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Esyel's RP & Writing Journals (Open to Comments, PMs, etc.)

Esyel

Esyel

Super-Earth
Joined
Oct 31, 2014
Location
East Coast


17th November, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

I've been meaning to get around to making this. But first and foremost, I had to get rid of my rare procrastination streak. Ugh, that was ... annoying. Especially since I seemed to do this with everything, including my Psychology assignments. Finally, however, I'm up to date with everything.

Things are .... well enough as they can be, I suppose. I'd still love to be able to nod my head and move out of this horrid excuse of a shelter. But it is better than living in a car, especially during winter. So I'll count my blessings.

With any luck, I can become my own payee and get all of my SSI money soonish. Or at least make progress with that. I went in for some psychological (which, apparently, were IQ) tests last Thursday. I wound up taking like .. 2-3 hours worth of tests too. It was tiring. I don't remember IQ tests being that long though, admittedly, the last time I had one given to me was before I gave birth to my kid so nearly 8 years ago.

I have no idea how an IQ test is going to determine I'm capable enough of handling my own money. The personality test they gave me near the end made far more sense.

Meh ... as long as they don't try to purposely prolong this into some random bullshit claiming I need to keep seeing them. I'm not going for therapy, after all. I'm going to get my status settled. Nothing more, nothing less.

-Esyel
Esyel's Active Thread RPs:

"Fire Emblem: A New Revolution" - Beautiful Disgrace
"Underdark Deailngs" - Alvis Alendran

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18th November, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

I took my last Psychology quiz and got a 93 on it! I have like ... three more assignments, including the last unit exam, and then I'll be done with the class! It's hard to believe I started back in August and am close to finishing up. But I'm proud and very content with having pursued this. From all the math I've been constantly doing, I should leave this with a strong B if not an A. And given it's my first college course, I'm honestly proud of that. I'm going to see about trying to maybe do a second course at this college for the next term. It depends on a few things, mainly money.

At the moment, I'm playing the waiting game. So fun. But ... hopefully things will start going in a more positive direction.

Here's to hoping this year will truly be the last one I have to miss being around my kid and parents for the holidays. It's not just something I want but need. And ... I'm pretty sure it isn't only me. My spouse and beloved daughter ... I'm pretty sure they both want this as much as myself.

I'm glad my angel's safe. I always will be. Simultaneously, I'll never forgive the circumstances which made me hand her over to my parents either.

Hmm for now, that's pretty much all I've got.

Until next time,
Esyel

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20th November, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Goddamnit, of course I get sick.

Sigh

Hopefully, it won't develop into pneumonia again like it did a few years ago. Whenever the hell I got it last. It was ... like 1-3 years ago. Regardless, it wasn't fun and I can't afford to repeat that, especially not with my surgery date drawing closer. The heater we bought, however, is helping.

Seriously, this place is worried about stone burning? Whatever. We're paying rent anyway. By definition - and in most places, legally too - we have the right to obtain any utilities we want and/or need. Heat's almost always an essential, even in small-ass studio-like places we're living. And I've been in a few before. We still had the choice to have heat. We've payed too much for too long so ... the hell with it.

Time always seems to slow down when you want it to hurry up, it seems. Because now the days are going by gradually as opposed to in a more swift manner. I just ... kinda wanna get the pre-appointment and actual surgery over with. I'm fretting over it. I know this was my choice but ... it doesn't really take away the anxiety, mainly because this is the first operation I'll have had since I was 7.

I'm trying to take it easy. At the same time, I'm getting back to any replies needed.

... Yeah, I'm not good with vacations or breaks. xD Ah well. That's all for now.

Until next time,
Esyel

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21st November, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Oh dear gods...

I'm so glad my spouse has today off. Now something's pestering my stomach in addition to the cold I'm trying to fight. I haven't been this miserable since I got pneumonia and had to stay in the ER for too damn long. Hopefully everything will stop ... and soon. I ... ugh .... don't wanna keep feeling like this. Especially when I'm behind on some of my online obligations.

Slight yawn

I know I should take it easy. But ... I still don't wanna, now more so than ever. But .. I'll see about it. That being said, I may be delayed here and stuff.

Until next time,
Esyel

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23rd November, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Well ... progress is progress, thank gods.

I'm not by any means perfectly better. But compared to a few days ago? Yeah, I'm definitely not as ill.

While I have the thoughts all going through my mind, I wanna do my own rant for a bit. I've already hinted a few of these in the "Other Things That Bother You" thread but not this entire rant all pieced up. And even if it would be easy to include this all in there ... no. I'm not gonna. I'm also not gonna name names because there's no point in that.

Now then ....

Clears throat

I'm a writer! I have explained in my thread the types of people I can and am willing to write out.

Checks thread

Okay, I need to add that in. Well, now you're about to know. I can do the shy, meek types, a more punkish girl/woman, or something in between. They are all sexy, yes. But there is a huge difference between sexy and slutty!

I never make character who just toss themselves at anyone! And it honestly offends me as a writer that I get so many requests for crap like that, ranging from gold diggers to sex-craved MILFs to people who'll just seek out any male for a fuck and even hope to get knocked up?!

No, no, no, no, and fucking NO!

This is not what I play out! I have an entire 'Yes', 'Maybe' and 'No' list - along with an F one - for this exact reason; to hint and show what kinds of things I do and don't like!

Excuse me if I don't really feel like just having my people part my legs for yours! Yes, I am a sub in real life but that's only for one man and he's behind the screen beside me! I don't - and won't - be like that for anyone else!

With everything being said and done, however, I'd like to thank Beautiful_Disgrace and Alvis Alendran for being amazing partners with me.

Anyway, I'm ... kinda sorry. Not for speaking my mind, hell no. But I honestly am sorry that I had to resort to making an entry like this. I was trying to avoid it. But ... this has been seriously pissing me off for so damn long. And I just ... figured this would be the best place to vent out my frustrations.

No, this isn't directed at anyone in particular. As I said from the get go, that's part of the reason I'm not listing names. You know if you've done any of the things or sent PMs with ideas I don't like. So .. no need to include who did that.

Anyway, I'm gonna try to take it a bit easier than usual today. Maybe get a head start with my Psychology class but not much more. Reply, of course, if it's needed. But not much else besides that.

Until next time,
Esyel

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26th November, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Finally mostly better now. And in good time. I go in for my pre-appointment in about 7 1/2 hours.

I'm having a surgery done on the 4th of December for uvula & tonsil removal plus working on the septum of my nose. So yeah, a double one. I'm still very kinda nervous about it, mainly because this will be the first major surgery I've had in years. But at the same time, it really isn't anything life threatening, which is always a plus.

I'll be out the 4th and 5th - and possibly more days. The hospital's gonna keep me overnight to make sure nothing went wrong. They said they'd keep me for more days if needed but ... I'm hoping it won't come to that.

The recovery process is supposed to finish up in 1-2 weeks or so; or rather, that's the amount of time that can pass before I can finally start doing more than being forced to mainly bedrest. I think the entire thing takes close to a month or so on a technical note but I'm using the 1-2 weeks to hint when I'd be able to get back to here. It's all gonna depend on a few things honestly. My body and if it decides to cooperate is a major one, yeah. But there is also whether I (something I'm also not hoping for) have to go back in to get something worked on again or whatnot. It is possible but ....

Grips lower lip with teeth

You know, I'm glad they warned me of all this shit. But now it's kinda put me on edge. Ugh. x.x

I didn't care about the eye surgery when I was 7 because .. well ... I was too young. Plus all I knew and really cared about was I didn't wanna keep seeing doubles of everything. It was freaky and weird.

I'm gonna try to get a few things done ahead of time due to knowing I'm gonna be very out of it soon enough and want to be ahead of schedule.

But first --- a shower and food after it.

Until next time,
Esyel

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Thanks. I am too. Yeah, the last surgery wasn't ... hmmm.

Thinks

It wasn't originally planned as a double though one could argue it technically wound up that way since I had to go in for a second eye surgery due to the doctors fucking up the first time. I can't remember what they did wrong ... just that I still saw double after the first time around.

Well, damn xD

My luck with double surgeries is ... more than I'd like it to be I guess.

But .. at any rate, thanks for the post and thoughts. They're definitely appreciated.

-Esyel

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28th November, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Ugh, by the gods, can I please just get this damn procedure over with?
Seriously ... I don't wanna wait. I think that's killing me more than anything right now.

I suppose that is part of the reason I've been finding ways to kill time, to make the day arrive and temporarily forget about it.

Besides the big day coming up, not doing too much. I'm basically ready to take my final exam on Tuesday for Psychology.
I doubt I'll need to retake it since I am being given that chance and I got 91%s (rounded up) on the past two tests.
All in all, I should leave this class with a strong B if not an A.
I'm very excited and eager to see how it all turns out.

On a side note, I came here to write.
Yeah, I realize I probably come off picky as all hell.
But it's still kinda .. disheartening to have so little to write back to.

And to make it worse, I can't muster up the courage to write a story and post it here.

My writing muse is getting seriously irked at myself.
@.@

Not much more to add for now.

Until next time,
Esyel

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2nd December, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Now that the day is arriving, I'm getting nervous.
Everything's hitting me hard like a brick, especially the realization I'm gonna go into surgery.
I know it's nothing lethal.
But I really haven't dealt with something like this in years.
I guess my other saving grace will be knowing my spouse will be nearby.

Sigh as runs a hand through hair

On a side note, I'm spending the next few days trying to get things done.
Like .. I need to eventually get a lesson for an online site about WWII typed up.
Preferably sooner than later ...

So I'll be here but not as much as I'd like.
Here's hoping for the best!

Until next time,
Esyel

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3rd December, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Just finishing up some stuff with my Psychology class.
I can't believe it's about to end.
The time from August till now really just .... wow.
It flew and so damn fast.
But the class was an amazing experience.
I'm so glad I got to enjoy and pursued it, especially before this surgery.

Gonna go in to take my last unit exam in an hour or so.

I'm temporarily closing my search thread due to knowing I probably won't be able to really RP much in the near future.

With that being said, I hope my current partners will be patient.
It's supposed to take 1-2 weeks before I can do much of anything,
But healing always does depend on factors.
It may be sooner until I recover or later.
It all just .... depends, really.

I'm not expecting any complications to arise.
Fucking hell I'm so nervous x.x

Anyway, gonna go study now.

Until next time,
Esyel

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4th December, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

I'm no longer nervous.
No, I'm fucking terrified.
My mind is trying to go to those very dark places once more,
Trying to give me the worst possible scenarios for this stupid surgery.
I've been trying to shut them out, to ignore them.
But they're not stopping, not going away!
I'd give anything to be able to wake up my husband.
But alas, at least one of us needs sleep.
Sure, they're gonna make me take a nap via anesthesia.
Hopefully ....

Hopefully, I can go back to sleep soon.
Hopefully, this will all just hurry up and be over.
So I can wake up and tell myself,
"Self, the fuck were you fretting over now?"

Gods ...

Until next time,
Esyel

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5th December, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Good news.
I got discharged earlier today and no complications arose from the surgery.
Bad news?
I'm fucking miserable ... ugh!
Between the splints & stitches in my nose from the work they did on it plus an on and off sore throat ... oh dear gods.
This sucks!
I can't say I regret doing it since this was for my health.
But .... ugh.
Words. Can't seem to type them up.

By Wednesday, I go in to get the part with my nose dealt with.
So hopefully, that will make sleeping easier.

Alvis, hope you don't mind waiting for me.
Beautiful_Disgrace, take your time in getting back to me xD

Ohhhh fuck. Gonna try to lie back down again.

I'm at least home and got through this damn thing.
Definitely an accomplishment.

Until next time,
Esyel

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9th December, 2014

Greetings, BlueMoon!

Slowly getting better.
At least well enough to get a reply in now.

Lord, they weren't joking though. These are hands down some of the strongest things I've been on xD
I can't wait to be off of them. x.x

I'll sleep for as long as needed to recover.
But ... only for that duration.
I don't wanna do absolutely nothing just because I'm basically stuck in bed all while practically drunk also.

No thanks, not for me.
Thanks for being patient with me.

Until next time,
Esyel

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