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Tanak's scribbles and thoughts

Twenty-fifth of October 2020, 25-10-2020

I already said it in a status post this morning, but i want to put it right here in the open again. All of us here at BMR owe a great deal to @Vekseid . And I, as a man not in the position to help out financially, owe a great big thanks to those who could and helped him out. I was honestly thinking this would be a three to four day shutdown, but to have it up and running within 24 hours is an achievement beyond my comprehension.

I know virtually nothing about the world of hardware. I'm a software man. I can work with a lot of things within a day, but if a machine dies, don't look at me. I always challenge potential employers in job interviews. Give me the chance to work with your -financial - software, and within half a day or a full day I've made it my own. Surprisingly enough, in all my working career, only one took me up on the offer. But safe to say, it took me only 3 hours. And I got the job. But if a server crashes? I'll be running, or looking at my screen. Not my thing. It needs a very special skill and I am in awe of that.

So, as per Veks' message currently on top of the site, it might not be the last shut-out we have, but we'll get through this together. Patience is virtue. Ironic actually, it has a big similarity to Covid. We have to run this storm, be patient, and those in power of solving it, we have to trust them they will do good.
 
First of November 2020, 01-11-2020

I felt like writing something, even though I don't have something in particular what to write about. So this will just be a bag of mixed emotions.

Here, in Europe, things are going the wrong way with the numbers of infected Covid19 people. The numbers keep rising to amounts unseen in the first wave. Belgium had over 20K people the other day, for instance. More and more countries are going into all kinds of lockdowns. But the thing is, the way I look at it, it's not good enough. In the first wave it was proven we could get the numbers down to very low by closing schools. In this, the second wave, every government is telling schools have to remain open (and with schools I mean all forms of edcuation, from primary to university) and the numbers keep rising. It's so simple, in my humble opinion. The under 25s, those in education won't get too ill from the virus, but they will spread it. Keep them apart and we can get the numbers down. I write this a couple of weeks ago, about younger people infecting the older ones, but over here in (western) Europe, it seems that message hasn't come through. We're all in this together, and we should all make sacrifices.

There have been a couple of surveys into which people, what parts of society have least problems with this whole pandemic, and being separated from their friends. Which group of people knows best how to shut themselves away, and keep grinding on. And to me it was no surprise that prisoners, and ex-prisoners were the least affected by it. They know how to be shut out from society, to have to go through the day without seeing a single soul. Not that these lockdowns will give the general population an idea what it feels like to be a prisoner, all they seem to do is complain. We can't see our friends, we can't have Christmas, we can't do this, that or the other. We need to see our friends, family, we need to get infected.

Wait, the latter they don't say. But it feels like it. They don't care about it, in the Netherlands it's called corona-fatigue. More and more people are saying that we should be getting 'our freedom' back. But I don't get that. What do they mean by freedom? The freedom to die? They can have that, if they want. I really don't care. I had an altercation with someone in a supermarket a couple of months ago, even before the numbers were rising. This woman was sick of it all. And so, because I can't keep my mouth shut (I know, it's one of my weaknesses) I told her that perhaps she should get infected, for being sick and tired of it, and not wanting to keep her distance from people. She had no way to come back from it, other than, three minutes later, I should get sick too. Of course. It's the worst reply. There is no person around me who is so rigid in keeping distances than I am. Six or seven months ago I wrote in here I am going to take part in the slalom event of the upcoming Winter Olympics, because I am so brilliant at crossing the street, slalomming around people.

Mouthmasks aren't obligatory over here, and while I know they will be, soon enough, up to now I refuse to wear them. Not because I am not afraid of the virus, or have the fatigue, no, if everybody would be as rigidly ridiiculous in keeping their distance as I am, we wouldn't be in the current situation. And I know there's a lot of Dutch people in the news who will condemn me for it, nobody talks to me. And that's fine, I invite them all, but who am I?

In other news, I'm dreading Tuesday. Tuesday, might be the first day towards the end of the world. Literally. Neither of the two pensioners running for President are good. But one is a lot worse than the other. With Trump I give the planet another 50 years. Which means that my son can have children, but they will be the last on this planet. With Biden? Maybe there's a chance. And while I know that neither Trump nor Biden has got influence on what Bolsanero does with the Amazon rainforest, it's all about pushing others. Trump looks inwards, Trump, in my personal opinion (and let that be very clear) wants to get rid of all non-white people in the US first, before he dies himself. Biden, no matter how terrible a choice he is, for he is even older that Trump is, might push Bolsanero a bit more to stop burning the Amazon.

No matter what we, as humans do, the Earth always pushes back. It should be pretty obvious by now that Earth will beat us, when she (or he) wants. Earthquakes, typhoons, tornados, volcanos, the whole lot, we cannot beat that. We can try to ruin the planet and we're really trying. The Trumps and Bolsanero's and Putins, the men in power who don't give a shit about you or me. Earth will push back. Earth will kill us first. But, at 53, I want to see my son have kids, and if I'm lucky, have his kdis have kids. And I want to see the planet not push back.

I'm scared shitless about Tuesday, I'm scared that if Biden wins, Trump will not go, that he will start a second American Civil War. And while it might be only me, I think it is a real fright. He literally told an extreme right American group to stand by. As extreme right that compared to them Adolf Hitler was a choir boy. And I know that posting this on Sunday, if you haven't registered, you cannot vote, but if you have, think about me, and about the rest of the world. If you've registered to vote, do so, no matter the weather, no matterr if there's a storm. It's stupid that if you;re an American citizen, registered to an address, you're not registered to vote. There is so much wrong with that. But I'm a Dutch man, raised with Dutch and European values. They're not yours. I know that. But prove me wrong. Please?
 
Tenth of November 2020, 10-11-2020

After very promising news from one of the companies trying to produce a vaccine against Covid-19, the stock exchanges shot up, they were already in a good mood for the media's declaration of Biden (most likely) becoming the 46th President of the US. But the mass-trial of another vaccine test, in Brazil, of Chinese origin, was stopped recently for serious backlashes.

Each and everyone of us on the planet are in one way or another affected by the measures taken to dam the spread of the virus. Ironically enough, as I read somewhere, the group (of people) that seems least affected by it are prisoners and ex-prisoners. They seem, according to that article, to be able to adjust easiest to lockdowns and isolation. In a way it's understandable, I think, but still surprising they're being mentioned at all.

No matter what you, my reader, makes of the virus, whether or not you believe it's dangerous, if you think you're being too harshly restrained in your movement, or think it's not going far enough, as the virus is still freely lingering about, in one way or another you've been affected by it.

This morning I read an article on the BBC News site, about a survey taken by the education regulator in the UK (Ofsted) about the effects lockdown measures have on children. Two of their findings shocked me. The article starts by saying that most children (in the UK) are slipping back with their learning and some have gone significantly back with their social skills. but that's not that shocking to me. No, the nextt couple of lines go a lot further.

Some young children, as the article states, have forgotten how to use a fork and knife and there are also some who have regressed back to nappies (Americans call them diapers).

You what? Are you serious? That's what it says. Some children have forgotten how to use a fork and knife. And to top that, the article says that Ofsted say it's the sole reason to keep school s open. And that makes even less sense to me. Here's me thinking it's a parent's job to teach their kids how to eat with fork and knife and to potty-train them, but it feels to me that Ofsted wants to make that the job of a school. I really can't get my head around the fact that because young children can't be in school they forget about how to eat with fork and knife. It's astonishing.
I can fully understand that it's hard to explain to young children to keep a distance, to wash their hands more often, and even harder to explain why they can't see their friends. But we're talking school-going children, so from the age of 4 or 5 upwards. What self-respecting parent would let their children forget how to use knife and fork for eating? That because they aren't in school, because of lockdowns or other measures, parents say: 'It's ok, son (or daughter), you can eat with your hands now' Seriously?

I genuinely don't think it's a school's job to teach kids behaviour like that. And so I cannot agree to some of their conclusions, more specifically the direct relation between 'eating with knife and fork' and keep a school open at all cost.
Of course, there are also children who say they have benefitted from the lockdowns, it's not all doom and gloom, their parents have been very supportive and given those kids a better family time.

The article can be found here:
www.bbc.com

Lockdown children forget how to use knife and fork

The pandemic has seen children slipping back in learning and social skills, Ofsted inspectors warn.
www.bbc.com www.bbc.com
 
Thirteenth of November 2020, 13-11-2020.

Friday the thirteenth. Contrary to popular belief it's got nothing to do with the mass killing of the Knights Templar, there was no order by the pope, and it is highly questionable it actually took place on a Friday the thirteenth. But even if it were, in those days the Julian calendar was being used, while currently we're using the Gregorian calendar. That is, in the western world. Other religions use other dates and they seem to have a number or date which represents bad luck. Even stranger, in Italy, arguably one of the most Christian countries, the number 13 isn't seen that much as bad luck, but 17 is.

But that wasn't what I wanted to write about. No, as of late I'm seeing quite a few female request threads (the only ones I read), where a DM or narrator is asked for. And while I have little to no idea about the worlds of D&D, I had to ask what it actually meant, not so very long ago, in writing, collaborative writing, it feels like the laziest of requests. Where someone requests another person to completely runs the show, including what the character or characters the female having the request thread up will be playing. To me, in my - probably limited - mind, it has little to do with collaborative and all with 'I don't really want to do anything or bring a story forward, I leave that up to you, person I write this request for'.

Requests, for me female requests, but all of them I would assume, all seem to match a particular week's flavour. Some weeks I feel I can react on five or ten of them, and other weeks, like currently, all I can see is things I have little or no knowledge about. Monsters and fandoms. Not my thing. There was one request earlier this week which was right up my street, given my hobbies and I reached out to the person who wrote the request, but as it sometimes goes, I got no reply at all. And while i know it happens all too often, people just not reacting at all, it leaves a strange taste in my mouth. There is a thread about it in general discussion, where I stated that even a little few-words rejection 'Sorry, not interested' goes a long way.

But perhaps that's something that even someone who has (most likely) lost an election gives the prime example of. Ignore whatever is coming your way, act as if nothing's happened, and the more you tell yourself it's not there, it won't be. Over the course of the time since I started my journal i have written a lot about my view on world leaders. I was very happy with the outcome of the US election, but it's only step 1. The voters of the US have proven me wrong on part one, and I am very happy about that. On the second of October I wrote a piece about my views and thoughts about the, then, upcoming election. Biden won, even Fox agrees. But now the hard part starts. Trump hasn't admitted defeat, worse even, he's not allowing Biden and his team to enter the transition stages. Of course, he's in his full rights as the sitting President to do so, but his unfundamented claims of mass fraud are damaging to the US.

When I follow the news, I don't look at any of the US channels, they're not broadcasted here. I can see CNN International, but I draw my news from Dutch, Belgian, French, German and English news sites. And it might be a surprise to some, but they're not all approaching the happenings of the day in the same way. Even Belgium (Flanders) and the Netherlands have a different amount of electorals for Biden. It depends on what American news agency *they* draw from.
Having said that, one thing at the moment is happening on all those sites, they're discussing the options Trump has got left and what would happen if he keeps ignoring the result of the elections right up to the 20th of January 2021. They all agree that the word defeat is non-existent in Trump's dictionary. And by admitting he is defeated, he would be a loser and a loser, that's not a Trump. They also all agree that he is in his full right to do this.

But that's where things end with the agreements. Some of the news sites say it is technically possible that the electoral committee, which should meet December 14th, choses Trump as the next President. That they all swing their vote from Biden to Trump. Others are saying it's not possible, for state laws, which say that the candidate with the most votes has to be appointed as the next President. Trump is President right up to noon on the 20th of January. When, theoretically, Biden will be sworn in as the 46th President of the US. As President, Trump has the power to pardon criminals, and to make pardon people who are up for a criminal court case. There is an unwritten law that the President cannot do this for himself, but what do unwritten laws mean with Trump? But, he could resign on the 19th, for Pence to become President for a day and then pardon Trump. Far-fetched? Maybe. But not my words.

I said in my piece of the second of October that I hoped for the American public to vote for the least bad option, Biden. You lot done that. But I also wrote that I couldn't see Trump leaving. I strongly believe in the judicial system and I even believe that the US Supreme Court will follow the law and Constitution. There will be no proof for mass fraud, not enough to significantly change the outcome of the elections. But I am still scared what will happen if Trump stays in the White House. I am still afraid of a second Civil War, of the extreme far right against the rest.
 
Twenty-eighth of November 2020, 28-11-2020

Yesterday marked the day of the 15th anniversary of my father's death. And before anyone says they are sorry for my loss, save your breath. My father fucked it up in the last three years of his life that I am not ready to forgive him for that. My mother is a much better person than i am. But to me he's still good riddance.

What I actually wanted to write about is a word. Or rather, two. The two words are Dominate and Dominant. They sound the same, right? But they are interlinked, but in the wrong way. I see so many sentences, where the word Dominate is written, when Dominant is meant.

So, to put things straight. I am a Dominant. and I Dominate. But when you ask in a request thread for someone like me, don't ask for a Dominate. You want a Dominant to Dominate you. See, it's not difficult is it?

And it happens very often that in the next line, said person, who mixes up Dominant and Dominate asks for native English speakers, I'm not one of those, English, as I have told here before is my third language, but it just makes me shake my head if people asking for native speakers make mistakes like that. But, I know, English is a difficult language, it has so many traps. Where and were. Your and You're. And now Dominant and Dominate. But that one I've explained. So you never have to make that mistake again. Ever.
 
Thirty-first of December 2020, 31-12-2020

It's been more than a month since I last wrote here and as if I forefelt it, December as always was a shit month. I am not a fan - to put it mildly - of the month, but this year I've had a few nuisances, physical ones, which made it even worse. In December it's hard to live a normal regular life, because wherever you look, mainly on TV, but also in advertisement, it's people calling on you to 'enjoy' December. I never seen the attraction to it. In Dutch there's a word, which is untranslatable in English, it's something ultra sweet. Almost as sweet your teeth would melt of the sweetness.

Funny that, because I definitely have a sweet tooth, I like my pies and cakes and as old as I am, I'm looking forward getting my annual chocolate letter. For those of you unfamiliar with the habit, at Saint Nicholas it is custom to get the first letter of your first name in chocolate. But I like to have my sweetness to a certain degree. I am not a man to OD on sweetness. And that's exactly what I am being bombarded with in December. Of course, that's the idea I am getting. There are plenty of people who are looking forward to being OD'd. To each their own.

But, I 'survived' another December and in a little under 8 hours from now it's 2021 where I am.

And 2021 is definitely a year of hope. I think that well before the end of 2021, every member on this forum will have been given the opportunity to get a vaccine. The moment I get the invitation, I will be in front of the queue, pointing at my left arm where I want the jab. I have no doubt, at all, about the vaccines when they become available for me. Will they fully protect me? No, of course not, that's impossible. Just as the pill, for birth control, isn't 100% covering.

Over the past months I've had a few discussions with people doubting the vaccines. 'It all goes way too quickly'. 'Normally it takes years and years for a vaccine to get developped'. True, but we are not living in normal times. Let me try to explain it with a bit of maths.
Let's say that it takes 100,000 (wo)man-hours to develop a vaccine. And at a laboratory somewhere in the US, Researcher Joe and Researcher Judy have been given the task to develop that vaccine. Since this is a mathematical example, it would take the pair 50,000 hours to develop said vaccine. 50K hours is a little over 2,080 days, and if we discount all weekends and festive days, we come to nearly 8.5 years. Now that's a figure that most people will agree to, as being normal to develop a vaccine.

As I said, these aren't normal times. with the current pandemic, pretty much all researchers, in pretty much all laboratories around the world are only dedicating their time to finding a vaccine for Covid-19. So we still need the 100,000 hours, but that amount of time is now divided by 1,000 researchers, or perhaps 10,000. Again, it's a mathematical example, but it still shows how the development of something can be sped up.

Most, if not all, countries in the world have a Medicin Agency, which has to give permission for any vaccine or medicine to be brought on the open market. They really wouldn't give that permission if they aren't fully convinced this new product isn't safe. And with safe I do not wish to say they are 100% covering for everyone. That is impossible. Even with the most tried and tested vaccine or medicin, there will always be people for whom it won't work, or for whom it will cause major problems. But then we get to mathematics again. We don't think something is unsafe if the side effects only happen at 100 people in the US (for example).

2021 is a year of hope, and I from my part hope that you all will fare well. That you all will find the strength to look at the upcoming year in a positive way, that change is upcoming and we can all go back to a life we were used to before the outbreak of the pandemic. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, but on the verge of 2021, the light is getting bigger.

One last thing, don't bother with all too many good intentions. One is enough, to just keep breathing. It's the only thing I tell myself.
 
Seventh of January 2021, 07-01-2021

I'm sure there's a thread somewhere on site, which asks what person - past or present - you'd like to have a conversation with. And with the events of the last couple of months especially, I would pick Trump. But, before said conversation, I would have him injected with a truth-serum. No idea if they actually exist. I know they're in films and cartoons, but that's really not important.

I'd really would like to know from him if his stance, since he lost the elections in November, is something he truly believes or if it's all an act. That the power he held over the past four years has intoxicated his brain so much that he will do everything to keep it. I'm not a man to fall in the trap to say he's uneducated. I really think he's a smart man. But even smart men, when in power, make decisions a normal person just cannot understand.
Does he truly believe that the elections were fraudulous? Or does he know he's lost, and this is his way of handling that loss?

To me personally, it's quite clear that he must have known his speech yesterday, would lead to violence. By ushering the crowd in front of him to head to the Capitol, he must have known that they wouldn't stop in front of the barriers and wave their flags. He surely must have known that a good deal of them were armed and were more than ready to use their fire-power. Four people are reported dead, with dozens injured. It's beyond belief to have to think that Trump didn't oversee the consequences of his words.

And what was he trying to achieve? Did he truly believe that by storming the Capitol, he could overturn the result of the elections? It's as close as you can get to a coup. The storming yesterday has been compared to that of the German Reichstag in the 1930s by Hitler's fans. I wouldn't go that far, although it's very tempting to do so.

There's another thing that baffles a lot of people. We're told to believe the Capitol is the most secured building in the US, how was it possible that this group of people just walked in? If you compare it to the police presence during the BLM demonstrations, a few months ago, where tons of police in full riot gear were present, does that tell me all about the state of the US?

What happened yesterday is something you can expect in third world countries, not in the counrty supposedly the best democracy in the world. Bush has compared the US to a banana republic and he's of the same political party as Trump is.

So where now? Is there a way out of this? I have no idea, even more, it's not the 20th of January yet. Trump will still be President until then. But if anything the police and military should have learned is that from now until then a large force should be present in Washington. To prevent anything like this happen again.
 
Twenty-first of January 2021, 21-01-2021

With Joe Biden sworn in as 46th President of the US and almost nothing happening on the day itself, I think I can conclude that I have been too pessimistic in an earlier post, about the time from the election to yesterday. Although the events of the 6th of January almost proved my fear of a second civil war. Any parliamentary building being stormed by a mob, in any country in the world, would be called a coup, or attempt to a coup. And while there are several investigations ongoing, and no doubt several people will be convicted for their involvement, I have a feeling the Biden wants to try to focus on unity. And if that means to pardon some of the riotters, I think he will. I'm not sure what will happen to the impeachment of Trump. It's up to the Senate to pick it up and with Mr. Harris now presiding that, it could well be that it's put on the agenda, with the sole purpose, to prevent Trump to ever run for office again. We'll see

As I have stated a fair few times, I am a dinosaur in many ways. I still use an old-fashioned TV magazine (a paper thing) and on my TV I have the standard amount of offered channels. And nothing else. My TV is still analog, I need to press a button to get it on. And I seek to get my news from traditional outlets, the European national channels or apps, from the Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, France and the UK. I use Youtube to watch a music-video, once a month or so if I feel like it, which is rare.
Conspiracy-theories go beyond me, but with everything happening around the election and the time passed since, some of them were explained in the aforementioned media outlets. Which for a dinosaur like me is helpful.

Apparently, some 25% of all Americans (roughly the same amount of people voting for Trump), believed that yesterday - inauguration day - was going to be the day that Biden et al were going to be arrested and trialled and Trump would be sworn in as President again. They even had names for the events, The Storm and The Great Awakening. The fact Trump had 17 flags around where he gave his last speech was a sign that it all was going to happen. The 17th letter of the alphabet is a Q.
I can only shake my head at such stupidity. But it makes me wonder where it all stems from? For instance, why are so many Americans convinced the Democratic party is in fact a cover for a massive child exploitation scheme?

For me personally, the beauty of democracy is to have a different opinion. I strongly disagree with the views of the Dutch Prime-Minister, who I think has done more wrong than right. And if I take my own personal situation, I can fund my opinion. But I would never even consider the possibility to vent unfounded opinions, about what have you not. So long as there is peaceful debate, where people of different opinions listen to each other, compromises can be reached. Of course, easy for me to say. The political landscape in The Netherlands is divided, to put it mildly. We have general elections upcoming and a record number of 89 political parties are going to take part. In our House of Representatives there are 150 seats. The total amount of votes is being divided by that number of 150, which leaves a number of votets a political party needs to take up one seat. At the moment, we have a government of four political parties, but after the next elections it could be five, or six. It is impossible that any party will get an absolute majority. Countries with a one party ruling isn't a democracy in my opinion, but a dictatorial regime.

But, as I said, I'm a dinosaur, what do I know about modern days and how people think? All I can do is hope that the future will be brighter and with more unison, around the world, and not just in one, or a few countries. Because we'll have to get by together, one way or the other.
 
Twenty-sixth of January 2021, 26-01-2021

Some of you might already have seen it in their local or national news, but for those who don't know, The Netherlands has made world-news for all the wrong reasons. Even up to Chinese National TV has been reporting about severe and large-scaled riots in several cities around the country.

The direct reason is a curfew being imposed since last Saturday. From 21.00 until 04.30 each night, nobody is allowed outside, unless they have a valid reason. People who work, emergency services, carers if absolutely necessary. There are a few other exceptions, but they're only small numbers. The curfew is just another measure to get the numbers of infected people down to amounts where restrictions can be loosened. Currently the number of new infections stands at around 5,000 per day. And for a small country like mine, it's a lot.

Several people, including politicians, have called for protest against all the measures. Here too we have politicians, far right, who call COVID 'just' a flu and nothing special. I wonder what it is with far right politicians, do they know the virus is very deadly, but hope to kill off a certain percentage of the population? Or are they genuinely dumb? And while I have nothing against (peaceful) protest, in fact protesting is a civil right, as stated by law in the Constitution, there is a major difference between a protest and riotting.

Very often riots and clashes with police follow on from protests, Vandals who want to run riot mix in with those who genuinely want to make known their objections and once the latter group goes home, the first takes over. But the things happening in the Dutch cities at the moment have got nothing to do with protesting. In social media apps plans to riot are being announced and vandals are being pushed to take weapons and fireworks. Or even molotov-cocktails. You see, borders have been long crossed when you ask for those things to be brought.

There is no national 'organization' behind it all, local groups of youths think that it's fun to riot, loot and demolish a city. And some have already gone so far that they've attacked a hospital (in Enschede, in the east of the country). They tried to smash the windows with bricks, but luckily failed. An governmental Covid-testcenter has been burnt to the ground in another town. And it's the police who are directly in the firing-line. I'm not the greatest fan of the police, for many reasons, but they are just trying to do their job. They didn't make these rules and measures. It would be good to send in the military, but I understand the implications to do that. We're still a democracy, where people have the right to protest.

I think punishment for the vandals is too lenient, but I don't see it changing. Unless someone has been caught red-handed on looting or starting a fire, fines will stand at 95 euro and that's it..
The curfew will last, initially, until 9th of February, but I am not under the illusion it will end then. And so I fear that the riots will keep going, every night, around the country.

There's one thing I hope, well there's plenty things I hope, but one I want to mention. For foreign news-crews to stay away from the riots. If they want footage, contact the Dutch news companies. The more attention these vandals get, the worse the riots will become. Give them a platform (a stage) and they will perform. And it's for their own safety to stay away as well, as people are encouraging the vandals on social media to attack journalists.
 
Twenty-ninth of January 2021, 29-01-2021

Sometimes, even in the bleak times of Covid-19, a news article catches my eye and makes me smile. A real David and Goliath story, where the 'small' party wins.

It's about a (video)games chain in the US called GameStop. They used to be thriving, a couple of years ago, then people started buying their video games more and more on the internet and GameStop started suffering. And since they are on the NY Stock Exchange, it happened that some very big players started short selling. Some people agree to it, saying it's good practice, to get rid of companies doing bad. Basically what you do with short selling is buying shares, with the conviction they're going to drop in price. You buy shares, lend them out (yes, this is possible), and after an agreed time you have to buy them back. If the price has indeed dropped, which is usually does, there is plenty of profit to be made.

An analist of the NYE had called the GameStop shares 'a melting icecube' and short sellers, so called leverage companies stepped in to speculate on the share price going down. And at first they succeeded, the share price dropped to about 5 USD. But with all the measures during this pandemic, a lot of people are sitting at home, not able to spend their money, and a bunch of them, all member of Reddit, started to do a squeeze. By buying the GameStop shares, the price was on the up again, to squeeze out the shorters. And when the biggest name of the short sellers, a man called Andrew Left called those Reddit users a 'bunch of morons in a poker-game', more stepped in and the share price of GameStop went through the roof. And beyond.

Yesterday at some point the share price peaked at 469 USD, to end at closure at 200 USD. Still an astronomical amount. And it really caused the short selling companies to be in heaps of problems. Because the time had come they had to buy back the shares, but instead of a dropped price, it had risen enormously, they made big losses. And they had to compensate their losses from somewhere (although I've not been able to read how they managed to do this, most likely bank loans).

I think it's really funny, that a bunch of small people, can manage to do this. Of course, there will be losers in the end. The ones at Reddit who started all this will have made a profit, but people jumping in later will have to have spent a lot more for one share. And when the share price of GameStop will drop back down to normal values, there are going to be people with big losses. And truth be told, the short sellers will step into it again, at some point, to speculate on losses. And in the end they'll still win.

But for now, fun times to be had.
 
Fourth of February 2021, 04-02-2021

Let me start with the weather forecast for The Netherlands. I know almost all of you don't give a shit, but it's so freaking awesomely weird, I really want to share. We're getting a couple of frost days! A frost day is a day where the temperature doesn't get to zero Celsius. Is that special? Not for me. I've said it many times here on site, I'm a dinosaur. I've seen three Elfstedentochten.

Oh damn, now I need to explain that. If it freezes long enough in The Netherlands, literally when hell freezes over, the country goes berserk, because IT MIGHT HAPPEN. The Frysian Eleven City Skating Tour. Two hundred kilometers of skating over lakes, rivers and canals. It is such a special event that the English wikipedia has a page for it, with a Dutch title. Films have been made about it. Our King has skated (and finished) the Tour and the country literally comes to a standstill. But I'll only give the wiki page here, that's sufficient for this piece.

en.wikipedia.org

Elfstedentocht - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org en.wikipedia.org

But not only do we get frost-days, according to quite a few forecasts, it's going to snow Saturday evening and won't stop until Tuesday morning. Now that's special. Even for me. Not on the bigger scale of things though. If I read that there are places in Japan getting four meters of snow, I get envious. Okay, four meters is a bit much, maybe a meter, that would be more than I have ever seen. But it seems we're going to get at least fifteen to twenty centimeters. Yes, I know, it's nothing. I know. But please, it's been AGES since we had proper snow here.

Anyway, what I really wanted to share is that last Monday I quit smoking. After having smoked a long time. I have help with it, in the form of medication, and it seems to work for me. Of course, the main thing is in your head, I know that. But I have tried a few times last year, making sure that in the evening I was out, but damn if you know, by the time in the morning, I was at the nearest petrol station to get a new pack. But now I got this meds and they seem to work for me. Only four days in, and the second day was hard. But strangely not as hard as you can expect. Like, I had several times thinking about it. Not in a way of, I want a cigarette, but more like, now I would have had a smoke. I do most of my writing in the morning, and during writing I used to have a fag in my gob (The English among you know what I mean). But it's going well. So far. I still have the meds for another two months or so, at least, I got enough for that long. Do I need them? No idea.

One strange thing, for me personally, drinking (tea, coffee, water) helps pushing away thoughts of smoking. Which is helpful, because I like my beer. And if drinking now helps, to me it means that if I go out for a beer or five, I won't get tempted all too much. I'll keep you lot updated.
 
Eighth of February 2021, 08-02-2021

So far the weather forecast (as I mentioned the last time), has got it right. A lot of snow, for here, and quite a breeze. Yesterday, Sunday, we've officially had a snow-storm, and it seems that some places wil get a proper cold wave. Over here, we've got a cold wave if the temperature doesn't rise above zero Celsius during the day for five days, and during three of the nights it drops to at least -10.

But the absolute bizarre thing is that, while this weather was predicted, it was even predicted that salting and clearing the roads wouldn't be as effective as normally - for the salt that we use to be effective it needs quite a few cars driving over it, and with a curfew from 21.00 to 04.30, that's just not happening. But while this all was predicted, it seems a lot of companies were still 'surprised' by the weather. The only thing cancelled on Saturday were a few matches in the Dutch highest football league, and the hockey league (our way football and hockey on grass - I know I must explain this for American readers, they'd have completely different ideas).

The National Railroad company wanted to have their trains run as per relative normal, but that never happened, and won't happen for another few hours. Supermarkets suddenly realized that delivering shopping would get problematic. And the funniest thing of all, all those people (receiving no shopping) then turning to food delivery companies only got a no. There was no delivery of any takeaway yesterday.
It makes me wonder how stupid people are. So this weather is forecasted, but you think 'it can't be that bad?' Sure, it has happened a lot where the forecast isn't the actual weather. But it has happened a lot more where the forecast was correct. I wrote my piece on the fourth of February with the forecast. So at least two full days to do enough shopping to get you through Sunday and Monday. But no, I get a feeling that people have become generally lazy. That when they have to do something, like get out to do shopping, it's too much of an effort. But in all fairness, I am just guessing. I was well prepared.

And even though today there is still an amber weather alert, be careful when you go out on the roads, I'm going to nip to my mum's in a bit. Because I walk, I don't have a car. It's about half an hours walk each way, and it will be fun in the snow. You see, I absolutely hate snow, the Dutch way, but this isn't snow the Dutch way, there's a lot of it, and it will stay for another week or so at least. By the time it will start melting you can expect a piece from me how much I hate snow. Because I do everything by foot. And then it's horrible. But not today.

The rest of the week will be deep-freeze temperatures (as the Belgians have called it). -5 day time, -12 night (those are average temperatures, in the country somewhat colder, in the cities somewhat warmer), but as of tomorrow bright sun. Good walking weather!
 
Thirteenth of February 2021, 13-02-2021

It's Saturday morning, exactly 8am as I write this, and of course I'm up. I'm always up early, and normally speaking on Saturday mornings I go do shopping with my mum at about 8.30. Not today, because of the heavy snow and deepfreeze of the past week. My mum's car still is a lump of ice, so we have decided to do our own shopping closer to our respective homes. As of tomorrow temperatures will rise above zero, and by Monday we won't have night frost either, so the snow and ice will disappear rapidly.

Today is a strange day for me, because I would be hung-over from yesterday and hyped up to go out at about 11am. All dressed up, in an outfit I've been wearing for occasion for the past twenty years, perhaps even a bit longer.
The occasion you may ask? Carnaval. It can be spelled differently, and the length of it varies in places as well, some cities and villages are extremely traditional and keep to two days, over here in Eindhoven we're more lenient and we start the Friday. In Brazil, mainly Rio de Janeiro, they don't stop on the Tuesday anymore, but go on for a whole week. And in New Orleans it's only on the Tuesday (Mardi).
My outfit is as simple as it is ridiculous (for outsiders), but to me it makes sense. A very long time ago, when I was about 20ish, I worked for a supermarket. A Saturday job,, to get some extra money. And in that supermarket, they are long gone now, I work at the vegetable and fruit department. They had green overcoats, and when I left, I kept the overcoat, which I now use as my Carnaval outfit. I also borrowed one of their flags, when they went out of business, and I carry that around my shoulders. The supermarket was called Torro, the Spanish word for bull, but even if you don't know that, the flag is yellow with a big black bull on it.

Then I have stuff around my neck we call decorations. They're being handed out by bars and carnaval clubs. Mine date back to the end of the 1970s, but there are plenty of years I have nothing of. Some older folk have so much they can't carry it all.
And while a lot of people really make an effort for their outfits, I'm more of the lazy kind. I also don't go all out and all days. Friday afternoon a few hours and Saturday afternoon a few hours and that's it. Saturday is the big parade in Eindhoven and when it finished the bars and pubs on Stratumseind get really busy. Stratumseind is a street about 3/4s of a mile long and has some 70 bars and pubs. I dare anyone to do a pub-crawl, one pint at every bar. None have ever succeeded.

Problem for me, it gets so busy that for me the fun is over, which is why by 5 or 6 in the afternoon, I hobble home, have another drink and crash out.

But not this year. This year there's nothing. No fun, no silly music, no gorgeous girls, no old men drinking more than they should, no catching up with people you only see once a year, today. And it sucks, but that's what the pandemic does. And I can bet that like me there are millions of people around the world starting to count down the days to next year. Saturday 26th of February 2022 will be the next Eindhoven parade.

In case anyone is wondering how I already know the date? Carnaval is the two, three, four, five days before Ash Wednesday, when Lent starts. And Lent is the 40 day period before Easter. And the Easter dates are already known for the years and decades ahead. Something to do with the sun and the moon, but I have no idea about the details. I don't really care, all I care now is that it's 378 days to go till next year's Carnaval. Alaaf!
 
Nineteenth of Februrary 2021, 19-02-2021

I highly interesting thread was just opened tonight. There's been others as well. How would people react if they knew what kind of things you write. And this one, do you tell people about BMR.

First and foremost, I am Dutch. We don't have the problems other people have in expressing their kinks and desires. To me it's incredibly hard to imagine a life where you have to hide who you are. And yes, I have talked to some who tried to explain it to me. Be who you are. Not that I have always been like that, and I know that's the whole thing making it easier for me to now say it out loud.

I have been lying to myself for a great many years, and it landed me in heaps of trouble. A marriage that should have never happened for instance. In hindsight the grass is greener on this side of the hill and not the other side. Trust me.
But I have met plenty of girls in the 28 years I have been roleplaying who were bound and gagged and allowed the freedom to write. Or who knew that writing was their way into finding a Master. I gone right, then wrong, and now right again. For some years.

It's hard to explain, but be as you are, be proud you are a collaborative writer, be proud you are a creative person. Do NOT hide BMR from anyone. It's their loss if they don't understand it. And trust me on this, when you reach my age and you're still struggling in telling people, you've had heaps of problems along the way. This journey is about you, and not about them. Stay close to the person you are, and don't deviate from that path. And I can promise you you'll be happy.
 
Twenty-eighth of February 2021, 28-02-2021

At Joe Biden's inauguration a young, black, female spoken-word poet called Amanda Gorman shared her work 'The Hill we climb' with the world. And as will probably have happened in many non-English speaking countries, a Dutch publisher bought the rights for the Dutch language area and sought for someone to translate this work, and the book(s) of Miss Gorman. They found one, in a person whose novel was the first ever Dutch winner of the International Booker Prize. This person identifies as non-binary, but has a female name. The publisher then contacted Miss Gorman and her team and asked their opinion about the Dutch person to translate Miss Gorman's work. They totally agreed.

But that's not how things work among some people these days. Because this non-binary writer and poet is WHITE. And how on earth can a WHITE person understand what a BLACK person thinks. Especially a BLACK person like Miss Gorman (who had agreed to the Dutch person). I'll spare you the details, the Dutch person chosen to translate has given the task back to the publisher.
This piece isn't so much about who should translate the work of Miss Gorman, but more about the consequences for future books and poems. Because following the thought process that a WHITE person cannot translate the work of a BLACK person, even more, WHITE people should NOT write about BLACK people full stop, it should be reversed as well. Black people cannot and shouldnot write about white people.

And instead of Miss Gorman's poem leading to diversity and inclusion, it will lead to separatation. BUT, this is not her fault, she agreed to the translator. This is fully on the plate of those Dutch black 'activists', who fought tooth and nail to get the WHITE translator off of this task.
I wonder if this discussion will be held in France or Germany or, who knows Peru (just naming three countries where they don't speak English). It's not something I will ever find out, it won't make the Dutch news.
It's another example, to me, how politically correctness has gone way too far, because the only logical conclusion for me is separatation between people of different skin colour, instead of a future of inclusion.
 
Sixth of March 2021, 06-03-2021

Based on a Danish TV program (Ultra smider tøjet), Dutch TV will broadcast the program Just Nude (Gewoon Bloot), where naked adults on stage will answer question of children between 9 and 12.

If anyone reads this, I will let the words sink in for a while.









There will be a bunch of naked adults on stage, and children aged 9 t0 12 will ask them questions. And obviously it's causing uproar. Roughly half of the country, people on the far right of the political spectrum, are dead against it. They say it encourages peadophilia (it doesn't) and children should be shielded from nudity (why?). The other half of the country, people who think a bit more about the reason behind the program (and I am one of them), think it's a good idea, this program. When I grew up, and when I was a young boy and a teenage boy, naked people were very normal. My parents never hid themselves when going to the shower for instance. I think it's beyond bizarre that parents think shielding their own kids from nudity, their own nudity, is good. What is wrong about seeing your parents naked?

The whole program will try to teach children that people aren't the same, not every girl is a thin supermodel and not every boy is a six-packed hunk (the fact that sentence comes up sucks majorly). We are all unique beings, and we are all gorgeous. Every girl and every guy on this forum, and every girl and every guy in the world, YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. Each in your own way. And while I personally might think one a bit more beautiful than the other, it doesn't mean one isn't beautiful. We all are.

A Canadian writer called Jacqueline Carey wrote a series of books about a girl. They are very good books, but the main theme from those books is Love as thou wilt. Love as you are, be as you are.
And since my youth a lot of things have happened to the world and people have become ultra-prude, I think this show is good. Not that a show like this will ever make it to the UK or the US, because those countries just will never be ready for sexuality and nudity being discussed on national TV. It would be good. It would be excellent.
 
First of April 2021, 01-04-2021

In the evening of Saturday fifth of December, 2020, I wasn't feeling all too well, and so I went to bed early, doing what I always do in those circumstances, trying to sweat it all out. I can literally make myself sweat and not throw off the covers for being too hot. Those of you who have some kind of medical background, or knowledge, will know that sweating is (one of the) sign(s) that the body is fighting an alien invader. On Sunday morning I felt a lot better, not entirely out of the woods, but well enough to not cancel my best friend coming to me for the afternoon.
On Monday I got a phone-call from my mum, saying she just had done a Covid-test, her neighbour had been tested positive, and he had been in her apartment, doing some repair-work. And on Tuesday morning she called me again saying she was Covid positive. And so I called the healthcare helpline to make myself an appointment for a test as well. Not even for myself, I felt alright (again), but my best friend, who'd been with me works in healthcare, so if I am positive, he should have a test as well. If I am negative, there's much less chance of him being positive.

But as I had expected, I was positive (and he was as well, turned out a few days later). Highly ironic that I got Covid positive, given how strict I had been with keeping distance and all. (It was literally the reaction of everybody who knows me, 'how can you get positive, you are so strict with everything'). But like with everything, you are as strong as the weakest link. And with my mother being the only person I was (and am) in contact with, the moment she was positive, I knew I was as well.

Fortunately, neither my mum, nor me, had much complaints. In the Netherlands, if you don't show any signs (or feel ill with the known symptoms) for a period of 24 hours, on the fifth day after testing, you can lift the quarantaine and be part of society again. Which for both of us turned out to be the case. For her age, my mum is part of the risk groups, being older than 75, but she is very healthy, never has had any diseases ('knock on wood') and, for instance, still does long distance walking. The same goes for me, only difference is that I'm younger, obviously.

Anyway, we're now a little over three months further down the line and we're both fine.

However! Covid has had some strange effect on me. A highly bizarre one, actually. Never in my life did I drink tea. From as young as I can remember I have drank coffee, and from about the age of eight I drank my coffee strong and black. But since my week of Covid quarantaine, I drink tea, and a lot of it. And I don't hate it anymore. I still drink my coffee, and I still drink it strong and black, but only in the mornings. And after that I drink tea. Flavoured tea that is. Apple-cinnamon, orange, lemon, those kinds. But also something called Detox-tea. Some green tea with elderflower, nettle and citrus.
And ever since I have been drinking that, in the evenings, as last drink of the day, I sleep well. I have said here, many a time, that I didn't sleep well, that it was decades since I last slept six hours in one go, let alone more. Well, my dear reader, it's changed. I sleep stints of eight hours in the night now.

Is it because of the tea? Partially. The main reason, I think, is me quitting with smoking. I have smoked pretty much all my adult life, but last year I tried a few times to quit. To no avail and so I went to see my GP. Via them I got prescription medication (it's all covered by our healthcare system) called Champix. And with those pills it would be easier for me to stop smoking. It was. In fact it was so easy for me that I stopped taking the medication after about four weeks, instead of after 13 weeks.

I never really had much motivation to quit smoking. I live alone, if I had been living with a girlfriend who'd nag me to stop, that makes it easier. I've never been so ill that quitting smoking was the better option either (and thankfully so, if I may add). But I didn't really think all too much. Had I done that, and calculated how much I spent on smoking, I'd have quit a long while ago. My monthly 'income' is a little over 1,000 euro (I am on unemployment benefits). I always could make do with that money, but only just. And now that I've stopped smoking I can save about 200 euro per month and still have plenty of money to do other things. I got myself a new phone, for instance.

The future is looking bright, for me. In the 9 weeks I've stopped smoking I've saved nearly 500 euro, and once things go back the way they were, me and my best friend are going travelling in Europe. Watching football matches in lower leagues. And for that you need drinking money! And I'll have it, lol. It's going to be fun.
 
Fifteenth of April 2021, 15-04-2021

Over the course of the last year I have questioned my presense here (not particularly BMR, but an RP website) a couple of times. I am of the dinosaur kind, old-fashioned in many ways, in my view at least thirty years older than the average as well. If I were to drop out of here, the average age would probably drop by a year or two. Not that I think I am anywhere close to old, but to some people I am ancient. And that's how things work. Life is a circle.

But I am not gone yet, because I still have stories going on, and I think I can be a fabulous writing partner for some new partners. But while I am unsure if they will come, I keep looking out for them, I want to give praise to a few of of my writing partners in the time since I was part of BMR.

And I can only start with the very best I have ever met in writing. A girl who I am crafting a story with so magical (although no magic is involved) that we are now at 116,000 words. That's the kind of word-count you see in books. In our story we have covered perhaps a month, counting real time, and there's so much more to come. If any man is ever looking for a fabulous girl as a writing partner, look no further because @Lux.Et.Aurum is the best of the best.

The next girl (female, but aren't all females girls and the other way around) I want to mention is one where I recently decided our play wasn't working anymore. And sometimes that happens, after an x-amount of replies you sometimes don't feel it anymore. And it wasn't her fault at all. No, @Cantarella, you are a marvelous writer and it shows in all the plays you have. Thank you for the time we had. I wish you all the best.

I have two more, and I am going to name them in one breath, even though they are totally different, in everything they are. @AndNich123 is one and @Cayleee is the other. Both are plays that could end or even have ended. But both are fabulous writers in their own right.

This post isn't about me. It's about me telling you lot that there are magical writers here, in my case girls who have listened to me and what I wanted. And even if it ends for me, which could well happen soon, those four and a lot of others will always be in my memories.
 
Seventeenth of April 2021, 17-04-2021

Not so very long ago a friend of mine asked me how she could deal with bullies. And I really had no idea what to say to her. In my younger days I didn't have to deal with internet and the likes. I was bullied for a while, until I grabbed the guy who bullied me at his throat and threatened to push his adam's apple out. And I meant what I was doing for a couple of guys in my class pulled me off of him with some force. I was never bullied and that moment I actually realized a lot of things about my self. But that moment is nearly four decades ago, a time when internet didn't exist, or rather, it did exist in the way of an American military thing.

Public internet was still ten years away.

But when you're being bullied online you can't exactly grab someone at their throat and threaten to push through. And I felt sorry for my friend, because I couldn't really give her a solution. There isn't much you can do when someone online has it in for you. An option would be to confront the person who's bullying, but I don't know or see what good it would do. It's some person, male or female, somewhere far away who for some reason has taken a fancy to to bullying someone.

All I could tell her was to be strong and as good or as bad as possible ignore the remarks. And I told her that if things became to personal, to report the other person. And the more you report someone the better. Let the site you're on get sick of you, but then they'll do something.
I'm not really worried about her, she'll get there.
But it's funny I think, that I seem to have become some kind of shoulder to lean on. Not something I had expected way back when. I don't even know if I had any expectations. Definitely not when I was bullied myself, back then I was happy to get to the next year.
 
Twenty-first of April 2021, 21-04-2021

Strange week, one of my all time favourite football players died aged 74. Far too young. If there's anyone paying attention to this journal (I don't think there is), you might have seen a change in banner and avatar. It's impossible to explain.

I really don't think I can explain to anyone not into sports what happened in European football the past few days. I will even go as far as stating that no American will understand the concept of grass-roots football. Heck, the average American would think that football is a sports played with hands and total covering. It's funny though, that in British English feet are used to kick a ball with and in American English feet are used to... yeah. what? Running, Like what's his name, in that film?

Football, according to a few guys who were really good at the game (Pele and Cruyff, even though I hate the latter, but that's another discussion), football is a game of two balls. The first is roughly 20,000 kms and the other is perhaps 20 centimeters and the whole idea is to hit the second one with your feet and not the first.

In Dutch football (in particular), but in the Netherlands overall, it depends on where you're from. The world knows holland, which are two provinces out of a total of 12. It's like calling England Yorkshire from now on and the US Virginia. If you're from there, you'll be cheering, if not, you'll be thinking 'the fuck?'. Yeah. that.

The man who died the other day, Willy van der Kuylen, is the Dutch all time goal scorer. He scored 311 goals in Dutch professional football and that will never be beaten again. Ever. Because nobody is going to stay in Dutch football for 18 years like he did. No, Dutch football is for the fans. We, a few teams that is, PSV, my team, and ajax, our arch enemies. And Feijenoord, the team from Rotterdam who once were something, but now are nothing. We can be good, if we can manage to keep players for five years. Five, it's nothing on a life time, but that's the problem. Five years and PSV and ajax will win the Champions League.
Actually, in five years any team in any European country can win it. But we can't. Because one or two years in, the clubs with real money will come and pay 60 to 100 million euro for players and they get a salary of far too much for a twenty year old. And we won't won.

But the thing is, we, the fans, we know we can win it. I have a season ticket at PSV since 1974, but unlike many fans I have two teams. Those of you who have read my journal know this. My second team, Leicester City, were the 5000-1 Premier League champions of 2015/16. And that's the whole idea about sports, the idea that your team, no matter how bad they are, can win sometimes. And with this whole European Super League thing, it all went wrong. Because some very greedy football club owners (and most of them are Americans) they wanted to start something new, where the whole idea about sports, relegating when you're bad and winning when you're good, would be stopped.

We call it the American model. Because no matter how bad you are, you can never relegate as a team. And it's the death of sports. It becomes entertainment. And that's the major difference between America and the rest of the world. We care about competition, winning and losing, the underdog having a chance, in the US that doesn't count. There only money matters. Which is why the US will never be World Champions in any competitive sports.

Fun question. Who's the last ever World Champion in Baseball? (answers by PM but I don't think I will get a single correct answer)
 
Twenty-second of April 2021, 22-04-2021

I didn't think anyone would message me, but the answer to the question of yesterday is of course The Netherlands. In 2011 the Dutch became world champions in baseball and since then the format and name of the tournament changed. But what the Americans didn't realize is by doing that, the Netherlands will forever and always be the last World Champions Baseball. If the US would bring their big guns to the tournament all the time, they'd win it hands down, although we, the Dutch, we're good at the game. Basically any franchise would be glad to have a Dutch player. Oh well. We are the answers. And I am fucking proud of it.

As I think we are all familiar with, reaching out to other people to get a play going is the hardest thing there is. You see a request thread and think, that's for me and you send a message, putting life and soul into it. And from there it's a waiting game. If the person you've approached reacts, you can get talking, but if not, what do you do? Sometimes you just know that the person you've approached will be inundated with messages, but will that still be the same with someone who has bumped their thread for the 200th time? It's another thing that puzzles me.

First the waiting game. For myself I've made the decision that once I see that the person I've approached has read it, I will delete the message from my inbox. But I never delete a message with the option of blocking the other person, I always leave the option open for them to reply. I know full well there are tons of reasons a person reads my message, but doesn't react immediately. But for my own rest, if it's not there anymore, I won't be thinking 'this, that, the other, why, why'. I did my best, I gave it my all, it's up to the person I approached to reply. And if not? Their loss.

I'm a good roleplayer. I'm not the best, far from it, but I am definitely advanced literate (for those of you interested in those terms). But I'm not a writer. English is my third language, I lack basic skills in English. I can deepen one, and perhaps two, characters, but I cannot write a book. I could do that in Dutch, for that's my native language, and I might be able to do that in French, but that's an almighty might. My writing, in roleplaying is raw and pure, I can write a very detailed and descriptive rape scene. Not that I have any idea what a man does, but rape scenes are the easiest to write. Take and don't look back. A good love-scene is far harder to write. How do you write a man who loves the girl he is with? Because in that case, the English language is limited. In Dutch I know a ton of words to describe that I want a girl, in English I know one or two.

I like you, I fancy you, I want you, I love you.

What else is there? Yeah, dialect. I fancy the pants off of you. But that's a variant on fancy. In Dutch I can tickle a girl in forty ways. In English? No idea, but one or two.

And you know what's funny, IF there are native English speakers reading this, they'll be screaming at their screen, disagreeing with me. But guys and girls, that's what I am trying to say. I lack that knowledge, I am Dutch, French is my second language (Provencal more like) and English my third.

In other news, I was inside one of my favourite place today for the first time in over a year. As I said yesterday a former player died far too young at 74, and we could go in and sign condoleance registers. And I took the opportunity to take some selfies in the ground and some pictures of my own place inside the stadium. I miss it. I miss going to football. I miss the banter we have, the laughter, the beers. But as of April 28th things are on the up here. By mid-June I should be vaccinated. And perhaps then in September I can be inside the ground again, every match.
 
Twenty-third of April 2021, 23-04-2021

It's the birthday of my best friend today. He's 54 today, an age I will hopefully reach in a few months. It's also the birthday of a new RP partner from here and while I already congratulated her in private, @LiviaS, Happy birthday. I hope you're having the evening of your life.

I had a very melancholic evening yesterday, one of those nights where I wished I was somewhere else. Because the grass is always greener on the other side. I know it isn't, but you can always look. As a single man at least. I can pack up and go, were it not that I don't have money. I would need a bit to get up and go. But all you lot who study or have a family or work, you might think to pack up and go, but you got responsibilities.

I don't, there's nothing binding me here, apart from the fact I don't have the money to go travelling. One day I will, maybe in ten years, or fifteen, or even twenty. Because, my dear reader, at some point in the future, and I hope it will last at least ten or fifteen years, I will have money. Enough to go and do what I want. To a certain point. How? Well, that's for me to know and for you to guess. But up to that point I do good.

In less than a week it's the first of May and that marks three months of me having quit smoking. And I never really had motivation to stop smoking, I didn't have a girlfriend living with me, telling me, nagging me. You get the drift. But on Feb 1st I stopped and I got so much money spare now, it's ridiculous. I don't need anyone to tell me or nag me. I have an 'income' of one thousand euro (benefits) a month, and on that amount I have 200 euro spare. Now what does that tell you? Okay, I am alone, but I don't cut down on shopping, my essentials are first and foremost. I buy fresh and expensive bread, meat and vegetables. Do I do better? Or do others do worse?

It's an interesting question, and perhaps one to open a thread about. What do you spend on your weekly food shopping? And of course, it's country orientated, for instance flowers are cheap here (but you can't eat those), but bread and fruit and vegs are very cheap here compared to the UK. Maybe it's even a nice challenge here, one day.
 
Twenty-fourth of April 2021, 24-04-2021

There's one RP I am really curious about whether it is still on going or not. Up to some point the girl I was writing it with we talked a lot, but we fell out. As it turns out, her and I we weren't as good together in real life. But the play is one of the hottest ones I know. And she replied once, and I did after that as well. But my last installment has been a few weeks now. 24 days to be exact. And I really hope she will continue the play, despite that her and I aren't matching in OOC talks.
 
Eighth of May 2021, 08-05-2021

She did reply and now i owe her a reply. I have a few ideas where to take it, I've been writing it out, but it's not really meshing. You know how that feels? That you think, Oh yeah, this and that, but when you read it on paper you think. Damn no? I'll get to her, because she''s one of the most awesome writers I have ever met in my life.

And while I am saying that, and even more after invitng another girl into BMR, I have a feeling I need to wrap it up here. There's not much here for me anymore. And please, don''t get me wrong, I got a few fabulous plays that I will never abandon. One that is by far the best one ever I have engaged in, beause the girl I am writing it with is just yummy. I mean, 80 replies and 120K words? Fcking hell, she is good.

But I am not going to mention her name. I didn't ask her, first and foremost, but second, she's busy AF. But she's so good in all she does. And still, there's not much for me here. So I am slowly going to fiddle out. Even if @Chiara and I will go into a good play. But the thing is, my times are done, I don't belong here anymore. I'm getting old.

So this is going to be my absolute last entry in this journal. I bid you all farewell, even though I am not heading out yet. But it was a pleasure.



Well, Not quite. It actually wasn't a pleasure. It was all that I didn't want. Because young folk, you ghost and I hate it. A lot of you have the attention span of a gold-fish. I cannot find the words to applaud @Vekseid and his team for putting up with you lot. The times the same question was asked about the 24 hours rule and three posts? Seriously? He and his team are the most patient people in the world. I wondered, more than once, if at E they had the same questions. If people there too would ask about the rules even though they were shoved in their faces. Or is it just me?

I am not, and I don't want to pretend to be, a perfect man. I have many flaws. I have done a lot wrong in my life. But I learn from my mistakes. My life, 53 years and counting, is a constant battle. Maybe one day I can sit down and think to myself it's been good, but that day isn't there yet. I have a long way to go, to be a good man. But I am proud of where I have come from where I started. I know I done a lot better than most of you. Arrogant? Probably, but look at yourself in the mirror and then come back to me. And tell me, honestly, if you are proud of what you have achieved in your life.
 
Seventeenth of June 2021, 17-06-2021

In two days it will be the first time that Juneteenth will be an official holiday in the US. At least, I hope it will. It was announced in the Dutch news it's going to be a holiday, but I missed if it was this year or next year. If it's this year, it'll be Saturday and next year Sunday.
Governments are good at that, announcing a new holiday when you least expect it.

It's been a while I posted here, I have a feeling a lot of people had hoped I had left this place. I have purposely taken a big step away from this place. In the month and a bit since I last posted, I have been looking at the threads the same as always, especially the female request thread and the off topic. I have actually approached a few females, but I got no reaction, and I must admit I am not surprised about that.
Things have been changing. I'll not go too much into details, because of certain people who seem to have made it their job to destroy me. And yes, I know that destroy is a big word. But that's how it felt. On every post that I made, they felt the need to react in a very negative way, as if I was the only purpose in their lives. It's funny to see, because I didn't go, I just refrained from posting, that those people have no idea what to say anymore.

After this post, I will go back into lurking mode, I have another Discord reply to write, from one of the most special girls on BMR, a girl who knows what writing is all about. She'll get her reply, once it's cooled down, because it's too hot for a white guy (where I am) currenty.
 
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