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OrangeLilly
Alive
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2016
They laid together as day turned to night on top of the picnic blanket. They’d been there since noon. Yet, as darkness approached and vibrant colors filled the sky,neither of them wanted to go. This day was too perfect and neither wanted to be the one to end it.
Violet closed her eyes and moved her pinky finger to the same finger on the other woman’s hand. She felt a rush of excitement as Zoey crossed her finger over her’s. Wordlessly Violet let go of Zoey’s finger and moved her hand over top of hers. Their fingers moved at the same time and laced with one another’s. They laid there, hearts racing and continued to leave so much unspoken between them.
Zoey was the first to move. She gave the other woman’s hand three squeezes, another signal of what was unspoken. She let go and propped herself up to look at Violet's face in the fading sunlight. Violet turned to face the woman who made her heart race. Neither said anything as their eyes watered. They knew what this was, and what it could never be. Zoey shifted and broke eye contact. Her body shifted to her knees before standing up and ending their time together with a very reasonable statement.
“It’s getting late, we should go.”
Years passed.
Violet dressed in that very same dress she’d worn years ago when Zoey and she had shared a day on a piece of 50 by 60 inch fabric. She looked herself over in the mirror and smiled sweetly to herself. Her hand moved to her chest. A ring on her middle finger glinted in the fading sun. She rested her eyes and took in a few low deep breaths to calm herself.
She knew where Zoey was. She knew who she was with. She understood why. And yet, knowing that didn’t make days like today any easier. The days when she longed for just one more day with Zoey. The pull to go to her was so hard to fight. But she knew she had to. She knew she couldn’t change Zoey’s mind.
Violet knew the woman she loved was sharing a bed with a man at night. She knew, and yet, part of her hoped one day she’d come back to her. She longed to hold her in her arms, to care for her when she was unwell, to greet her when she returned home each day, to talk and learn more and more of the woman’s beautiful mind, and to wake up each and every morning. She felt silly thinking so hard about something that could never be. Zoey had made every effort to make that clear to her. Violet couldn’t stop or help the way she felt. Zoey was all she thought about and there were days where everywhere she looked she swore she saw her in the crowd. She knew it was unhealthy to spend so much time thinking about it. Still, she did. She knew how good they could be if only Zoey gave her the chance.
Violet thought of her love every morning when she woke up. She hoped Zoey was happy. That knowledge would make everything okay. But that not knowing kept her up at night. That and the regret. She regretted never getting to change her mind. She never wanted Zoey to be unhappy. She knew it would not have been easy. But still. They could have had each other. Violet longed for the opportunity to show Zoey that.
She stood before the mirror, in that same dress. Her thoughts moved to Zoey in her house with her husband. Her heart hurts but she can’t stop herself. She closed her eyes and fantasized, wildly out of context, about how their life would have been up to that point in life. She wanted so badly for things to be different. But they’ll never get a chance to know. Violet knew that, and still. She dreamed about being able to change Zoey’s mind and to hold her close.
When Zoey left that last time, part of Violet had hoped she’d tell her husband it was over. She was her everything and Violet really thought Zoey had felt the same way. Part of her wished she’d pushed more. If she’d told her everything, not left any of it unspoken, would they have had a shot? Was there any way to know? Violet didn’t. But still, years later she held out hope. In every face she mistook as hers she still held onto that spark of desire and hope to hold the other woman in her arms one day.
Zoey got a call from a friend, who changed everything. She’d told Zoey she’s getting married and asked her if she ever thinks about the one who got away. Zoey had instantly thought of Violet. She did think about her, each and every day. That phone call changed everything. Zoey felt couldn’t hide from it anymore. She packed a bag, left her ring on the table, and went to see if Violet was still in that same apartment.
Zoey knocked on the door where the woman she loves used to live. Her heart and mind racing with everything they could be. Violet opened the door to see Zoey standing there in that same dress. They both move to each other and hold each other close. For just one more moment they’ll leave this thing between them as they sob and hold on, never willing to let go again.
Violet closed her eyes and moved her pinky finger to the same finger on the other woman’s hand. She felt a rush of excitement as Zoey crossed her finger over her’s. Wordlessly Violet let go of Zoey’s finger and moved her hand over top of hers. Their fingers moved at the same time and laced with one another’s. They laid there, hearts racing and continued to leave so much unspoken between them.
Zoey was the first to move. She gave the other woman’s hand three squeezes, another signal of what was unspoken. She let go and propped herself up to look at Violet's face in the fading sunlight. Violet turned to face the woman who made her heart race. Neither said anything as their eyes watered. They knew what this was, and what it could never be. Zoey shifted and broke eye contact. Her body shifted to her knees before standing up and ending their time together with a very reasonable statement.
“It’s getting late, we should go.”
Years passed.
Violet dressed in that very same dress she’d worn years ago when Zoey and she had shared a day on a piece of 50 by 60 inch fabric. She looked herself over in the mirror and smiled sweetly to herself. Her hand moved to her chest. A ring on her middle finger glinted in the fading sun. She rested her eyes and took in a few low deep breaths to calm herself.
She knew where Zoey was. She knew who she was with. She understood why. And yet, knowing that didn’t make days like today any easier. The days when she longed for just one more day with Zoey. The pull to go to her was so hard to fight. But she knew she had to. She knew she couldn’t change Zoey’s mind.
Violet knew the woman she loved was sharing a bed with a man at night. She knew, and yet, part of her hoped one day she’d come back to her. She longed to hold her in her arms, to care for her when she was unwell, to greet her when she returned home each day, to talk and learn more and more of the woman’s beautiful mind, and to wake up each and every morning. She felt silly thinking so hard about something that could never be. Zoey had made every effort to make that clear to her. Violet couldn’t stop or help the way she felt. Zoey was all she thought about and there were days where everywhere she looked she swore she saw her in the crowd. She knew it was unhealthy to spend so much time thinking about it. Still, she did. She knew how good they could be if only Zoey gave her the chance.
Violet thought of her love every morning when she woke up. She hoped Zoey was happy. That knowledge would make everything okay. But that not knowing kept her up at night. That and the regret. She regretted never getting to change her mind. She never wanted Zoey to be unhappy. She knew it would not have been easy. But still. They could have had each other. Violet longed for the opportunity to show Zoey that.
She stood before the mirror, in that same dress. Her thoughts moved to Zoey in her house with her husband. Her heart hurts but she can’t stop herself. She closed her eyes and fantasized, wildly out of context, about how their life would have been up to that point in life. She wanted so badly for things to be different. But they’ll never get a chance to know. Violet knew that, and still. She dreamed about being able to change Zoey’s mind and to hold her close.
When Zoey left that last time, part of Violet had hoped she’d tell her husband it was over. She was her everything and Violet really thought Zoey had felt the same way. Part of her wished she’d pushed more. If she’d told her everything, not left any of it unspoken, would they have had a shot? Was there any way to know? Violet didn’t. But still, years later she held out hope. In every face she mistook as hers she still held onto that spark of desire and hope to hold the other woman in her arms one day.
Zoey got a call from a friend, who changed everything. She’d told Zoey she’s getting married and asked her if she ever thinks about the one who got away. Zoey had instantly thought of Violet. She did think about her, each and every day. That phone call changed everything. Zoey felt couldn’t hide from it anymore. She packed a bag, left her ring on the table, and went to see if Violet was still in that same apartment.
Zoey knocked on the door where the woman she loves used to live. Her heart and mind racing with everything they could be. Violet opened the door to see Zoey standing there in that same dress. They both move to each other and hold each other close. For just one more moment they’ll leave this thing between them as they sob and hold on, never willing to let go again.