It was certainly a roundabout way to prove her point, but Vander understood where Kelaria was coming from, and what she was trying to show him. He understood, at a basic level, that the actions of his brother were no more his fault than they were Kelaria's, but that wasn't something he could entirely shake so easily. It was different; it wasn't as black or white as she was making it seem, at least in his mind.
"I am not responsible, but that does not mean I should not be blamed." He protested, shaking his head. They were still connected, he probably could have thought these things rather than speaking them and she would have somehow heard and understood them loud and clear, but that felt like a cop out. It felt like he needed to say this out loud, to get these thoughts from his head as if speaking them would, in a way, pull them out so that he could finally fill the space left behind with something more positive. "It's not entirely the same...while you could not save that family in the way that you'd like, what happened to them was very much the entire fault of my brother...but I was involved in the raids, Kelaria...I killed people. I lost myself to the same darkness that claimed him and many of the people who died, or have suffered...the suffering you've been dealing with the consequences of...a lot of that happened by my hand. My brother did not hold the sword that cut their throats, Alzahar did not will me to bury my weapon into the heart of innocent people, to widow husbands and orphan children..."
The more he spoke about it, the more worked up he was getting, finding that his intentions had done the opposite. Rather than open up a space for kindness in his head and heart, we was only opening up the void.
Vander's dark magic began to flare around him, interfering with the vision she was trying to share, flooding the corners of his vision in black and purple. "The death of my brother, too, was by my hand...and you can say that it was to stop a tyrant, or to set things right, but we wouldn't even need to do that if I hadn't played the role I did in helping him rise to power and aiding him in losing his mind." With this understanding, Vander believed himself to be every bit the villain as his brother was, just in a different way. "I urge you to find forgiveness in your heart for yourself, not for me. I should be held accountable. One good deed does not undone a thousand wrong."
"I am not responsible, but that does not mean I should not be blamed." He protested, shaking his head. They were still connected, he probably could have thought these things rather than speaking them and she would have somehow heard and understood them loud and clear, but that felt like a cop out. It felt like he needed to say this out loud, to get these thoughts from his head as if speaking them would, in a way, pull them out so that he could finally fill the space left behind with something more positive. "It's not entirely the same...while you could not save that family in the way that you'd like, what happened to them was very much the entire fault of my brother...but I was involved in the raids, Kelaria...I killed people. I lost myself to the same darkness that claimed him and many of the people who died, or have suffered...the suffering you've been dealing with the consequences of...a lot of that happened by my hand. My brother did not hold the sword that cut their throats, Alzahar did not will me to bury my weapon into the heart of innocent people, to widow husbands and orphan children..."
The more he spoke about it, the more worked up he was getting, finding that his intentions had done the opposite. Rather than open up a space for kindness in his head and heart, we was only opening up the void.
Vander's dark magic began to flare around him, interfering with the vision she was trying to share, flooding the corners of his vision in black and purple. "The death of my brother, too, was by my hand...and you can say that it was to stop a tyrant, or to set things right, but we wouldn't even need to do that if I hadn't played the role I did in helping him rise to power and aiding him in losing his mind." With this understanding, Vander believed himself to be every bit the villain as his brother was, just in a different way. "I urge you to find forgiveness in your heart for yourself, not for me. I should be held accountable. One good deed does not undone a thousand wrong."