Story tracker, Thought's, plot ideas, random stuff :3 ***NO COMMENTS***

[NoLiferTheThird]

Current	Owe Replies	On Hold	Finished	Up in the Air
The Vampires Kitten Crimson Confidant	a Romance Story Toxicity The Blood Doll Wrong Place Wrong Time Forbidden Company The Mad King's Bazaar	Friend and Foe	The Farm Hand The Crime Lord's Pet Her Husband's Boss Be Mine?

Stolen Idea from a dear friend of mine

PS.. Up in the Air are simply ones I'm waiting to hear back on. If you see yours in the "Finished" section and Don't want it to be ended just send a reply and we can always continue, Ones there have had no reply in over two weeks

 

[NoLiferTheThird]

Video of the day <3

 

[NoLiferTheThird]

Enjoy my terrible taste.

 

[NoLiferTheThird]

Fixed <3 It's a rough day today. I just want to eat Pizza and watch BazzaGazza <3

 

[NoLiferTheThird]

April 23rd marked FIVE years since my aunt passed away. Her death as well as my bio dads have me extremely conflicted. While I love them and was happy I got to know them even just a little bit. They were NOT good people. Part of me hates them but another part loves and misses them. All of me however hates that side of my family. They are all terrible people who just cause drama wherever they go.
So Friday was rather hard. ALSO forewarning to any and all partners. The first week of every month I’m usually extremely busy with paying bills and running hella errands. The last week of every month I’m usually rather stressed over next months rent and bills. Yay anxiety. Even though I know I will have enough my brain tells me I won’t.

 

[NoLiferTheThird]

Been a busy day today I'm mentally and physically drained. I owe so many replies but it's like my muse is just gone... :'(

 

[NoLiferTheThird]

So!! What's been going on in my life to make me lose interest in my favorite past time other than gaming you ask?

THis is a journal after all. So lets get a bit personal.

First, a couple of months ago I found out my grandpa (papa) Has stage four throat cancer. He said he had a few years. Whatever no big deal it's life, I had a few years I was able to spend with him at that point!!

SUPRISE SUPRISE HE LIED He's got two months. Max. without treatment. Maybe 3 with.... Found that out a few weeks ago. The cancer started in his lymph nodes, is now in his throat, and spine. He's on a very AGGRESSIVE treatment with radiation. It wont cure him but it will make it easier on him when he goes. Money has been tight, as per usual. I'm overly stressed because I now have two pets when i could only reasonably afford one. So now any spare change i have goes to the second pet. I've been losing interest very rapidly in everything I love. Writing, Gaming, Drawing. Even music.... Part of me feels like I'm dying with how depressed I actually am. It's hard to describe but it almost feels as though I don't have a purpose, Or this world doesn't actually exist, Think.... Sims? and "god" Is the player, and we are all sims. Essentially, I'm dissasociating (I cant spell that) Everything is dull and meaningless. Yes I am talking to my therapist about it. It could be a change in my meds causing it we aren't sure. I've also been craving drugs more than before because I'm just.... numb... And I want to feel something..... anything... But I have remained strong and not done anything of the sort.

I've been taking time to journal more IRL Write down thoughts feelings etc every day which has helped a bit. It's made me see a pattern i didn't know was there. However. I'm not entirely sure how to fix what's going on with me. I want to feel normal again but it's so hard to get there.

I don't want to be forgotten, yet I'm causing that to happen by isolating and ignoring everyone.... I feel like a dissapointment....which is why I isolate. Why would I put my burdens on others they have stuff they are dealing with and it's rude of me to put my problems on someone else.