lowblow emma
Star
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2013
- Location
- London
‘Hi, folks, and welcome to the Underground Olympics where you get to see the sports that don’t make it into the official Olympics. It’s a beautiful night here in this secluded park in Toyko. The air is cool with a slight breeze. Just the right setting and climate for tonight’s action, which is the Ladies Roshambo Final between Mongolia and the host nation, Japan. And here to explain what that involves is the first of my guests, Karen. Welcome, Karen. It’s a feature of this sport that the competitors are known only by their first names. Karen is the reigning British Mixed Roshambo champion. Why not start with explaining what involves.’
‘Sure, hi everyone and welcome to Japan on this glorious evening, To answer your question, Dan, mixed Roshambo means girls breaking guys’ balls.’
‘And guys cracking girls’ clits, which is why you’re commentating and not competing, eh Karen?’
‘That’s right, Dan, and thanks for pointing that out. Now, the Ladies event involves, surprise surprise, women only. This is the final after a series of knockout heats. There are three competitors on each side and they take it in turns to bust each other. The order is drawn by lot, so it’s random chance who you come up against.’
‘Right, Karen, and this first pair provide an interesting contrast. To tell us about them, let me introduce Bwana, the Pan-African champion, fighting for Ghana in this event.’
‘Was fighting, you mean, after his first ground, first kick, knockout.’
‘Thanks, Karen, and welcome, Bwana. Are you still sore by the way?’
‘Greetings everybody and welcome to Toyko. Yes, Dan, I am pleased to report everything is still tender, but in full working order, as Karen will be able to confirm. Coming to the competitors, the Mongolian competitor is Sarnai, which apparently means Rose, and she is up against the Japanese girl, Miki, which I am told means flower stem, so an interesting pairing.’
‘Tell us about Sarnai first. She is not well known in the west.’
‘OK. Sarnai is wearing brown. She’s 5 feet 11 inches, weigh 250 pounds, measures in at 38-30-38, and her long black hair is pulled tight into a pony tail. With those stats, she is very much what you would expect. Big, heavy, strong thighs, a tough competitor, but she has plump labia and a large protruding clitoris, so she presents an easy target.’
‘Just explain the point of the tight shorts.’
‘That is to allow her opponent to have a clear view of her target. Normally, the fighters take part naked, but that isn’t appropriate for a television audience, so they are required to wear tight fitting shorts and a tank top. With the tight fit and the soft fabric, that’s as close to naked as we are going to get. ‘And the Japanese fighter?’
‘Sure, Miki. Just about as different as you can get. She’s in white and measures in at 5 feet 2 inches. She is rather shy about her vital stats, which some people say is because she doesn’t have any. She weighed in at less than half Sarnai’s body weight. To her advantage, she has sharp knees – I can attest to that from experience – and her crotch is just one long slit, which means fewer nerve endings, with no sign of her clitoris, which is well protected from attack. Small isn’t necessarily a disadvantage in this game.’
‘The competitors are approaching the stage, so time to bring in my final guest, Catalina, from Spain. After a successful career, she is now coaching her national team, which unfortunately had to withdraw after one of their number contracted Covid. Sad news, Catalina.’
‘Yes, very sad, but it allows me to be here with my friends to introduce this fascinating sport to a wider public. The rules are simple. One competitor stands with her legs astride and takes three blows from her opponent: a knee, a punch, and a kick in that order. They then change roles. The aim is to put your opponent on the floor. A complete collapse scores 5 points, falling on your knees is 4 points, one knee is 3 points, a touch with two hands is 2 points, and a touch with just one hand is 1 point. Time allowed is 30 second between blows. Scoring can get complicated, because a girl might, say, touch a hand, then recover, before collapsing to her knees. That would score a total of 5 points and if she then collapse completely, that would be another 5, making 10.’
‘Sarnai is standing under the bar now, so just explain about that before Mike comes in for the knee.’
‘Sure, yes, there is a bar about the competitors head, which they can use for support if necessary. Some do, some don’t. It’s a matter of strategy.’
‘So, folks, Sarnai, has taken her place under the bar. It’s already been adjusted for her height. But it looks like she won’t be using it. No, she got her hands on her hips and her legs astride, staring at Miki. Any thoughts, Bwana?’
‘Miki has a height disadvantage, so Sarnai will be sure to pull herself up as much as she can, although her feet have to remain flat on the floor.’
‘Karen?’
‘Bwana’s right. She’s got to aim for that clit, which is a big target and will inflict a serious amount of pain if Miki can get hit that with the point of her knee.’
‘And, a final word from Catalina, quickly please because it looks like Miki is ready.’
‘Miki will want to-‘
‘Sorry, Catalina, wow that was quick. Talk us through what just happened.’
‘Sure, hi everyone and welcome to Japan on this glorious evening, To answer your question, Dan, mixed Roshambo means girls breaking guys’ balls.’
‘And guys cracking girls’ clits, which is why you’re commentating and not competing, eh Karen?’
‘That’s right, Dan, and thanks for pointing that out. Now, the Ladies event involves, surprise surprise, women only. This is the final after a series of knockout heats. There are three competitors on each side and they take it in turns to bust each other. The order is drawn by lot, so it’s random chance who you come up against.’
‘Right, Karen, and this first pair provide an interesting contrast. To tell us about them, let me introduce Bwana, the Pan-African champion, fighting for Ghana in this event.’
‘Was fighting, you mean, after his first ground, first kick, knockout.’
‘Thanks, Karen, and welcome, Bwana. Are you still sore by the way?’
‘Greetings everybody and welcome to Toyko. Yes, Dan, I am pleased to report everything is still tender, but in full working order, as Karen will be able to confirm. Coming to the competitors, the Mongolian competitor is Sarnai, which apparently means Rose, and she is up against the Japanese girl, Miki, which I am told means flower stem, so an interesting pairing.’
‘Tell us about Sarnai first. She is not well known in the west.’
‘OK. Sarnai is wearing brown. She’s 5 feet 11 inches, weigh 250 pounds, measures in at 38-30-38, and her long black hair is pulled tight into a pony tail. With those stats, she is very much what you would expect. Big, heavy, strong thighs, a tough competitor, but she has plump labia and a large protruding clitoris, so she presents an easy target.’
‘Just explain the point of the tight shorts.’
‘That is to allow her opponent to have a clear view of her target. Normally, the fighters take part naked, but that isn’t appropriate for a television audience, so they are required to wear tight fitting shorts and a tank top. With the tight fit and the soft fabric, that’s as close to naked as we are going to get. ‘And the Japanese fighter?’
‘Sure, Miki. Just about as different as you can get. She’s in white and measures in at 5 feet 2 inches. She is rather shy about her vital stats, which some people say is because she doesn’t have any. She weighed in at less than half Sarnai’s body weight. To her advantage, she has sharp knees – I can attest to that from experience – and her crotch is just one long slit, which means fewer nerve endings, with no sign of her clitoris, which is well protected from attack. Small isn’t necessarily a disadvantage in this game.’
‘The competitors are approaching the stage, so time to bring in my final guest, Catalina, from Spain. After a successful career, she is now coaching her national team, which unfortunately had to withdraw after one of their number contracted Covid. Sad news, Catalina.’
‘Yes, very sad, but it allows me to be here with my friends to introduce this fascinating sport to a wider public. The rules are simple. One competitor stands with her legs astride and takes three blows from her opponent: a knee, a punch, and a kick in that order. They then change roles. The aim is to put your opponent on the floor. A complete collapse scores 5 points, falling on your knees is 4 points, one knee is 3 points, a touch with two hands is 2 points, and a touch with just one hand is 1 point. Time allowed is 30 second between blows. Scoring can get complicated, because a girl might, say, touch a hand, then recover, before collapsing to her knees. That would score a total of 5 points and if she then collapse completely, that would be another 5, making 10.’
‘Sarnai is standing under the bar now, so just explain about that before Mike comes in for the knee.’
‘Sure, yes, there is a bar about the competitors head, which they can use for support if necessary. Some do, some don’t. It’s a matter of strategy.’
‘So, folks, Sarnai, has taken her place under the bar. It’s already been adjusted for her height. But it looks like she won’t be using it. No, she got her hands on her hips and her legs astride, staring at Miki. Any thoughts, Bwana?’
‘Miki has a height disadvantage, so Sarnai will be sure to pull herself up as much as she can, although her feet have to remain flat on the floor.’
‘Karen?’
‘Bwana’s right. She’s got to aim for that clit, which is a big target and will inflict a serious amount of pain if Miki can get hit that with the point of her knee.’
‘And, a final word from Catalina, quickly please because it looks like Miki is ready.’
‘Miki will want to-‘
‘Sorry, Catalina, wow that was quick. Talk us through what just happened.’