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PsionicCuttlefish
Supernova
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2012
==The Prelude==
As all my RP partners know, I have a lot of trouble getting replies out on any decent timetable, and have had this trouble for years now. There is no good reason for this. When I first started here on BMR, I could manage at least one reply every day, usually more than one. I was quick and responsive, and pleased with myself. And it wasn't just BMR, I was getting a lot of things done that made me happy. For several years now however, it's been the same; I have plenty of time, I do not have hardships blocking me, I just...don't do it. And it's not just with RPs here, it's everything I try to do. My partners here have almost always been kind, understanding, and patient...and, unfortunately, that is the opposite of what I need. I am not happy with myself, I know I can do better. A few days ago, things came to a head and rocked me pretty hard. Something has to change.
==The Problem==
My issue is that I am (and have been for years now) basically locked up in my own head, without anything to keep enough of an eye on me. I don't have anything external imposing a sufficient amount of structure upon me, which is what I need in order to function well. Inside my head, alone, I can't manage myself. But pushing things outside of my head works to help keep me from chronically sinking into the same old mental quicksand. Writing things down for myself is a step in the right direction, but it's not enough. Other people's eyes on me help more. As mentioned, things went particularly badly recently because of my actions (or inactions) and something has to change, so...I am trying something new.
==The Position==
For people on this site who are reasonable and empathetic, it is commonly understood that RP is ultimately a low priority when it comes to competing life interests, and that no one deserves a reply from anyone else on any schedule. Demanding such of another person is unconscionable and egregiously entitled. RP is indeed still a low priority for me as well when compared against competing life interests, but that's just it; most of the time, I don't have other life interests competing with RP time that I want to spend but just have trouble making myself do. I want to be held to a schedule. I want to be held accountable. And I am doing this with RPs because, one, I know historically with myself that when I am in a "getting stuff done" groove on any one thing, it often energizes me for everything else (really, RPs have been a great indicator for me; if I'm getting a lot of RPs done, I'm getting a lot of other stuff done also), and two, this is where I do have other people who know what I'm up to and who can see me...if I put myself out there to be seen.
==The Plan==
Starting Monday, I will be implementing a system to help hold myself accountable for RPs. It will likely consist of a partial time-schedule posted here for myself (exact details to be determined then), but the most important facet is this; I will put a link to this thread in my signature so all my partners can easily see it. I will resolve to make one post in this thread every evening before I turn in. It does not have to be long, it need only be a sentence. It would take me less than a minute to do, a minute that can be spared no matter what is happening. In each of these single-sentence posts, I will say but one thing; I got at least one RP reply out in the day, or why I did not make any RP replies that day. The reason need not be involved, either it is a legitimate and acceptable RL event or...it was me just not getting on with it. Publically exposing this will help motivate me to keep it from happening. In this way, I can have something of a monitor on me, an eye over my shoulder to keep me focused. And if I don't make even a single sentence post here, I implore my partners (or, well...anyone at all really) to badger me with messages as to why I did not do that simple, most minimal thing. (The only acceptable excuse would be literally not having internet access)
Let's see how it goes. Worst case, it doesn't work and I just keep shambling on as I am. Best case, it does work...and maybe I get some of my old energy back.
SCHEDULE:
EDIT: ('20/9/03)
As of right now, there is no particular reason I shouldn't have at -least- one post out EACH day of the week. While some days may have enough going on that I legitimately can't make a post, such occurrences are irregular. A post a day. That's what I need to shoot for right now.
As all my RP partners know, I have a lot of trouble getting replies out on any decent timetable, and have had this trouble for years now. There is no good reason for this. When I first started here on BMR, I could manage at least one reply every day, usually more than one. I was quick and responsive, and pleased with myself. And it wasn't just BMR, I was getting a lot of things done that made me happy. For several years now however, it's been the same; I have plenty of time, I do not have hardships blocking me, I just...don't do it. And it's not just with RPs here, it's everything I try to do. My partners here have almost always been kind, understanding, and patient...and, unfortunately, that is the opposite of what I need. I am not happy with myself, I know I can do better. A few days ago, things came to a head and rocked me pretty hard. Something has to change.
==The Problem==
My issue is that I am (and have been for years now) basically locked up in my own head, without anything to keep enough of an eye on me. I don't have anything external imposing a sufficient amount of structure upon me, which is what I need in order to function well. Inside my head, alone, I can't manage myself. But pushing things outside of my head works to help keep me from chronically sinking into the same old mental quicksand. Writing things down for myself is a step in the right direction, but it's not enough. Other people's eyes on me help more. As mentioned, things went particularly badly recently because of my actions (or inactions) and something has to change, so...I am trying something new.
==The Position==
For people on this site who are reasonable and empathetic, it is commonly understood that RP is ultimately a low priority when it comes to competing life interests, and that no one deserves a reply from anyone else on any schedule. Demanding such of another person is unconscionable and egregiously entitled. RP is indeed still a low priority for me as well when compared against competing life interests, but that's just it; most of the time, I don't have other life interests competing with RP time that I want to spend but just have trouble making myself do. I want to be held to a schedule. I want to be held accountable. And I am doing this with RPs because, one, I know historically with myself that when I am in a "getting stuff done" groove on any one thing, it often energizes me for everything else (really, RPs have been a great indicator for me; if I'm getting a lot of RPs done, I'm getting a lot of other stuff done also), and two, this is where I do have other people who know what I'm up to and who can see me...if I put myself out there to be seen.
==The Plan==
Starting Monday, I will be implementing a system to help hold myself accountable for RPs. It will likely consist of a partial time-schedule posted here for myself (exact details to be determined then), but the most important facet is this; I will put a link to this thread in my signature so all my partners can easily see it. I will resolve to make one post in this thread every evening before I turn in. It does not have to be long, it need only be a sentence. It would take me less than a minute to do, a minute that can be spared no matter what is happening. In each of these single-sentence posts, I will say but one thing; I got at least one RP reply out in the day, or why I did not make any RP replies that day. The reason need not be involved, either it is a legitimate and acceptable RL event or...it was me just not getting on with it. Publically exposing this will help motivate me to keep it from happening. In this way, I can have something of a monitor on me, an eye over my shoulder to keep me focused. And if I don't make even a single sentence post here, I implore my partners (or, well...anyone at all really) to badger me with messages as to why I did not do that simple, most minimal thing. (The only acceptable excuse would be literally not having internet access)
Let's see how it goes. Worst case, it doesn't work and I just keep shambling on as I am. Best case, it does work...and maybe I get some of my old energy back.
SCHEDULE:
EDIT: ('20/9/03)
As of right now, there is no particular reason I shouldn't have at -least- one post out EACH day of the week. While some days may have enough going on that I legitimately can't make a post, such occurrences are irregular. A post a day. That's what I need to shoot for right now.
('20/8/03)
Okay, so, starting off with just a basic schedule of my current typical week.
Monday: Should have some posting time
Tuesday: RL stuff
Wednesday: Should have some posting time
Thursday: RL stuff
Friday: Should have some posting time
Saturday: Should have some posting time
Sunday: RL stuff
For Tuesdays, Thursdays, and sundays, I actually do have other engagements and important things I must work on first, and RP posting on those days is unlikely...but, that does NOT mean I will NOT post -here- in the evenings at least. Because while unlikely, it is -possible- sometimes, if I finish everything I do need to do early enough, that I can still get a post out on these days. If I do that, and I have -time- for RP posting afterwards, but don't do it, then that is indeed something I need to note here for myself. If I indeed don't have time for RP posts, then I will still drop a note here saying so for that day.
Okay, so, starting off with just a basic schedule of my current typical week.
Monday: Should have some posting time
Tuesday: RL stuff
Wednesday: Should have some posting time
Thursday: RL stuff
Friday: Should have some posting time
Saturday: Should have some posting time
Sunday: RL stuff
For Tuesdays, Thursdays, and sundays, I actually do have other engagements and important things I must work on first, and RP posting on those days is unlikely...but, that does NOT mean I will NOT post -here- in the evenings at least. Because while unlikely, it is -possible- sometimes, if I finish everything I do need to do early enough, that I can still get a post out on these days. If I do that, and I have -time- for RP posting afterwards, but don't do it, then that is indeed something I need to note here for myself. If I indeed don't have time for RP posts, then I will still drop a note here saying so for that day.
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