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Feedback thread: The Adventure of a Paladin

Sync

Corporate Drone
Supporter
Joined
Dec 29, 2011
Location
Australia
Hey folks!

I've started branching out a bit and flexing my limited writing muscle in a solo effort - The Adventures of a Paladin. You can find the story on the BMR forums here.

The story aims to expand into a narrative form the backstory of a paladin character I'm playing in a TTRPG game at the moment. In the backstory, the events depicted are covered in a few paragraphs, but here...well, I can go on and explore them fully, and bring to life a character I love playing.

If you've been reading the story, then thank you very much - and I'd love to get your feedback on it as I go: writing style, writing content, character development, that sort of thing. Can I do anything to improve characterisation? Can I do anything to provide the location environment? Should I include things like weather conditions where appropriate?

Or...just give me a like if you can't give any critique.

I promise I won't be offended by feedback, but please be constructive.
 

captain_bond

"You're a kite, dancing in a hurricane, Mr. Bond."
Joined
Dec 30, 2020
Location
Baltimore, MD, USA
I suppose I have a question. Since this is Blue Moon, will Helen get into any sexual shenanigans? Asking for a friend.

That friend is me.
 
OP
OP
Sync

Sync

Corporate Drone
Supporter
Joined
Dec 29, 2011
Location
Australia
I suppose I have a question. Since this is Blue Moon, will Helen get into any sexual shenanigans? Asking for a friend.
Heh. Hadn't really thought about it, tbh.

The backstory, as initially written, is largely PG-friendly - especially given my offspring is playing in the same TTRPG game. :)

But for here...there's no reason Helene can't/won't have the occasional fling. It just won't be a major part of the story.
 

captain_bond

"You're a kite, dancing in a hurricane, Mr. Bond."
Joined
Dec 30, 2020
Location
Baltimore, MD, USA
Torm works in mysterious ways, eh? Anyways, I believe she ladled stew from a pot, not a put, my friend. Unless the English language is getting even crazier?? LMAO
 
OP
OP
Sync

Sync

Corporate Drone
Supporter
Joined
Dec 29, 2011
Location
Australia
Torm works in mysterious ways, eh? Anyways, I believe she ladled stew from a pot, not a put, my friend. Unless the English language is getting even crazier?? LMAO
Fair call. While Word is great at picking up spelling mistakes and potential grammar issues, it tends to not pick up incorrect words that spelled correctly... >.>
 
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