Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Cuttlefish Monitor (concluded)

PsionicCuttlefish

Supernova
Joined
Apr 10, 2012
==The Prelude==
As all my RP partners know, I have a lot of trouble getting replies out on any decent timetable, and have had this trouble for years now. There is no good reason for this. When I first started here on BMR, I could manage at least one reply every day, usually more than one. I was quick and responsive, and pleased with myself. And it wasn't just BMR, I was getting a lot of things done that made me happy. For several years now however, it's been the same; I have plenty of time, I do not have hardships blocking me, I just...don't do it. And it's not just with RPs here, it's everything I try to do. My partners here have almost always been kind, understanding, and patient...and, unfortunately, that is the opposite of what I need. I am not happy with myself, I know I can do better. A few days ago, things came to a head and rocked me pretty hard. Something has to change.

==The Problem==
My issue is that I am (and have been for years now) basically locked up in my own head, without anything to keep enough of an eye on me. I don't have anything external imposing a sufficient amount of structure upon me, which is what I need in order to function well. Inside my head, alone, I can't manage myself. But pushing things outside of my head works to help keep me from chronically sinking into the same old mental quicksand. Writing things down for myself is a step in the right direction, but it's not enough. Other people's eyes on me help more. As mentioned, things went particularly badly recently because of my actions (or inactions) and something has to change, so...I am trying something new.

==The Position==
For people on this site who are reasonable and empathetic, it is commonly understood that RP is ultimately a low priority when it comes to competing life interests, and that no one deserves a reply from anyone else on any schedule. Demanding such of another person is unconscionable and egregiously entitled. RP is indeed still a low priority for me as well when compared against competing life interests, but that's just it; most of the time, I don't have other life interests competing with RP time that I want to spend but just have trouble making myself do. I want to be held to a schedule. I want to be held accountable. And I am doing this with RPs because, one, I know historically with myself that when I am in a "getting stuff done" groove on any one thing, it often energizes me for everything else (really, RPs have been a great indicator for me; if I'm getting a lot of RPs done, I'm getting a lot of other stuff done also), and two, this is where I do have other people who know what I'm up to and who can see me...if I put myself out there to be seen.

==The Plan==
Starting Monday, I will be implementing a system to help hold myself accountable for RPs. It will likely consist of a partial time-schedule posted here for myself (exact details to be determined then), but the most important facet is this; I will put a link to this thread in my signature so all my partners can easily see it. I will resolve to make one post in this thread every evening before I turn in. It does not have to be long, it need only be a sentence. It would take me less than a minute to do, a minute that can be spared no matter what is happening. In each of these single-sentence posts, I will say but one thing; I got at least one RP reply out in the day, or why I did not make any RP replies that day. The reason need not be involved, either it is a legitimate and acceptable RL event or...it was me just not getting on with it. Publically exposing this will help motivate me to keep it from happening. In this way, I can have something of a monitor on me, an eye over my shoulder to keep me focused. And if I don't make even a single sentence post here, I implore my partners (or, well...anyone at all really) to badger me with messages as to why I did not do that simple, most minimal thing. (The only acceptable excuse would be literally not having internet access)

Let's see how it goes. Worst case, it doesn't work and I just keep shambling on as I am. Best case, it does work...and maybe I get some of my old energy back.


SCHEDULE:
EDIT: ('20/9/03)
As of right now, there is no particular reason I shouldn't have at -least- one post out EACH day of the week. While some days may have enough going on that I legitimately can't make a post, such occurrences are irregular. A post a day. That's what I need to shoot for right now.



('20/8/03)
Okay, so, starting off with just a basic schedule of my current typical week.
Monday: Should have some posting time
Tuesday: RL stuff
Wednesday: Should have some posting time
Thursday: RL stuff
Friday: Should have some posting time
Saturday: Should have some posting time
Sunday: RL stuff

For Tuesdays, Thursdays, and sundays, I actually do have other engagements and important things I must work on first, and RP posting on those days is unlikely...but, that does NOT mean I will NOT post -here- in the evenings at least. Because while unlikely, it is -possible- sometimes, if I finish everything I do need to do early enough, that I can still get a post out on these days. If I do that, and I have -time- for RP posting afterwards, but don't do it, then that is indeed something I need to note here for myself. If I indeed don't have time for RP posts, then I will still drop a note here saying so for that day.
 
Last edited:
Friday '20/12/4 report: FINALLY had a -good- day today. Got a bunch of work done that I needed, and also got a post out! Well, technically two posts went out today, but as one was already mostly written from a previous day and just unfinished, I'm not counting that. Still, good day. Got work done, got one post done. Feeling a bit happier.
 
Saturday '20/12/5 report: Legitimately busy with other things today to make any posts. No posts out today. If I can get one out tomorrow when I have a chance though, I can count that as keeping things going.
 
Sunday '20/12/6 report: One post out today! Good for that. If I can get another out tomorrow, I'll start counting a 'streak' starting at 3.
 
Last edited:
Monday '20/12/7 report: Ended up losing a lot of time today to just...not moving on...but I did manage to get one post out at least. Up to 3 in a "streak" now.
 
Tuesday '20/12/8 report: Almost forgot to do this. But, had an okay day today. Got stuff done, and got one post out. That makes 4.
 
AARGH. Late Wednesday '20/12/9 report: Totally forgot to put a report line, AND I did NOT get a post out yesterday. BAD.
 
Thursday '20/12/10 report: And dropped the ball again today and did not get a post out when I had the chance. Gah! And I was starting to get back on track, too! >_<
 
Argh, LATE AGAIN.... late Saturday '20/12/12 report: and, again, had a chance to reply yesterday, and I didn't. GAAAH. Someone nag me! Please!
 
Sunday '20/12/13 report: Didn't have much room for any posts today. That I had four days of not posting when I could prior to this is what makes it bad. Guh.
 
Monday'20/12/14 report: Aaaagh. With the fall semester officially over, I have no work to keep me functioning until the next semester starts in a few weeks, leaving me adrift and lifeless, as usual. Could have made a post today, but didn't. AAAGH. NEED TO FIX THIS. NEED TO DO SOMETHING TOMORROW.
 
Wednesday '20/12/16 report: I...-almost- finished a post today. Mostly written up except for the last section it needed. No good reason that I didn't though, I did have the time for it. Argh.
 
Friday '20/12/18 report: Did not actually have time to do any RPs today. But that I've already lost the whole week on them as it is...ugghh.
 
Saturday '20/12/19 report: Could've posted today. Could've, didn't. I know I can do this. I -want- to do this. I have to turn this around...
 
Late sunday '20/12/20 report: CRAP i forgot to do my report last night before bed. BUT! I actually did get a post out yesterday! (well, technically two, but one as just finishing up the one I had already mostly done from Wednesday, so that doesn't count). Still! Post out!
 
Monday '20/12/21 report: And succeeded in getting another post done today! Hopefully this is the start of getting back on track.
 
Tuesday '20/12/22 report: No posts out today...because no RPs to reply to (until late tonight). This time, I'm not sure that's a good thing, as that may partly be -because- I have barely gotten any replies out in the last two weeks, and that if I -did- have an RP to reply to today, I'm not sure I would have been able to do so. Will have to see how things go tomorrow.
 
Wednesday '20/12/23 report: It was a near miss...but I -did-, in fact, get one post out today! (to the RP that came in last night). I still need to wait for more replies to come in for my other RPs (which may not happen until after the 25th for obvious reasons), but...I might, just might, be on the mental mend again!
 
Thursday '20/12/24 report: I received a reply this morning, but it was another near-miss tonight... however, I -did- actually get another post out! (which has me fully caught up again!) Happy about that.

(On the unlikely chance I do receive another post tomorrow, I probably won't be able to reply then...but I'll have to see what happens.)
 
Friday '20/12/25 report: As expected, legitimately no point I could make any posts today. Aside note, I did -receive- THREE posts, TODAY. 0_o Very unexpected! But certainly not unwelcome. x3 Hopefully I'll be able to carry on with things tomorrow.
 
Saturday '20/12/26 report: I'd say that today was a "post-holidays recovery day", but....I -could- have gotten a post out. I honestly could have, and I didn't. Blarg. I almost had a new streak going there, too.
 
Monday '20/12/28 report: ...and I did not post today. >_< I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling unable to -start- on anything when I know I full well can...
 
Back
Top Bottom