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Here we go...

Thanks Traveler. Means a lot to me since I do an awful job at keeping contact with people. Even when I'm here I just never know what to say. I miss writing but I have no idea what I want to do.

And yeah, my parents probably aren't real Christians. They are very greedy, self entitled people. They have a lot of hate in both their hearts, and look at me. Just trying to be nice, letting the vent their issues to me even though they have both severely hurt me, emotionally and physically. Especially my mom.

I can tell you my breaking point with the Christian faith was when my fiancé died. He took his own life. I was devastated, miserable. At the time I felt nothing but pain. My mom kept dragging me out of bed to go to church, and all those people did was talk about how he was going to hell. My fiancé was a good person. Just a person in a lot of pain and needed help. I couldn't take hearing that.

Maybe had I gone to the right church, I would have found my faith at the lowest point of my life.

Anyways, thanks for commenting on my journal and reminding me that people still care about me here. :)
 
Hey there! I hope I'm not stepping out of bounds, but I've been perusing the journals since I've recently been going through some very difficult, sad, and stressful times in my life right now, and I've felt that maybe reading how some people have been handling it and working on it might give me some insight too.

I'm not very religious. In fact, I try to keep away from religion entirely. I was raised Roman Catholic too, but like you (from what I've read), I didn't really feel much presence from God. In addition, the church folk really didn't feel... real, I guess would be the word? I didn't feel people were being supportive, just religious, and I feel that's the main issue with Christianity. I know there are good, and even great Christians, but the majority I feel are more focused on the religion than the people. That's why I've kind of migrated away. I occasionally go for my mother, and while I believe that makes me a bad Christian, I focus more on what would make my mother happy, and that's important to me.

I'll stop there so I don't start any debate or whatever. Also, I might not know you, but I'm certain things will start turning around for you. Bad or rough things happen to good people, and I already feel you're a good person! So I'm hoping for the best for you, I absolutely am.
 
Thank you, things are going well for me actually. Sometimes I just get caught in things from my past, but I'm slowly working on it. It's hard for me though because something as simple as going shopping for my boyfriends brothers and sister at a toy store can trigger those emotions from my childhood. It's almost like I have PTSD, things just make me shut down emotionally. I feel bad for that, I feel bad that other people have to deal with that so I just suffer in silence.

I used to go to church with my mom to make her happy, but I can't anymore. Now that I've told her I'm not a christian, I realize going to church will just make my feelings about religion worse. She likes to tell people everything about me and the last thing I want is to be ganged up on by a bunch of people trying to preach to me about God.

I've pretended for the last 19 years of my life. I can't pretend to have any kind of faith anymore. It's not fair to me or her, honestly.
 
This all sounds rough, but I'm glad that things for the most part are positive. My brother has PTSD, and I believe he acts in a similar way. I hope it either lessens with time, or you find a good way to manage it rather than suffering in silence and alone.

Yeah, I can understand that. I guess the saying goes, "Keep doing you", right? Only you know what makes you happy, and since we only have one life to live, happiness is most important.
 
Yesterday was..unacceptable.

I went to bed at 9pm. Again.

I need to figure out some more hobbies other than video games. Things that can keep me occupied for more than an hour or so.

Maybe I should stop smoking until I figure out how to stay awake and entertain myself.
 
Welcome to the club, BD. You're in good company in that regard with the rest of us bored motherfuckers. But then again, maybe you're probably playing the wrong video games. I can maybe offer up a few suggestions, if you like.
 
Sure. I'm only playing three now. Monster Hunter 4, Smash 4 and Splatoon.

I miss the interactive part of video games I think. I like playing with people. RPGs are the only thing that I can really play Solo, and even then Fable 3 kind of spoiled me.
 
Ah ha... You're speaking a language I'll soon be speaking, myself. And hey, if you also got Steam, hit me up there and we'll go a few rounds or something!

On top of that, I'll be getting a Wii U, myself, so you and I can hook up for either a Splat or Smash session.
 
I would love a Splat partner. :D And I'm pretty okay in Smash too.

My steam is lunaphe or something, I'll be sending you a request shortly.
 
Thinking about changing my name...it's about time I left it behind.

I think I saw this name somewhere on another forum and I was like "Fuck, this would fit my second account on bluemoon pretty well."

I abandoned my first account because it was almost ridiculous how much harassment I got from certain people. And when I tried to change, those same people still targeted me. I was going through a lot of grieving and confusion around that time. I had to leave because I couldn't stop being depressing, or as my harassers used to say "crazy".

Princess Pittooey is my new thing. It's fucking stupid, which is why I love it so much. This name, it's starting to grate on my nerves because it still makes me think about how Bluemoon used to be before...it's gotten much better with DA in charge. Although if I traveled back in time, as the person I am today..I probably would have been able to survive here and be much more likeable.

Guess I better PM an admin soon.

It's funny, every year I just mature more and more into a better person. It's not that I've completely changed...I still want to talk to people, and I want people to like me. I just don't really try that hard anymore...or I don't "attention seek" as they call it. I just want to talk to people at the end of the day and have a good time. I'm a pretty patient person and as soon as I stop being anti social/socially lazy I'll get what I want. Eventually.

Until then I'm pretty happy with the way things are.
 
I can relate to a degree. Before I came upon this username back in 2006, I was on Gaia - yes, I was there when it wasn't riddled with all this fucking kid crap and whatever as far back as about 2001 or 2002 - the username I had then was Tetsujin. To this day, I have no idea why I even had that to begin with, but after a time, it was getting sickening/annoying to see time and time again. So, I ended up changing that by taking on a new account entirely and to this day, I've not looked back on it, since this the same one that's brought me quite a bit of fame/infamy as well as notoriety on YouTube. Have I thought wanting to change it again? Sometimes. But why would I want to? It fits me to a T. I'm an angry human being when I want to be, but I also love fucking around. So, it stuck. It'll be the same for you at one point, so keep your options open as to what it should be.
 
<3 you, lady! Whatever name you go by, you're still the same person inside...so that part won't ever change far as I'm concerned and that's what really matters most to me. But, I definitely get how the username can define you in many ways. Just know that I--and probably others--see beyond that. So whatever you end up with.....it's all good. Main thing is that you're happy.

And, as a side, I'm really glad you stuck it out here. You're one of those people I'm glad is around and posts on the boards from time to time. You're one of those people who gives this place a face beyond just RP. So, that's pretty cool and really shows how this place works. We might be a big community, but we care about our own...we support each other, encourage each other. Kind of freakin' nifty really. And it's great when people much like yourself help to give this place that pulse. So, thank you for that.

*hugs*
 
@BB
I have outgrown my old usernames. I used to be on Gaia too so I get it. My boyfriend liked to call me Mooncakes, that's probably the closest thing to my old username that suits me. But I've been going by Princess, Princess Pittooey and Princess P for nearly a year on my nintendo games. Hilarious when I'm playing Smash on my 3DS. People underestimate me and lose lol.

@DA
I definitely try to stick it out here because it's the last community I'm a part of that is still alive. I'm glad to contribute, OOCeely or otherwise. I want to do more, but I'm glad that your at least happy with my presence even if it has been minor these passed few months. :) hugs to you
 
Hey I changed my name!

Ugh where do I start.

This last week has been something. I got some teeth pulled and it was shit. Miserable eating soup for three days. Miserable for the next couple weeks before I can get these gaps fixed. Miserable because this all could have been fixed if I went to the damn dentist one time as a kid. Dental should be required when you're a minor...

The misery didn't end there. I've been feeling so goddamn sick. Queasy. I woke up in the middle of the night one night because I felt like I was going to puke. And I was cramping badly, so badly...because my period didn't want to wait for a few days before signaling it was ready to come. Oh no, it let me know an entire week ahead. Feh...

Then..then there was the cryo today. Getting your cervix frozen for six minutes is probably one of the most unpleasant experiences I've ever felt. If my pap doesn't come back normal in six months I will fucking cry because I can't stand anything but the head of a penis touching it, and even then it's a little uncomfortable.

So here I am. Just waiting to pick up my boyfriend so we can head to the bank and fix my debit card pin I don't know. I'm going to get blasted so I can ignore this damn cramping...
 
Oh I forgot to mention...no sex for an entire month. A whole fucking month! We can barely stand a week having no sex..this is really going to suck. Sigh.
 
I've been feeling a little better. Not queasy all the time. Cramps got better which is weird. They usually last until I start that time. Only complaint is constantly being hot and having a super sense of smell. It's gut wrenching, hopefully it goes away soon..

Thinking about writing a story about Splatoon but it might be weird. It's not just a kid game but the fact that it is associates with a kids game makes me limited to no smut. It's been a while since I've written g rated material.
 
You'd be surprised as to what you're capable of coming up with as little material as something like Splatoon. Hell, you can even cross it with that old movie Platoon and make it into some sort of war epic of some kind, only with ink. And squid people.

Or somethin'. I dunno.

NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING ON ABOUT WITH THIS GO AWAY.
 
Well I was thinking about doing that actually, not that it had anything to do with that movie.

But then I was like, "Squid Military Academy" and I thought that might be more interesting.
 
Like I said, there's tons of different things and ideas you can come up even with something that has so little material like Splatoon.

And since you said that, another thought I had is if not Platoon, you can go one step further and cross it over with Full Metal Jacket. I mean hell, the characters from the game look crazy enough to be Gomer Pyle once the shit hits the fan.
 
Would you get mad if I said I've never seen that movie? xD

----

So here I am. Princess Pittooey in all my Pittooey glory. Disgusting. I love it!

I'm going to try to get active in the community, even though I'm not a sexy dominant man who makes all the women feel special or a really hot model who's into nerdy stuff. I'm just me. Fucking Princess Pittooey. I need a presence and I have to do that by involving myself in everyone else's activities. Because I know what it's like to post and no one gives a flying fuck.

So yeah, get used to seeing my face in your journals and empty threads. I love you, Bluemoon. In a non creepy way, of course.
 
I have to wonder if women who ignore me have other female friends? I would kill to have friends that are girls. No offense to guys but, it's just easier being friends with the same sex. There's no leading people on, there's no ruining a friendship by developing feelings for one another(well that can happen I suppose, but not as likely to happen) and you can be more open with them about things that they can understand.

But I'm either a girl repellant or I'm offending them somehow? Seriously, I haven't made a close female friend in close to a damn near decade.

I can make you feel special too like those cool cats from school! You'd be surprised how well I can roleplay a man that will make your Mary Sue drop their pants!

...Just kidding about the Mary Sue thing. But seriously, do I have to grow a penis or something to be able to get noticed by my same gender?

Notice%20me%20SENPAI%20TWO.jpg

I remember on Xbox live, whenever I ran into the occasional girl they pretended like I didn't exist even when I said hi to them. What is the deal? I took your special snowflake spot or something? Ugh.
 
darkangel76 said:
Huh...very weird. Consider it their loss, sweetie. For srz. <333
Click to expand...
Oh totally. I'm awesome and they're missing out on a great friend. :cool:

Also I seem to have messed up my email settings. I had my emails turned off for a while because AOL wasn't accepting them and it took me like three months to clean out my AOL email to fix the problem.

Now I turned them back on, but I get automatically subscribed to everything I post in. As much as I like my new Splatoon notification pings I don't want to get an email every time someone posts in anything I comment on.

Hopefully I fixed it.
 
Where did the month go?

So everything has been going fine, I have rebuilt my life in terms of money and having a job. Stability is something I can't talk about yet since I won't know until much later. But for the most part I'm fine again finance wise.

I want to focus on getting the rest of my life together, though. I have been having severe health issues and I want to get healthier and get in shape. But I can't even do 15 minutes of continuous movement without feeling like I'm going to faint, or actually, literally fainting. So I'm going to visit a doctor and see what advice they have. Hopefully it's something more than just "tough it out", because I've tried to do that and all it does is make me pass out and create a scene.

Another thing that I can immediately do is find hobbies so I'm not bored all day. When I'm bored and lonely, I just end up depressing myself. So I decided to start reading again thinking it would inspire me to start writing on my own again. I did, but now I'm having major self confidence issues. I stopped wanting to play video games because I felt bad at it and I didn't want to play anymore when I wasn't having fun. Those self confidence issues are traveling with me when I write, I think.

How am I supposed to do anything when I've already seemed to convince myself(or rather, when I am given a single seed of doubt that I am not good or even decent at something) that I'm the worst at everything I try? I don't even think I'm good at cooking anymore, the only freakin thing that came to me naturally without me trying my fucking hardest to be good at?

It all just seems pointless. Maybe that's the depression talking. I guess I have to see a therapist too, while I'm at it.
 
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