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Everything Changes (Traveler&PoetDreamer)

He was relieved at how talkative she was, but when she mentioned that the flowers might have been from people who felt badly that they had given up on her. He had done the same thing, but he hadn't even thought to bring flowers to her. John fidgeted nervously as she chuckled and asked him if he meant physically or mentally. She was right - she had so much reason to be mad at him, and he deserved it.

"I brought the yearbook. From senior year. I thought you might like to see it? There was a whole page in there dedicated to you, and everyone signed this book for you in the hopes that you'd wake up and be able to read all their well-wishes." He held the book like some holy talisman as he looked at her. She looked like she was that young girl on prom night, with all the promise and pure love that he had seen on that fateful night.

He sat down on the edge of her bed and offered her the book. "Alyson is doing alright, I suppose. She's confused. Like I am, I guess. We missed you so much, Clary. But it's been so long, and the doctors were so sure that you'd never wake up." He shook his head softly. "I'm so sorry for losing faith in you. I was weak."

A few minutes later a shadow covered the doorway and another young man walked in. It was Miles, dressed in his jeans and a different t-shirt, this one covered with a plaid button-down shirt. He paused when he saw that there was someone in the room with Clarissa. "Oh... I didn't see you. I'll come back later." His eyes darted to Clary's and he smiled, glad to see that she had friends that were visiting her again.
 
When John told her about the yearbook, tears of joy filled her eyes. "Y'all really did that for me?" She asked him, reaching out for the book, wanting to see it. The betrayed part of her wanted to ask why he had kept it if he had given up on her, but she had never been a mean person so couldn't bring herself to make that comment. As soon as he handed her the book, she started flipping through it, looking at the names of the people who signed it more than the comments for now. Honestly, she mostly wanted to see what he wrote all of those years ago, to see how much he had changed when he decided to marry her best friend.

Clary didn't know why she had brought Alyson up. That girl was the last person she really wanted to talk to John about. "Then why did you visit me? If y'all had stopped caring, why come when I woke up? Y'all were set to go on with the rest of your lives as if I had never been in it." A tear escape her eye as she said that, and she couldn't bring herself to look at him as he admitted his weakness.

Seeing someone else walk in out of the corner of her eye, Clarissa looked up and noticed Miles from the day before. "Hey, I think we're almost done in here." She said, not sure what else to say to John and not sure what else he had to say to her. "I'll send for you when we're done, if you don't mind?" She said to Miles, so that her and John could finish their discussion; it wasn't exactly one she wanted to have in front of anyone else.
 
"I... I never said I had stopped caring," John pleaded. "They gave us no hope, Clary. I thought you were gone a long time ago, that this was just a vessel in the hospital, but that you were gone." He shook his head, his guilt welling up inside his chest and his old feelings for her rekindling. "I never stopped loving you. You gotta believe me."

He turned to see who Clarissa was talking to, and the man at the door looked slightly familiar.

Miles smiled at Clary's suggestion. "Sure, I'll be in the visitor's room."

"Who are you?" Asked John, not liking the familiar and friendly way that Clarissa had spoken to the stranger. He turned to her. "Who's he?"
 
Hearing John tell her that he never stopped caring or loving her tore her apart. "Then how are you engaged to anyone if you still love me? Is that the kind of world we live in now?" She had loved him with all of her heart, which was obvious since there was a wedding dress in her closet, assuming her mother didn't get rid of it, but how could he sit there and claim he still loved her when he was months away from his wedding-a wedding that wasn't to her as they had planned.

However, nothing enraged her more than him questioning Miles. "Where do you get off acting like a jealous boyfriend? He never gave up on me-he came every single week and read to me, while you were off sleeping with my best friend." She knew she shouldn't say what she was saying, she wanted nothing more than for him to take her in his arms and tell her how much he missed her and still loved her, and that he would still love to see her walking down the aisle towards him no matter what had happened in the past four years, but he wasn't doing that, and this was how she was reacting to the hurt.
 
Miles held up his hand. "Look... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause a fight between you two -"

"Who the fuck are you?" John was standing now, the nagging feeling that he knew the guy pulling at him. It didn't help that Clarissa was accusing him of cheating on her. He waited over a full year after the accident before he and Alyson went on an official 'date'.

The tall, lean man in the doorway hesitated. The time for hiding was over, it seemed, and this guy must have been Clary's boyfriend from before. "I'm Miles. Miles Schriver." He started to take a step forward and extend his hand to the guy.

"No fucking way." John glared at Miles and then looked at Clary. "This is the motherfucker who hit us! He's the reason you spent four years here!" He turned to Miles and then punched him in the face, dropping the other guy on the cold linoleum floor. A passing nurse saw the attack and screamed, alerting others.

Miles rolled to the side, cradling his jaw with one hand and he held the other up towards John as if to ward him off. "Wait! I deserve a chance to -"

"Fuck you! You should have died with your girlfriend! This was all your fault!"

And then John jumped him as nurses and orderlies rushed in to break up the fight.
 
Clary watched the events unfold before her. She couldn't believe what was happened.

Her mind was still in shock and processing even more information by the time John walked over to Miles and....and punched him. "JOHN!" She screamed, forgetting for a moment where she was and trying to get up. She moved her legs over the side of the bed to get up, and pushed herself off the bed with her hands, but her legs weren't strong enough to support her and she fell, disturbing some of the machines she was hooked up to.

All she cared about though was getting to John. Her mind was still working on accepting that it had been four years since they had dated, so she sometimes still thought of him as her boyfriend, not as her best friends fiance. Nurses and security guards came to separate them and get her back into bed. "No, I want to talk to them!" She demanded, but no one would listen to the girl who had been 'asleep' for four years. She was so confused though!
 
Several of the nurses rushed to help Clarissa and the burly male nurses held the young men apart. "You guys are going to have a talk with the hospital police!" One of the nurses threatened.

The doctor had rushed in as well, and he assessed the situation quickly. The female nurse who saw the first punch whispered something to him, and he nodded. "It seems like Miss Clarissa would like to talk. I think after four years of silence we owe it to her." He motioned to the two fighting men. "You two; think you can maintain some civility for her sake? Or do I need to have the police called in?"

John glared at Miles. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Miles dropped his gaze and nodded to the doctor. He hadn't fought back during the scuffle, but only defended himself. He felt like he deserved every hit that John had managed to connect on his body.

The doctor had the men sit down on opposite ends of the room and turned to Clarissa. "Would you like me to have a few of the stronger nurses stay behind to make sure that they believe, Miss?"
 
After much shouting, Clary was finally happy when her main doctor said they should listen to her. "Thank you!" She said, thought now she was extremely tired. She asked a nurse to hand her some water, and drank an entire glass, a little faster than she probably should have.

"I don't think anyone else is necessary. John won't hurt anyone else, will you John?" Clarissa knew that John wasn't necessarily a violent person, but from what she had gathered, she didn't blame him for hitting Miles.

Once everyone else had left, Clary tried to get comfortable again. She was having trouble now. "What's going on?" She asked, looking between them. Subconsciously, she reached her hand out towards John, feeling better when he was near her. After four years of dating, it was habit for her.

"You...you're the one who hit us? I thought it was my fault. What happened? Why didn't you tell me yesterday?" The hurt was clear in her eyes. A betrayal from the one and only person who hadn't betrayed her the day before.
 
John stepped forward and took her hand, caressing it with his other one. He glared at Miles again, though he wasn't going to punch him. He didn't want the guy to charge him with assault. "He's an ass, Clary. Don't waste your time with him. He was drunk the night of the accident."

The other man had sat down and averted his gaze when she asked why he didn't tell her yesterday. "I didn't want you to tell me to leave..."

"Because he was drunk! He t-boned us in the intersection!"

"According to the surveillance cameras you were the one who ran a red light," Miles defended. "Yes, I was drinking, but that wasn't why the accident happened."

"How can you be sure?"

The conversation had just caught up with Miles, though, and he looked over at Clarissa. "Why would you think it was your fault? Your boyfriend was the one driving."
 
Clary was happy that John took her hand. Maybe he did still love her. Maybe he wouldn't have to settle for Alyson now that she was back for good. But that wasn't the important topic on hand.

"You're the one who put me here? Because you were drunk? You didn't visit cause you cared....you were just guilty. I can't believe this." Now everyone she had seen had hurt her. She squeezed John's hand tightly, never wanting him to leave her side again. These past four years didn't exist to her so they could pretend like everything was okay. Everything had to be okay.

Then Miles asked why she blamed herself. Her cheeks turned bright red, and she looked down. "I was...John and I were....well, you see....but you were drunk. And you sat there yesterday practically lying to me."
 
"I wasn't drunk! I had been drinking but -" Miles tried to explain.

"You were drunk!" John stood up abruptly. "Just because you didn't go to jail doesn't mean anything! It was your fault, and now you're visiting her and acting like you're sorry? What the fuck? Just get out."

Miles looked over at Clarissa. "Please, just let me explain."

"Didn't you hear me you fuck? Get out!" John was feeling defensive again. It was like the accident had just happened. "She doesn't want you here!"
 
Clary listened to the exchange between them. She wasn't sure what to think. Miles admitted to having been drinking, but it's not like her and John hadn't been fooling around and practically drunk off of hormones at the same time. No one was innocent here, and no one was completely to blame.

Part of her was mad at John for speaking for her, but a larger part of her enjoyed how he was being protective, like a boyfriend should be. Then she got mad at herself because he wasn't a boyfriend anymore, he was a fiance.

"Miles, not right now. Come back later, tomorrow or something, not under the pretense of a lie." She said, grabbing John's hand and pulling him back to her.

Just then Aly decided to call John. She had gotten out of her dress fitting a little earlier than expected and had gone to surprise him when he wasn't where he said he would be.
 
It felt likes she had slapped him across the face when she dismissed him. Miles stood there for a moment, stunned, and then nodded. If she wanted him to leave for a while then he would. After all, he was part of the reason that she had been locked in that prison of her mind for four years. According to John, Miles was all of the reason.

He turned and left the room leaving her with her ex-boyfriend. Or, from the looks of it, her current boyfriend.

John smiled at Miles' departure and had turned to Clarissa to draw her into a hug when his phone rang. "Uhm," he looked at it. "It's Alyson. I should get it. Will you excuse me?" He took the phone and walked out into the hallway before he answered the call.

"Hey babe! How'd the fitting go?"
 
Although she knew she was hurting Miles, Clary couldn't make herself feel bad because he had brought it on himself when he had lied to her. Honestly, if he had just told her the truth about why he read to her she wouldn't have been so betrayed; it would have been better than finding out because of John, and only because of John.

She watched him leave and was happy for some real alone time with her old boyfriend, as odd as that sounded. Then his phone rang. When he said it was Alyson she was hoping he would ignore it, but of course he would answer the phone call from his soon to be wife. Clary just nodded and looked down, not able to watch him walk away from her to talk to someone else.


Alyson waited for John to answer, thinking about how it was taking him so long to answer. "It went fine. Actually, we finished sooner than planned so I had come to surprise you, but I was the one surprised when you weren't where you said you were going to be. Is everything alright?" She asked, wondering what he was doing. She usually wasn't the jealous type, but she had always carried the fear that he would leave her as soon as Clary woke up, so her jealous side was being roused up now that her friend was actually awake.
 
John chuckled and leaned against the wall of the hallway. He gazed at the windows across the way, at the swifts flying near the eaves and catching bugs in the morning light. "Babe, can't a man search for a wedding gift for his soon-to-be wife in private? I'm just getting the finishing touches together for our honeymoon." He smiled into the phone. "Do you have time to catch lunch with me? Say... at one?"

He wanted to appease her and keep her happy, but he wasn't ready to leave Clarissa yet. Seeing her again and hearing her voice reminded him how much he once loved her. Loved her still.

He listened as Alyson talked and he tried to buy more time at the hospital without letting her know where he was. He loved Alyson... he did... but he had never 'not' loved Clarissa, and it confused him. He was remembering all the things he had shared with Clary four years ago. They had their lives ahead of them and were still young and naive. But now he had lived for four years and he had changed, though Clary had not. They were no longer the same two people.
 
"Oh, right. I'm sorry baby. It's just that with Clary awake now I thought that.... Never mind. I trust you. Have fun and I'll see you at one. I love you John." Alyson said. She had been nervous that he had gone off to see Clary and would remember how much he had loved her. The thought still scared her, but she at least trusted him not to lie to her.

Clarissa laid in her hospital bed, not that she could do much else though. She figured it would be Aly on the phone. Part of her wished John would remember why they were going to get married four years ago, but part of her didn't want to hurt her best friend either. Then again, she didn't think a real best friend would go and get married to her boyfriend either. The girl just waited for the only guy she had ever loved and still loved.
 
"Darling, I'm yours." John said quietly into the phone. It might have sounded husky and sexy on the other end, but he didn't want his voice to drift down the hall to where Clarissa was. "In fifty-seven days you and I are going to be man and wife, and that's going to be the happiest day of my life." He smiled again, believing his words. He did love her - there was no doubt in his mind. But... he also loved Clarissa, and he was feeling all those old feelings rising up again now that she was awake. He had expected to be making plans to attend her funeral by now; it had been four days since they unplugged her from the breathing machine. But somehow, for some reason, she thrived.

Clarissa was alive, and everything had changed.

What was he going to do? He couldn't call off the wedding. For one thing, no one knew if Clarissa was going to stay alive. She had been on that ventilator for four years; what if she suddenly had a stroke or something? And for another thing, Alyson had been his friend since high school and his lover for almost two years, and she had been there for him while he mourned Clary. Heck, he had been there for her while she mourned Clary too! They had been there for each other, and now... to call if off seemed selfish and unkind. John did love Alyson. He did! What was he going to do?

He said 'I love you' and 'goodbye' to Aly and then leaned against the hallway wall, trying to figure out what to do. He knew that Clarissa's parents had split up partially because of the whole accident, but her mom had always kept in touch with him. Maybe he should talk to her. He really had no one else who might understand him and give him good advice.

John drew in a deep breath and let it out. He felt like he had been thrown into a lion's den. There was no way out, and no matter what he did, there was going to be bloodshed.

He walked back into the hospital room and smiled for Clarissa. "That was, uhm, Alyson." He felt guilty for saying that, but he also felt like he was cheating... on Clary. "We're supposed to have lunch later." He sat down next to her and leaned his arm on the table so that he could rub his face with a palm. "I'm so messed up, Clary. You and I, we should have been married years ago and had a kid by now. Life just got real screwed up back then, you know? It wasn't supposed to be like this."
 
As John talked, Alyson's mind was put to ease. Maybe she was just being worried over nothing. Here he was, out buying her a gift for their wedding day, telling her how much he loved her, and she was getting mad at him over something she had only assumed he was doing. He wouldn't go see Clary without telling her. He wouldn't leave her for someone else either. They had helped each other get through losing Clary, and only they knew how each other felt. No one was more perfect together than the two of them.

Feeling satisfied, Aly decided to clean their little apartment and set things up for a romantic night. After lunch they could have some alone time to really show each other how much they loved each other. Especially after finding out that his old girlfriend was alive, Aly really thought they could use a night of just the two of them. With her getting her dress fitted and him finishing her present, this day would be all about the two of them; screw the girl who could ruin everything because Alyson wouldn't let her.
___________

Clary waited nervously. If it was Alyson on the phone, maybe John would just leave and never come back. Maybe he was regretting coming in the first place. However, he was here. She wondered if he had even told Alyson that he was here or not. Before she could think about it too much, he was walking back into the room, and he did not look happy at all, despite the smile. After dating for 4 years, Clary would tell when his smile was real, and when he was just putting on a front to hide his true feelings.

It didn't take long for him to confirm that it had been Aly to call. "You don't sound too happy to be going to lunch with the woman you are going to marry." The words sounded forced because it was so hard for her to get them out. In her mind, it had been only yesterday when she, herself, was the girl he was going to marry, and now it was someone else, someone she used to care about a lot.

Then he admitted what she had guessed; he was screwed up over this. "Yes, we should be married by now, but you chose another girl's hand to put the ring on. Whether or not it was supposed to be, this is how it is." A tear fell down her cheek. She was going to tell him to be happy with Aly as he had been the past several years, but that didn't mean her heart wouldn't break doing so.
 
John was hurt. How could she think that his preference was to be married to someone else? He was beginning to feel defensive. After all, he had waited for over a year before he even thought about anyone else... and even then it took almost two years before he actually went on an official 'date'.

"Clary, I know you're mad at me, but it's not fair! I still love you, baby. It's just... I can't explain it. It's complicated." He hated it when people said that to him but now he completely understood. Sometimes life got all screwed up. "I never meant to hurt you."

The doctor came to the door and knocked. "Hi Clarissa. I need to talk to you about physical therapy and a few things. Can you spare a few minutes? "

"Yeah uhm, I gotta go anyway." John said. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay? "
 
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