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Serenity

Serenity

Supernova
Joined
Jul 15, 2010
Location
Lost in my own mind
Everythings going great...ish. Better anyway... and in comes the fucking hit from left field. I guess thats how it always happens though. The very thin, fragile thread thats kept me from being overwhelmed with depression has just snapped. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. All I really wanna do is cry and drink and sleep. The one fucking time, or I should say the second time, in my whole life that I've tried to reach out to my "friends" I've been shut down. Of course I know people are busy with work and sleep and what not. But can't I be more important then that for once? Instead of being shoved to the side for later. I'd like to think I mattered enough to somebody for that. But hey, I'm like if anyone even decides to pick up the phone. Whatever. I guess I'm just that person, thats just there in the background, not really good for anything unless someone happens to be bored. I don't even understand how life got like this, why cant I just be a kid again when the worst I had to deal with was a scraped knee? I honestly don't think I'm cut out for adulthood.
 
May I post here? I realize it's been a couple of weeks since you wrote this. Just wanted to say I can relate with how you feel completely. I've got plenty of friends, and none of them are ever particularly mean, but it's hard to feel like I can really rely on any of them for anything, and that creates a bit of distance between us.
 
It's alright. I'm not an incredibly open person, so part of it is probably my fault for not being completely honest with them. So I guess it's sort of give and take, a two way street kind of thing. Thing is, it's hard to know who to trust and I don't want to alienate anyone by becoming too much of a burden. If I didn't have places like these to vent to those I don't already know, I'm not sure what I'd do. Maybe I should go ahead and make my own journal thing.

I hope it somehow gets better for you. Might be hard but you might run into some people who are genuinely interested in you and not just for entertainment.
 
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