Ghosting: How long?

[Jericho Z. Barrons]

I'm going to present a couple different scenarios and you tell me, at what point, down to the hour, is a lack of response equal to them ghosting you? One hour? A couple hours? A day? Two days and six hours?

All things remaining equal, your message was read and yet you never see them post publicly on the forum again. If you have special exceptions or specific situations, that is fine but we're just trying to determine how long it takes for you to expect a reply. In plain terms: how long, by time measurements, does it take for you to call a dropped interaction with another member "ghosted"?

Please reply for each scenario, keeping in mind the constant variables:

Pose A: You read an RT that you liked and sent a polite message inquiring about a role-play idea. The person read your message but you cannot see the last time they were online and they never post publicly again.

Pose B: You liked the RT, you send a message and get a reply back. Things seem swell until suddenly the replies stop abruptly. The person read your last sent message but you cannot see the last time they were online and they never post publicly again.

Pose C: After discussing a role-play with someone, you start to post together. After a handful of posts from both of you, they suddenly stop. You send a message inquiring if they are alright. The person read your message but you cannot see the last time they were online and they never post publicly again.

 

[Seranda]

I am not actively searching for post histories or activity, but if I noticed one of my partners that has remained quiet for about 2 weeks, bumping their request threads, I do ask. Hey, I wasn't sure if you were still interested in so and so. Sometimes I get a "Yeah... I'm not interested... sorry..." Which makes me upset because why didn't you just tell me? On occasion I do get, "Yes, I was busy with so and so and should post back today or tomorrow. I do want more partners though so I figured I'd bump!" Which, I can't get mad at, I just want my responses at the end of the day.

I can't do it. I have to tell them that this is just isn't working and to please seek partnership with someone else. I don't want them coming back to check our RP and I haven't responded in two weeks and they are wasting their time. That's just me.

 

[SoleAccord]

After about a week of silence I'll usually hit them up to make sure everything is cool. I don't make it a point to get on their ass about what might be taking them so long because I've kept my wonderful partner waiting plenty of times due to some RL obligations I couldn't forsake.

If I reach out to make sure they're okay and nothing was wrong with the reply, and another week goes by without a response, I assume I'm ghosted and promptly move on. I don't take it personally like I used to, mostly because I see a lot of the mental health struggle a lot of people are going through in their status updates and realize that maybe what's going on isn't the fault of a post they didn't like, but moreso that they've got a lot going on and don't know how to say that they can no longer commit to the story.

I forgive and forget it.

Now, if you leave for three months or so without a word, are clearly active on the forums, then hit me up later like "OH EM GEE I FORGOT HAHA WANNA CONTINUE? =D" then nah I can't rock with you after that xD

 

[Fruit]

I poke shoulders after a week of no replies to either RP or brainstorming. When I do that I don't ask for an explanation, just reassurance that my partner is still interested and maybe an approximate time frame that they aim to post within. I've had RPs where each post, from both sides, takes a full calendar year. I don't mind the wait, usually, I just like to be informed so I could manage my schedule.

If I hear nothing after another week of poking said shoulder I consider the RP dead and look for a replacement. Whether or not I'm willing to resurrect it if said partner returns depends on how much I'd enjoyed the RP.

 

[obieblu]

This is how I think about it:
Ghosting: Knowingly ignoring your partner or abandoning an RP or site willfully without notice.
Not Ghosting: Having an IRL issue the prevents you from replying or offering notice of an absence (includes anxiety, etc).

I forgive anyone who comes back and apologizes. I'm about a 50/50 for resuming RPs after that. That's more about whether I still have an urge to re-engage with the story, not punishing anyone. Through 2020, I had 3 partners get Covid. I'm pretty 'whatever' about people disappearing these last months because there's like.. a pandemic going around.

Normally, I don't bump. I state in my RT that if I see you bumping and posting for others, then after a week I'm done with the RP. No one's come back after that. If you're just utterly absent, I give it 2 weeks. Though, I mostly only play with partners that post daily. If I accepted only posting weekly, I might start by extending that first round to 2 weeks so long as they're not posting for others more than once each. Even with normally-daily repliers, I don't expect a problem until maybe 4 days of no posts. Stuff happens.

I'm on the strict side. Ghosting actually damages my long-term creativity, and I have little patience with it, anymore. I want to get that story out of my head as quickly as possible if that's what needs to happen. Though, I'm forgiving within reason.

 

[Staine]

That's interesting to read, how do the rest of you actually feel about that? Seeing a partner posting for somebody else multiple times while you're waiting for a post?

I will be completely honest, I might do this. If you are a partner of mine and you see me posting for others, which you might since with very, very few exceptions all my roleplays are in threads, please don't take it personally. Their RP might be easier for me to reply to at the moment, it may be shorter or the story may just be in a place I really really want to push. It doesn't mean I dislike yours, my muse may be just having problems, sometimes it just be like that. You'll almost certainly see me posting to my irl partner multiple times before I post back to you, we tend to post back and forth a lot, it's our personal time and if a partner is to take offence at this, then, well...firstly I'm going to be a little disappointed, secondly, I don't think it's anybodies business who I post to and when. I feel the same about my partners, long as I'm not being completely ghosted, you might just be feeling another story more at the moment, or struggling with ours. I'm an adult, I can handle it.

I'd love to know how others feel about this though, Obieblu doesn't seem to be a fan and that's okay, his prerogative and everybody gets to decide what they are and are not okay with, it's one of the best parts about being an individual. That and having your own socks. Warm ones.

 

[Pink.]

I agree with everything Staine said above.

I mostly RP in PMs to avoid the unintentional hurt feelings from partners seeing me post to a different story before their own, but when I am convinced to do a story via thread, I make myself clear about those points above: if you see me posting to a different story before yours, it doesn't mean I'm uninterested. My muses are demanding little things and drag me to where they want to be despite how "fair" it may or may not be.

However, I totally get why people feel differently! I used to feel like that, too, and there's nothing wrong with it as long as posting expectations are discussed before hand.

I'll consider a story on hold after about two or three weeks of total silence from a partner, and not at all if we're still chatting it up all the time. "Ghosted" though? I've never been upset with anyone for stopping their half of a story at any time. Hell, I've had stories where it's been a solid year between posts and we picked right up where we left off for a few months before all went quiet again. Rinse and repeat for however long either of us continue to get our bursts of inspiration for our posts.

 

[Maze]

I agree with what Staine has mentioned. I personally don't care what partners post to first be it other threads or our own so long as they have interest still, that's the important thing otherwise it's not going to bother me. After years of roleplay and seeing the good and bad, I'm at a point where mostly everything is chill to me. There are so much other things to stress out over, partners, roleplay, and posting to whichever thread will not be one of them.

Sometimes you have threads that are easier to have multiple replies to and then you have ones that take a bit to write to. They may be longer, who knows.

 

[Sync]

For me, it varies depending on circumstances, but I am generally pretty patient with my partners like I'd hope they can be patient with me - I'm generally not a quick poster, I'm up-front about that, and I give the same courtesy to my partners regarding slow posting rates.

So:
* if you bump your RT, I see something in it that I like and send you a PM expressing interest and offering ideas/suggestions...then I see you repeatedly bumping your RT and you haven't responded to my PM...you're a ghost and I'll not try you again.
* if we've been planning via PMs and you go silent, I'll give you a few days. If you then resume bumping your RT during that time while not getting back to me, I'll typically send a gentle poke to ask, but will soon give up on you if you fail to respond.
* if we've gone through the planning/plotting stage to commence writing, I become more patient. Planning can be rapid, but actual writing takes a bit more time and effort. I can wait a couple of weeks if you go silent once we're writing. I'll typically send a gentle reminder or two after a couple of weeks, and will still give time to respond. I can wait a month or two for replies If I'm invested in the story.

To each their own, though.