The worst thing about ghosting, at least for me, is that

[Chapman]

I can never be sure whether it is just the other person being a dick or me being off-putting in some way.

Yes, yes, complaining about ghosting, episode 526962, sue me . Just got ghosted thrice in a row, and each time after I put in an effort of starting the story, so I can vent a lil' bit if I want to.

So, yeah, the worst part. Of course, getting ignored by someone sucks, more so after you talked stuff over and already put in some effort. Yet, this is only a part of the problem. I am not good at making friends, either offline or online, and therefore I do not talk with a lot of people on BM or other sites that I've been on in the past. Because of this I do not know how widespread the problem* of ghosting is. I know that some folks have that issue, but I have no idea whether these are relatively rare incidents or the norm. This, paired with me getting ghosted a lot (or so I believe - again, I lack the bigger picture), often makes me feel like people disappearing on me without a word are actually my fault, that it is me who's doing something wrong.

Am I a weirdo**? Do I make people feel uncomfortable around me? Or am I just imagining things and am being perfectly fine, while it is the other people being jerks? That's what I wish I'd know.

*as far as a First World thing like that can be called a problem XD
**as in, more of a weirdo than the average person who visits erotica role play forums

 

[Jericho Z. Barrons]

I don't see the point in complaining about it unless you're committed to some kind of solution or problem solving. Because ghosting has been happening for all 12 years I've been role-playing and it'll continue to happen. Whining about it won't change it.

The only thing you can control is your own personal reaction to it. If you suspect you've been rejected because of things you've done, it's either something you want to change or you just accept that those people weren't a good fit for you. I mean, you might have already just assumed that from their poor communication skills and (what you feel) is a lack of respect. I don't really get hung up on folks that I have found reasons to reject them, you know?

If it really really bothers you and you think you've done something wrong or are sabotaging yourself, there are plenty of avenues to self-improvement. Ask for help on one of these rp sites and you'll find plenty of folks willing to take a look at your thread, at your writing, at your first messages to people and they'll give you pointers on things you could change or improve on. You don't need a critique from the ones who rejected you in order to ask your own questions and get to the bottom of your own progress and improvement. You can take the initiative and find those answers for yourself.

Otherwise....if you just sit there, whining, thinking you're the problem without doing anything about it...aren't you kind of accepting that you don't deserve partners? I mean, ghosting isn't fun but you really waste your own time getting stuck by it, honestly.

 

[Chapman]

Ha haa! Don't worry, I'm at the office and good enough at my job that I can do it well & have some time left to get stuck on stuff. I'm good .

You are absolutely correct about ghosted folks' only power being in controlling their reaction to being ghosted, though it is a bit of a Master of the Obvious thing to say. Welp, this is my reaction, and I think it's allright.

As for improving myself, I do not have anything to fault myself as far as role playing goes. I've seen other people's RP and I know that mine is better than most*. The only problem I am aware of that it might put people off are my communication skills; I know that I can sometimes say strange things (never negative things, I rarely attack folks, just odd some odd remarks). While I personally think that I don't do that often enough to put people off as often as they ghost me (I'm aware of those "odd moments" and do my best to avoid them, so you might say that I am doing something about it), perhaps I am wrong? Maybe I am a weirdo after all that, as you've put it, does not deserve partners?** I honestly don't know.

This is not whining, or at least I do not say all this with the intention of it being whining. It's more like thinking out loud while hoping for other folks' input, like yours.


*I am also quite modest
**dark

 

[Jericho Z. Barrons]

Oh ok! Good for you. Sounds like you're all set.

 

[Solo]

As far as my own input, honestly, if I saw things like this:

As for improving myself, I do not have anything to fault myself as far as role playing goes. I've seen other people's RP and I know that mine is better than most.

I would probably be a little put off. It's good to be confident in your writing, but when you do that at the expense of putting other people down, if we were discussing RP I would think you'd be judging mine, which isn't a great feeling.

Just my opinion, though!

 

[GiaNoir]

As far as my own input, honestly, if I saw things like this:

I would probably be a little put off. It's good to be confident in your writing, but when you do that at the expense of putting other people down, if we were discussing RP I would think you'd be judging mine, which isn't a great feeling.

Just my opinion, though!

I agree wholeheartedly...I have gotten messages from people whom outright told me that my writing was good but no comparison to theirs and that I should be so lucky to be getting a post from them!

 

[Chapman]

As far as my own input, honestly, if I saw things like this:

I would probably be a little put off. It's good to be confident in your writing, but when you do that at the expense of putting other people down, if we were discussing RP I would think you'd be judging mine, which isn't a great feeling.

Just my opinion, though!

Oh my, I wouldn't do that, that would be rude and selfish.

 

[Solo]

Oh my, I wouldn't do that, that would be rude and selfish.

You’ve said it here. It was a direct quote from your post. So... I don’t really know where you’re going with that one, lol.
But hey, I gave my input. Not really too much more to say.

 

[Chapman]

You’ve said it here. It was a direct quote from your post. So... I don’t really know where you’re going with that one, lol.
But hey, I gave my input. Not really too much more to say.

Then you have misunderstood something. Yes, I do believe that my writing is better than most, but I would never tell any specific person that "hey, your writing is okay but mine is much better" or anything along these lines. Never. That would be arrogance incarnate.

Even if I am/believe to be better than someone else, it is no reason to rub it in their faces.

 

[Solo]

Then you have misunderstood something. Yes, I do believe that my writing is better than most, but I would never tell any specific person that "hey, your writing is okay but mine is much better" or anything along these lines. Never. That would be arrogance incarnate.

Even if I am/believe to be better than someone else, it is no reason to rub it in their faces.

not really. I read what you said. No misunderstanding to be had, and that’s a bit of the arrogance I was trying to point out, I think.
it doesn’t matter if you’ve said it to them or said it publicly— the arrogance to say you do nothing wrong and are better than most is what would turn me off in and of itself, and if you don’t notice it here, it’s possible you’re coming off like this elsewhere.

 

[Chapman]

to say you do nothing wrong and are better than most

Only as far as writing goes. There is nothing wrong in admitting that one is very good at something, as long as it is not aimed as a veiled critique at any particular person. What you think is arrogance is confidence, at least in my case.

 

[Solo]

Only as far as writing goes. There is nothing wrong in admitting that one is very good at something, as long as it is not aimed as a veiled critique at any particular person. What you think is arrogance is confidence, at least in my case.

Admitting you’re good at something is confidence. Saying you’re better at it than most other people is what crosses into arrogance. There’s certainly a difference.

 

[Chapman]

Admitting you’re good at something is confidence. Saying you’re better at it than most other people is what crosses into arrogance. There’s certainly a difference.

If you say so. I can only repeat that, in my opinion, it is fine as long as I do not use my "betterness" to critique any person in particular. Guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

 

[Praxis]

Good and Bad are entirely subjective terms when it comes to enjoyment taken from a story/roleplay. If your writing doesn't impact the reader emotionally or substantially, then it's not really "better" than anything.
Coupled with what could be perceived as a self aggrandizing view of oneself, it's understandable that someone could not bother replying if the steam has gone out of their engine.

It's important to maintain balance between application and growth. Your writing may be up to your standards but considering you've never met some of these people (and can't begin to fathom what they want/need) you don't really know if what you're offering is good, bad or somewhere in the lukewarm places between.

This is but one factor that could work to explain the issue presented. There are, of course, other explanations. Unfortunately, we may never know what caused an idea to die on the vine. We can only move forward and apply what we've learned.

 

[Chapman]

Good and Bad are entirely subjective terms when it comes to enjoyment taken from a story/roleplay. If your writing doesn't impact the reader emotionally or substantially, then it's not really "better" than anything.
Coupled with what could be perceived as a self aggrandizing view of oneself, it's understandable that someone could not bother replying if the steam has gone out of their engine.

Sure, that is always a possibility. I think I'm good, but someone else might think I am pretty bad. But the last three times I was ghosted was, as I mentioned in the original post, right after my first post. It is possible to judge someone's writing and create your opinion on it based on just so much/little, but I have a hard time believing three people in a row would do just that.

That's the problem; if those people would explain themselves, I would not have to think about what I may have done wrong.

 

[Praxis]

Anecdotally, three is a pretty small sample size. As I believe someone said above - this sort of thing has been happening since the beginning of (rp) time. I've been at this since before I joined BMR and I can safely say the amount of misses I've gotten far outweighs the hits.

There's a lot of people in the world. Heck, there's a lotta people on BMR. Anything good will always take time and immense effort. Since we can only control ourselves, the only sure way to improve (either technically or otherwise) is to try, try, try.

And anyone who's tried, tried, tried will tell you, eventually, you'll fail. Back and forth until you land on something great and this, now, was just a step you made.

 

[Solo]

After multiple reports on different posts here and on other related threads and after staff discussion, it's been decided this thread should be locked.

Everything that's going to be said on the debate of ghosting has already been said, and these conversations start to take a negative turn.
Please feel free to PM myself or another member of staff with any questions.