Here we go...

That's fine. He can try, that doesn't mean you have to. Keep a roof over your head until you can get out.

That's the plan. I am not expecting a change. Not a permanent one anyway.

Even the meds can't stop the PMS. I have felt like crying all day but I didn't. I don't know if that's good or bad.

But I miss having someone to talk to every day.

You have us. It's not the same as having a person there in the flesh, but it's something.

Are you on the rental agreement? I was thinking that if you are, then you can stay there until the agreement expires. Unless, of course, he wants to buy you out of your share of the apartment.

It's never easy to make the break. I was homeless for about 4 months when I broke up with someone in my early 20s and we both went our own way. It took a bit of work and a lot of prayer to get a roof over my head that didn't have four wheels attached to it. At least I had a car, but a man living in his car is different from a woman doing it.

I'm not on the lease.

And yeah, I couldn't live in my car. I really don't want to be homeless.

God I had a relapse.

I'm going to say this right now that I have SOME awesome friends who are going to disagree with everything I'm about to write but I can't help but feel this way.

All day I was fine, I finally got out of the house and I enjoyed the fresh air and sun on my skin and I was really, truly happy.

Then I got home and I found myself slightly calmer, but still fine.

Then all of a sudden I crashed hard and burned and I couldn't stop the tears. Something has been bothering me all week and it along with everything else that was bothering me just made me break down. I usually deal with my feelings by talking but since I pretty much said fuck everything no one needs to know my business I just swallowed it inside me and it festered. It festered and exploded.

Now I feel like shit about myself. I feel like everything I do I'm shitty at. Nothing is going my way at all. I'm not going to get that extra money I was hoping for from the temp agency because they apparently would rather shut the office down on a Friday rather than have a temp work.

And roleplaying. Oh God, roleplaying. The sweet elixir of my happiness and also the bane of my existence. I have two really good ones but it's been slowing down because my partner is busy. Understandable, this is what back ups are for.

Well the back ups need back ups. And I'm trying my best to find people that I'm compatible with that are creative and would like some plot involved as well. It's HARD. It's HARD to actually like someones character from the very start, and so I started to search. I didn't get a response back from one person, probably because he didn't like my shitty idea. Well...he was the only one I responded to...I couldn't find anyone else. Then someone from LAST MONTH still bothers me every time I see his username because he made me feel like the biggest piece of shit(unintentionally) and the most boring, bland shitty writer EVER, all because of ONE thing I said that had absolutely nothing to do with the roleplay I wanted to start. Maybe it just really bothered me because I spent a good fucking thirty minutes on that private message to initiate a roleplay...

Rejection sucks. I just really need something to take me away from my reality, just a couple hours a day at the very least. Writing by myself just makes me sad because I'm too mentally burnt out to write something without a creative muse, in this case my partner.

Ugh I probably sound like a whiny cry baby right now. I HATE feeling this way, I really do. But goddamn it, this is what happens when I find out that my own friends like to talk bad about me even when I don't live anywhere near them...

You're always welcome to talk to me, for what it's worth. You have Skype?

Trygon said:

You're always welcome to talk to me, for what it's worth. You have Skype?

Click to expand...

I do. I will pm you my handle.

Friday night eleven o clock. I should be doing some fun stuff or at least staying up late. But I'm going to go to sleep because I'm bored to fucking death. Plus I gotta work my 13nth day in a row without a day off. So whatevs.

EDIT:
BD uses rest, but it failed.

I was too upset to share a bed with my boyfriend tonight. So I'm awake.

Going to visit Jacksonville tomorrow, so I will probably not have much time to roleplay this week. My friend wants to spend time with me, and I will try not to be rude and be on my computer the whole time if I am not doing anything work related. Kind of feel bad since I'm in the process of building up roleplays right now along with starting new ones off. But I'll at least respond once a day to any posts I may have.

I'm kind of conflicted. I want to see him but I don't think that's a good idea. I dunno. I'm really confused.

Visit your friend? - Yes.
Have sex with him? - No.

Still hoping you get into a new living situation soon. Have fun tomorrow and travel safe and smart.

Not my friend, my ex.

He stopped talking to me a month ago.

And not only suddenly started again, but wants you to come visit right away?

Uh...

No he still isn't talking to me. Lol

Hence why it is not a good idea.

Don't go see him. Why would you waste your time?

*Takes you by your shoulders so you have to look at me.*

You are better than this. Remember the wisest thing Dr. Phil ever said? "You teach people how to treat you." You are better than this. Don't crawl for anyone unless it's part of a mutually enjoyable BDSM RP sex game and you get to orgasm first.

Heh. Yeah, you're right.

So I don't particularly have anything to complain about. This week at work went better than any week I've had so far. I'm finally getting the hang of things.

Just wanted to thank BennyQ and MaximalCrazy for being awesome in the roleplays this week. I've been highly entertained by you both and the replies this week were not only quantitative but high quality. Even though I haven't really had much time to play with Traveler, I have had fun with you this week as well. Unfortunately for me I'm a black hole and always want more responses, but these roleplays have been the best ones I've had in a long time.

Sometimes I am still paranoid about how well I write. I've never got any complaints but sometimes I wonder if I'm not good enough for some people. I dunno.

I'd like to apologize to all for all the shit posting I've been doing this week. Writing while someone is constantly talking to me affects the quality of my writing. Please don't drop me. :<

IMHO, BMR is a place to come and relax, to get away from the stresses of 'real' life.

You're a fun person to RP with even when you have your off days, which, BTW, are still pretty top notch. Everyone here has things that drag them away from the computer so if you find that you have a bad day or don't get to write don't worry. At least where I'm concerned, I tend to wait about 7-10 days before I send a partner a note asking them if they want to drop a RP they haven't responded to in that time.

I hope that this month is calmer and more peaceful for you than last month was.

So, after getting called and yelled at by my boss for something that wasn't my fault...I go into the Forum game section and see something that kind of made my heart stop.

It was a name that I haven't seen in quite some time, and it made me really want to just ball up and cry.

I really miss him sometimes. I really wish that things didn't have to go the way they did. I wanted to save him, but at the time I was too immature to understand what was really going on.

I met him here. He will always be in my heart no matter how many years pass.

Rest in peace, wherever you are.

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

But I really want to say something that isn't nice...I'll keep my thoughts to myself and rant about this later.

Ooooo. I wanna hear~

I bet you do, but I decided to keep it to myself. I shouldn't be so mean...even though I find certain types of people rather...hmm.

Is there a nicer word for pathetic?

Pitiful?

That's better...definitely on the right track.