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O Fortuna...

Normally I'm not behind. This vacation was something I really REALLY needed. I love my boyfriend dearly. In fact it was really really hard not to cry when he dropped me off at the airport, not knowing when we'd see each other again v.v

Funnily enough his friend wanted me to move to Cincinnati more than the bf did xD for D&D reasons. However bf would rather he have a place for me X3

kwethnqoiweth

Apparently Apartments in Cincinnati are mad cheaper and bigger. I'll have to pester boyfriend about THAT >>
 
SKREEEEEE.

*tackles*

hahahaha :3 Yay you joined! So far you're one of the few of the OLDOLD crowd I managed to get here. xD;
 
August 23 at 1:23am
It is not enough for me to simply tell you that I love you. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but... really it's a piss-poor way to show my appreciation for you, for everything you've done for me, for all the time you've given me, and the steadfast love and affection you've devoted to me.

I want you to know -exactly- why I love you. I want you to see yourself the way I see you, because you are beautiful, in so many wonderful ways.

It isn't enough to speak of your eyes, though they sparkle like all the stars in the night sky. Nor your lips, though your smile could move me to tears. I could go on about your hair, soft strands that shimmer in the sun like gold. All the poetic phrases in the world may as well be a stumbling, rambling soliloquy.

Yes, those are beautiful things about you, and I wish I were an artist so I could capture your beauty. But even if I were, it would not have the same depth...

When we first met, I was a wreck. You knew me at my worst, at my darkest. You knew me, and you stood by me. When I treated you poorly, you never held it against me. When I failed, you never held it above me. When I left, you didn't. To say I am grateful for that is a tragic, pathetic understatement.

Your loyalty is something that is singularly unique to you. You are the only person I've ever met who not only meets my own standards of loyalty (Which I built years too late to spare you the pain I caused), but also easily surpasses them. I am thankful for it, and admire it as well.

Lately I haven't had a lot to say, I've tried to send a little love through the weeks, but it's hard to find the right words, the right time, and I don't really want to just give you idle, inane banter.

I remember the time we used to spend together, and I want that again. So much that it hurts me. I don't know whether or not you're interested, and I'm not going to start placing demands on your time. I know you don't get a lot of relaxation, and I want you to be able to go have fun, so I don't want to become a burden to you.

But I still remember the witty, sometimes dark, sometimes light, always charming girl who caught my eye and won my heart. The way you think, the way you write, and the way you choose your words and phrases has always turned me on in a very deep and significant way.

I don't even know for sure how long ago it was we met. I know it was a number of years now. I feel guilty for not having an exact date to celebrate with you, we'll have to make one, sooner or later, just so we have an excuse to do something special on that day.

I don't know that, but I do know this... Next year, the year after, the year after that... and for as many days and hours as I am given, I want you there with me. I want you by my side.

I want to romance you again, to get to know every little thing about you, and to share all the neat little things I've picked up along the way... I want to introduce you to the people in my life, I want to show them why I think so highly of you. I want to wake up in the morning and feel like my odd little family is truly complete. I want to cook breakfast for you, and to go to sleep at night listening to your breathing.

I want more than I have any right to ask of this life. I know how selfish I'm being...

I just... hope you want it too.

I love you. I always have, and I always will. No matter what happens tomorrow, no matter where the road takes us, together or separately. You have always made me so proud... I'll always be cheering you on.

And I will always have a place in my heart that belongs to you alone.

This was in my inbox on Facebook this morning.

The person who sent me this was once an old Master of mine.

I don't know what is worse, the fact I'm not sure if I completely believe him, the fact I sincerely needed to hear this.

Or the fact my boyfriend would never say this.
 
Seraph Nicholas said:
Anyone with even a moderate talent for words can whip that up. Focus on what you've got going now.
Click to expand...

I know. I just feel bad that sometimes I don't get to hear the words I want to hear from the people I should be hearing them from.

I'll be okay. I just needed to vent.

Then again where as my boyfriend may fail in the Flowery word department he excels hardcore in the "Cute things" department. Which...is..

Better. <3
 
Point.

Speaking of the bf. Apparently he ordered the same food I got at the italian place we went to. >> He told me he misssed me :<

DAMN YOU LONG DISTANCE T-T
 
We're still trying to figure out how I managed to get a pawprint styled bruises on one of my bewbs ._.;

I wish I could stop time for a little while so my head will figure itself out for once.

The odd sense that the dream with Try was too realistic didn't help the fact that parts of the dream happened. I'm not crazy. Am I?

I learned a long time ago that you cannot change someone's life or measure it by it's achievements or what the person has, will, or could do. No it's the ripple effect of such actions that drives the world forward. A ripple effect on one person's life could undoubtedly influence another, and another after that. It is the same reason why when your fortune is read there is no definitive yes or no answer to it - but rather that the ripple of your decisions can cause this or that result. Ultimately every person has the free will to acknowledge that opinion or disregard it's presence.

Normally my mind isn't such a chaotic mess of nerves and unrelated thoughts.

Someone told me I changed their life for the better. They then told me they wanted nothing to do with me because they were a broken person and therefore were not worth the attention I had given them to make them a better person.

Everyone gets the same general amount of attention from me, the first time around anyway. Normally I can tell if someone is generally a good person. There are some who I can tell after the first few times that I can trust them.

Not everyone gets my secrets, or sees exactly the same coin to every story. I have come to the understanding that I'm far from a perfect person and that I have made a good many mistakes in my time.

My mother last month told me that my stepfather never viewed me as his child. Never. A theory I had since I was in middle school.

Last week I told my boyfriend about the man who had seen my Worst sides, with only glimpses of someone I would ultimately turned out to be once my life got put back together. The man who for some Fucking reason refuses to just stay gone forever. And he told me about a woman who he felt the same in kind.

What's worse is knowing that you both can't say that their aren't feelings there. Love and Hate is a teetering edge that doesn't seem to decide whether it's going to fall or not.

----------------------------------------------

This is why I don't drink Rum. I get horribly HORRIBLY depressed. I had 4 rum and cokes with one of the girls last night. Of course I don't drink rum for so long that I forget the reason I stopped drinking it -.-;
 
Let me change that around a bit.

If I drink Rum normally I'm fine. However when I start sobering up from it is a whole different ball game.
 
Oh, Tako.

Sometimes people will say things to either help you or hurt you. That's how the game goes. Some people want to bring up your spirits only to knock them back down.

Sometimes people don't want to stay gone because they see you have a good thing and they don't and they want to ruin it to make themselves feel better.

Sometimes you just have to look at what you have and just embrace it. Just hold it and encase it in your heart and mind until you are calm and just breathe.

It's okay to be confused.

It's okay to not have all the answers you want.

And it's okay to question things.

But remember- if a negative force made you question and confused- they are negative for a reason.
 
Thank you Hahvy. Problem is the person in question that keeps coming back doesn't actually come back. Something happens and then the person in question gets back on my mind. Like a drug I can't completely shake from my system no matter the length of Withdrawal.

Sometime this week I shall post up a rather detailed post of something~ That is being pestered to me about >> So. Be on the look out <.< yesh.
 
Seeing Shu yesterday was the boost I needed to pay more avid attention to my RP muse (who is now apparently on Steroids about everything O-o). I wrote a 10 paragraph post to someone.

10. Paragraphs.

And with talk of bringin Shadow and Phoe back together is making it that much more prospective. Damn it why can't my Twin be like we were when FH was still around? ;-; I think when Fucktard broke his heart he kidnapped his RP and Creativity muse with him. Which is very sad. Since we have SOOOOO much rp history.

6 years worth. And his memory about ALL of them is better than mine. ;-; Fuck he and Misan would get along damnit :< Shu I think remembers just how fast my rp stuff was back then. When Bloody Murder was actually decent and I was still developing potential in RP/Literacy department. Shit I wrote PT when I was 14-15. Mind you now that it's edited it's like 14 pages PER chapter long but still >.>;

Anyway now that I got my nostalgia out <<;

Supposedly some computer models have a Cat 4 Fiona hitting the Carolina coast next weekend.

That being said, that means that the Tako may not be here. >_>; For multitudes of reasons. Among them Power outages, work, death, whatever << Though I'm pretty sure if something seriously bad happened to me Shu would let you guys know.
 
I'D LOVE TO LIVE WITH HARRIET~

However that would require me to make a side trip at sometime and possible making someone a Eunuch and possibly being kicked out of Canada >.>;

And Zombie~ Moving is being considered. But that's not till next year. And seriously depends on a LOT of things >.>
 
Phe I would make sure you were all right and everything ~before~ letting everyone else know what happened!

And I do remember how fast your rp stuff was back then. There were times in the span of two hours I would get home and there were multiple new pages on threads!
 
...True. But! You never know.

Ah yes... the old days ;-; And we're not like talkin one line rps either. Nuuu~ It was a good chunk of paragraphs normally.

I have one of Shu's that's 7 pages long~ lulz~
 
Oh, good....I guess? But hey, I could always castrate the person in question and save you the trouble. No worries about deportation then. I bet I could get away with parole.
 
I bet you couldn't. And please. You don't have the balls to castrate anyone for any reason. You'd pussy out before you got even close.

Me, on the other hand... :'D

Tako, you need a hand in getting kicked out of Canada, count me in~ I wanna move to Washington, anyway.
 
Here's the part where I say 'Oh yeah? I totally could!' Right?

Just because I don't get violent often doesn't mean I haven't. I face punch cat killers, you know.
 
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