O Fortuna...

The desire to have really rough sex really just caught me off guard.

._.; Rough Angry Sex.

Preferably against a surface that is not the floor or the bed.

X_X;

I feel really bad for someone who dislikes me to the point he doesn't even want to hear about me. Because, honestly? I think he's not a bad person. Just made incredibly bad decisions when he was younger.

I don't know if it's because necessarily he's Shu's boyfriend either. Shu is like a sister to me, so I care about her a lot and to see her so worried and frustrated makes me worried.

Thus why my apartment is kinda labeled the Drama free zone. We can vent we can do whatever we want but there is a line between okay and sucking face because you are drunk and haven't gotten any in awhile. >.>; I choose not to discuss things unless they bother me.

I just really worry about her :<

I worry about a lot of things. It's in my nature to want people to be happy. I get slightly frustrated when I can't appease others in some way, and I get even more frustrated when I can't talk to the person.

I miss my boyfriend because I know he's so patient with me and Understands I was burned bad by people. And I know again that I'll talk to him soon.

I just...

I told him day before yesterday that Wednesday was really my only day off and that I would be online all day when he got back from class. :/ but he didn't get on. Yet the days where I'm honestly too tired to rp he gets on. *sigh* :/

-.-;

So I got a call from my grandmother - One for something that I already took care of that she got a notice about {Because the idgit is still on my bank account and they fucks it over but it's fixed now}. The other to tell me that she thought I stole her Guitar. I expected her to accuse me of something like that cause Mom told me about it. But it gets better. Even when I tell her that I didn't know anything about it (which I honestly don't considering I haven't lived there in oh...it'll be a year in December so almost 10 months now?) she didn't believe me. And then accused one of my BEST FRIENDS of doing it. What. The. Fuck. Mr. Sir has nothing to do with your stupid guitar you idiot. So she is going to file a claim with her insurance company and is gonna call the cops on me.

...

WHAT?

Can I haz a redo for life now?

I ish so paranoid though :<

Sososososo Dies Irae has made my week~ He wants to write a fanfiction...based...on...<< my characters. xD This should be interesting :3 I'll be squeeling to see how he writes it <3

Meanwhile So apparently my bank tried to give me a...NSF fund. despite not posting anything as of Saturday 12:04 AM..after which my Deposit had gone through. It's always the car insurance bill that get screwy. ._. It's supposed to be automatically deducted from my account on the same day. Buuuuut. it...doesn't. It always is like...2-3 days later, and then they write it back to that day. Which is ... weird. But either way I'm not extremely worried. Even if they keep the NSF on there >.> Meh whatever xD; OH HEY I get gas money from my job this week o.o Sweetneessss.

TakodaVega said:

Sososososo Dies Irae has made my week~ He wants to write a fanfiction...based...on...<< my characters. xD This should be interesting :3 I'll be squeeling to see how he writes it <3

Click to expand...

Its shall be a piece of epicness, pure epicness

I bet! <3

SO I finally get a text from teh boyfriend today.

Reason why he hadn't talked to me this weekend? He got dragged to Renfest.

.________.

Yeah. But I had been worried doubly so because he was out of town all last week so I wanted to make sure he got home okay. .-. he didn't even text me that.

I'm trying very hard not to get mad at him now. I know logically there is NO reason to be upset (Apparently his mother dragged him [though the thought of my 29 year old boyfriend being dragged by his mother is slightly unnerving]). He's gonna cheer me up when he comes home from work tomorrow. *leers* He better. Or. I might become Eunucheresque.

Actually, he's still being a dumbass. You have a reason to be mildly/moderately upset over his lack of keeping in contact with you, especially if you're supposed to be dating. Doesn't take a hell of a lot to text.

Or e-mail, since I don't know if his Texting application is still broken. Since he has a blackberry he can e-mail me from his phone to. I'm gonna have a big talk with him tomorrow (hopefully) about it. Because I finally heard from him today. My problem is I don't want to appear like a clingy girlfriend (Which frankly I am ._.) I know he's been slightly screwed over by work lately, but at the same time I'm really paranoid.

When I mean 'really' I mean extremely. And it's hard sometimes to keep my paranoia in check. I know he loves me, I know there is no way in hell he'd cheat on me. But past relationships kind of developed a pattern of where if I don't hear from somebody....something is going on. Hell I'll take SNAIL MAIL and just a card to say "Hey I miss youuuu" :< I mean I did that for hiiim. ;-;

v.v; Hopefully I see Shu tomorrow and the world will right itself again. As I hear shopping is in the forecast.

I started crying not long after Shu dropped me off. I have a really REALLY bad habit of penting things up until I finally crash. I was talking to her about my bf and how you know I really really needed to talk to him about his communication issues. Because he didn't bother to e-mail me and what not when he got home from Atlanta.

He was actually online when I got home. BUT AFK at first. So I basically told him good night since earlier I had told him that he and I needed to have a serious talk.

Which went as follows:

Note: BF = Crash. I = Blooded Cage.
-----------------------
(22:32:40) Crash: RAR!

(22:32:54) Blooded Cage: I thought you were in bed.

(22:33:10) Crash: I thought I was too. How goes? ^^

(22:33:50) Blooded Cage: Not so good. And I feel like it's most my fault about it.

(22:33:58) Crash: Ohh? How so?

(22:35:34) Blooded Cage: Because I feel like I should be so upset about not being able to talk to you despite knowing you love me and yo wouldn't do anything to hurt me. But I am, because I know it's not your fault

(22:36:03) Crash: But we're talking now? <3

(22:40:31) Blooded Cage: For how long? When was the last time you and I had a decent conversation that wasn't cut off by one of us getting distracted by something or another or by one of us going to bed? I told you I get really paranoid when I don't hear from the ones I care about, I was worried about you when I didn't hear from you after that day you asked me if I was going to be home. I didn't know if something had happened or if Work was being uber busy or -what-. I didn't even know you were back in Ohio. And I don't want to fight or be upset over something so stupid but I feel like you and I have different things about when it comes to communication cause I really did think you were mad at me when I hadn't heard from you. now I know your phone was broken but an e-mail would have been nice.

(22:42:22) Crash: Yea, if I'm not here sitting down, communication is an issue x.x

(22:42:53) Blooded Cage: But you have your e-mail on your phone you could have said something.

(22:43:32) Crash: When I'm out working, or off doing things, I'm not very good at constant communication. x.x And life has been far too busy the last week in general. x.x With training in atlanta, then the drive back, then mom making me go to ren fair xD

(22:45:46) Blooded Cage: And that's why I feel like I shouldn't be upset because I -know- you have been busy.But you adn I need to come up with some kind of compromise of some sort. Even if it's something really simple.

(22:46:05) Crash: Yus. I need a new phone xD

(22:46:56) Blooded Cage: ...

(22:47:42) Crash: But yea, seriously though. How would you suggest we keep in touch?

(22:48:53) Blooded Cage: I honestly don't know - I've been trying really hard to do that. But even with me fixing it so I have internet at home...you are hardly around. I don't know what else I can do.

(22:51:10) Crash: Well, since you've had internet, I've been in training and havent been able to be on too much. I am finally (today) back to my regular schedule. ^^

(22:56:09) Blooded Cage: Is it that hard to send me an e-mail to tell me as much? or even something as small as saying "Hey, I love you."? I understand you are the more stable one between the two of us, but I'm the one who has been trying to be straight forward about some things - I told you I need communication even if it's simple. I do -little- things becuase that's what I know counts. You need to figure out what you are willing to do to help with that.

(22:57:02) Crash: Mmkay sweety.. I'll try to text and talk more often

(22:58:49) Blooded Cage: That's all I ask for.

(22:59:19) * Crash huggles soft.

(23:00:53) Blooded Cage: You have no idea how upset I've been. Because I honestly didn't know what else to do.

(23:01:10) Crash: I am sorry. >.<

(23:01:37) Blooded Cage: It's not your fault...I'm the one with the fucked up paranoia. :/

(23:02:26) * Crash chuckles, "Bah. Dont blame yourself completely. Its a well documented fact that I am a bit hard to communicate with when I am not sitting down to chat xD"

(23:05:50) Blooded Cage: ...My Main issue is that THAT isn't the only means to get ahold of me and you know that. You had my e-mail after you told me that GVoice was broken. We don't have to have Conversations everyday but I'd like to know at least every once in a while that you're okay. Or even that you just told me loved me. I'd be okay.

(23:08:21) Crash: I know, And understand your frustration. But as I said, When I'm not sitting down at my desk, I don't chat often. And whenever I do text throughout the day, its when I have a break to sit and relax in my van, which isn't often. So yes, I do need to make more time to text you and stuff. Just hard sometimes.

(23:09:58) Blooded Cage: I'm sorry for being so frustrated. But it had been really bothering me especially after you know you blipped off for like two weeks and I didn't what happened.

(23:10:24) * Crash nods, "I am sorry, again"

(23:11:18) Blooded Cage: It's okay. You probably have work tomorrow so you should get some sleep.

(23:11:45) Crash: Indeed.

(23:12:03) * Crash pokes, "Only awake to try to smooth things over with you xD"

(23:13:01) Blooded Cage: It's not that easy.

(23:13:13) * Crash nods, "I know xD"

(23:13:30) Crash: I'll talk to you tomorrow I hope <3 Have a good night sweets.
-------------

Since this conversation I smoked two cigarettes and stopped crying. I blame life for making me start smoking again. First pack I've bought in over two years. Thankfully as long as life is okay with me - said pack should last me the next three weeks. I hope. Hopefully by then I calm down and go cold turkey again.

I can only hope.

Good for you for speaking up. Here's to hoping the guy actually listens and follows through. If he doesn't.... CALL HIM ON IT! You aren't out of line for doing so. Relationships involve TWO people. If one isn't happy, something is wrong however that may be. Here's to hoping things improve for you two. <3

I full agree with Dark Angel. I hope things do improve but if not call him out on it. Like she said relationships take two, and yes sometimes that is difficult, but it is possible.

I think you handled that quite well. Nobody can accuse you of playing mind games or not being up-front. It's just a little snippet, but he doesn't seem like he's being false, either (hard to get a read from a little bit of a thing), so that's good.

It's sounding like you've each got different expectations and needs, and you've got the right idea that you need to find a compromise. Neither one of you needs to cater to the other, but you need to establish a common ground.

All in all, it seems like you had a good, meaningful conversation. I'm just sorry it's taking so much out of you, hon.

Exactly, MM. Exactly. It's all about compromise. When two people come together in a relationship and each has a different need or differing needs, compromises are a must. If one or both aren't willing to find those compromises, suffice it to say..... that's the end of it. Because trying to force something where one or both is constantly giving in (depending on what it's for) will only lead to resentments. Best to keep the lines of communication open... CONSTANTLY and discuss things as they come up. I hope everything works out for the best. And I still stand by my earlier statements. <3

SIGN.

I haz it <3 (finally).

*noms the sign and Dies' lip piercing!*
XD

Totally feel like this right now at least in the beginning

<3

lord.timber: Fuck you too then. You're rude, you're mean, and you treat me like shit. I may not be as mature as you want me to be, but at least I don't treat you like shit. At least I try being kind to you. And what did that get me? Nothing. So piss off and go fuck yourself. When you're done being a mean bitch, come back and apologize. Until then, I don't want to know you exist. Maybe your rude bitchy behavior is why men cheat on you. Ever think of that? Psh. Go ahead and take me off your list. And your Pounce too. I'm done. I'm not going to care about someone who treats me like shit. Goodbye to you, too.

Seriously you idiot you need to stop messaging me. It really is too bad you aren't on BM. I'm sure they would love to remind you of proper female etiquette. You obviously don't treat a girl like shit if you wanna date her especially when she's taken anyway I want to thank guys last night <3 I appreciated it.

My Concert buddy reminded me how Much I love cover bands.

Not just any cover bands either~~

Misstallica - Metallica
Iron Maidens - Iron Maiden
Queen Diamond - King Diamond

I'M SO FUCKING OLD SCHOOOOOOL XD


*purrrr~* Excuse my Classic Metalhead a moment. x3

Vega is REALLY stressed out right now. After this week My budget is going to fix itself. ._.; For the first time in like...oh...07? I've been late on bills.

Note the PLURARL.

Somewhere between the 10th of September and now my bills got screwy. >_>; Hardcore screwy. Shu knows some of this. I'm not quite sure WTF happened in the mean time. The only bills I've been on time for was...Electric, Cable and Rent. Everything else is like WTF D:<

But all will be well in Vega's Financial World soon.

In Personal news...

He broke up with me. Saying, "It's not you, it's me" and all this stuff. :/ Basically saying on top of that he really didn't care about me, well not like I cared about him.

I think that stung a lot more because of the way he phrased it.

Yeah I need to go cry now :/

--- Convo ---

(18:59:44) Blooded Cage: So. Other than the distance, was there another reason you decided it wouldn't work?
(19:03:39) Crash: Heh. I'll use the line everyone uses. Its not you, its me. And then I'll try to explain:
(19:04:05) Blooded Cage: Right..
(19:04:30) Crash: I haven't felt.. much in a long time. And dated a couple people after the last year or so.. But just haven't felt any.. connections with anyone. x.x
(19:05:08) Blooded Cage: Ahhh...
(19:05:14) Blooded Cage: I see.
(19:05:29) Crash: I met you, hoping I would feel the sparks. And I did feel good with you. Very snuggly, very warm.. but I just... didn't ever fall in love I suppose?
(19:05:38) Blooded Cage: It's okay.
(19:06:33) Crash: And, I feel like if we keep going, I'm just gonna feel like nothing. Like I'm only there to make you happy. I thought I could be like I was with my exwife. Just content and happy to make her happy