A Writer's Rambling and Break from Reality

Originally, I wasn't going to do one of these.

I knew I'd neglect it and one day even come to possibly regret ever making it. For one, because people would find out I'm a freelance writer and be like 'but you don't post like one' or see things in here and just, not be able to even imagine how someone who loves to use commas, lots of ellipses, emoticons too much, and has run on sentences could be a writer. The problem with both of those things though is that... this is my place. I hereby stake my claim on this little slice of internet as mine.

It is one of the things I get often but I feel like it is like looking a highly paid public speaker delivering a planned and thought out public speech... and then hearing them in a normal conversation. Very, very different.

Luckily, I'm not writing to put food in my mouth. It's something I've been interested in since I was a kid. My husband makes enough to feed us and keep me comfortable, so I really don't want for much. Though when I write for pay, it is a job. And those who say 'you should be happy to be able to do what you love!' should go through this once. Then they'll want to punch people who say that in the mouth just as badly as I do.

Editors not liking a certain arc or wanting things to be dumbed down for their idea of the 'average' person (which is generally a third to fifth grade level) so you have to change it, rejection, research that goes into an article or project, dealing with unknown pay until I get myself out there more. I've only really started within the past year so I haven't gotten that many things yet, and until then... I get paid by the word/page, not the hour.

So, I decided to start RPing again. Most of the better jobs out there come in the form of novellas, especially in the erotic area. As I mentioned in someone's thread somewhere. I was raised up in a pretty sexually repressed household. I live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, Redneckville. If I'm face to face with someone, I get embarrassed and blush when I have to say penis or vagina. I'm not so bad that I call them ding dongs and hoohoos. I'll generally try to avoid the topic all together, but if I can't... I go to the former standbys. God forbid I'm forced to even repeat a slang or derogatory version of a sexual act. My own mother doesn't like to talk to me about sex and would like to think of me as a second Virgin Mary since I've had my daughter.

Behind closed doors, I'm fine. Talk (somewhat) dirty to me, baby. I've got some kinks and possibly even gotten into positions that should be added to books; maybe they're already in them... but I digress.

So, I've been roleplaying for years... on pen and paper before computers became a standard thing to have in a house. My mom worked at college library and later as a creative writing professor, so as a kid going with her to work... I got unlimited access when everyone else only had thirty minutes :3 I was playing chicks in sailor suits when I was ten. Once comps and internet actually became more affordable, people who lived in their mother's basement watching porn and rolling dice, decided that they could combine the two. And a magical thing called Webchat Broadcasting System happened.

First off, let me stop for a second to say... wow. Just typing that out brought back a nostalgia bomb. I wondered why I ever stopped writing there, and then remembered why. Damn Disney!

Anyways, life eventually happened when I got around that age. Interests started changing, focus shifting from leisure activities to school. Got my first job as a cashier in a Golden Corral, because I was still too young to be a server. Weird how they'd trust me around massive amounts of cash, rather than massive amounts of delivering food. Apparently, from what I gathered, it was because of the hours and some of the duties being akin to child slavery. Hilariously, I'm dead serious about this. A 15 year old can only work for 5 hours on a Saturday, 2 on Sunday, and never on a school day or holiday. Since servers have a lot of prep time and clean up, those hours are eaten into. I wasn't allowed to work with sharp objects either, or be around heavy (cleaning) chemicals.

After a couple of years, I landed the perfect job at a small call center answering phones for a living. We had peak hours, but in my downtime, since we didn't have restrictions... I played on the internet where the spark in RPing was rekindled. However, high fantasy realms had been dominated by children wanting to ride unicorns on Gaia. So I got introduced once again to Fandom RP. Toonami was still on so I got my fix in Dragonball Z... and oddly, Power Puff Girls. Then Gundam, new versions of the Sailormoon I once loved, and Tenchi. Those led me to check out subbed versions of anime which got me on to other things. Record of Lodoss War will always have a place in my heart.

It gave me the fantasy style that I had grown up with, some even incorporating dice rolls and character sheets, and let me play in a loosely based world system.

Once I graduated, life hit me again. The dreaded college... and still working, but the company I was with got larger and became national, so only third shift was anything close to peaceful. I stayed with one forum that I'd pretty much lived my life on. It became more than a place to RP, but more like a little home and extended family. Hell, the forum was on lockdown while it was being updated. No one could make posts, but I stayed on the AIM chat and RPed over e-mail.

It was a Fandom site, yes, but done more like DnD with sheets, stats, and strategy. There were no OCs being that it was 500 years after the series took place so I had more creative freedom. It allowed for some more mature adult elements, but there is a lot that is still held back because it is, after all, a place for kids. It is also one of the main reasons I came to BMR. That and because, like I said, the real money is in writing for novellas that tend toward the sexy. I lurked for awhile on another account, didn't really post too much. Now I'm back and looking to actually get my hands dirty with some plots.

Y'know... this whole thing started off with me initially wanting to rant about the snow that attacked my ceiling and put a crack in my roof. :x See what happens when I made the comparison to the public speaker and a planned speech versus casual conversation? They go off topic and ramble, which is essentially what I did. Now it is time to actually do the RP thing and stop posting on General threads and talking to myself.

Weather Hates Me

So, for those who I'm in threads or other things with, this is a bit of an apology and explanation.

Three words explain it all: Weather hates me.

Deep south never sees snow. In the past two weeks, we've had it twice and multiple inches of it. There should have been more snow, but add in a bit of torrential rain and you get hail and sleet. Power lines do not like these things and no one down here knows how to cope. One whisper and everyone comes out of the woodwork and buys up all the milk and bread.

Anyways, add a 4.2 earthquake on top of all of that... and I've been without power for 46 hours. Before that it would go on and off for a few hours at a time.

I hope to be all caught up soon; I've got a lot to catch up on. Not just here, but other forums and life in general.

Wow, has it really only been two months? It seems like so much longer than that.

Anyways... I'm now a little richer and I have a fixed roof. Hooray for prudish, wealthy people who want a fan service novella on a strict deadline. This is the first time I've actually let myself get online in a couple of months for something besides e-mail, which I usually just check from my phone or tablet.

As I expected, some people didn't want to wait around and I can't blame them. During all of the insane weather, my ability and availability to post was erratic. Then this wonderful freelance job fell into my lap and the time constraints made it consume my life for the next ninety days, with some time to spare thanks to a burst of inspiration. Now that I'm done, I'm hoping to relieve some of the burnout and do something for myself. I had only really gotten to what I considered set up, mostly throwing ideas around and dipped my toe into a couple of short lived threads.... but I'm back.

You never know what you've got until it's gone...

*~* WARNING *~*
While I don't intend this to be a very long, or very detailed rant... it has the possibility to be because it is still an open wound.

Last time I took an unannounced sabbatical, it had been because of a nice paying job landing in my lap. I was under a ninety day deadline to get out a few chapters that expanded on a vague idea. As any Freelancer will probably know, it can be very difficult. You write, you edit, you show, they tell you what to tweak and on occasion one seemingly tiny change derails what you had planned if you got the contract.

So I made a brief come back, only to find out about a week later that I was pregnant. Still very early on and the way I found out wasn't pleasant. I can usually drink someone twice my size under the table, but after a few shots, I was making my offerings to the porcelain god. Then I got rear ended thanks to idiot drivers. Someone got too close to me at a red light, someone bitch on her phone didn't see the red light and hit them hard enough to push the car into me and make my airbag pop out. You'd think that something meant to keep you from getting hurt... wouldn't have the opposite effect. My head hit the side window and it was bleeding. So I had to go to the hospital. I told them I was on a controlled seizure medication and whenever I go to any doctor, they always check your blood and urine levels because it is hell on liver and kidneys. I have shit for veins, so they had to go through my wrist and stabbed a nerve. Temporary carpal tunnel in my right hand. Then they came back with the news.

I didn't know how to feel. I never really wanted to have kids and was told pretty early on that the chances of me ever getting pregnant were low what with my crazy shaped insides (bicornuate uterus so it's shaped like a heart rather than a pear) and constantly getting fibroids. I was only four weeks along. I'd been on depo for years and got used to not having a period. I can't even remember the last time I had one. They gave the news happily and didn't understand why I was crying. I don't see myself as a motherly figure. I'm a spoiled brat myself so dealing with another is like... well, let's just say I like being an aunt. I can give them back and deal with them when I want to.

My long time boyfriend had second thoughts about me RPing on here and honestly, so did I. It felt weird. I mean, he watches his porn and I type mine out. We're both cool with it. Add a little alien in your body to the mix and things start to get weird. Because I was high risk, I had to go to a local OB until they could work me in to see a specialist. I live in a small as shit town and I wasn't keen on giving birth at a hospital that stabbed me through the vein trying to draw blood. Anyways, the first OB told me everything was fine. The blood flow was great. The position was fine. I got to hear it's heartbeat and even got a little picture. It looked like a peanut so that is what I started calling my alien.

Two more weeks of pure hell. It was beyond the worst morning sickness I had heard about. The local OB told me it was because they had to scale back my seizure medicine and put me on something that was less damaging for the baby. Add in all the new horomones coursing through my system. I had started bleeding by that point. Leaving out the icky details, they told me some spotting was natural. Implantation bleeding was old blood. Still I knew something wasn't right so I called the better OB an hour away and they were freaked out and brought me in immediately.

Turned out, the local OB didn't know shit. Peanut wasn't in the right position. It was stuck in the lower part of my tube. The blood was from where the tube had tearing behind the still growing embryo. So it was essentially being blocked by Peanut. There was nothing they could do. I had to have an emergency tubal ligation or risk more internal bleeding should it completely rupture. I had actually grown attached to Peanut, more than I ever thought I could. They told me that even if I didn't need the tube removed, any ectopic pregnancy was almost destined to miscarry.

I was put on bed rest for three days and after that told I could go back to my normal routine... but I don't handle sitting still very well... and apparently, my routine wasn't 'normal'. I wasn't supposed to be taking out trash and pushing around furniture. So... I'm not sure what happened, but something about the internal stitches... I went back in for post op and they put me on a shit ton of pain killers.

Not going to lie and say I'm not depressed as all hell. But I don't feel like wallowing either. I need a distraction but I'm too unfocused to get back to work. I've marathoned every show I was interested in on Netflix. And I think I'm the reason my 360 broke. It just couldn't handle that much Diablo. So, here I am again...

Out for a couple of more days

So a four day vacation turned into helping two different people move to different cities, each over two hours one way. AND an overnight hospital stay, which is where I'm writing from if admins notice the difference in usual IP.

-_-

Note to self: Soda all the time is bad. Drink water.

Interesting note to others:
But first a warning of TMI:

Did you know a normal, healthy person should be peeing out six cups of urine a day regardless of your fluid intake.
A normal, healthy person should be going to the bathroom to pee about six to eight times a day.
(So given those things, I am not a normal, healthy person.)
There are actually four different types of kidney stones.
Apparently, kidney stones are pretty common... it is only when they're large enough to cause a blockage that people take notice.
And... this is out of the mouth of the doctor who admitted me. Sometimes the reason is as benign just living in the South East. Something to do with heat and humidity.
I don't have any experience of my own to go on, but I've been told passing a 'larger' kidney stone is more painful than having a baby.

And now... the pain meds for the night have kicked in and they're working very well. <3