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Shimmy Shimmy. (Everyday musings...witty banter always welcome)

I'll make this short and simple.

Today is my mom's birthday. Been a bit...wonky the past few days. I'm easily irritable, I'm sad, I'm happy to have this dinner tonight where we can all hopefully reminisce so I can have good memories of her to look forward to, I have a short fuse and I want to cry at everything.

Just for today, no one piss me off. I'd really greatly appreciate it. Just one day. That's all I'm asking >.<
 
So apparently it's more than a day that I am down. Mom's birthday was yesterday. And though it is after the fact, other things have made me down. But it's all relative. I miss her like crazy. I'm reminded everyday that my older brother has his parent he was always close with and I don't have the parent that i was always close with. And bless my dad's heart but he made his choice of who he would rather be with and spend time with and that crushed me. I'm sure he's in pain, but like My Chemical Romance's song, "I'm Not Okay" I'm really not okay when I say I am fine.

Replies will be slow. Bare with me please. I'm just not okay. So I will stop saying I'm fine. I'm not.
 
Don't you even worry about replies. Just take your time to deal with the much important things in the way that's best for you,

You're strong, love, much stronger than you realise, you'll get through it and come out the other side. Like Haru, you know I'm always here if you need me.
 
I understand how you feel, Mali. I miss Dad when his birthday comes around, I miss him at Easter and Christmas...hell, I even miss him when we have a standard family gathering and he's not there falling asleep at the end of the table after we've eaten. It does get easier, eventually - dealing with the loss, that is, not the loss itself.

But I've never been pushy about replies. You make sure you're in a good space first. Taking care of yourself is more important than pushing yourself into a hobby. *hugz*
 
Finals are next week. That means this week is the last bit. Most people don't have classes this week. But I do >.< And there is so much to be done. I won't be replying to any role plays until after finals are over. I will do my best to reply to OOC stuff but if I don't for a while, I'm not ignoring anyone. I'm just swamped >.< Two more weeks and I will know if my GPA made it and then after that, I will be rocking back and forth like a wayward child as I wait for the results of my full major application. Bare with me, all of you <3 I love you all you awesome lovers
 
Finals are over. The semester is over. I am waiting on the grades to decide how I did, lol.

But that means with all of that lifted off my shoulders, I am buzzing with muse-ical energy. So I invite my partners, that when the time is good and they are feeling the muse or have the time, to go ahead and load up my box with replies, because this Mali is ready for business!

I swear I'm not a whore. I didn't realize this sounded very hookerish xD

Please come :D
 
I'd like to clap and cheer and celebrate with you, but...I get the feeling there's something a bit darker in that comment of yours. My Inbox is always open, if you've a mind to rant. :)
 
I guess the therapy is going to have to wait...

My dad called me today and asked if I could make an emergency trip to California. He brought his dad over from India about a few weeks ago. But since my dad works a lot, his dad is home alone most of the day. So I will be going to California, for the entire summer, and being my grandpa's caregiver, giving them all enough time to find a proper caregiver. And I will be getting paid :D So I got me a summer job.

This brightens up my mood a lot. I didn't want work in retail. I don't plan to have a career in retail. But I want to work as a tutor, caregiver or something along those lines because it's closer to education and teaching than retail is. So I applied to a lot of places for tutoring and care-giving yesterday and today and then I get this opportunity from my dad. It's perfect. So yeah. Things are looking up ^^
 
Had a bit of a flashback to when my mom went to the hospital and never came home.
My dad had to go to the ER today, under urgent advisement from the opthamologist he visited today because since yesterday, he’s been having ‘double vision.’ He went to the ER to get two CT scans. And it turns out that while they found nothing abnormal in those scans, ‘double vision’ is one of the first symptoms of a stroke. Even though a stroke nurse did come by to see if he was having a stroke--he wasn’t, based on her tests--it’s still a scary possibility.

The flashback was the fact that my mom went to the hospital via ambulance and into the ER and later that night went into cardiac arrest and she never came back. When my dad told me that he had to go to the ER, it took all I had not to burst into tears because the very thought that something would go wrong with him and I lose him too, I don’t know what would happen. I don’t know how I would be after that and he’s already been through so much health wise, anymore just seems like the universe’s message of sending him to my mom.

But he is fine. We’re all pretty sure he is just fine, this is just the hospital wanting to make sure he is fine and figure out why he is experiencing ‘double vision’ out of his right eye. Through his left eye, he can see just fine. The hospital is keeping my dad overnight so that tomorrow they can run a whole bunch of other tests. It was just so frustrating going back and forth from the ER to home today and trying to keep it together. The very thought of another parent going to the ER is such an uncomfortable feeling. But knowing with every fiber in my being that he is okay, I feel like I can relax.

What also makes me so relaxed is knowing that the hospital and doctor want to run every test possible to really make sure that he is okay before releasing him. I think back to my mom and I was so angry when the hospital released her after her collapse in December 2015, and all because they didn’t see anything, even though they had initially. At least my only other parent is getting the medical attention he deserves. It in no way makes up for the lack of treatment and care my mom got but it does bring me some comfort that though the universe may have its signs, it also has its ways of making sure that another parent is not taken from me.

It’s funny; what started off as a simple visit to the eye doctor turned into this whole fiasco at the ER. >.< I deserve a raise for all the back and forth and the three people--yes, I include Booboo my puppy, in that because she is my daughter after all--I took care of today xD
 
Quick update: My dad is fine. Hospitals and their doctors--not including nurses because nurses are awesome! <3--have continued to keep my faith of them shaken. They were saying he had a stroke. Then they said he didn't. Then they said he did and this was the day all day yesterday and today, the constant back and forth between stroke or no stroke.

He had no stroke. He is absolutely fine! People are just idiots.
But I have been told all day that this is hospital protocol and they need to eliminate the word possibilities. Wouldn't the fact they are taking forever and not treating this like a stroke case because of the lack of emergency proof enough that everything is fine? Fucking waste of time!

So dad was discharged today. He's home.

On a side note, I am so excited that in two days my brother is leaving! He's been living at Dad's for the past month but in two days, he moves into his new home! YESS! It's been a fucking nightmare having that man there. Funny thing is, no matter how many times I notice the similarities in my dad's relationship with his older brother as being similar to the relationship that I have with my older brother, dad doesn't seem to get it. I finally laid it out plain and clear for him today. I basically said, "By the way, that surprise you had to learn your older brother was actually worried about you, I feel that, because I would be surprised if your son was actually worried about me." And he looked at me like I just said the most offensive thing ever lol.

It boggles me. Bless his heart, he tries to be a mediator between me and my brother but because he and my brother have been closer always, just like me and mom had always been closer, there's that natural favoritism. So no matter what, and as much as I love my dad, he will never truly understand, even though it is exactly the same like what he has with his older brother. Not when my brother is Mr. Can't Do No Wrong.

But in two days, Mr. Can't Do No Wrong is leaving and he will go back to just seeing us once a week or once every two weeks. Which is fine with me because it will make staying here for the summer a lot better!
 
Hey, love. Glad to hear the good news about your Dad. And with your brother leaving as well (I can sympathise!) sounds like an awesome day all round. Now, just relax and enjoy the rest of your Summer :)
 
Trying to! And thanks love <3
Oh I also forgot to mention that I am going to be interviewing for a substitute teaching position in the school district in Vegas once I get back in August! So maybe by the time the fall starts, I will be substituting on my days off from school! :D Yay! :D
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
Trying to! And thanks love <3
Oh I also forgot to mention that I am going to be interviewing for a substitute teaching position in the school district in Vegas once I get back in August! So maybe by the time the fall starts, I will be substituting on my days off from school! :D Yay! :D
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And the day gets even better. So close now to all that hard work and study paying off :)
 
-Sigh- So much due this week and next >.< I won’t be doing much role play wise until next week, and if not by next week, it won’t be until after then. I got a lot of stuff due coming into Midterms >.< Plus, this week is Diwali week so that on top of so much being due…-whines-

Please hang in there lovers <3 (Yes Bear, you’re one of my lovers too now :D I don’t mean it like that, I swear! It’s just what I call all my partners!)

If you can’t wait, I understand. But I implore you to! xP
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
-Sigh- So much due this week and next >.< I won’t be doing much role play wise until next week, and if not by next week, it won’t be until after then. I got a lot of stuff due coming into Midterms >.< Plus, this week is Diwali week so that on top of so much being due…-whines-

Please hang in there lovers <3 (Yes Bear, you’re one of my lovers too now :D I don’t mean it like that, I swear! It’s just what I call all my partners!)

If you can’t wait, I understand. But I implore you to! xP
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Don't you even worry about replies, our story will wait for as long as it takes. Just go ahead and kick school's ass.

Oh, and isn't Diwali one of those three (or is it four!) days a year you tell me I'm right? :)
 
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