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Eldrithe's Brain Gremlins! ~open to comments~

Eldrithe Whisperwind

Super-Earth
Joined
May 10, 2014
Hello, and welcome to my brain gremlins. I wanted a place where I could post my feelings and what's going on in my life that I want to talk about. That could be anything from being happy or excited about something, to why i'm sad or mad.

I'll try my best not to complain too much about the same things. And, no, I will not post anything bad about Rauk. I don't want to cause drama where it isn't needed. Although I may complain a little if I feel it's appropriate.

Anything I post is open to comments, so don't be afraid to say something. Thanks for reading. :D
 
Tonight has been a massive rollercoaster of emotions. I was hoping my first entry would be something happy, but alas, it's not. On my way home from the gym today I received a call from my dad saying that my mom was being rushed to the hospital because she had a massive seizure, third one this year. The first one resulted in her bitting her tongue, the second one she split her head open and had a black eye, this time she luckily didn't hurt herself but it took her forever to get out of it. And out of the tree this was the worst one.

For some background, both of my parents are military vets. While my mom was in service she had a car accident that resulted in a brain injury that causes her to have seizures. She has to take medication regularly to manage and keep the seizures at bay. The two recent attacks she hadn't taken her medicine, this attack however was different because she did take it.

On the drive home I felt numb and wasn't sure what to do, my parents live three hours away and I can't just up and go at 8pm with a two year old. Walking through the door and having Rauk ask if my dad got ahold of me made everything set in. I cried, a lot. Looking at my daughter I kept hating myself for moving hours away and my parents not being able to see her as much as they would like. Thoughts of my mom passing away and my daughter never having any memories of her scared me.

For two hours I continued to feel numb, patiently waiting on a phone call to tell me what was going on. an hour after getting home I had to force myself to eat something for dinner because I knew i needed too eat.

When they called me and said everything was alright and she needed her medicine dosage upped, I felt this wave of relief wash over me. At this point my nerves were shot all to hell and I still wasn't functioning. I felt selfish for not playing with my daughter and for asking Rauk to sit with me when he could be on his computer.

The first time I really smiled and laughed was when our dog started furiously licking Rauk's face. He kept screaming how her tongue went 10 inches inside his mouth, scraped across his eyeball and how her tongue was going deep into his ear. I laughed so hard I couldn't breath.

Not long after the lick attack I received another phone call from my dad asking if my mom could stay with us for a couple of weeks while their house is being worked on. You better believe I said yes. I want my mom to be here as long as possible and enjoy her first grandkid.

Within a span of 2-3 hours I went from feeling confident coming home from the gym, to numb, to sad, to scared, to guilty, to relieved and to happy. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted now. Hopefully my next entry will be on a happier note.
 
Sorry to hear that. Glad everything has worked itself out and that your mom will be coming to stay with you guys for a while. it's amazing how much parents can help out with kids and just everything around the house.

Glad you're doing better ^_^

May many dog licks come your way in the near future.
 
Sanoci, it was a lot to juggle in that short amount of time.

Sam, thanks. I feel a lot better this morning and I can't wait for my mom to get here. I know she likes visiting because she gets to relax and play with the little one, instead of worrying about cooking and cleaning for five people at home.
 
SithLordOfSnark said:
Thanks for that. Us who haven't been laid in three years appreciate it. :p

Awwww, you can have sex with Rauk. If he resists just tell him i'll buy something. Guaranteed to get him to do what you want.
 
SithLordOfSnark said:
Eldrithe Whisperwind said:
SithLordOfSnark said:
Thanks for that. Us who haven't been laid in three years appreciate it. :p

Awwww, you can have sex with Rauk. If he resists just tell him i'll buy something. Guaranteed to get him to do what you want.

Thanks, but no thanks, he's not my type. :p
BMR's hillbilly uncle is everyone's type. Whether you like it or not.
 
Going to post feelings from the past couple of days.

Monday and Tuesday I had a lot of fun taking my daughter trick or treating for the first time. They had a safe trick or treat at the mall on Monday and then the actual one on Tuesday. At first she didn't want to cary a pumpkin bucket till she realized people were giving her candy, then she refused to let go of it. It was adorable. Seeing her be happy and excited extinguished the bad stuff that happened on Monday.

The bad stuff that happened on Monday was frustration from looking for lost work vehicle keys and finding out we need to spend a lot of money to fix our furnace. There goes christmas present money. -_-

Anyway, Today was a decent day till this evening. I realized this evening, while playing Warcraft, that people only tolerate me because I'm married to Rauk. And not just in Warcraft, but everywhere. Like, people only talk to me because I'm married to him, or because he asks them to play/talk with me. Even people who I considered a friend would rather talk with him instead of me. If I try to start a conversation with those people I'm usually just ignored.

Honestly, I should be used to it by now. I can't begin to tell you how many times people have told me to message them when I want to play a game, talk or hang out and when I do I'm ignored. It also doesn't help that I'm the one that has to initiate the conversation, like they can't be bothered to message me first.

What am I doing wrong? is it because I'm too nice? am I pushy or something? Am I not pervy enough for people? Do I come off as needy? Do people think i'm fake? I don't get it.

I feel like a nuisance more than anything and that if I died nobody would care except Rauk. If Rauk wasn't with me, or if we didn't have a daughter and I wasn't afraid of death I probably would have killed myself by now. Maybe it would be better if I just stopped trying to be friends with people and just kept to myself.

Sorry for the long post, I needed to post my feelings somewhere. BTW, Rauk didn't do anything wrong and I'm not upset with him, none of what I'm feeling is his fault. Just putting that out there.
 
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