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- Jan 14, 2009
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RP: When Autumn left it's Mark
The basic idea is The drummer of "A Blind's Eye" Has fallen for the singer's little sister/manager of the band. This being said they've already gotten past the confession stages but he has to contribute a song to the album they are working on. Having finally found inspiration in both their friendship he writes one that isn't so rock and roll as the band wants. The problem I'm having is I don't write lyrics or music, Zero talent in it. So below will be what I'm trying to draft up and I would like some concrete opinions and criticisms, please!
As it plays in my head I'm hearing a cross between I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing - Aerosmith & Against All Odds - Phil Collins. I figure that even though he doesn't like signing, at least publically he's decent at it and has the range of Phil Collins. I plan on him introducing this song solo as an encore for everyone at the same exact time so I'm wanting it to be a fairly important key moment.
I'm not sure how well it will translate for those not able to read said RP, that's why there was the link provided above. I look forward to the replies thank you!
Resolved Thank you!
Going to leave this here in case anyone would like to drop some feedback though, I'm still interested in the opinions.
The basic idea is The drummer of "A Blind's Eye" Has fallen for the singer's little sister/manager of the band. This being said they've already gotten past the confession stages but he has to contribute a song to the album they are working on. Having finally found inspiration in both their friendship he writes one that isn't so rock and roll as the band wants. The problem I'm having is I don't write lyrics or music, Zero talent in it. So below will be what I'm trying to draft up and I would like some concrete opinions and criticisms, please!
As it plays in my head I'm hearing a cross between I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing - Aerosmith & Against All Odds - Phil Collins. I figure that even though he doesn't like signing, at least publically he's decent at it and has the range of Phil Collins. I plan on him introducing this song solo as an encore for everyone at the same exact time so I'm wanting it to be a fairly important key moment.
Lyrics:
Laying here staring towards the heavens,
thinking how I’m just so helpless
How could I possibly even speak,
to ask you to be with me?
Your eyes beneath the moonlight
Is the highlight of this sad life
They say turnabout is fair play
In this confused conflicted head game
I just want to see you happy
Even if it’s just without me
My mind within just slaps me
How I feel when you’re around me
Darkness closes in
As your hand, it pulls me in,
Your eyes so pure astound me
you’ve found me and you win
It feels like such a sin
getting lost within your smile.
I would swim across the oceans
And fight on through the rain
Break down the gates of hell for you
Just to take away your pain.
This much is f***in true
I just want to be with you
And get lost within your smile.
Friends for such a long time
Still lost right here in my mind
Leaving might just be more kind
But it just seems such a crime
To sit back and idle by
As you break and I watch you cry
I just want to see you happy
Even if it’s just without me
My mind within just slaps me
How I feel when you’re around me
As the darkness closes in
My hand will pull you in,
Your eyes so pure astound me
you’ve found me and you win
It feels like such a sin
getting lost within your smile.
Laying here staring towards the heavens,
thinking how I’m just so helpless
How could I possibly even speak,
to ask you to be with me?
Your eyes beneath the moonlight
Is the highlight of this sad life
They say turnabout is fair play
In this confused conflicted head game
I just want to see you happy
Even if it’s just without me
My mind within just slaps me
How I feel when you’re around me
Darkness closes in
As your hand, it pulls me in,
Your eyes so pure astound me
you’ve found me and you win
It feels like such a sin
getting lost within your smile.
I would swim across the oceans
And fight on through the rain
Break down the gates of hell for you
Just to take away your pain.
This much is f***in true
I just want to be with you
And get lost within your smile.
Friends for such a long time
Still lost right here in my mind
Leaving might just be more kind
But it just seems such a crime
To sit back and idle by
As you break and I watch you cry
I just want to see you happy
Even if it’s just without me
My mind within just slaps me
How I feel when you’re around me
As the darkness closes in
My hand will pull you in,
Your eyes so pure astound me
you’ve found me and you win
It feels like such a sin
getting lost within your smile.
I'm not sure how well it will translate for those not able to read said RP, that's why there was the link provided above. I look forward to the replies thank you!
Resolved Thank you!
Going to leave this here in case anyone would like to drop some feedback though, I'm still interested in the opinions.
Last edited: