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Nyoko's Thoughts

Nyoko is back!

For the time being. I've lurked a bit, but haven't talked to people much. So, update?
Well school is out for summer, 2 As! 2 Bs! I'm awesome. :D If I get it up to 3.5 my tuition might be fully paid for next semester! That would be amazing. I moved back into dads, which is the house ive always lived it, its a nice comfort to be back here in my own room. Though, since parents are divorced I'm the only girl in the house... I feel like the mother. I have to clean everything, make sure food is available, but no one complains.

Mom moved. Seriously, after two months of dating this... redneck guy, she moves in with him. I have nothing against rednecks mind you, but he lives two hours south of us... and she just left. I can't express how angry this makes me. Now, I understand she needs to live her life and be happy. I WANT her happy, but I felt like she just left us for this guy. See the mom I thought I knew, would never, ever have done such a thing. But my reality has been blown to bits, so I suppose anything could happen now. She is also tanning... scariest thing in the world. She went from white to mexican. Thats how bad it is. Is so weird. gahhhhh. So i've had these anger issues again, but I'm just gonna let her have her way, and live my own life while trying to take care of my brothers and help my dad. She is taking the youngest one (12) down with her when schools done, poor kid. I just don't know what to do sometimes. Every part of me wants to just ignore her for being stupid, but I know I shouldn't, because she is my mom. I just wish she would be her own person and not feed off of someone else.

Oh well. Overall I'm doing good, got a boy of my own. :) He's gonna be spending three weeks with me this summer, I'm excited. Well, thats its for now, I'm off to bed.
 
I hate posting negative stuff in here... cause I'm not a negative person, but this is a nice place for me to get my negative thoughts out....

I'm just so upset at my mother. I never thought I could loathe things she does like I do. I hate how she left us for a guy. I hate how she wants my 12 year old brother down there with her. I hate how she has turned her back on everyone who has helped her in her life. I hate how when I talk to her, she can only talk about her boyfriend and his stupid trucks. I hate how she never let me dad be who he was. I'm sure it was a two way street.... but my dad has gotten increasingly more pleasant since the divorce, and she's just crazy.

So many hates.... I hate how I hate some many things! haha. What happened to the girl who never could hate anything? Well. I still am the same person, but this has made me different. I know things could be a million times worse, and I'm thankful for all the good things about my life and the situation... but gah! Part of me wants her to just go away now and leave us be, she already has damaged things enough. I can handle any sickness... if I get sick, and even almost die, I can do that no problem. But this... just makes me so angry.

If my brother decides he doesn't want to live there. I'll make damn well sure he doesn't have too. I'm not afraid to tell her she's stupid or stand up for my brothers. I'm glad she is happy with her boyfriend, she deserves that, but we didn't deserve to be left like that either. Such is life I suppose.

Everything shall work out I'm sure. I just need to vent this anger. Maybe I'll start a fight club! haha.
 
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