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A Questionable Excuse

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Dylan knew it was true. He knew that Julian could go to school tomorrow and be with the first boy he wanted. Hell, as far as Dylan knew, he would start dating whatever boy he’d been cheating with. Maybe that was why it hurt so much. He felt as if he was burning from the inside out. The thing about fire was that it spread. And soon after Julian said what he had, it did. Dylan looked ahead; perfectly emotionless for those few seconds that it took him to get the words out. “Like they would ever want you,” he jeered, smirking at his boyfr- ex-boyfriend.

“You really don’t know how useless you are, do you?” He turned around and took a drink before crushing the still-full can in his hand. The edges of the crumpled aluminum cut into his palm and he cursed under his breath.
 
While Julian wanted to leave as he let those words escape from his lips, he just couldn't. He had to stand there and hear the words that came. The hateful, mean words. He bit the inside of his lip even harder. The doubt was coming back now, making it impossible for him to believe that he had even had one moment of confidence. "I-" He tried to think of something else to say, some words to inspire him against Dylan. But he just couldn't. Instead he had to stand there and listen to it. Anything Dylan had to say he had to listen to. He had to subject himself to that abuse.

"I-" It was a stammer, something to hold the tears in. "I don't want to leave Dylan..." He clenched the door handle tightly, not ready to open it. "I know nobody will want me..." His eyes went to the ground, ashamed. "I don't know what you want me to do. I mean, I'll do anything to stay with you, but I just can't read your mind..."
 
“Well obviously you can’t read minds!” Dylan said loudly, whirling around and picking up a dirty glass off of the counter. He clenched it so hard that he thought it might break. “If you could, you would know that I don’t want you.” Why wouldn’t he just leave? Didn’t he get it; he was doing nothing but hurting Dylan. He was nothing but a nuance.

The older boy threw the cup at Julian. He missed, but the glass landed only inches away from the other, glass and water spew all over the living room floor. “You’re useless. I’m trying to be nice to you, l but obviously you’re too much of a retard to understand. I don’t love you, I don’t need you, and I never want to see your ugly face around here again. For all I care, you could walk out that door and die.”
 
Julian waited to see what the outcome of that glass would be. He stood there, shaking a little. "Fine..." He answered softly, stepping out onto the balcony and down the stairs. The boy stayed silent the entire time he walked, not shedding a tear. Not until he got home did he actually home did he break down. He felt completely unwanted. Unloved. Uncared for.

Nothing had made him feel so desperate for some kind of release. There was only one thing he could think of. He nabbed the last of two vicodin that he had stored away and swallowed them without water, flinging himself back onto his bed. The boy fell asleep quickly then, not waking up in time for the bus to school. So he walked, arriving late to class. He had terrible bags under his eyes. Connor would be able to tell that something was wrong. Everyone would.
 
Though Connor didn’t see Julian until last period, he could still tell that the other bot was not okay. Okay didn’t look like a dead tired skeleton. Not that Julian was that bad yet, but he was close, and Connor at least picked up on half of that. He wasn’t observant enough to notice how thin Julian was, but he saw the bags under the other boy’s eyes, the lifeless stare that he gave the whiteboard, and above all, he saw the dark bruise on Julian’s jaw.

And so, at the end of class, he was one of the first out of his seat. “What happened to you?” He asked quietly, waiting for the other students to leave. His books were clutched tightly under on arm, but he couldn’t help it when the other touched the smaller boy’s bruise lightly. The touch wasn’t heavy enough to really be noticeable, and it only lasted a second before Connor pulled his hand away. “Sorry,” he whispered, his freckled cheeks turning pink.
 
Julian was not ready to answer questions that day, but he had taken the last vicodin earlier that morning to give him the lack of interest in class and keep the pain from coming. And it did a fairly good job too, until class ended. He wouldn't be going to Dylan's, and that almost tore him apart. The boy swallowed when someone approached him. The first person to approach him about anything all day. People had avoided him like the plague. They didn't want to be involved in that mess.

When he realized that it was Connor he looked down to the ground, ashamed. He said nothing, letting the other boy run his fingers over the bruise. No words were on the tip of his tongue. He wasn't even aware enough to care. Julian paused for a moment, finally looking up to Connor. "My boyfriend broke up with me..." He answered softly, under his breath. He made no move away from his desk. But all of the classmates and the teacher had left.
 
Connor should have felt some sort of relief now that the boy who he’d has the smallest of crushes on was single, but apparently, his brain didn’t get the memo. A frown reached his mouth and the taller boy pulled up a chair. Apparently, Julian had been cursed with the stupidest boyfriend ever. Who would break up with someone so perfect?

“It’s his loss,” Connor mumbled hesitantly, then with a bit more conviction he asked, “Why would someone ever do something so stupid?” He forced the smallest of grins onto his lips, “Really, it is his loss.” He’d never been good with cheering people up who he didn’t know well. He didn’t want to offend Julian, but he didn’t want to be unsupportive either. “Do you want to do something to take your mind off of it?” he asked, not quite sure what he was asking. “We could study some more if you’d like, or I could walk you home?”
 
Julian closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Connor's words were sweet, but he felt like they weren't really true. They couldn't be true. Dylan's last words rang out in his ears. He was okay with Julian dying, even. The boy just stood there and let all of those words of anger and hurt fill his head. They didn't help him at all. They didn't even really register as last words.

"I-" He looked up at Connor, tears obviously welling up in his eyes. He heard the words about it being Dylan's loss. Obviously Connor didn't know how useless he was. Connor didn't know how stupid he was, or how hated he was by everyone. How ugly he was. "I do..." He wanted something to take his mind off of it, that was for sure. The boy did something he really didn't expect himself to do either. He pulled himself around to Connor's side and leaned in, not even caring what the outcome might be, and pressed a soft kiss to the other boy's lips. He kept his eyes closed, and once it was over he lingered there for a second, not quite sure what to do with himself.
 
“Hey, please don’t cr-“ As his words were cut off by the other boy’s lips, Connor became aware of everything. How fast he was breathing, how the last thing he’d had in his mouth was a cherry cough drop, how his lips were soft, but just a bit chapped at the left corner; they were all important things that he was sure Julian would notice. His eyes widened at first, a mixture of shock and… well shock.

But then, just as it came naturally, Julian pulled away. And so Connor closed his eyes and pressed his own lips lightly to Julian’s. His right hand reached up to cup the other’s cheek. And he stopped breathing altogether. God, this was perfect. It was better than it had been in a long time. He’d had his share of girlfriends and boyfriends of course, but had never kissed anyone quite like this. No one had seemed to fit him so well before. After a minute, he pulled away for air, realizing that he’d stopped breathing. “I’m sorry,” he whispered breathlessly, gazing at Julian with adoration.
 
Julian didn't care about any of those things. Well, it wasn't as if he didn't care. He noticed the cough drop, and the chapped lips. But he thought it only added to the situation. The cough drop actually tasted quite nice, and the bit of chapped lip was cute. Hell, Connor was cute. But he'd never like him like that. Julian knew. Dylan had told him so, right?

But the way that Connor pressed back into the kiss was undeniable. Was it pity? He couldn't tell. The boy swallowed when Connor finally broke the kiss, the tears in his eyes had dried up a little. He licked his bottom lip, a sign that maybe he wasn't finished. "Shhh..." He murmured, leaning closer to Connor. "It's okay..." He murmured, keeping his body pressed up almost immediately against the other male's. It was clear that he didn't have the mind to end it as quickly as Connor had.
 
Connor moved his hand to Julian’s cheekbone and wiped the other’s tears away with his thumb. “Please don’t be sad,” he muttered, moving into the kiss again. This time, he arched his hips just slightly up to meet Julian’s It wasn’t until at least half a minute later that he stopped.

Despite how nice it felt, to be pressed against Julian like that; their lips and bodies so close together, Connor placed his hands on the other boy’s chest and pushed his away gently. “I- you- we can’t,” he stammered, placing his books on his lap quickly to cover how turned on the kiss had really made him. His face turned bright red. “You just went through a breakup. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
 
Julian was surprised that Connor pressed another kiss to his lips. He wasn't expecting that. In fact, he was expecting Connor to push away from him in disgust. But the fact that it only made Connor want to be closer really made Julian feel strange. He was actually wanted? It really didn't make sense in his head. But he had so many hormones running through him then, so many different feelings. That, and the vicodin was starting to wear off.

Julian began to feel just a little excited with their bodies pressed so close together. Damn, that felt good. And Connor was practically a stranger. He swallowed and frowned a little when Connor pushed him away. It was a sensation that he was all too familiar with. Dylan did it often. "I'm fine..." He murmured, looking down at his hands. Was he really that disgusting? Maybe Connor had just realized it. "It's fine, really..." He murmured, leaning a little closer to Connor again. Honestly, Julian really just needed to be close to someone at that moment.
 
What the fuck was going on? He’d come to school with only one plan in mind; pass the algebra test. And now he was being come on to by a heartbroken kid from his science class. This was too weird, and he couldn’t handle it all at once. He pushed Julian away again, very lightly.

“C’mon, please,” Connor pleaded, more with his eyes then his words. He wanted Julian, a lot. But they were in school. It wouldn’t have been right to take advantage of Julian, and doing it in a school, that was doubly as wrong. “You’re great, but I can’t do this, not with you.” Of course, he had no way of knowing how the other boy would take his words; he was just trying to be admirable.
 
Julian didn't do a thing when he was pushed away, but nodded his head. He understood. He understood perfectly. It was the same with Connor. Connor didn't like him like that. No one would. He was useless. He was ugly. He was fat. He was stupid. Only Dylan would ever love him, and now Dylan was gone. so what would he do? He had no idea.

The boy nodded his head and glanced away, tears obviously welling up in his eyes then. He continued nodding and stepped backwards, accidentally stumbling a little on the stool behind him. When he did he turned and ran out of the classroom. He didn't even bother to grab his things. They were all things he didn't need anyway.
 
Luckily, Connor was pretty fast. He’d been on track a few years back; left because it was too tiring, but when it came in handy, he never forgot how to sprint. Once he’d caught up with Julian, the two were outside, in the still crowded parking lot. Why was Julian angry at him? He had been trying to be a good person. What did the other boy want from him?

He grabbed Julian’s wrist and pulled him closer. “Come on, I’m really sorry,” he said quietly, out of breath. He didn’t dare to pull the smaller boy with him. “I just… what do you want me to do? I’m not going to make out with a boy I’ve only really talked with once. Please don’t be mad at me for that.” He let go of Julian’s wrist and bit his bottom lip.
 
Julian was surprised with how quickly Connor caught up to him. But then again, he wasn't. He wasn't very fast at all, and he'd hardly eaten anything that day. Since the tiff with Dylan a week back he had kept his eating to a minimum, and it was hard to hold himself up, let alone run without any food in his system. He panted and looked back at Connor. His eyes moved down to where Connor's fingers were wrapped around his wrist.

That was a familiar feeling. A feeling he associated with Dylan. It was a mixed feeling. One that brought back flashes of sexual things, but also of painful things. He didn't know what to feel now. The boy turned and walked back to the classroom, shaking his head. "No, it's fine. I understand." He replied, glad when the hallways became sparse again. "I understand perfectly." He stepped back into the classroom, grabbing his things. "If it's because I'm ugly, Connor, just say it."
 
“God Julian… why would you think that?” Connor stood by the door, leaning against the frames, and looked at Julian with concern in his eyes. “Of course you aren’t ugly. If you were ugly, I don’t think I’d like you so much.” Instead of flushing at his words, he took a few steps toward the other boy. “I would still like you a lot, because you’re sweet and smart, but I wouldn’t have had so much trouble pulling away when I kissed you. And I don’t think I’d want to do it again.”

This time, Connor blushed, a small grin finding its way to his lips. That was such a lie. Even if Julian was an utter troll he’d probably want to kiss him again. He walked past the other boy and picked up his own books. “Can we just be friends for now?” He smiled weakly, "Because you need to focus on passing the test tomorrow before you focus on kissing anyone"
 
Those were words that Julian didn't exactly believe. Okay, maybe Connor didn't think he was ugly. But he didn't say he thought he was attractive. The boy sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I-" He paused at the words, looking to Connor. Just friends? Connor even wanted to be friends with him? That was almost unbelievable. Nobody wanted to be his friend. Not even his boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend. He managed a little smile.

"Fine." He answered in a small manner, pulling up his books to put them in his bag. "I'm just going to fail anyway." He answered and shook his head. "But thank you for trying." The boy glanced down to his phone to see if Dylan might have left a message. He really hoped that he had. Or a text at least.
 
As Julian checked his empty inbox, Connor shoved his books into his bag. He had to shove down his loose papers, which were undoubtedly wrinkled beyond repair at the moment, before he was able to zipper the backpack and sling it over his shoulder. He bit the inside of his cheek and looked up at Julian through his long, almost white eyelashes. “Don’t give up so easily,” he said good heartedly, “There’s still..” he looked down at his phone, “Sixteen hours before the beginning of school tomorrow.”

The older boy laughed at himself and smiled up at Julian. “If we spend the next eight hours studying, we’ll be sure to have the materials down by class.” He walked over to the smaller boy and hoisted his bag farther onto his shoulder. “You should come on over to my place. I still have tons of studying to do too. After all, this really beautiful boy in class kind of distracted me when I was supposed to be learning.”
 
Julian didn't feel like that was enough time to learn this material. He'd never have enough time to learn it. He was stupid anyway, right? And obviously he was, looking down at his phone when Dylan hadn't left him a text or a phone call. He was hoping that maybe his boyfriend would call him back. Not that Dylan would apologize. But he'd give Julian a chance to. Julian was not so lucky.

He looked up to Connor, raising his eyebrow a little. He let out a soft laugh, shaking his head softly. "Beautiful?" He asked softly, then shrugged his shoulders. "Well, tell me who he is and tomorrow I'll tell him to stop distracting you." He got the compliment, but didn't completely believe it. "Good thing there won't be one to bother you at your house tonight while we're studying, right?"
 
Connor laughed at Julian’s answer and took the other boy’s hand. It was a hesitant gesture at first, but soon it became a concrete piece of evident. He liked Julian. Whether it was as a friend or as more, he really did like him. “I don’t think you know him,” the older boy quipped, though if he had thought about it, it would have been true. Obviously Julian didn’t know himself too well if he thought anything badly about himself.

“I’m pretty sure he’ll be there,” he said, not lowering his voice as they left the classroom. He didn’t let go of Julian either, despite the fact that there was a janitor right in the hallway. “But my mom will probably make me leave the door open, so I really don’t think I have to worry about getting too distracted.” He winked, though he was fairly sure it could be perceived as inappropriate by the boy whose hand he was holding.
 
This was something he wasn't used to, this banter back and forth. When he was with Dylan they hardly spoke like this. They hardly went out. And when the two of them exited the classroom and Connor grabbed his hand.... Julian's urge to pull away was quite incredible. But he didn't, and showed no sign of it. Public affection was nothing that he was used to. Dylan wouldn't even go out in public with him half the time. Definitely not on dates.

"Oh." He nodded, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks by glancing away for a moment. So he couldn't help it. But it wasn't as if he was over Dylan so quickly either. He just needed something to distract him. And Connor was a cute, sweet distraction. "OH." He laughed a little, then raised an eyebrow at Connor. He squeezed the other boy's hand, smiling at him as they continued to walk. This was really nice...
 
Of course, Connor knew better then to think he was actually going to be with Julian. But harmless flirting had never hurt anyone… or so he thought. “Are you okay walking?” He asked hesitantly. His house was a bit over a mile away, and though he knew he could make that in 20 minutes (and he harmlessly assumed that Julian could do the same), it wasn’t a sure fire thing that Julian could walk that far, not in his state. However, the red-headed boy had no way of knowing that.

“If you don’t want to, I can call my mom up.” He turned red at this, unable to believe that he was humiliating himself like this. He was 17 years old. What kind of loser didn’t have a car at 17? It was really a matter of pricing, but he didn’t see it that way. He saw it instead as an embarrassment.
 
Julian nodded his head at the statement about walking. At least it would be burning extra calories. Even if he'd be tired at the end of it, he'd be okay with that. "I'll be fine." He answered softly, squeezing Connor's hand again. This way would be better too, they could talk about things other than schoolwork. And Julian could get distracted from Dylan.

Dylan who was constantly shouting back in his head that he was stupid, and that this other boy wanted him for nothing more than to humiliate him. That thought actually crossed his mind, and he kind of believed it. "I'll be fine walking." He answered as they continued forward. Julian really didn't mind the car thing. He wasn't bothered by it at all. After all, he didn't have a car.
 
As they walked towards Connor’s house, he continued asking pointless question. What was Julian’s last name, middle name, favorite color, type of music, favorite food, favorite holiday, birthday? They meant little to nothing to any bystander, but to Connor, they meant a lot. How could he ever hope to win someone over if he didn’t know the tiny things about them?

They all meant nothing until they were entering Connor’s neiborhood. They were welcomed by a large wooden sign with painted shrubbery on it. The sign said nothing more than ‘Woodside Lane.’ It was the houses that said a lot. They were huge, sprawling houses that could be called mansions. “How’d you get that bruise?” He asked as they turned. He had let go of Julian’s hand after half a mile.
 
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