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i miss you [feelsHASkilig && JINFINITE]


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Lacey’s face instantly fell when attention suddenly turned to Aiden’s injured shoulder. She should have prepared for this moment. It wasn’t like he was hiding the shoulder so surely someone among her old friends would notice. In fact, she was certain a majority of them had eyed the shoulder and silently wondered the very question Andrew was the only one brave enough to ask out loud. Leave it to Andrew to be a couple steps behind while reading the crowd. It was likely he still didn’t quite get his mistake after Brooke shoved an elbow into his side.

Things didn’t get easier or better when Aiden responded. In fact, Lacey’s eyes widened at the boldface lie he just told in front of her friends. Her head turned immediately up at him. However, she was certain Aiden was purposely refusing to make eye contact with her. What the hell was he playing at? Was this a result of upsetting him earlier when she asked about his dad?

Over the years, Lacey learned that it was very easy to upset Aiden. What was even easier was making him mad. Her mother once reasoned that it was the Italian blood in him. But after having caught Aiden arguing with his father once years back, she thought that maybe it was more than just the Italian blood. Admittedly, it was after that first argument that made Lacey just a little afraid of Aiden and determined to always be the one to cheer him up before the blood fully boiled. Luckily for Lacey, Aiden has never once targeted his anger at her. And she wanted very much for that to remain the same.

Perhaps having asked him about the phone call with his dad earlier was a bad idea. She should have known better than to poke around when it came to matters between Aiden and his father. It was already bad enough that her step-father blamed her “constant distractions” as a reason for the accident. It was already bad enough that being at home was tense and near suffocating after that confrontation. After all these years living with her new family, she should have known to be the good daughter/step-daughter/little step-sister and butt out. And yet, all these years later, it looks like Lacey didn’t learn a thing.

“Wait, seriously?” said Andrew after a brief moment of silence.

It seemed like everyone turned to look at Andrew. At the same time, Brooke once again shoved her elbow into his side; this time it looked like it hurt. By now, no one seemed to want to make eye contact with Aiden.

This was not how she imagined introducing Aiden to her friends would turn out and she knew she had to salvage the moment fast before things went south.

Even in Lacey’s ears, her laugh sounded forced. As everyone turned to look at her, she ignored the curious cocked brow from Brooke and the ever piercing gaze from Jason. Instead she focused on the space between Brooke and Tess where she saw an empty bench being drenched by a broken sprinkler. More importantly, she refused to look at Aiden.

“He’s kidding,” she said. “He was in an accident recently.” The finality in her voice was clear enough for even Andrew to understand he needed to drop the topic. Once the information sunk in, the rest of the group moved on to walk or ride their bikes into the skate park. Lacey finally shot Aiden a quick look before following behind Brooke toward the benches on the other side of the fence.

“Wow, he’s kind of intense?” was the first thing Brooke said as soon as they both sat on the bench. Her friend spoke quietly enough that only Lacey could hear. Aiden, now sitting on her other side, didn’t seem to have heard what Brooke said. That was to be expected though. As much as Brooke loved to talk, she knew the appropriate volumes to put her point across. If she wanted to share some of the latest Colby gossip, her voice could go as loud as shouting so she can tell as many people as she can. If she wanted to share a secret or two for selective ears only, she could bring her voice down to the lowest whisper without the other person needing to focus too much on listening. That was Brooke for you. She knew how to talk to anyone.

Brooke and Lacey spoke for at least half the time they spent on the benches. Granted, it was more Brooke letting Lacey in on all the dish and dirt since she last visited Colby. Obviously, the main topic she felt was most important was the fact that Jason and her sister were now officially an item. Admittedly, Lacey once again refused to look at Aiden, not even to check that he was doing okay. It didn’t take a genius to pick up on all the trigger words Brooke said to clue in on Lacey’s past with Jason. Although, why she felt this need to avoid eye contact with Aiden was beyond her. It’s not like she had anything to be ashamed of about her past. Besides, she and Jason were history. He was dating Tess now. And she...had Tristan.

Soon enough, Brooke used her communication expertise to finalize her conversation with Lacey and immediately hopped off the bench to skip over to the other side. Lacey didn’t even have enough time to prepare Aiden for what was to come next. “So Aiden~” came Brooke’s infamous “flirty” voice. “How do you like Colby? This is your first time here, right?”

For the first time since they sat down on the bench, the step siblings made eye contact. In the brief second they had to focus solely on each other, Lacey smiled lightly then mouthed “I’m sorry” before he needed to return his attention to Brooke.

It took her a couple seconds to realize that she basically had nothing to do. She quietly watched as Aiden and Brooke talked. Well...more specifically, she watched as Brooke talked. And she made it very obvious that she wanted to keep the one sided conversation A and B and that Lacey should C herself out probably not jump in and join. She felt terrible that she couldn’t get her big brother out of this. Had she known that her friend would get in too deep this fast on Aiden, she might have given him more of a warning earlier. Now, it was too late.

Lacey sat quietly by herself for ten minutes. Yes, she knew exactly how long she sat while her childhood best friend monopolized her stepbrother’s attention and time. When she wasn’t watching the others do their tricks across the skate park, she was staring at her phone trying to find something to do to not look impatient. Save for a couple work emails she agreed to not look at this weekend, there wasn’t much for her to preoccupy her time. Not even Tristan was responding to her texts.

She was considering giving in and joining in the A and B conversation beside her when she heard her name being called out. Following the direction the voice came from, she found Jason standing at the gate that opens to the skate park. He was now making his way over to the bench. As he took the last few steps, Lacey momentarily looked away from her approaching friend to look across the ramps. And there, as she feared, was Tess leaning against Jason’s bike watching him walk over to her. Because she was Brooke’s twin sister - granted they were fraternal, but still - Lacey knew what the look on her face meant. She didn’t like what was happening.

Luckily for Jason...and Lacey really...Tess was nothing like her twin sister. While Brooke was ready to confront, Tess oftentimes fumed in silence and at a distance.

“So I see Brooke has moved in to sink her painted claws into your brother,” Jason said with a teasing smile.

Lacey let out a small laugh and shook her head. “I think the word you’re looking for is manicured, Jay,” she corrected. She then turned to see if Brooke would respond to her name being called out in a conversation she was not involved in. Much to her surprise, she seemed to have completely missed it.

“You doin’ okay? You look bored.” Lacey turned away from the other two to look at Jason again. “Want to take a turn on the ramp?”

She looked over at the area where their friends were then back at Jason. “Uhhh no. Unfortunately I haven’t been on a bike in months...except for when it’s a prop on a shoot. Which was the one time. I’m pretty sure I’m going to eat it so hard if I even tried.”

Jason laughed at this. “Fair enough. I forget you’re like some working woman now. No free time compared to the rest of us.” There was a quiet moment between the two of them as they watched Andrew, who just a few seconds ago tried to regain Brooke’s attention by taking a turn on the ramp. It didn’t work unfortunately.

“You seen your dad yet?” Jason suddenly asked. When Lacey turned to look at him, he wasn’t even looking at her. Instead, he was still focused on his friends. She knew exactly what he was doing. Even if they hadn’t seen each other in months, he was still the same Jason she knew all her life.

Jason had a way of knowing more than he let people think. It wasn’t the same as Brooke who fished for new news and gossip. Jason was intuitive. He knew how to read people. It was a talent he picked up having volunteered and worked all across Colby. He was that local boy in town that everyone knew and depended on. If someone needed help moving something from one location to another, it was Jason that they called...or he even volunteered. He also had various jobs across town. One of them...Lacey knew, was helping out her dad at his various work sights.

So Lacey knew the second he asked that question that he wasn’t genuinely wondering if she had seen her dad yet since she got back to Colby. He knew she hadn't. She knew he wasn't expecting her to have taken a detour between the diner and the park to visit her dad. No, what he was really asking was why she hadn’t seen her dad yet.

Lacey dropped her head with a sigh. Her hair fell like curtains on either side of her face as she swung her legs under the bench. “Did you see him today?”

“Yeah. I had to drop off stuff for Peter this morning,” Jason answered. There was another silence between them. “You haven’t even called him, L? And you've been here since yesterday?”

“I’m not doing it on purpose, Jay,” Lacey snapped. “I mean, yeah, I was going to let him know I’m here and stuff. But, like, I didn’t plan to come. Aiden surprised me with this trip. I didn’t want to take over his plans after he did all this for me.”

There was a sudden tension weighing down on her. When Lacey lifted her head up, not only was Jason looking at her, but Aiden as well. Her face felt hot and she wondered if she suddenly became smaller than the two of them.

“Don’t worry, Jay,” Lacey said as she sat up straight. “I’m going to let him know I’m here. It just so happens that you found out before him. Did you really think I wouldn’t tell him?”

Before Jason could say anything, Lacey stood up from the bench. “Anyway, we should probably go. Me and Aiden have plans later and we should head back to the inn for a bit to, like, chill and freshen up. I’ll text you guys later?”

As Lacey finished up saying the last goodbyes to the rest of her friends, she overheard Brooke say something to Aiden about “maybe seeing him later”. When she caught up with him down the path leading back to the parking lot, she shot him a curious look. “We’re barely here for two days and you’re already planning on abandoning me to go on a date?! With my best friend?!” she teased. While on the outside she was all teasing smiles and laughs, inside she was unsettled by this strange turning sensation in the pit of her stomach. She had noticed it earlier when Brooke left her to talk to Aiden. It wasn’t until it was just the two of them heading back to the car did the sensation move front and center in her mind.
 
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It had been easy to sit here ignored and uninvolved while the two girls caught up. But now that he was the center of attention as Brooke focused solely on him, Aiden was once again feeling like he was the odd one out. It was so alienating. Similarly to how he felt every time he had ever changed schools due to his dad moving for work. Aiden was used to being the intriguing new kid that everyone wanted to talk to. This surface level small talk was honestly so draining to sit through and the only thing making it at all bearable was the fact that these were Lacey’s friends. In fact this was her best friend that he was talking to now, and so he was putting out his best effort to stay engaged and not let his attitude mess things up.

Back home it always felt like everyone knew everything about him. It wasn’t like they lived in a tiny town like Colby, but Aiden’s social life still ran in small circles and people followed local school sports as though the athletes were campaigning presidential candidates. No matter what he did there was always a pressure on him—expectations on how he should act, what he should say, everything. But right here, right now, Brooke was making it very clear that she hadn’t heard a single thing about him and Aiden actually found himself taking the bait and relaxing into the conversation.

He liked this new attention that was based solely on the past few minutes since being introduced. Brooke didn’t know that he swam or had thrown himself off a diving board in a failed attempt to end it all. She didn’t know how badly his last girlfriend had ruined his outlook on romantic love or that his father continually kicked him down further and further into the mud instead of extending a hand to help him get back on his feet. Brooke didn’t know of his pain or the temper to match it and so she didn’t treat him the way everyone else did. There was no hesitating to be sure she said the right thing or obviously avoiding sensitive subjects. She spoke to him as though he were a normal teenager. And while Aiden wasn’t deaf to the flirtatious tone to her voice, he was too caught up in the way she was making him feel to care or make his own stance clear. That is to say: he wasn’t shooting down her jokes or passes at him the way he would have with the girls back home. At least…not at first.

It wasn’t until Lacey’s attention left his side to refocus on another that Aiden began having second thoughts about whether he was having a good time. But Lacey wasn’t the deciding factor here. It was not the fact that she no longer sat in silence with him that had him distracted and irritable, but rather it was who she had become involved with instead. This was the second time today that she had left him and both times were because she had gone to be with that guy. Aiden had always struggled with his own emotions, even as a child. So when a tiny spark of it began growing in the pit of his stomach, he wasn’t sure what it meant or how to process it.

Was he missing Lacey? But she was right there, it wasn’t like she had left him all alone, she was still in his field of vision—he could literally touch her if he wanted. Was he tired of Brooke already? That was a possibility but glancing to her for a brief second did nothing to either increase or alleviate what he was feeling now, so Brooke was not the cause for the sudden spike in his heart rate. Turning his attention back to Lacey his eyes flickered between her and Jason until she met his gaze for the briefest of seconds.

As soon as she turned back to her friend that was when Aiden felt his jaw tighten and a ringing in his ears as his blood pulsed through his veins. He had no reason not to like this Jason character, he literally didn’t know anything about him. But process of elimination left him guilty of being the cause for Aiden’s sudden mood shift. There was something about the way he looked at Lacey, and sat too close to Lacey. The way Lacey didn’t match his energy and if anything seemed to shrink next to him the longer they spoke. If they were back home then he found have intervened by now, Aiden never would have let anyone—especially a guy—sit unsupervised in Lacey’s personal space for as long as Jason had. But also back home no one else would have even dared to try. It was just another reminder that right now they were in Lacey’s world, and that very same feeling of anonymity that had brought him comfort with Brooke was now putting him on edge. He didn’t know any of these kids. And they didn’t know him. But Aiden knew one thing for sure and that was that he wasn’t comfortable with Lacey being out of reach the way she was.

Just as Aiden was about to interject himself to pull her away he watched as she got to her feet on her own and he bit down on his lip in a poor attempt to relieve all the frustration that had built up inside him over the past couple minutes. Thank god they were leaving, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could have survived sandwiched between the two girls with that Jason looming over his thoughts the way he was.

He found himself walking rather close to Lacey now, his arm had wrapped aross his midsection to hold the elbow locked safely in the sling. It wasn’t so much that he was in pain though and more so just out of habit from the days when even walking was excruciating; plus he didn’t know what else to do with his good arm and felt awkward letting it swing at his side. The smile on Lacey’s face as she spoke just further confirmed that Aiden was glad they were alone now and that he no longer had to share her attention with her friends, but still they came up between them as Lacey teased him now. But Aiden wasn’t able to laugh it off as easily as she did.

“Yeah? Should I? And what about you?” Two could play that game Lacey. But it seemed she didn’t quite understand what he was getting at and so he averted his eyes to look forward away from her as they walked, ”You mean he hasn’t asked you out yet?”

Aiden was no stranger to jealousy, it was just…he found himself feeling like this even in situations that he rationally knew he shouldn’t. Lacey was just talking with her childhood friend. Yesterday at the inn that boy had just been doing his job. Back home, Josh only really bashed her to get under his skin. And then her boyfriend Tristan? Well he was a piece of shit just like the other previously mentioned boys but point was that Aiden had no reason to feel the way he did when Lacey was simply living her life. It was only his job to protect her, not to hate literally everyone who so much as looked at her.

As they reached his car Lacey was hastily explaining how she and Jason were just friends and that he had a girlfriend now, but Aiden didn’t say anything in response. Someone’s relationship status did not exclude them from having or acting on other feelings and bad decisions. His own ex was proof of that. But he didn’t feel much like going down that dark hole with Lacey right now, and as he tuned back into the present he noted that she was still defending her friendship with Jason.

Okay … I got it,” Aiden couldn’t stop the soft sigh that escaped him as he pulled down the sun visor in his car, his eyes flickering to the rear view mirror as he turned the key in the ignition. He didn’t make any further moves to leave though. His seatbelt wasn’t on yet, foot wasn’t on the pedal and the emergency brake was still pulled up. Aiden’s eyes slowly trailed out towards the horizon where bits of the ocean peaked through the trees. It seemed no matter where they went in Colby there was still at least a glimpse of the water visible. He would have loved to be here on his motorcycle instead and his right hand twitched ever so slightly at the thought and memory of riding his bike. Would he ever get to again? Would he ever get to go for a run or to jump into the ocean? Be able to open his own Gatorade or carry his own bags? Would he ever be able to wrap his arms around someone? To let his guard down and let someone into his life to be able to do all those things with?

Even though Lacey was sitting in the passenger seat beside him he still felt so alone and isolated and his grip tightened on the gear shift between them. He had always viewed himself as being the one better off between the two of them. Not financially speaking but because she was always alone. She was always the one following him and his friends around. She was the one who would be sitting alone at home while he was off at practice or parties and yeah she had modeling but that wasn’t really hers. That was her mother’s thing. It wasn’t like how Aiden had swimming—

He didn’t have swimming. Not anymore at least. Swimming was his father’s thing now. And here they were in Colby and he was just waiting around for her while she was with her friends. He and Lacey were literally the same people and it was this realization that kept Aiden from shifting out of park and driving them back to the inn.

”Sorry, Lace.”
He didn’t say what for specifically, just offered up the vague blanket apology in hopes of righting any way in which he may have wronged her.

Once they were on the road they drove in mostly silence, the only sounds being the wind whipping through the partially opened windows and the road trip CD that Lacey had picked out for their trip. But even though going back to the inn did sound appealing, Aiden wasn’t quite ready yet to go back to sitting in that room with Lacey. Yes he wanted to submerge himself into all the pillows on the bed and relieve all the constant pressure he had from his sling. But there was just something about the thought of going back to that room that he wasn’t ready to face yet.

He cleared his throat having not spoken for several minutes and took his one hand off the steering wheel to dial down the volume of the music, ”Is there like a grocery store or something on the way?”
He wasn’t exactly hungry again, after all they had just eaten not too long ago. But Aiden wouldn’t say no to a candy bar and something to drink. And besides, they were leaving tomorrow so maybe it would be good to buy snacks for the trip now so they could just enjoy the rest of their time here uninterrupted.

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Lacey didn’t know what compelled her to defend her relationship with Jason to Aiden. Wait, relationship? Was that really the right word to use? Sure, she acknowledged her long ago feelings for Jason. And yes, now that she was older she recognized that at the time he felt the same. But that was all that they were, feelings that were now in the past. In the many years they have been friends neither has once acted on them. There may have been hints here and there, but when it came down to it, neither she nor Jason could get past the fact that they have been such a pivotal part of each other’s lives since they were babies. To gamble that for the possibility of something like a relationship didn’t seem worth it. It didn’t then, and it didn’t now.

No, what Lacey had with Jason was no relationship. It was a friendship, but a friendship Lacey held so dearly to ever risk losing it. Jason was, no, is her best friend. From the days when they were pushed around in strollers by their mothers as babies up until their minor argument just minutes before. While it was true that she and Brooke were seen around Colby as the best friends, her friendship with Jason was just more…more. She held him in such high regard and he looked out for her. To Lacey, Jason was almost like, well, like a brother.

As they drove further away from the park, Lacey turned to watch Aiden. He was focused so intently on the road in front of him. If he knew that she was looking at him, he didn’t show it. They hadn’t said a word to each other since his apology before they left. Until now she had no clue what the apology was for which in turn made it difficult for her to figure out if he even needed to apologize in the first place. She wasn’t even upset with him. At least, she didn’t think she was upset with him. It wasn’t like he did anything wrong to her. Unless he thought that his little comment about her and Jason struck some kind of nerve. Despite her defensiveness earlier, it hadn’t.

She parted her lips to begin to say something, but despite the action, her brain didn’t work fast enough to actually say something. After a couple extra seconds passed and she still hadn’t said something to her step-brother, she felt silly looking at him with her mouth open and quickly closed it again.

Why did it feel so off between them? While Lacey can attest that she wasn’t always on the same page as Aiden, they at least knew how to work past any odd and off feelings to focus on their time together. It was what she loved most about him, especially when they were back at home. Despite the various circles he ran in and the many opportunities to spend time with people his age, he still found time for her and never made her feel like she was a burden. Now, she couldn’t help that sickening feeling that her company was wearing him out and he was starting to regret taking her here.

“Aiden–” They spoke at the very same time, but it was Aiden that managed to get his words out. Lacey once more stared at him as he waited for their light to turn green. On his phone, it was instructing him to turn right at the next street to get back to the inn. As Lacey pondered over his question, she looked up at their surroundings. Not that she needed to, but it didn’t hurt looking at the notable landmarks around her to figure out exactly where to take him.

“Um,” she started, taking note that the adjacent street light had turned yellow. “There’s a gas station down by the boardwalk. I mean, it’s kinda more a convenience store than a gas station. But of course it’s used as a gas station, but I mean like it’s pretty much the go to for every–” Aiden stopped her rambling to ask where he needed to go. Their light was green. “Just go straight past the boardwalk. You can’t miss it.”

As soon as they pulled into the parking lot of the gas station, it was pretty clear what Lacey meant. While there were a couple cars at the fuel pumps, the parking lot itself was crowded. For a rather sizable parking lot, almost all of the spots were taken by pickups and Jeeps. And each car had at least two people waiting in them. Aiden’s car stuck out like a sore thumb as he pulled up next to two Jeep Wranglers that looked nearly identical to each other; including the stacks of surfboards hanging off the top.

Lacey didn’t say much else to Aiden as they stepped out of the car and made their way inside. And for the most part, she followed him around as he stared at the various candies and snacks that filled the multiple aisles. This pitstop was for him after all. She didn’t expect anything to pop out at her to buy.

By the time they walked over to the register, Lacey was helping Aiden carry a couple bags of chips and some drinks in both arms. He somehow convinced her that they should stock up on snacks for tomorrow’s drive back that way they didn’t have to do it before they left. But while most of the items she helped carry were for Aiden, she did cave in to his insistence that she find something for herself by picking out a bag of dried plantains. Again, nothing else really interested her.

When they returned to the car, Lacey found two text messages waiting for her. Having been so distracted by the tension between her and Aiden during the drive, she completely overlooked the fact that she left all of her things on her seat. Guess it was a good thing the owners of the two Jeeps beside them left when they went inside. Not that she thought her things would get stolen while they were away. But as she turned to briefly look at Aiden, she couldn’t help holding her breath at the possible chance he might lecture her for her poor decision making. He didn’t. In fact, he didn’t even look like he noticed.

The two texts were very much the same. They were from Brooke and Jason and they both asked her if they were going to still be in town tomorrow. Well, actually, if there was any difference to the texts, it was that Brooke was the one that specifically asked if they were still going to be in Colby, while Jason just asked about her. She decided to respond to Brooke’s text first. Something about the way Jason phrased his text had her worried he wanted to continue their conversation from the park. As soon as she sent a response back, Brooke replied just as quickly. She wanted to know if they could go to the bonfire tomorrow night.

How could she forget about the bonfire? It was practically a Colby tradition for the teenage population. The bonfire was the unofficial kickstarter of summer for Colby teens. It was almost always planned by the college aged locals as a way to welcome them back from whatever university took them away for the last five or so months. And it always took place on the first Sunday of summer vacation. This would have been Lacey’s first bonfire party since she hadn’t been allowed to go last summer. And like many other things pertaining to growing up in Colby, the bonfire was something she looked forward to going to when she was old enough.

Lacey’s thumbs hovered over the phone screen as she turned to once more look at her step-brother, contemplating asking if they could go. Was this what Brooke meant when she overheard her mention to Aiden about maybe seeing him later? Had Brooke brought up the bonfire to him? She tried to pluck up the courage to ask him, but the very fact that they went on a supply run for tomorrow’s drive back home was kind of a big hint. Whether or not he knew of the bonfire, Aiden had intentions of not staying in Colby for very long tomorrow. Lacey wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to leave as soon as they checked out.

That small amount of courage she had died out like a candle as the doubt came in. With a soft sigh, she exited out of her message app and dropped her phone back into her bag. She completely forgot about Jason’s text.

“Hey, Aiden?” was the first thing she said when they returned to their room at the inn. She was still standing by the door, watching him beeline straight to his bed. When he turned to look at her, she asked, “Do you mind if I call my dad for a bit? Let him know I’m in town?”

On top of the strange vibe between her and Aiden earlier, it hadn’t escaped Lacey’s thoughts the things Jason said at the park. In fact, his words replayed in her head constantly to the point that guilt nearly made her feel sick. Maybe she should have told her dad about her trip before they even arrived, like her mother told her to do. Hell, she could have texted him. And yet she waited the last twenty-odd hours to give him a call before they had to leave. Even she knew that didn’t really give her dad enough time to make room for her in his own schedule. It’s not like she made much room for him in hers these last few months.

“I can take it outside by the pool so you can rest,” she told Aiden as she grabbed her phone from her bag. She muttered an “I’ll be right back” while she walked back to the door and left the room.

Lacey lied about the pool, but it was for good reason. When she arrived at the pool, she noted that it was busy. There were kids splashing around and screaming with excitement in the water and nearly all the chairs were occupied by the parents. It was definitely too loud to take any kind of call. Instead, she walked the few feet past the pool to return to the beach. It occurred to her that she hadn’t actually been on the beach today and that very thought made her miss the Colby sand intensely.

She took a seat on a spot of sand near the dunes; the furthest spot of the beach that was far away from the summer crowds but still close enough that she could see the waves from where she sat. After scanning once at the other people enjoying their summer day, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and tapped her dad’s name on the Recent Calls list.

Her dad answered after three rings, just like every single time she called.

“Hey kiddo!” Lacey heard what sounded like a door closing on the other end. “I was hoping to hear from you.”

Lacey’s jaw dropped slightly, left dumbstruck by the statement. Her own greeting lodged right back down her throat as her brain worked in overdrive to put together the words for another response.

“Wha-what do you mean?” she asked hesitantly.

“Well your mom told me you’d be in town this weekend.” Leave it to her dad to get straight to the point. “But she did warn me that you would be here with someone else. Your brother, I think?”

“Yeah,” Lacey said, running a hand through her hair. “He was the one that planned this trip. It was a surprise actually. That’s kinda why I haven’t called? I’ve been, like, showing him around town.” This was the conversation starter Lacey and her dad needed to go into the effortless phone calls Lacey loved and adored.

She returned to the room about half an hour later. Much to her surprise, Aiden wasn’t on his bed. However, after a silent pause at the door, she discovered that he was actually in the bathroom taking a shower. Another glance at his bed told her that he brought his sling with him. Well, maybe he was using his shower to finally let his arm out.

When Aiden finally stepped out of the bathroom, Lacey was seated cross legged on her bed, watching him closely. However, she must have been looking at him strangely and he was very quick to point that out. Her cheeks burned, dropping her gaze to her phone she was spinning in her hands while she waited for him.

“I, uh, think you’re due to take your meds soon?” Lacey was very obviously stalling. But at least it was to bring up something important. “I think Sonia would kill us if you only ate the snacks we bought, so do you wanna, like, order room service? That way you can keep your arm out of the sling here in the room?”

Her stalling didn’t last very long. She knew she had to say what she actually wanted to ask him.

“So, um,” she started hesitantly. “My dad, um, invited us to dinner tonight. He wants to treat us to Last Chance while we’re here. He insists that you need to try their cornbread and was very upset that I took you to Jesse’s instead of there yesterday.” The reluctance was evident on Aiden’s face the moment she said “us”. She bit down on her bottom lip. Her mind, and heart, were hard at work preparing her for the moment he would say no to her request. But despite all that, she still at least wanted to try to convince him.

“He knows you’re with me, obviously. Like, I told him that this weekend was your idea,” she told him. “He, um, really wants to meet you.” Her hands fidgeted with her phone as her nerves took over. “He has pointed out how much I talk about you when I’m home. And I guess since this is the first time you’re visiting Colby after all these years, he’s kinda taking advantage of the opportunity.”

“We won’t have to meet up with him until later tonight,” she said quickly. “He has some work things to finish up. And he’s offered to pick us up if you’re not in the mood to drive.”

It was hard to tell whether or not she was convincing Aiden to go with her to dinner with her dad. He made it difficult for her to read him. Not that she was any good at it in the first place. But Lacey has always felt that overtime they have grown close enough that she felt she could understand him the best. Then again, although she tried to avoid the possibility, his accident has changed him a lot. Even now, she rejected the idea that she lost her step-brother to the accident, leaving her with this person that looked like him but was completely different.

Lacey thought that this trip would help. She thought that him planning this trip after everything they’ve been through since his accident was his way of telling her that he was coming back to her, that they could go back to the way it was. And yet, he still felt so far away. Almost like he was keeping her at a distance on purpose.

Her chest tightened at the thought that she was losing Aiden even while they were standing at opposite ends of their little room. This wasn’t how she wanted this weekend away together to go and she was racking her brain trying to understand where it had all gone wrong. Did it start when they hung out with her friends? Or when she tried to defend her friendship with Jason? Or during and after his phone call with his dad? Or maybe when she went to go out into the ocean…without him?

“Lace?”

Lacey blinked then looked up into Aiden’s concerned expression. Her chest tightened more. There he was, her step-brother she knew and loved. And yet it was only because she was upsetting him.

“Did I do something wrong?” The question just spilled out of her without a moment’s thought. “Like, did I do or say something today to just–” She sighed, unable to find the right words to say. Not that she thought anything she said now was right.

“I’m sorry, okay…”
 
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Showering was definitely getting easier for him, and each one was becoming more and more enjoyable. He was beginning to be able to focus on the water and the massage that came from the pressure of the shower head setting. He was learning to relax and just stand under the water rather than spend the entire time annoyed that he couldn’t lift his arms or twist around anymore. But it was also bringing up the nostalgic sensation of rinsing off after being in the pool. Feeling the water hit his head and flatten his hair, run down his face and imitate for a brief moment what it was like to be completely submerged in it. Aiden didn’t need to close his eyes, he was used to keeping them open under water, but still he let them shut as he tilted his head back to face the shower head directly and allow himself to escape back to the memories when water would hug him and chlorine pulsed through his veins. A time before everything hurt when he actually liked swimming. When trophies and medals lined his walls and weren’t shoved out of sight in his guilt and shame. When he was happy and was looking forward to his bright future. But as he turned off the water, Aiden was returned to the silence of the hotel bathroom that only served to echo the voices in his head. The ones that told him his life was over. There was nothing for him anymore. Everything was pointless—what was he even doing here?

He lost track of how long he stood there, slowly rubbing the white towel over his body to collect each and every drop of water…or at least every drop he could easily reach. All the while avoiding looking at the surgical scars across his collarbone and shoulder. His sling sat on the closed toilet seat, both tempting and taunting him all at once. It would be easier if he had it on, he would feel more secure to freely move around. But he was already dreading the initial pain he knew that would come when he fastened it around his arm. And then there was that voice in his head again that repeatedly reminded him that he would never be free from it. He had broken his body beyond repair and it felt like he would be reliant on both the sling and others for the rest of his life. A tiny part of his brain both rationalized and recognized that things could be much worse. He was able to acknowledge that he was very lucky he had walked away with only his arm destroyed. He had been told it was a miracle he didn’t hit his head or shatter his spine—injuries that could have left him completely paralyzed. And while yes, those would have been much worse injuries, that didn’t make his current one any easier to accept.

Nothing made this feel better, nothing made this worth it, nothing—no…actually there was one thing—one person that had been able to make this bearable. Who had been able to stave off most of these deep, dark feelings with her bubbly self. And as Aiden exited the bathroom, back in the same clothes as before, he instantly noticed that not only had Lacey returned but that she had brought something back with her. That is to say…the bubbles were missing.

But her suggestion to take his meds gave Aiden mild whiplash with how he could practically hear Sonia’s voice in her words. How his friend reminded him every opportunity she had that he needed to take his painkillers before he was hurting, not when he was already suffering. But in truth he had never stopped hurting, not really. His entire body was hurting, especially his neck and lower back as they had been forced into unnatural postures over the weeks in efforts to compensate for the pain and pressure on his shoulder. The painkillers dulled the sharpness of his injury, sure, but they did little to ease his sore muscles that were taking a steady beating through all this.

Lacey was right though, he could feel a hint of the throbbing ache returning, signaling that the sooner he took it the better so as to not experience the pain that a lapse in medication would cause. But he also couldn’t help but notice how fast the hours had gone by and the relief from his painkillers along with it. He didn’t remember it feeling like this back in his apartment. Yes it was true he’d gotten much better at taking his next dose before it actually started to hurt, but there was still just something off this time around and it only took another moment before it dawned on him what that was.

He wasn’t high.

Ever since that day with Daniel, smoking had become such an integral part of his routine. It gave him just enough escape from reality to relax and rest and not notice things like pain. He wasn’t addicted to it by any means, Aiden had always only been a recreational user. But there was no denying that he had found comfort in it and that being without it now left him a little at a loss with what to do with himself. Or how to handle himself.

Like right now as a twinge of annoyance jolted through him over how one minute she was suggesting they order room service and the next she was asking if they could go out to eat. Why couldn't she have just said what she wanted from the get go!?

But that wasn't him. Not truly. That was the pain and his hunger lashing out and wreaking havoc on his already fragile mental state. And then almost as though she had read his mind, Lacey clarified that dinner with her dad would not be until later. So it made more sense now why she suggested eating something more than a bag of chips to hold him over till then. Aiden sighed at the realization, now getting frustrated with himself over his own short temper and the reactions that he had no control over. He hated this, always feeling tense and on edge, ready to explode over the tiniest of inconveniences. This wasn’t him.

Aiden had always been very empathetic towards Lacey, even when they were younger as they navigated their new relationship as siblings. They had gotten so close; an inseparable bond that while it had formed more so as a means of survival, over the years it had transformed into something much more organic. He thought he had come to know his step sister better than anyone else, yet here they were bouncing back and forth between enjoying each other’s company and sitting in an uncomfortable silence. And it had been this way for the whole trip, ”Lace?”

But she just responded with an apology and Aiden couldn’t figure out what for. Had she done something to upset him? Beyond his little flare up just a moment ago that is…but that didn’t count, he wasn’t really upset over it. But so he honestly couldn't think of anything else that would be in need of apologizing for. This was supposed to be her trip, he was supposed to be making her happy. But her voice sounded on the verge of tears like when she had broken down crying in his room, “What are you apologizing for? You didn't do anything…”

He had already crossed the room and now slowly lowered himself to sit beside her on the edge of the bed, ”We can go wherever you want,” his good arm wrapped around her shoulders, then his hand trailed up to her head to gently push her into him. It hurt. He would be lying if he said that it didn’t. The pressure against his good side spread across to the bad and it hurt, but it wasn’t enough for him to show a reaction and it was bearable for the duration of their moment.

”If you want to see your Dad…I’ll take you,” His fingers traced through the hair on top of her head briefly before pulling back, masking his sharp inhale with the rustling of fabric as he adjusted his positioning on the bed, ”...or if you want to go hang out with your friends again, I can take you there too.”

”We came here for you, so don’t worry about me. I’m okay….”

”...I’m okay,” Aiden’s voice dropped as he repeated himself, his eyes searching for hers for any sort of indication that he had said the right thing, ”Lace? I—”

It felt like he should’ve said more. Should’ve taken the opportunity to try and explain himself better. To offer her a better apology than what he gave her in the car earlier. But Aiden wasn’t good with words, literally anyone could tell you that. And whatever strength had gotten him started was quickly fizzling out, ”I just want you to be happy.”

In the end, Aiden had of course agreed to go to dinner with Lacey and her dad, but when it got closer to being time to leave he insisted that he could drive them. However the pained hiss when he struggled with his seat belt made it quite clear that he wasn’t actually feeling up for it after the long day they’d had and all the chauffeuring he’d already done. Still, in typical Aiden fashion he pushed through. Because the alternative wasn't just relying on someone else, the alternative was relying on a parent and he had come to hate that feeling of dependency more than anything else.

After having left the sling off the rest of the afternoon, as Lacey had suggested, his shoulder did feel looser and relaxed. And he had downed a fresh round of painkillers to get him through dinner. But this was just how things were now, this was his new existence: a painful—pain filled one. There would be no escape from it, just temporary reprieves, like focusing on Lacey as a means to distract himself as he drove, ”So...when was the last time you saw your Dad?” It was a question he should have known the answer to. He knew everything about Lacey. Or at least…he thought he did. But this Colby trip was just further and further highlighting that there was so much he didn’t know about her. Things he should know but for whatever reason, he didn’t. Only…he knew why he didn’t. It was because up until now his entire life had been a blur that solely revolved around swimming. And so now without swimming, it felt like he was drowning trying to play catch up on every other aspect of his life.

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The closer they drove to Last Chance, the deeper Lacey felt the regret. It wasn’t regret for dragging Aiden with her to dinner with her dad. Nor was it regret for not pushing a little harder to insist that they find another alternative to getting to the restaurant. Point blank, she regretted saying yes to dinner with her dad. Now that she was only minutes away from their reunion, Lacey was fighting tooth and nail to not throw up in the passenger seat of Aiden’s car. This was a bad idea and she knew it. She finally acknowledged that she was actually not ready to see her dad.

Lacey fidgeted and fumbled with the cuffs of the sleeves of her sweater. It was the only sweater she packed for their trip and at the time she had no idea why she thought to bring it. It was summer in Colby after all. And while the small beach town was chilly during its summer nights, it was definitely not cold enough to merit a sweater. Still, Lacey packed one as part of her tendency to overpack for trips; a “just in case” decision. Now she found out why exactly she packed it “just in case”.

Was it too late to call her dad up and cancel these dinner plans? Would Aiden get mad at her if she told him she changed her mind and made him drive back to the inn? Lacey was completely sick with nerves. She didn’t want to do this, not anymore. The initial excitement to see her dad after so many months vanished completely, leaving her feeling nothing but dread. What-if scenarios and clear predictions played in her head at what she was expecting to happen once Aiden pulled up at Last Chance and they saw her dad in the flesh.

She wasn’t ready to see her dad’s face when he saw her own for the first time in nearly six months.

Lacey smoothed a shaking hand over her stomach, taking in a sharp breath as it twisted in nauseating circles by the simple touch. She distracted the sensation by contemplating if the sweater she packed would be enough to…protect her. Would it hide her from the worry she just knew her dad would immediately radiate once he set eyes on her? Would the sweater she now depended on so vehemently hide the difference six months has done? Was there more she could have done so that this evening would not rely entirely on a sweater saving her from the shame and humiliation she so badly wanted to avoid?

Again, was it too late to tell Aiden she changed her mind and that she wanted to return to the inn?

More questions continued to pile on top of the others as they drove closer and closer to dinner. She was in the middle of mentally self-soothing her anxiety when Aiden’s voice just barely cut through the fog. Almost immediately, her entire being focused intently on him. She eyed him as he drove, checking to see if there was any pain he was showing. For the briefest moment, she once more felt terrible for not trying harder to talk him out of driving them to Last Chance. Surely, her dad would have been perfectly okay picking them up and—But Lacey just as quickly shut that thought out in an effort to not bring her back full circle to her previous anxieties.

What had Aiden said earlier?

At the red light, her step-brother turned to look at her, meeting his questioning gaze with her confused one. Actually, they were practically deer in the headlights with how wide her eyes were staring up at him. She just could not for the life of her recall whatever it was he had apparently asked her. Luckily, their bond helped Aiden indicate that he needed to repeat his question. Little sisters, after all, were just so terrible at listening and paying attention. Right? Or was it just her?

But as Aiden repeated the question, the hope that any conversation with him would distract from her worries died with it. She bit the inside of her cheek as she thought about his question. Not that it was a very hard question to answer. She knew exactly the last time she saw her dad. It was the last time she visited Colby. But as her previous thoughts bulldozed back into her mind, she found herself picking and choosing just what exactly to tell Aiden all the hopes that it wouldn’t lead to follow up questions she knew she was not ready to answer.

“Um, about six months ago, I guess?” Lacey turned her attention back to the near empty road after a brief glance at the GPS. They were mere minutes away from her complete and utter dread. “Like, two weeks after Luca was born. My dad and Kristen were hosting her family that had come to visit so I had to wait until they left.” Lacey paused, remembering that trip to meet her infant half brother for the first time. Now that she thought about it, had she even spent time with her dad that trip? It had honestly been such a quick trip because she had a shoot the following Monday morning. A frown dropped the corners of her glossy lips.

In the end, she didn’t share that revelation with Aiden. It was best to just leave him with the knowledge that she had actually spent time with her dad

“You know,” she started soon after, “I’m honestly so shocked that he even found the time to, like, meet up with us. I mean, yeah, Mom let him know in advance, but he’s usually so, like, busy with work or projects. It’s actually not surprising for him for time to suddenly fly by when he finally looks up from whatever he’s working on.” A soft chuckle left her as a memory came back to her: of her walking into the garage they had before she and her mom left to find her dad in the middle of a sculpture project and reminding him that they needed to leave for her Christmas recital. The first thing he asked was, “But I thought your mom took you to rehearsals.”

For the rest of the drive, Lacey filled Aiden in on many other memories of Sean Gallagher’s antics. She always told people that asked about her parents that they were both similar and complete total opposites at the same time, and somehow they merged enough to make her. She always mentioned that she picked up both of their work habits and motivations to get things done, but had to add that their work ethics and motivations were showcased differently. Her mom was always work oriented. She thrived on always being busy and rarely could be found wandering or sitting idly at home. Meanwhile there was her dad, the creative type; constantly feeding his fresh or recurring ideas in an effort to give it life. And that is where the differences shine. While her mother insisted on starting and finishing everything she did, her father was known to “pause” one project to start another one that just needed his attention.

“Don’t be surprised, like at all, to find him with, like, paint on his clothes or some kind of dust or clay under his fingernails. Unless you want some reason to get him going on and on throughout dinner, don’t ask about it. He’ll start off talking about the current project and then somehow his mind will bring us three projects in the current pipeline.” Lacey smiled softly while she waited for Aiden to indicate that he understood.

The nerves from before returned as Aiden pulled into the parking lot of Last Chance. Almost immediately she caught sight of her dad’s pickup truck. No surprise to her, the back was crammed with what she could only assume were supplies for whatever job sight he was assigned to right now and materials for the aforementioned current project. Just as she was scanning the truck, her eyes soon after fell on the man that was standing at the front of the truck. Her stomach twisted and her body tensed. All together she felt the guilt overpower her, disappointed that her mind and body had to prepare to go into defense mode for her own father.

“Um…” Lacey looked away from her father’s truck to look over at Aiden as he backed into a parking spot. “Listen…. The, um—I think I might have eaten a couple too many plantain chips earlier and it might have, like, spoiled my appetite.” Her gaze immediately turned to avoid Aiden’s as he turned to look at her. Even without making eye contact, she could feel the intensity of his stare. All the while, she avoided considering the possibility that he didn’t believe her. After all, he had been in the room while she fished through the bag and hadn’t taken a single chip out. “Do you think we can just, like, share a plate?” As she looked up at the large “Last Chance” sign, she felt her stomach twist once again just picturing the portion size of just a single entree.

It was a good thing her dad had no idea what Aiden’s car looked like. Through her side mirror, Lacey peered at the darkened silhouette of the waiting man, his head currently bent down as if he was looking at a phone. Maybe he was typing up a text to Kristen, her step-mom, letting her know what he was doing. Or maybe he was staring at the time wondering if his daughter was going to be late for dinner. Lacey peered at the clock on the dashboard, noting that they were one minute away from being on time.

No, she still couldn’t do it. What was once guilt and anxiety had now turned into what she could only describe as fear. She was terrified of the thought of walking up to her father in her pathetic sweater and jeans and knowing she was due for the instant disappointment she knew was coming to her the moment he saw her. She knew it then that no matter what precautions she made were not going to be enough. Her father was going to take one look at her and it was going to be over for her. She could kiss goodbye the safety she hid behind for six months simply texting or calling him. Once he took one look at her, that was it. The relationship she manufactured behind busy schedules and one hour phone calls was going to crumble.

One look at her and Sean Gallagher was going to see at last what six months has done to change her.

Her knuckles were white as she gripped tightly to her purse. Her eyes had not once left the image of her father in the side mirror since she returned her gaze back to him. In fact, her entire world shrank to just that singular task. Everything else fell outside her bubble of anxiety. She hadn’t even been aware that Aiden was once again trying to regain her attention until one final “Lace” burst the bubble, leaving her blinking blankly until she recalled where she was. One more blink later, Lacey looked over to find a worried expression on Aiden’s face.

“I’m…nervous,” she admitted hesitantly then returned her gaze to the side mirror. “Like, yeah, me and Dad talk every week, but…. He hasn’t seen me in six months….” She was practically choking on her next words, her ever growing fear for tonight causing her to lose the small inkling of courage she had just to admit what she admitted to Aiden. But the longer she kept the words down, the more they repeated themselves in her head. What if he sees the difference six months has done?

Her white knuckles loosened at the sudden feel of a soothing pressure against it. Lacey once more looked away from her father, but instead of focusing on Aiden, she stared intently at their joined hands. She waited for the accompanying comfort that usually came with her step-brother’s touch, but to her disappointment, it didn’t come. She still felt sick to her stomach at the thought that they would need to step out of the safety of this car to face her father.

I thought I wanted to see him… she muttered, mostly to herself. But in the small silence of Aiden’s car, they came out pretty clear. With a deep sigh, she amended the statement with, “No. I do want to see him. I missed him…”

With one last look at Aiden, Lacey took a deep breath then undid her seat belt. It was now or never.

“Dad!” At the sound of her voice, her dad’s head shot up in her direction, an immediate smile on his face. All her life she was told that she had inherited his smile. And in her mind, that was definitely not a bad thing.

“Kiddo!” her dad greeted, taking a step off the curb to walk toward her. As he extended his long arms out for a hug, however, Lacey stopped mid-step causing her to bump her back into Aiden’s still moving chest. Her heart raced watching him approach. Every single warning sign was screaming at her to run; to avoid what was about to come next.

But Lacey knew that she was in a lose-lose situation. Regardless of whether or not she decided to avoid her father’s hug, it would only lead to the same result. In the end, she gave Aiden a quick sad look before taking a hesitant step closer to her father.

She was immediately enveloped in the familiar and nostalgic smells of sawdust and acrylic paint as strong arms wrapped around her in what felt like a long awaited embrace. Six months were felt in how tightly her dad held her. But she did not miss the moment she feared the most: the hesitant loosening of his protective embrace. She kept her eyes fixated on a mismatched button on his jacket until he eventually tightened his hold on her again. From then, Lacey remained in her dad’s arms for many seconds longer than she anticipated. But that was okay, these extra seconds allowed her more time to prepare for what she predicted would happen next.

Worry was etched all over her dad’s face as he put her at arm’s length to better look at her. Lacey couldn’t get herself to look back at him. It was like she was under a microscope and all she wanted was to pull away to distract him away from her. It was a good thing there was someone else with them.

“Dad, this is Aiden.” She took a step out of her dad’s reach to stand beside her step-brother. “Aiden, this is Sean, my dad.” As both men greeted each other, she took this moment to take another step further from her dad.

The three of them stood silently together as they all looked from one to the other. Lacey, of course, avoided eye contact with her father by focusing mostly on his clothes. It looked like he was still wearing work clothes. She was just about to ask him when he beat her to the conversation starter. “You two ready to eat? I’m starving!”

While the question sounded lighthearted, to Lacey it felt like a death sentence. She could have sworn there were heavy implications to the question, as if he was using it to scope his own suspicions.

In an effort to try to sway him away from what he was probably thinking, Lacey plastered the brightest smile she could muster over her mountain of nerves. For the first time since she stepped out of Aiden’s car, she looked her dad in the eyes. “Yeah! Let’s head in!”
 
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