This student deserved the A+

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with ! colleagu es, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many
souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in
the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are,
we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we
look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

She's sleeping with the teacher, most likely she already has at least an A.

No she's fucking the student that turned in that paper.

AS OLD AS THE INTERNET

Trygon said:

AS OLD AS THE INTERNET

Click to expand...

Not really, that thing is old enough that only someone entirely new to the internet should have not read it before.

It's old hat.

So sue me. I got it in an E-mail a while back from my dad. Jesus fuck, laugh it's a joke.

Kingschoolyou said:

So sue me. I got it in an E-mail a while back from my dad. Jesus fuck, laugh it's a joke.

Click to expand...

AN OLD JOKE.

Now, if the laugh energy produced by the joke (as rated in miliyucks) is plotted on axis X, and the number of repetitions of the joke the recipient has been exposed to (interpolated by the period of time between exposures) is plotted on axis Y, we see a clear rendition of the law of diminishing returns. What's really interesting is when the X-plot dips below zero, entering a theoretical space we call anti-humor. And when humor and anti-humor interact, the results are unpredictable (see the analysis of the Dane Cook Paradox).

Mr Master said:

Now, if the laugh energy produced by the joke (as rated in miliyucks) is plotted on axis X, and the number of repetitions of the joke the recipient has been exposed to (interpolated by the period of time between exposures) is plotted on axis Y, we see a clear rendition of the law of diminishing returns. What's really interesting is when the X-plot dips below zero, entering a theoretical space we call anti-humor. And when humor and anti-humor interact, the results are unpredictable (see the analysis of the Dane Cook Paradox).

Click to expand...

A quality example of the famed but rare 'Original Joke', which is not subjected to any diminishing returns at all, and is generally considered to be of superior quality.

And here I thought people of discriminating wit were bashing on Dane Cook, like, all the damn time.

Mr Master said:

And here I thought people of discriminating wit were bashing on Dane Cook, like, all the damn time.

Click to expand...

By 'original joke', I meant yours. Dane cook recycles his shit.

Trygon said:

Mr Master said:

And here I thought people of discriminating wit were bashing on Dane Cook, like, all the damn time.

Click to expand...

By 'original joke', I meant yours. Dane cook recycles his shit.

Click to expand...

:-D Yes, I'm being self-deprecating in the face of compliments by pointing out that my closing Dane Cook reference was merely more Dane Cook bashing. Trying to play off my humor as just more of what folks just naturally do.

But since you called me on it, by all means, I'm, like, the Man. I rock! <does a goofy victory dance>

I declare this post has win.