, "If you love me, you will not give up your own birthright. We might be happy now, but what of your children down the road? And their children. You must think to the future. Not just the now. And the day will come you will hate me for all you gave up for me. That is a day I would rather die then face. Think rationally Roland. Think of yourself."
 
Hearing her speak did Roland good, relieved beyond words to hear her concern, yet also saddened that he had troubled her so. Closing his eyes for a moment, he collected his thought. Had it been his choice, he'd not liked to have had this brought up, hating to upset her. But lying and brushing it off was not an option. Finally, he opened his eyes and took her hand again, shaking his head with the sheer absurdness of it all.

"Perhaps your right, and I shouldn't be so ready to throw away all I have..." A look came over his face then, as though there was something else to his words. "However..." Sighing, he let his expression soften, deciding he might as well explain in full. "Eden.. A word that could ever cast you of all people as a lesser person simply because of chance of birth... You say I must think of the future, perhaps it is time I finally do that." Pausing, he steadied himself, knowing what he said next was likely not the most optimistic of ideas. "Your right, my birthright and my influence should be so carelessly tossed aside, but neither should I simply let it go to waste. If I can do some good in this world with it, then surely I must." Smiling now, he lifted a hand and brushed it through her hair, a faint smile on his face. "If only so that it may be made a little more worthy of your presence."
 
She smiled at him, happy he was finally thinking with both head and still a bit of his heart as well. It was what was needed in a time like this. "I think we are finally getting somewhere Roland. Somewhere good. We just need to figure out how to keep ourselves together without risking being separated forever." She sat back fully on the floor and adopted a thoughtful face, "We must not been seen together in public. If it's necessary, then you must treat me like any man would his property. You must not show me any special attention. None. It will only draw the wrong attention. Including..." she paused and lowered her head and knew this was going to be a fight, "Including your search for my daughter. It needs to end." It was the last thing she wanted for she wanted to hold her daughter in her arms more than her own life itself, but Roland placed himself in danger trying to make her dreams come true.
 
Hearing her words, Roland was stunned into shock for a moment. Was she really devout enough to this as to give up on her daughter. Seeing the pain in her face sent a similar spike up through himself, yet still he smiled, for this at least, was good news he could give. "As for that... you need not give up hope so quickly." He said, smiling lightly at her now. "I know I can't promise anything concerning it, however, we do have one option, one that would allow us to solve number of the problems presenting themselves." Stopping himself before be went to far, he started thinking about this idea rationally. Perhaps it wasn't such a long shot, not if he went about it properly. "I've been thinking. Of I way I could make it appear as though I were on official business, but at the same time conduct a search. And I think I've come up with something. I'll leave the decision up to you, for it concerns you as well." Chuckling lightly now, he wrapped his arms round her, pulling her into a hug. "For now though however, maybe we should enjoy the meal, it's a shame to waste." He noted, realizing he had forgotten for a moment what day it was.
 
She hugged him back, not sure what to say. She wanted her daughter with her so badly, but her fear... "She'll be ashamed of me." There she finally said it. "I am afraid so see my daughter, for she will be ashamed of me. How do you tell a child their mother has slept with enough men to be considered a whore? How do you tell her the truth of her birth?" She closed her eyes and snuggled into his body, "How do you tell her all that as you take her from people that possibly care for her?" But then what if they didn't care. "I give you an negotiation... YOU may go and look for her, but I cannot bear to go. If her conditions as poor, bring her home to me. But... if she has a family that loves her, you leave her right where she is, for that is a life I can never give her."
 
Her words were not completely unexpected, but still, Roland was saddened to hear her speak so. Letting his expression soften ever more, he shook his head. "No daughter could be ashamed of such a wonderful mother." Silent for a moment, he contemplated her words, then gave his reply. "If truly she is happy with her life, then perhaps we don't have the right to interfere, but even so, even if it seems you cannot bare it.. Wouldn't you at least like to know her, to see her face, even if she knows not who you are?"

Shaking his head, Roland paused, unsure for a moment before speaking again. "If you still wish for only me to go, then I will, but.. to speak plainly, I'm concerned for you. I'm not sure if it would be safe here for a while." Smiling, he tried one last time. "Besides, wouldn't it be nice to be on the road together, it would at the least give us time to be with one another safely."
 
She smiled slightly at him, a slightly sad one yet again, "To know what she looks like and to never be able to hold her, touch her, she would haunt my dreams until the day I die. I don't know if I am strong enough. However," she sighed and paused, thinking it over and over in her head for a few moments. "I don't know if I can do it Roland, I just don't know."
 
Nodding at her words, Roland realized that he likely couldn't begin to understand the kind of feeling Eden had over the matter, knowing it was not his place to try and persuade her in this matter. "True, and that is the risk you must choose between, I can't pretend to know how hard a choice this must be, but it is your to make after all, whatever you choose, I'll do my best to help, in any way I can."

Placing a hand upon her shoulder at these words, he gave a solitary nod, and then pulled in her into a hug, holding her for several moments before letting her go back to arms length. "I love you." He stated, heart warmed by the very notion of the words.
 
His words were met by a tear filled stare. Was she ready yet to say it back? She had not been before and in truth... she still was not ready. "Thank you Roland, but I'm sorry. I'm still not prepared enough to say those words back to you. I wish I was, but I just... I can't yet. I know I will be in time, but..." she shook her head slightly and sadly, "My heart is not yet healed enough to give you those words back. Forgive me, please."
 
Smiling ever so slightly at her words, he shook his own head in turn, leaning down and planting a soft kiss upon her brow. "The words are not a plea for you to say likewise, only an affection I choose to give." Smiling a little broader, now, he gave a light nod. "Indeed, in your own time, I would not have it any other way." Truthfully the words were still hard for Roland to say as well, finding himself rusted and shoddy in such manners after shutting them away for so long. However, he believed that he was healing, as was she, hopefully. With this thought, he was able to find joy regardless of their seemingly desperate situation.
 
She smiled a little lightly as him said his words, but it was more out of a nervousness than anything else. A nervous twitch really. For she had never been in this kind of situation before. She did not have an idea how to handle it. In fact, now that things seemed to be sorted out between them, she didn't even know which way to go no. What to say, what to do. And so she just sat there, a blush on her cheeks, as she slipped into an awkward silence.
 
For once at least, Roland seemed to understand the truth behind her actions, something he hoped would become more frequent in time to come. Sitting there with her, he let his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her against him and smiling lightly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for all this to happen so fast." Saying these words, his gaze happened upon the table by which they sat, and he smiled a little loosely. Reaching a hand up, he took the small box and placed it into her lap, for her to decide whether to open it or ignore it.
 
After all they had just been through, to not open it would just be a step back. She wanted to move forward. For the first time, she actually wanted to move forward... with him. Slowly, and without a word, she reached her hand to the lid of the box and opened it.
 
It wasn't till she started to open the box that Roland realized that there had been a small part of him that might have been hoping she hadn't, out of sheer worry to her reaction to the present. Letting those feelings go however, he simply hoped she would think it was at least a little bit nice.

Inside the box was another smaller box, a music box. Made of fine cut glass and mirrors, it was about six inches by four, rising a few inches in height. The top was simple glass, showing an inside coated with dark maroon velvet. the outside was lining with mirrors, framed in dark gold, and rested on short metal legs, lifting if less then half an inch off the ground. Once opened, the box played an old Chopin melody. Inside the box, there was a single item, placed upon a fine silver chain, was an ornate key very small yet very detailed and dark gold with vein of dark red running around it. It served as both a lock for the box, and a winding key for the melody.

"Happy birthday." Roland repeated again, giving an almost embarrassed smile and leaning down to kiss her brow.
 
Eden gazed with mouth slightly left ajar at the box within a box. Reaching in, she gently lifted the music box from where it rested, setting the now empty outer box aside. Her hands touched every single inch of that music box softly, as if her fingers were getting to know ever single corner, curve, detail of it's shape. Only after she had studied the entire box did she move to open the lid.

The moment it's music started to play, tears rolled down her face, "Roland.... oh Roland it's wonderful... I... I... I don't deserve this..." she closed the lid and tried to hand it back to him. "Thank you Roland, but... I just couldn't. It's not right."
 
Moving his hands out as if he intended to take it back from her, Roland instead sought her own hands, closing them around the box as he shook his head ever so lightly. "You do, and so much more then this as well. If for whatever reason you can't accept it thats fine, only it's still yours." Letting his smile widen a little he went on. "I thought you might like it, I wasn't sure, but, I thought it might be nice for you to have something only you could use, something you could keep private at you own wish." Motioning to the key as he said this, and giving a light shrug. Perhaps he was off, but thats what he had been thinking when he had found it.

"In any case, it's yours now, to do with whatever you wish. That the point I suppose."
 
Eden lowered her head slightly as she listened to him. She had no reaction until he was finally finished and seemed to be a good one, for her grip on the box tightened under his grasp. "Thank you... Roland..." without thinking, she started to lick her lips, making him moist glistening beautifully under the light, making them tempting and kissable. "Thank you so much for it all. All this. For just... for you..."
 
Smiling peacefully at her reaction this time, Rolands eyes were pulled of course, to her lips. Looking back to her eyes for a moment, his gaze rested there, letting himself be momentarily drawn into their deepness. "All my love to long ago, and all my heart to far ahead." Perhaps he could have said it in a more simple manner, a promise to hold the time of her life, even that he had not been around for dear, and to live with her into the unknown with all his heart and will. But for now it didn't matter, for as he smiled once more, he leaned close, his lips locking with hers in the most smooth and fluid of movements, kissing them tenderly and his arms wrapped round her back and waist, pulling her into a warm and loving embrace.
 
Never letting his lips go, she set the music box aside, upon the table nearby. Still sitting on the floor as they were, she had to reach up, but as long as it was safely out of the way before she went on to wrap her arms around his neck, moaning slightly into the kiss. "Mmmm... mmm..." she pulled her lips back only slightly, "We should eat." But she only went right back into kissing him, not seeming to mind that they were not eating the meal set out for them.
 
Scarcely aware of her movement, he felt himself drawn into her kiss, as though some other part of him, a more intangible part, but been moved against her. A light noise came from his lips as did from hers and his eyes held hers as she drew back and spoke, speaking in an almost dreamlike voice. "Mmm, we probably should." He answered, giving a light nod of his head. But like Eden, he only went right back to kissing her, finding her lips a much more delicious delicacy then anything that could possibly be served on a platter.
 
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