The Tale of Tristan and Isolt-Lady/Moon

Gwen was indeed puzzled over the family relationships in cornwall, but gawain was on his way, and they would find out soon enough what was going on. Swallowing hard at the introduction she tilted her head."lady isolt, welcome. I hope you had a good journey" isolt smiled as she helped aramis hold tristian up, "it was perfect,lady gwen. And very enjoyable with your knights keeping me company." gwen nodded looking concerned, knowing isolt would think it was her worry for tristian, and not because she was worried for the looks that tender hearted isolt was gicing her patient. Maybe this wouldnt be as easy as she thought. And she knew they wouldnt be able to hide his identity for long if she stayed with him.

Clearing her throat a little she looked up at her husband,"arthur dear, how about you help aramis and..athos get to his rooms, and me and lady isolt will go find lord lancelot. He will be eager to know athos is home."she said wanting lancelot nearby, since he was out riding to see if any of the peasants needed help, in cSe this exploded in their faces and isolt found out about tristian.she trusted lancelot and arthur to be able to keep the fight that would result in su h a moment from turning deadly

Tristan watched Gwen carefully as he realized that she had seen his looks of affection towards Isolt... shit was about to hit the fan and he wasn't... sure what to do about it. "of course my Darling." Arthur commented, giving her a kiss and a smile before he grabbed Tristan's right arm while Aramis grabbed the left and together they managed to carefully haul Tristan inside. Tristan was smiling sheepishly at Gwen again and then turned soft, sad, pained eyes onto Isolt... he was in love, and he couldn't do anything but give it up. he knew he would never make Isolt Happy, and she would be more likely to slaughter him in his sleep, than to ever admit she might have feelings for him as well. he wasn't stupid, he knew she liked him... but there was nothing to be done about it. "...i don't know what to do." Tristan moaned as he was laid onto the bed. "what am i going to do?" "sleep Tristan. for now, we'll tell Isolt that you couldn't handle being in a castle. we'll tke you to my home later, where you can hide... she'll only be here two months... maybe she will forgive you by then?" but all three men knew better. sometimes false hope, was better than no hope.

“She might forgive him for that. But not what he’s brought to her shores.”Lancelot smirked a little as he walked into the room, saying it after he made sure Tristan was sleep, looking at the two men who were standing next to tristan’s bed.”We need to talk.”He said a frown on his face as he walked with them to arthur’s study, “Gawain’s waiting for us.”He added looking pained.

“My lord.”Gawain straightened from where he was bowing, leaning back in his seat, rubbing a hand over his face. “Lord Mark of cornwall has decided to marry.”The knight’s face was set in angry lines, because he hadn’t found proof beyond a doubt that mark had hurt anyone beyond Tristan, but he had a feeling that he had indeed hurt someone. And his inability to find proof of any wrongdoing was driving him insane.

And made worse by the fact that the king wanted to marry, to correct the wrongs he had done, and accept Ireland into british kingdom, wanted to seduce the irish queen. "News of Tristan's beautiful healer has drawn his attention."

Tristan was asleep too, astonishingly enough but that didn't stop Aramis from glaring at Lancelot. "Be careful what you say! what if he hadn't been asleep!?" he demanded, stroking Tristan's hair. "My Uncle does enough emotional damage thank you very much!" he muttered before looking surprised as Arthur nodded. "...has he?" Arthur asked, looking surprised at Gawain before he scoffed. "So the King of Cornwall decides to try and take the Queen of his failed conquest." Arthur muttered, sounding shocked. "i highly doubt Isolt would agree to a marriage with that brute anyway. what else have you found?" not a thing. there was no evidence, or word of Tristan being abused. not even the Nursmaid who both boys where still in constant, happy contact with ever suspected Tristan of being mistreated. Mark was a careful, sly bastard. he wouldn't abuse Tristan when he thought he might get caught at it. "and how is Tristan himself?" "tired, my lord... he nearly died... he DID die..." Aramis admitted, looking rather shaken as he remembered struggling to keep Tristan breathing. "Isolt saved his life, but it will be weeks, months even before he can walk properly on his own again. he's so weak... but he will recover."

“I knew he was asleep, don’t make me sound like a fool.”Lancelot frowned looking at him. “He has. If he cannot have her isle by war, he will have it by rights of marriage. And Isolt…”Gawain frowned, “She is a queen, and even with you standing behind her my lord,”the dark haired knight bowed his head,”She will protect her kingdom. Even if it means marrying a brute.”Gawain said looking thoughtful before shaking his head.”Nothing. There is no proof.”

Lancelot paled a little at the news of his friend’s death, looking shaken by the idea before swallowing. “He should stay here, at least the few months it will take him to get back on his feet. If…if he wants to go back to cornwall then, with Isolt, then he should. She should have a protector.”Lancelot rubbed a hand over his face, trying to figure out what to do. He wanted to forbid the queen of Ireland to marry mark, wanted to pack her off to Ireland and forbid her from ever returning, but he had no idea how to make it work. Isolt would rebel, and even if she didn’t love mark, hated Tristan…she would do what needed done for her kingdom. And taking a new champion, would be the beginning.

Arthur closed his eyes and shuddered. "i should just abuse my authority... just this once..." he muttered, even though they all knew he would never do it. Arthur was too just for his own good sometimes. "i will speak to Isolt myself." he decided. "and explain everything to her... if i promise her an alliance with Camelot, then she will have no need for a marriage with the Brute of Cornwall, right?" he asked, looking nervous. "there was a letter here as well today... Mark has arranged a marriage for Tristan... i do not know if he will be able to stay here long enough for him to recover." Aramis went tense, his eyes widening in slight rage. "what do you MEAN he's ARRANGED A MARRIAGE!?" the man demanded, looking so close to storming home and killing his father himself. "yes. Mark, King of Cornwall, has found a 'suitable bride' for his 'wayward' nephew." Arthur stated, reading it off directly from the letter that he was holding.

“While your at that, you could let me sleep with your wife again, and we’ll have good times all around.”Lancelot teased rolling his eyes because he knew it was as ridiculous to suggest it as it would be for Arthur to abuse his authority. Nodding slightly Gawain sighed.”Speak to her. It might work.”he said though he had no hopes of it actually working. Isolt might do it just to be contrary and hostile when she discovered who her patient was. Both knights looked up startled at Arthur’s words.”What?”Lancelot sputtered eyes widening as he considered what was happening, a slight frown on his face, hoping, maybe…it could happen. “…could he have…thought to marry isolt to Tristan?”He asked, it was to much to consider. He just knew it.

Arthur glared at Lancelot. "remind me to have you neutered. i keep forgetting." he growled before nodding before he grimaced. "no. it is not to Isolt. he is to be married to one Maria Marissa Molrue. a young woman of a neighboring kingdom. no, King Mark intends to marry Isolt himself." Arthur stated with a scowl. "please excuse me. i must speak with the Lady Queen of Ireland." he stated simply, striding away from the group and to the Lady's rooms, knocking on the door ever so carefully. "My Lady Isolt? may i speak with you? there are... troubles, within my country that i fear have come to suddenly involve you..." once he was allowed in and offered a seat he hesitantly started.

"This involves Tristan Lyonesse of course, and his horrid Uncle the King of Cornwall..." Arthur explained. "we have recently learned that the King of Cornwall has been beating his nephew from a very young age... abusing him ruthlessly, only there is no proof of it. only Tristan and his Honor Brother Aramis's words." Arthur admitted. "the thing is... they are both Knights of my Table, and i can find no reason as to why they would lie. as much as i hate to admit it, i am almost certain that the only reason why Mark sent his nephew to Ireland... was to kill Tristan. i am certain that Mark never expected Tristan to walk away fromt he Champion's battle alive... and he would have used Tristan's death to further his war mongering..." Arthur admitted with his eyes closed. "the thing is, Isolt, is that you have been caring for Tristan for the last several weeks. Athos, is Tristan, and he hid his name, so that he would not cause you pain." Arthur admitted softly. "word has come back from Ireland about you and your beauty and abilities, and The King of Cornwall has decided that if he can't have Ireland through blood, then he will have it through matrimony. Mark wishes to wed you, and he is getting Tristan out of the way further, by wedding him to a woman of... questionable backgrounds." Arthur admitted softly. "you must be very cautious while here... for Mark will use any means to get what he wants, and i cannot touch him until he truly does something wrong."

Lancelot grinned, “Ah, well I’m glad you keep forgetting.”She smirked a little looking amused before growing serious again, shaking his head. “Damn.”He cursed watching his king go, knowing this was going to go badly soon.

Isolt paused in the middle of getting a drink before nodding, sitting down as she looked at the man in front of her. Frowning at the man’s words, “No,I do not want to hear about the knight.”She scowled a little before sighing as he continued over her protests. Her eyes growing sad at the man’s words, even though she wanted to hate him, it hurt her to consider that Tristan had been beaten. “What?!No. Athos is not Tristan.”She scowled as she bolted out of the seat, pacing before glaring at the man.”No…”She whispered tears starting to fill her eyes, “No, I hhavnet been caring for him…”She shuddered collapsing back into the seat and starting to cry harder, swallowing as she rubbed her eyes.”I…I will marry him.”She whispered, like lancelot had thought, she knew her kingdom would suffer more from war, then through her marriage. At least she could protect them like this, and of course she could still have her own champion, even if it was not her husband, she could still choose a man to look after her.

Staring down at her lap she sighed, trembling. not knowing what to think everything that happened.

Arthur sighed as he reached over and gently took Isolt's hand. "Isolt... listen to me. this man is beating his own flesh and blood, for reasons we are currently unaware of. do you really think that you would be safe with such a man? i can guarantee you, here and now, a Peace Treaty with Camelot, and the Country of England." he promised. "and i will keep Tristan away from you... i don't think he has the courage to face you anyway. he's terrified of you for some reason." Arthur admitted, studying the Lady Isolt. "your kingdom will not be attacked again, not by England at the least. we are allies now, and i'm sorry but i will get on my knees if i have to, and beg for you not to marry that ruthless bastard. i would hate for you to marry him, only for me to later take off his head because he wasn't careful enough about where he beat his nephew." Arthur admitted, scowling. "the bastard is already demanding Tristan's return to Cornwall, no matter that the poor lad can't even stand for more than a full minute..." he sighed a little. "that my kingdom would fall to such disgrace... i wish Merlin was still here. he could tell me the truth of things."

Isolt frowned looking at the king, looking down at their linked hands, eyes filling with tears. Even if she wanted to dislike the man, she still felt for the man who was her patient, had come to care for him,even if she wanted to hate him for both the killing of loki, and tricking her even if she knew he’d done it for her own good. Swallowing hard as she stared down at their hands, nodding slightly, biting her lip. “…I cannot stop his wedding, but…a queen’s champion is safe from anyone else commanding him to go anywhere. At least, where the mother-right still rules. Does England still follow?”She said sounding bemused as she considered it. While for the most part England was ruled by kings, they were chosen kings because they were their mother’s sons, not their fathers. Like Arthur, though a king in his own right through his mother and on his father’s side, could have never claimed all of England without marrying gwen, who was queen of the south. Though the catholic church was starting to influence things with their ‘only men are right to rule’ mindset, throughout the lands, mostly, the women still ruled things. And in Ireland, it had been that way for time out of mind.

She couldn't even believe she was considering it, but if Arthur was right, and Tristan was being abused...she couldn't allow it to happen, even if he was Arthur's subject, and not her own. she was still a queen, a caretaker of all. and she wouldn't have to be with him, only give the illusion that they were queen and champion, and with his wife there, it would just be a convenient lie for them both. she needed a protector, a champion for Ireland, and he needed a way to not return home.

he offered her a small, comforting smile before he looked startled. "...Gwen already has a champion though." he admitted. "Lancelot... he's been the one to train Tristan actually, since his oaf of an uncle didn't do it properly." he admitted with a wrinkle of his nose. "yes, England follows the Queens Rule. the Catholic Church hasn't gotten it's claws into us yet! and they won't while i am still the King! Gwen deserves her power." he admitted with a scowl. "i hate how subservient catholic women are... like little mice with no personality... a woman shouldn't be subverted like that. they just shouldn't be." he grumbled. in his opinion, a woman should be strong, willing to put a man in his place and have their own onions and personalities. "Tristan will not be going back to Cornwall no matter what King Mark says... i am the High King of this land and Tristan is MY knight. i will let that man touch no hair on Tristan ever again." he stated firmly. "i can only hope the rage doesn't switch over to Aramis... Mark never did like his son marrying 'such a common woman' as Mark claimed... i don't see how he can be so unhappy with Elena. she's a very good woman, and very skilled with a needle." he sighed and gently patted her hand. "come and meet my knights?" he offered with a smile. "Lancelot needs a good woman to control him, maybe one of your ladies in waiting is looking for a slow sort of husband who needs bossing about?"

Isolt blushed a little, realizing he thought she’d meant for gwen to take Tristan as a champion. Not about to admit what she had thought of. Smiling slightly, “I have heard of him. He seems kind.”She said tilting her head a little before grinning. “Good. Men come from women, we’re less likely to cause a war…. Better to let us rule.”She teased him just a bit before nodding. “It is a crime to see good women so… meek.”She said smiling before biting her head a little as she considered what he was saying. Smiling a little as she considered what he was saying, remembering what Tristan had said about aramis and his wife. “You should be able to marry who you wish. It is saddening mark has forgotten that.”She smiled looking up at him, looking amused as he patted her hand and stood.

“Ah, why ever should I let one of my ladies have a handsome so world renowned?Mayhap I would like him for myself.”She said offering him a teasing smile as they walked. Because it was interesting to consider, after all, lancelot du lac was a king in his own right, born to the lady of the lake of Avalon, the king of Avalon had already given his loyalty to Arthur and joined his knights when he’d been crowned. And lancelot was by far, the most protective of both his queen and king. Though he did need a wife to look after him, he tended to get in trouble when left to his own devices.

Poor isolt, was going to be torn between her duties as a queen to marry a king and beget heirs, and her desire for Tristan. it was going to be interesting to see how it went, because she was sure mark wouldn't leave them alone either.

Arthur blinked at the blush, looking confused before smirking. "oh no, Women are worse than men when it comes to fighting. i have no doubt you'll wait three years, and then turn that silly little war right back into Mark's face, and make him suffer all the hells for it." Arthur admitted with a snicker. "Mark has forgotten many things." he growled, sobering and narrowing his eyes. "he has forgotten his place, and soon it will cost him a great deal." he admitted with a sniff. "i fear he might have fallen tot he influence of the Catholics." he admitted with a grumble. "that bastard 'Pope' leader of theirs are ruining everything that is good in this land. you must be very careful to not allow it in your country, it spreads worse than an infestation." he admitted before blinking at her. he personally didn't much like Lancelot, the man was his best knight yes... but he still didn't like Lancelot. it would be perfect if he could marry Gwen's Champion off to someone else. then the idiot wouldn't be around anymore, making dove eyes at his Queen. "if you can lay claim to Tristan, then Mark will have no authority to him anymore." Arthur admitted softly. "but, i doubt that will stop Mark from being a very big problem." Arthur admitted softly. "you must think very carefully on your plans... speak to Gwen, a woman would know how to help you more than a silly thing like me." Arthur admitted with a smile.

(oh thank god, I’m home and off tomorrow. Yayyy! Lol)

“Well, of course. But not right now, he’ll be expecting it, and I still have to find a new champion.”She said smiling a little looking annoyed at the idea of catholics in ireland, nodding slightly.”I will be careful.”She said glad for the advice, before laughing at his reaction to her wanting to meet lancelot. The world over knew about lancelot’s seduction of gwen before arthur’s wedding, so it really didn’t surprise her that the king wanted the queen’s champion gone. “I will see what I can do, and I’ll speak to gwen.”She said smiling as they walked.

Hours later Gwen smirked as she leaned back in her chair, resting her elbow on the chair arm to lean over and talk to lancelot, looking amused that the man was staying at her side instead of joining in the ruckus of the other knights as they celebrated both tristan’s return, and isolt’s alliance with England. “You should talk to her, lance. You would like her. She’s brave and doesn’t put up with anything, someone you need to talk to.”She teased, shamelessly playing matchmaker.

he smiled a little and shook his head. "Mark is many thins, but willing to give up? not one of them." he agreed with a shake of his head before leaving so that Isolt could do as she wanted. Lancelot was sitting next to his queen, worried about Tristan. "...i'm worried about Tristan." he muttered in response to the Queen. "he can't even come to his own celebration..." he complained, making faces at the other knights. "they just wanted an excuse to get drunk... besides... i'm not so sure that she would be all too willing to speak with me." he admitted. "her Champion and Lover has only just died. don't you think it's too soon for me to try and take his place?... don't think i don't know exactly what you and Arthur are up to. trying to get me married off in your old ages.. for shame." he teased, looking highly amused. "i'll speak to her, when she wants to speak, and not before... i honestly don't think she's recovered from the shock of finding out that her patient was Tristan. Aramis has already apologized to her for lying to her. got on his hands and knees and everything."

Gwen frowned a little. “I think everyone is worried about Tristan.”She said looking concerned to, because it pained her to see the man so upset, and because she knew that Tristan wasn’t well. “Hm but what better comfort then another knight willing to attend on you?”She teased a little before growing serious, tilting her head. “It is to soon. But I am sure she could use a friend.”She said before laughing, “Hm, well Arthur is trying to marry you off, I just want you to be happy, and have those children you want.”She teased saddened because it hurt to know that they would never be like that, because despite loving lancelot, she’d loved Arthur more. Watching isolt speak with Arthur as the two danced she nodded, realizing that the woman was using her husband as a shield to be able to be part of the celebration, but not overwhelmed. The woman was obviously still in mourning, and in shock at finding her patient as Tristan. “Why don’t you do what you want, and visit with Tristan? And take isolt with you, to see if she has any advice for making him feel better.”She said, the woman just couldn’t stop, not when he wanted to make sure her knight was happy.

Lancelot nodded. the boat had not agreed with Tristan, and the poor man had a fever now and was sleeping fitfully. which wasn't helped by his sense of guilt over lying to Isolt. "yes, she could certainly use a freind." Lancelot agreed with a sigh. "you and the King both, such busybodies." he complained with a pout before he smiled. "three little girls and a little boy. yes..." he muttered softly, closing his eyes. "and two dogs and a barn cat." he chuckled a little. "a fine fantasy at the very least." he admitted with a small smile. "i think i will visit Tristan, it would be bad if his fever got any worse." he agreed, tossing a wink at Gwen. the woman knew him too well, if anyone could manipulate Isolt into seeing Tristan, it was Lancelot. "My King." Lancelot stated calmly as he approached Arthur. "i'm going to go and check on Tristan. word just came from the healers... he's developed a bad fever." Lancelot explained calmly. "The healers say there's nothing to be done, but if the Fever continues, he might never walk again. something about an infection in the muscles." which was true, to an extent. Lancelot was just.... stretching the truth a lot, that was all. one of the healers HAD mentioned infection starting if the fever continued, but Lancelot would always claim to have misheard later.

“Oh, don’t act put out. You knew how we were, when you decided to stay.”She said rolling her eyes looking amused at his fantasy even if she waved him away. “Go, and good luck.”She muttered watching go, snickering to herself as Isolt turned away from the courtier she was talking to to listen to news of Tristan. Even if she told herself she didn’t care, she did. “Surely the fever has not gotten that bad. He’s only been here a day, it shouldn’t have gotten that bad already. He was fine when we got here.”Isolt frowned looking up at lancelot, then at the king. “Excuse me, lord, I think I shall go with lancelot.”She said, even if she hated the knight, her oaths as a healer made sure she wanted to help him to. Looking up at lancelot, the soft anxious look in her face said she wasn’t as cold to tristan’s condition as she wanted to be. “Sir knight, will you show me where he is?”She asked smiling up at lance.

Lancelot looked at his Queen with a small pout but left to find Isolt anyway. he had to admit, he did rather like Isolt, she was a very wonderful woman... but he doubted he would ever love her with all the passions that the King and Queen had for each other. "The fever was starting on the boat, at least that's what the Healers think. Tristan does not show sickness easily, he always waits until he can't hide it anymore." Lancelot admitted, shaking his head. "i will. my arm my lady?" Lancelot offered, being the gentleman that he was and led the way away from the party with small sigh. "any excuse to drink." he complained, watching Sir Kay squabble with Gawain over a nearly empty barrel of mead. he led her down to Trrstans Chambers, where two healers where trying to bring the man's fever down with herbal broth and cool rags. he himself looked awful, pale, sweating, and rosy cheeked he did indeed look very sick, and Lancelot was even more worried. he hadn't been THAT bad... the fever was getting worse, and Tristan was fighting the healers, flinching away from the cool cloth and struggling against the broth being carefully poured into his mouth. it wasn't much, he was too weak for real fights, but it was enough to make the healers work twice as hard, as well as worsen his condition... not that Tristan was awake to know he was causing problems.

Isolt frowned at that, “Well, that does no one any good. He’s a idiot.”Isolt smiled a little as she slipped her arm into lancelot’s, walking with him, offering a amused smile at his complaining.”And you never take any excuse to drink?”She teased a little absently, already thinking about what to do for Tristan before she walked in, wincing a little. “Stop. Let me.”She said hesitating from shooing the healers away before turning to look up at lancelot, “Will you get me a small bowl of warm water? Not hot, but mildly warm.”She said as she shifted her skirts, sitting on the edge of the bed taking the bowl from lancelot when he returned, setting it on her legs as she dipped the rag into the bowl, using the warm water to brush it over tristan’s forehead, knowing the warm water wouldn’t be such a shock to tristan’s system, wanting to make him stop fighting for a bit before she tried to feed him again.

Lancelot smiled a little. "i was an alcoholic for many years Lady Isolt. it was only Gweneveir's not so gentle touch that caused me to put down the bottle. i do not drink anymore. ever." he admitted simply. after he had botched one too many ;missions' as a Knight, Gwen had enough of Lancelot's drinking problem, and had chained him in the cellar for a month so that he could flush the addiction out of his system. he'd never touched even a drop of Alcohol since then. Lancelot nodded at the order, looking worried at his freind before he left, coming back with luke warm water, the two healers watching with wide eyes... as if they had seen god itself. to them, maybe they had. the tales of the Great Healer of Ireland where all over the place. to actually be able to see her, watch her work was like heaven to the two half trained healers. Tristan did indeed calm down once the rags warmed up a little, and he fell still under her expert fingers and Lancelot stared as Tristan leaned into her touch, the same way he had when he was half dead. silently begging for some sort of human contact. starved for touch, any kind of touch that didn't cause pain. Tristan's eyes fluttered open and he looked at Isolt. ".. sorry..." he muttered before slipping back into sleep.

Isolt’s face grew serious as she looked at the knight, a slight flinching around her eyes. “I’m sorry to bring it up then.”She muttered resting a hand on his arm before she turned her attention to Tristan. Smiling to herself as the man calmed down under the touch of warm water, she smiled as she shifted, gently stroking his hair out of his face, keeping the touches soft and light to make sure she wouldn’t disturb him to much,but enough to make sure he knew someone was there. Glancing at lancelot she shifted. “Sit. Hold his hand, or touch his arm. He’s upset because he thinks he’s alone, we’ll just have to remind him he’s not.”She said softly, looking up at the healers. “If you want, you can go rest and eat, I’ll stay for a few for now.”

Lancelot smiled. "it is a part of my life. it doesn't bother me anymore." he assured her before blinking as he watched her work with Tristan. "i've never seen him look so... bad, before." he admitted softly. "they say he died..." Lancelot muttered as he gently took the other man's hand and held it. "i could kill Mark for this... that man knew he was no match for Loki... he wanted his Nephew to die..." Lancelot muttered, shaking his head. "i am also sorry, for your loss my lady... it must be very hard for you." he said, watching Isolt. the healers bowed and left to rest. they'd been fighting with Tristan for hours. "you are an amazing woman, helping the man who put you to grief... i doubt i could be so strong..." he admitted with a shake of his head. "and your ability to heal, i have heard stories of it. is it true you can bring a man back from death? as long as he hasn't been dead for too long?"

Isolt stilled at the others words, staring down at Tristan, even as tears filled her eyes. “Thank you, sir du lac.”she muttered reverting to formality to deal with the grief that gripped her. Offering him a small smile as she raised hand, brushing the tears away. “I don’t know about all of them, but I brought this one back.”She muttered softly, gently wiping tristan’s face ignoring the knight she knew was watching her. “Loki was very,very good….and he did not want to fight. He did not want to kill this man, because Tristan was the better man.”She sighed, even if her dead lover had refused to see the goodness in himself, she had seen it in him. And talking about this, finally, was freeing, giving her a chance to mourn. Shifting she brushed her red hair over one shoulder, letting it half hide her face as she cried. Finally giving into the grief that had threatened to overwhelm her for days. "Loki would expect nothing else, then to have me save a good man. For if there comes a time when you stand aside and do nothing, the battle is already lost. I wont become one of the corrupt catholic queens, just standing aside as I watch my people suffer."