Hell hath no fury...well you know the rest.

I was always a little afraid to be open sexually with anyone and I thought that things might be different with him but the truth was blatant the night he got aggravated with me during a moment of intense intimacy. It was in that moment that I discovered I was no longer confident in my ability to be exactly who I am. I mean why should I it only makes him angry right? Any smart man knows that making a woman feel uncomfortable in her own skin is a very dangerous thing in a relationship. What can be said for a man who is this way to a woman with whom he is already on the rocks with? Well let’s just say she finds a way to get that spark back in her eyes once he has managed to take it.
Her hips sway a little wider and that sexy bra that she wore for luck on every first date tied together in that little black dress you love so much? Guess what jerk, you aren’t the only man to think it’s sexy on her. So what on earth will she do? I know what I was going to do and its name was tequila with a side of the blond eyeing me from across the room. One margarita down, long enough to become eye candy, and then a sashay to the powder room to reapply my already flawless lip gloss just so that he will notice just how full my lips are. Naturally the plump bust would be the first thing that he would notice, every person man or woman always noticed that first on me, but then he would see my shy smile and the twinkle of mischief in my olive green eyes and suddenly….Well my love…I won’t feel as unappealing as I did after making love to you.
Then I will dance with the blond stranger and even though he can’t dance, nor is he fond of it, he will do what it takes to impress the sparkly new toy he just came across. But once she is no longer new it won’t be worth pretending and his true colors will show just like yours did. Then the beauty of it all is I will be all the wiser. No man really wants me for who I am because when I am insecure he will be gentle until he isn’t and he will be kind until I’ve annoyed him too far. So here is the question…Am I the problem or have I yet to just find a man worthy of being called a “real man”. Sure he will call himself a real man, a gentleman, but the truth still remains that it is all fun at the start but he hardly has the attention span to keep his fake face on for more than four months. From there things just go downhill and while he claims he loves you the truth is you are just a hole that fits him comfortably and that is what it’s all about…his comfort.

I am looking for love..hot passion that has no threat of fizzling out...Not in the real world? Noticed...that is why I found my way here.

Is this real? Forgive me, not trying to be rude, it's just that you posted this 3 times already and one of those times it was the opening post of your request thread, so it has me wondering if it's a story or mood you're trying to set.

I feel that my first initial post three times gets my point across. Not everyone looks at everything and as an opener it will help me narrow down people who are quick to get frustrated. Personally I feel that if people are going to get annoyed at my first post rather than ask me more about myself or my ideas its not something I am interested in starting. Why? Because people get angry at me far too often and easy because they do not get what they want. So let's face it if you want to know more about me or my ideas to the point that you have checked three different places to learn more and then go to the extent that you then ask instead of walking away it seems to me that you are more understanding..or rude I guess...but rude people won't keep going with it after the fact. I hope that makes sense.

I was impressed by the narrative of this journal(and curious), so decided to snoop. And I understand, people can be too sensitive or very ready to jump to the wrong conclusions(or superficial when it comes to their searches) and it seems you've been through a rough time. Setting things up in a way that you can separate those who can read(meaning, actually worth your time because they care about something other than themselves for 2 seconds) and weeding out those just looking for a cyber hole to get comfortable in, is an efficient way to go about things if you're particularly fed up with bullshit.

If you ever need anything or just want to chat, I tend to log in every day. My PMs are always open, lady.