The Origins of Sexual Fetishes Explained

Hey there Blue Moon!

Okay, grab your torches and light your pitchforks or anything, but I may have lied a little in the title. Fear not, fellow freaks! My goal today (and hopefully yours, after finished reading) is that we can all collaborate on the subject.

Disclaimer-ish: I have included links to relevant topics below, if you are so inclined to delve a little deeper as I have. If you don’t want sex- and fetish-related articles in your history, I would advise against opening them, but you’re already on Blue Moon, so I’m sure you guys are safe from... yeah, sex and fetish stuff. Also, please keep in mind that this thread is (mostly) based off of research, while including some of my own opinions, musings, and conclusions. I’d be more than happy to hear of whatever argument you may summon against whatever it is you disagree with or wish to discuss more thoroughly. That’s what this post is all about! Well, partially.

An Intro to the Perverse of Mind


That is to say, I wanted the chance to discuss sexual quirks and kinks. Specifically the psychology and possible reasoning behind them. It's something I've always been interested in, and, when given the chance (while doing my best not invading anyone's personal bubble), I will talk about sex and sexuality with friends. Sometimes even ask them of their own sexual preferences! It's purely out of curiosity and in no way influences how I treat them, that much is (hopefully) obvious. I've been an inhabitant of the deep, dark corners of the internet for too long to be judgemental of what gets someone hot and bothered. If anything, it strengthens the bonds of friendship! Like learning about their favorite animal or favorite food! Ahem. I digress.

Knowing what someone's favorite freaky fetishes are is in no way a means of understanding that fetish. Unless, of course, it's one of your own, too. Even then you may not understand it yourself. Perhaps you've never contemplated where it originated from, or what exactly it was that had drawn you to it in the first place. Well, buttercup, guess what we’re here to do today!

Schools of Thought in Regards to Origins of Arousal


I think can safely assume that most fetishes on the more “vanilla” side of the spectrum can be put under a few easily understandable categories, not all of which are included here. Instead are a few examples that I have gathered: evolution, conditioning, or cross-wiring.

Obviously evolution plays what is arguably the biggest part of what determines what we find sexually appealing. Breasts, butts, bodytypes, ethnicity, anything that one may be drawn to in an aesthetic sense to best determine a healthy, fertile partner to produce equally (or superiorly!) healthy offspring. That much is simple. We learned it in high school sex ed. Or biology. Or both.

Conditioning is what most researchers believe to be the origins of fetishes. Essentially, certain experiences imprint upon your psyche at a young age (five or six years old sort of young) that will later develop into sexual preference as you bloom into a beautiful, sex-crazed flower. Hell, before I was even ten years old I had my toys interact with one another in ways that would be serious cause for concern, had my parents seen me mashing them together in obscene ways. I knew what doing the dirty do was before I even... well, knew what it was. Other researchers argue that development occurs in adolescence. Perhaps a combination of both! Sexual attraction can even be developed even later on with the right dose of conditioning.

Speaking of childhood, Sigmund Freud would also be pressed to mention the Oedipus complex, in which children manifest the desire to “sexually possess” the parent of the opposite sex. This could weigh into the argument that we look for partners that physically and/or mentally resemble our parents, or, in some cases, a taste for incest.

Just for science's sake, let's take a look at foot fetishes. As some of you may be aware, it's a common example for a scientific explanation of a fetish, or at least a... step... in the right direction. i'm not leaving

The infamous foot fetish has been studied for quite some time, now. Feet/footwear have earned the reputation for the most sexualized body part/objects that don't directly correlate with genitals. Scientifically, it has been noted that the bits of your brain that identify feet and genitals are actually mapped next to each other and can, in some cases, be a tad cross-wired, and in one documented case has even caused orgasms through the foot. Yeah, you heard right. Neat, huh?

So, in short, it can be said that the underlying reason for foot fetishes is, essentially, your brain getting them confused with your genitals. Good job, brain.

What About Power?


The relation of power to sex is a fairly significant component of a person’s sexuality. Most individuals can identify as dominant, submissive, switch, or somewhere along a similar scale. Maybe even more extreme situations like predator versus prey. Or hey, some people may not consider themselves anywhere on the spectrum, that’s cool too. However, there are countless fetishes relevant to power (ones that adhere to humiliation or degradation) just as much as innocence (virginity, corruption, teenaged, etc). One might say that this aspect of sex can simply be traced back to evolution. Innocence could correlate to fertility and/or otherwise untouched territory, perhaps? Dominance is a desirable trait, no?

On that note, I love dominance. (Bear with me, I’m going somewhere.) It’s something that I might be able to shed a little light on and try to understand.

My Own Experience


I’m a switch. If I’m to be dominant, I want to be able to overpower someone who is otherwise stronger than me. Similarly, if I’m to be submissive, I want to kick and thrash and curse as wildly as my body can assert, and still not be able to break free. These examples can be literal or figurative. Basically, I want to overpower, or be overpowered. There’s no keeling over without a fight in the bedroom for me. At all.

Whether it’s to feel power in my hands, or to be under the influence of another person’s power, it’s hot. It makes me bite my lip and dig my nails into whatever’s near. I can only assume that this can be tied into the desire for dominance. I’ve also loved play fighting and rough-housing since I was a wee bab, and I’ve trained in martial arts for the better part of my life. Working up a sweat and getting handsy is just fun for me. And guess what? As soon as I hit puberty, I was still play fighting and rough-housing, and eventually, one wrestling match happened to be in my bed, then another, and another... Spend enough time rolling around in a bed, hormones are gonna intervene and suddenly the rolling takes a turn for the best.

I like being rough, and I like to be roughed up. Bam. Sexual origin story right there.

Schools of thought in relation to fetish origin aside, there are some fetishes that are, arguably, damn near impossible to explain. A random example (from my own preferences in hopes that I don’t step on too many toes) is stigmatophilia. In short, it’s an attraction to those who have been tattooed, pierced, and/or scarified, in some cases the genital region. Dudes with ear piercings? Girls with sleeve tattoos? Girls and boys with nipple piercings? My body is ready. But why is my body ready? Was it conditioning? Some deep-seeded subconscious desire for the painted canvas of a tastefully decorated body, in juxtaposition to my affiliation to the creation of art? Do I just really like shiny things? It could be all of the above!

Anyway, I’ve rambled on long enough.

In Summary

As far as I’ve gathered, most preferences and fetishes can only be identified on an individual basis. (This is most strongly prevalent in the BDSM community, I’ve noticed.) Everyone has different reasons why they’re drawn to something, and it’s very likely impossible to simplify it so narrowly as "People are aroused by these things and this is why. End of story." The human mind is a complex thing. I often relate sexuality and spirituality to one another, and I know that even though not everyone is conscious of it, they wouldn't disagree if they heard the two in the same context. And so, much like spirituality, it's all quite dependent on the person and their beliefs and way of life. There's no right or wrong, no final answer.

A final note; please keep it respectful, guys. I really feel that I shouldn’t have to say it, but I have encountered a few judgemental folk who really should have kept their trap shut. We’re here to explore the psychology of sex, not call each other weirdos.

We’re all weirdos anyway.

And so! I wanted to ask you, dear fellow perverts, what thoughts you may have on your own sexual preferences, or even others you have yet to understand. Or maybe you’re like me! And you’re here to sit back, and listen, hoping to learn something new from this vast source of perverts, fetishists and other unmentionables that you may have otherwise been ignorant of. What is your favorite fetish, and why do you think it’s your favorite? What about it arouses you so much? What fetishes are there that you just can’t seem to wrap your head around?

I hope to hear as many theories as you can share. Best of fuck to you all!

Since this does seem like an interesting topic to discuss, I'll move this to the Academy Section.

Hahvoc The Decepticon said:

Since this does seem like an interesting topic to discuss, I'll move this to the Academy Section.

Click to expand...

As soon as I posted it I realized it was probably better off there, but it was late and I was so tired I thought to deal with it later. Thank you very much!

Hooray! I get to be the first participant.

This topic is something I've often wondered about. Being a freelancer, you have to know what people are like and why so I've had a number of classes on psychology, sociology, and philosophy. But I think if I had gone to any of professors with a topic like this, and going into detail, I'd probably be kicked out.

Being a fairly new mom, I've learned waaay more about kids and how their sexuality from my daughter. I was pretty disturbed by it at first, but the more I actually got to talking about it, it is pretty damn common. In some ultrasounds, boys are seen 'masturbating' in the womb. My little girl went through almost three years. It took awhile to get to her to learn that this is something like the potty. You do it in private and don't really go talking about it. Finally we got her to just go to her room and close the door if it was something she wanted to do. Needless to say, every time it happened (and there were a lot of closed doors), I'd feel uneasy. It came out of no where, for no real reason but I think that lends some credibility to the fact that sexual nature is prevalent before you're actually born. At that age, it is just something that feels good to them even if they don't get the whole experience yet.

As for Freud, at times I just want to go back in time and beat him in the head. (This is a little bit of the immature kid coming out in me, but I couldn't stop laughing in class when we started learning about Karen Horney and how she seemed to challenge his theories at every turn when it came to his views on sexuality.) Anyways... maybe it was just the environment I grew up in but I've found most of these, at least the earlier ones, to be false in myself and with friends.

In the case of incest, I think it is something that does develop overtime. In a way, I see that being on par with homosexuality and pansexuality. I'm a bisexual though, so keep that in mind as I explain. Even as a child, from like eight to ten years somewhere in there, I was attracted to both genders. I was just raised in a pretty sexually repressed environment. When talking face to face with someone, I can barely even get out the word vagina or penis without blushing. God forbid I try to actually spit out a slang or more derogatory term. But getting back to the point... there is a certain truth to people being born with a preference toward their later sexual natures. You can't really help who you become attracted to and the feelings are still there, even if it is your choice to suppress them because you think (or are taught) that they are wrong.

The article about the 'foot orgasm' was actually a bit surprising. Not sure why exactly she'd want them to stop, but that besides the point. xD

I think that a major part of understanding or even sometimes developing a fetish is through being introduced to it. Just talking with others openly at least gets communication going, which leads to intrigue, and for some ultimately seeking it out. Even if it is just to try to understand it better and figure out what is so appealing about something they might find appalling.

My husband has a foot fetish but when he was first told about someone else's in middle school and showed some videos. He didn't get it. Curiosity kept him looking to figure out just what made it so intriguing... and now he has one. At first I was freaked out and didn't get it. Now after being with him for years, I at least have some appreciation for it.

I've always had a thing for shoes. At first it was just because I needed them to match whatever I was wearing, so I could easily have twenty boxes in my closet and all of them were worn frequently. Now though, there is more to it than what just looks the best. I look at the way it makes my foot arch, the way it shapes it, if anything is spilling out or has to be buckled too tight for it to stay on. I don't get all excited about it, but I do take into consideration how he'd think I'd look in it and I've become more comfortable with it and even see it to a point. Nerve connections, shapes (seriously, put your feet together and it makes a uterine shape), tactile feelings (been told that it also feels like one when giving a foot job)... at least for him. Again, I look at them and still see feet but he sees more (and keeps me in pedicures) so I'm fine with it.

Given my own experiences, I find my biggest one (Bondage and SM) to be a bit ironic. I was in an abusive relationship before where getting tied up and hit didn't get me off. But before and after, I didn't shy away from it. Don't get me wrong, getting punched is different from biting, scratches, and hair pulling. I will say that before that though, I was sort of okay with a little face slap if it was done playfully. Now I'll punch someone if they try it.

Again, getting off point though. I am by no means a dominant person in the bedroom. I love to be in the submissive role. It goes into a bit of your own story, wanting to be overpowered. I do like to mix in bondage a lot because... for me at least, it is a build up. You know what is coming, you want it, but you don't know when. When you do get it, you might not be able to get exactly what you wanted and there isn't really anything you can do to make it happen. Or maybe it is too much and you can't immediately stop it or pull away. (Fun with spreader bars!) But again, the more you are exposed be it thoughts or feelings, your body and mind get used to the idea.

I think that is sort of where my thrill for non-con (online at least) comes from because that is sort of the ultimate form of being helpless and overtaken. If I'm watching someone else in a movie, porn (yes, chicks watch it too), or hear about it happening to someone in real life, I cringe. So I guess that is my version of your stigmatophilia.

However, I can see that a lot more easily. Most of the time, people get piercings in places that are erotically provocative, or near them. Even something as simple as earrings, which people don't really even consider when talking about body piercings anymore, draw attention to their ear and neck. Navels draw attention to the stomach and ab area, occasionally even hips or pelvic area if you're eyes wander and offers a sort of balance or focal point between them all. Nose rings draw attention to the face and are close by the lips. Labrets pretty much just draw attention toward the lips and mouth. Even most surface piercings (like corset rings) are done for the purpose of drawing attention to or enhancing something other people naturally find beautiful.

When it comes to the tattoos though, I don't have much of a good description or reasoning. Maybe part of the same depending on who is looking and how far. They get drawn in by the actual art and color of the tattoo, then see where it actually is or what it's by with their peripheral vision. Since you specifically mentioned sleeve tattoos, and they're close to the chest/breasts.

Similarly, I think we are attracted to things that already interest us like you touched on. Seeing tattoos as a piece of art on a beautiful canvas. My non-con going into being the ultimate form of submission. Even the ones I find stranger, I can at least correlate them to something that corresponds to it. Furries are a consensual with an animal, or at least a safer and legal way to carry it out. Vore going back to maybe the most extreme form of dominance and submission. Hell, even after reading parts of a book, "Necrophilia Variations" by Supervert, I've come to be able to at least understand why some people would be attracted to that. Then again, maybe it was first being exposed to it from a chick on hysterical literature and knowing what was going on under the table and hearing the erratic breathing as she read a passage from it.

I think if there is truly one fetish I don't get at all is Formicophilia (bitten by insects) and Dendrophilia (true hippy tree love). I even have a friend who has Oculolinctus (a fetish that sounds like a disease but translates getting off from licking eyes, or having hers licked... which would likely lead to disease) :x

I only like women with big/plumpy lips.

Does that count as a fetish?
Hah.

Kids are much more aware of sexuality than most people are willing to accept, it's true. Human nature and all that. Your daughter is lucky to have an open-minded mom!

I like your take on stigmatophilia, too. Obviously piercings draw attention to certain body parts, though I never regarded it in a sexual way (besides finding piercings to be attractive on certain people). Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Border Lord said:

I only like women with big/plumpy lips.

Does that count as a fetish?
Hah.

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I think that ties into evolution and being drawn to traits that reveal some degree of healthiness. But hey, it could also just be an oral fixation. Oral sex is also tied to helping a women's body have a safe, healthy pregnancy. So there's that.

Damn what a great topic!

I think fetishes are fascinating in their diversity! As for Freud he was a sexist moron with tunnel vision. As to childrens ways of thinking, please refer to Piaget as I've found the work to be eye opening in many regards.

I'm a fan of operant conditioning and while I'm supposed to use it in my work, it also works fantastic on my girlfriend! lol

Seriously though fetishes are a way of expressing ourselves in a deep way and truly show our personality traits as clear as a book. Me for example: I love roleplay in and out of the bedroom. Costumes, corsets, werewolves, etc, are all things that make me crazy nuts horny-oh and I found a fairly recent one in the last year-BDSM. These two fetishes reveal of me that I am:
1. Too tightly controlled and feel most relaxed when I can step outside the rules of polite society.
2. Like the power play of subs and doms showing that I lean heavily on trust as the foundation of most of my relationships.
3. I am pocket sized at 5'1, 107 lbs. so playing a badass six foot werewolf is empowering and it thrills me to no end!

Enough about me up there. Fetishes stem from the old debate of nature vs. nurture and as such are based on some granule of truth, fact and/or a place of safety. Look at the classic Oedipus complex and how far it touches everyone's life. To the kids saying 'MILF,' cougar, incest, co-dependency of father/mother issues, penis/vagina worship, and age play. There are many more and it's almost a kevin bacon sort of thing but you get the idea.

In nature vs. nurture, you might have been breast fed, so women give you security and you might want to nurse or lactate as an adult. Simple explanation for a simple fetish. On similar lines, admiration of enlarged body parts can anthropomorphize some people into a fetish for wanting to -be- the animal with impressive endowments that mere humans could never have.

I consider fetishes a healthy expression of who we are, as long as others rights and safety are not impinged upon. So we can attach cause to both our secure places and insecurities to our chosen fetishes. If you like feet, then good for you! If you like pink satin thongs to wear despite society's gender norms, then good for you!

My personal theory is that fetishes let us be free to be our true selves where society, rules, family, gender, law, size, sexuality or whatever, does not have to control us unless we want it to. Fetishes are truly a creative thing that more people should indulge in. Embrace your fetish because it's a creative expression of who you are.

*steps off of soapbox and goes back to scary awesome badass werewolves*

BDSM was one of the subjects that, while researching, I came across the most variety of "origins". Each person's experience is quite different from the next, at least in regards as to why they are aroused by it so much. Most had to do with a feeling of freedom or release, as well as stress relief. Obviously there are other possibilities, but again, every answer will vary depending on the individual.

Regardless, sexual expression is certainly a large contribution to a happy, healthy lifestyle. ^^

Xeres said:

Kids are much more aware of sexuality than most people are willing to accept, it's true. Human nature and all that. Your daughter is lucky to have an open-minded mom!

I like your take on stigmatophilia, too. Obviously piercings draw attention to certain body parts, though I never regarded it in a sexual way (besides finding piercings to be attractive on certain people). Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Border Lord said:

I only like women with big/plumpy lips.

Does that count as a fetish?
Hah.

Click to expand...

I think that ties into evolution and being drawn to traits that reveal some degree of healthiness. But hey, it could also just be an oral fixation. Oral sex is also tied to helping a women's body have a safe, healthy pregnancy. So there's that.

Click to expand...

Interesting point. Never really thought of it that way.
I personally just like something to smooch, haha.

First of all, I cringe when I read posts like the one I'm about to write. It's a classic "but the premise of the thread is questionable in the first place" post, which I usually attribute to people who are too comfortable with behaving like a tool on a forum.

I do, respectfully, question the premise of the thread. Any mention of Freud makes me dubious right away. Freud made his contributions, but his ideas are about as relevant to modern psychology as Edison's are to modern semiconductor technology. Freud remains a darling among those not directly related to psychology, because his ideas are fairly intuitive and are interwoven traditionally with, for instance, literary analysis.

I don't believe that we can find an "explanation" for our preferences or personality, at least not through the crude methods we use today. I can look at the diversity among siblings and see that experience alone won't explain why we are what we are, why we like what we like.

Think of the pretty normal, responsible, level-headed families in which one child keeps getting into trouble. One kid among siblings that just doesn't fit in or toe the line. Parents are the common scapegoat for this, and it's not justified.

It seems to me to be not only pointless, but impossible to really nail down, through observation and interview, what governs sexual or other visceral preferences, because there are so many competing influences. Anecdotal evidence is countered by anecdotal evidence and the debate carries on.

Certainly big events can affect us. So can small things, consistently, over time. There are definitely societal influences. However, we're not all born homogeneous; we're not born quite the blank slate that it's so often suggested that we are. Our genes help define us. The more I've lived, the more I've noticed that gestures, gaits, attitudes can be handed down right along with noses, eyes, voices, hair, and, unfortunately diseases.

How our environment interacts with our innate psyche is the real key. Science can study life experience and make tenuous correlations to behavior, but the fact is that no two people will cope in exactly the same way with life's circumstances. To suggest otherwise underestimates the complexity of the human mind and our capacity for individuality.

Behavioral studies on the topic garner grant money and keep researchers occupied. Personally, I don't believe that there's any explaining my favorite color, much less my sexual leanings, without making a fairly accurate map of my brain, and a fairly comprehensive accounting of my life.

And even then, I'll have to question who is right in the interpretation, of what is cause and what is effect. The more accurate a model, the harder it is to understand.

I actually find this an interesting topic as it's something I ponder often enough.

I am a firm believer that the way a person turns out is a mix of both nature (and not just genetics, but our time in the womb) and nurture. Because indeed, as LoadStar mentioned, two people in the same environment don't turn out the same. I only bring this up to point out that, even so, I don't see why that should stop anyone from exploring the matter.

In fact, it might make it all the more interesting. We're all unique in our wiring, so how might such different sorts of people have ended up with such similar tastes? We can't really look at the part one was born with, but it's still interesting to look at the influences we can identify.

I don't really have a lot of...very interesting kinks to explore, though.

I remember often tying up my female dolls when I was little, putting them in all sorts of damsel in distress sorts of situations. Also sitting between couch cushions and the couch back because I somehow liked being stuck there. Later in life when I started figuring out bondage turned me on I remembered this, and thought "...I was into this stuff earlier than I imagined. o.o"

Though I also seemed to have a thing for wrapping my stuffed animals and dolls of both genders in toilet paper as "bandages". That didn't turn out to be a fetish, I just think I had a thing for being the home's doctor/nurse. Someone got hurt I'd rush like the wind to get betadine and a band-aid...

Back to the point. At times I have considered...perhaps cartoons play a part in these things? Maybe it's weird, probably an idiotic idea...And of course, it doesn't explain a whole lot of things.
In my case, I watched things where the damsel ended up in distress and stuff like that. (Though these days, it actually many times annoys me, depending how it goes...)
The idea also came, though, from seeing all the furry fans out there. I am not one, and so I really hope not to offend any by bringing it up, for I mean no harm. I respect people with all sorts of likes and dislikes - if you're not hurting anyone? I think it's all good. Anyway...as I was saying. It's just there are a lot of anthropomorphic characters in cartoons. Often places filled with all sorts of different kinds. I didn't watch those sorts of cartoons so much.
Then again, perhaps I didn't watch them because I already wasn't a fan of that sort of character. And watched what I did because I somehow already liked that. o.o Huh. It's hard to say...

Alright, ramble over.

I know that the origins of the "futanari" fetish is strongly linked with the use of strap-ons by women.

For example, I came into futanari because I absolutely LOVED girl on girl porn where one would hold the other down and fuck her raw with a giant strapon dick, but still I felt like it lacked something... cum! cum, semen, white creamy, warm sticky goo, that's what it missed! then I came across futanari, which is pretty much that, the act of a woman wearing a strapon is a hermaphrodite fetish, where she holds both male and female genitals while also having a female form with the rest of her body, this fetish turns many men and women on, the futanari fetish simply completes this by making the penis a living organ attached to the woman, and she uses it to fuck and cum inside of both men and women (in RL porn it's mostly men, in Hentai it's mostly women)

BAM! the futanari fetish is just the next step up on the line of "strapon lesbian sex"

As a real life sex slave, what many would consider fetishes for me is more like a means to an end....it's said that a dominant, either male or female will only have as much power over their submissives as the sub wishes to freely give them. That being said, things like bondage is a necessary element with us...the only time we have sex is when I'm tied up and often ballgagged.....

bimbo a la blonde said:

As a real life sex slave, what many would consider fetishes for me is more like a means to an end....it's said that a dominant, either male or female will only have as much power over their submissives as the sub wishes to freely give them. That being said, things like bondage is a necessary element with us...the only time we have sex is when I'm tied up and often ballgagged.....

Click to expand...

Isn't being a slave and submissive two different aspects... From what I have read not sure if it is accurate or not a submissive only gives control over to the dominant while still maintaining power to stop whatever they are doing . While a slave relinquishes both power and the control to the dominant partner. A submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say "no" to a dominant command. A slave commits to obey. A 'no' becomes a dealbreaker in a way it can never be for a submissive.

As for me I really don't know where my love for latex came from. I guess I was into bondage at the time and I wondered if there was some way to cover the body in some sort of bondage. The wonders of google lead me to it (I think I put second skin don't really remember)) and I feel in love it.

Then comes pet play, something about a human taking animal characteristic is appealing to me. Latex pony girls with complete tack of harness, bridle with blinders, bit, reins and perhaps blindfold, hoof hands and boots tight matching corset. Maybe throw an armbinder instead of hoof hands.

Yeah have no idea if this likes of mine our considered sexual fetishes, but this are my fetish

Mistress has always had an affinity for cats, so she started morphing me into one, complete with a buttplug with faux fur on it for a tail, kitty ears glued to a barette I wear and whiskers mounted with adhesive....she likes taking me for walks as I scurry along on all fours....at least with pony play, they sometimes have the luxury of standing erect

Things are getting a bit off track here. While it's fine to bring in 'personal' (using that term loosely for a reason) experiences to help support the topic of discussion, it gets a bit much when they are brought up merely for the sake of it. Such instances are best left to your journal.

That said, carry on, just stay on topic and in line with discussion. Thank you.

From my perspective of sub/slave dynamics [Mind you, I'm a Switch and this is just from my own experiences around subs/slaves and their Doms and my own views on it]:

sub: All subs are submissive and all slaves are submissive but not all submissives are slaves. Submissives and their Doms/Sirs/Dommes/etc work out limits and trust is built. They then come to a conclusion to be in a Dom/me/sub relationship in which the Dominant is given control on the basis that they will adhere to the wishes of the sub and their limits and that there is a safeword that will be adhered to. Trials and errors often occur.

slave: This is a step further down the line of submissive. It is giving over body, will, and control in a manner that suits both parties. That isn't to say there is no such thing as a safeword, but it becomes the Master/Dom/Domme/Mistress to determine what limits to push and what to leave alone. Everyone, including slaves, have their limits. However, in this type of relationship, the dominant partner decides most things. It usually [but not always] is a 24/7 type of relationship in which rules are abided and punishments doled out along with rewards based upon the assignment/rules set in place. Sometimes, it will go so far as to the dominant partner setting up the slave's agenda for the day, ie, what to wear, what appointments are to be maintained, what foods are allowed to be eaten, etc. Those can be extreme cases. In a lot of ways, it is giving over the "burden of making decisions" to the one that has a better ability to make those decisions. Slaves are not mindless drones as they do still maintain their own feelings, thoughts, etc. However, there are some types that prefer to be almost puppet like. Also in this type of relationship, contracts can be drawn up that both parties agree to.

I can give other definitions, but those seem to be the ones that get circled around.

I wanna know the appeal of cheating/cuckold.

personally, If I was in a relationship, and I was in love with her, I would never get off to the idea of her fucking another man, and I would never get off to the idea of me fucking a girl who has another man who's in love with her, honestly all that does with me is make me hate the cheater.