These dreams may be glimpses into a mind or if imagination is kind, another world.
I face the fact I will be going to do surgery on March 1st 2016.
The risks are loosing feeling below my waist and my mind maybe recoiling in fear.
I have a herniated disk in my Lumbar - 5 to Sacrim -1 which is about the size of a ping pong ball. The majority of my soft disk is crushing nerves in a cluster which leaves me in constant pain and is inhibiting the feeling of my right leg as is while also making life remarkably painful with pain radiating into said leg.
So I've done every step and jumped through every hoop insurance can provide.
I see it as an escape from reality and know that the truth is after March 1st I won't be able to physically do what I've been able to in the past.
I don't type or mentally speak this out asking for a prayer or help. I simply am using this as many others here do. An outlet or venting process to cope. With that said I find the journey to always be more important than any destination.
I speak from experience at a such an age of reason to say I am thankful for every step on my journey as well as to say I am grateful for all of those that have chosen to walk with me for a step or several miles of my journey.
Because as a poet once said ' I come to a path in the forest that diverges and taking the path least traveled made all the difference.'
So without further a-due, more of my un-powering self.
==================================
The human mind regardless of physical features always has it's leaders and followers.
Most of humanity follows while I firmly believe we all are natural leaders with the mental fortitude to find the answers and beliefs within ourselves.
Humans holding powers over others simply taking creature comforts and labeling one another as not humans but less makes it easier on the mind.
So as I see those that had been treating us like dogs brought down to the wet mud of Earth amongst their dead or hurt brothers in uniform, I find it harder to keep my senses together. It wouldn't take all before the rest of us are put within the cafeteria.
Forced in like cattle to those with powers and abilities most could only dream off. Those that simply didn't want to leave the situation as it was picked up a weapon and held others captive because it goes back to the idea of always needing to subjugate those who don't go with the grain of things.
Quills is the only one of my cell left besides myself and it is clear she is terrified.
Not for others but for her own future.
Because the mad man who had been looming over the yard was now on an over-watching cat-walk barking out how the rest of humanity will bow down to us living 'gods'.
The idea is almost enough to laugh at if not for the fact my ears ringing still from having just witnessed so many I've come to know, at times closely, dead or dying around me.
Lighting up a smoke as the firearm toting fool pauses during his mindless diatribe to wait for anyone to say anything, I step forward clapping.
I never knew this man's name, but I could tell he was a shape-shiftier and the type to capitalize on an opportunity.
I clap mockingly and with a stiff heavy foot fall in the room where moans and groans of absolute pain rang out over the rest of the noise of people moving about to prepare for the coming fight.
But it seemed as tinnitus rang within my head between myself and the new overlord of the prison, a quiet fell.
When my clapping stopped I'd flick some ash and look up at him.
" Congratulations, instead of going along and freeing us, you've kept us here in a giant target area... " Going back to clapping as the mentally unsound man would hesitate at potentially pointing his weapon towards me.
" Easy big guy, my powers aren't as offensive as the moving mountain you blew to hell..." motioning over my shoulder over his act of killing a friend of mine.
" I mean fuck... why not kill our own kind that simply want to hold their love ones again..." Laughing in a manner of fact way I'd flick ash again before going back to clapping towards the now sinking with dread faced man.
" What do you mean we're a target?" He'd yell before moving to a set of stairs with his own lackeys to come down towards me.
" Every hear of an AC-130 spooky, Vulcan mini-guns are a bitch let alone a howitzer cannon... the military can deem the entire area kill box if they want and turn this place into a crater from so far up none-of-us could reach... " Shouting out to the others listening to the nut more than him.
" I mean if not that a simple missile and bombing run can turn everything inside the walls to ash... Napalm, hell a MOAB which is a fuel air-bomb would do the trick... " Stopping my clapping I'd move to focus on what could be my last smoke.
The glaring man within feet now shifted in his own boots as his features rippled and change from time to time.
" So what would you have us do... run and hide, cower in the shadows hoping the government doesn't come hunting us down?" Shouting more as a means to put my concerns down before it'd contest his authority.
" No, the conditions and lack of human rights here will be found and those who tore us from our lives will answer for their actions... Putting them in places just like this... Tell me those that died here today don't have someone outside asking questions of where their loved ones went?" returning the same motion and amount of furry in my words as he did before letting him speak his peace. Those more ore less to puff at my smoke.
The closer he came the more he tried to look like me to my own face, but I'd watch as his powers would fade. He'd soon be showing a rather ginger haired, freckled face teen rather than the older form he had.
" I get it, we're all scared... who hasn't been since that the sky lit up and changed so many of us?" Shouting my case to everyone now in the cafeteria.
" But there is a better way... one with less blood and hatred towards us and them... " Yelling out and hoping my words stuck to someone listening.
" Do I believe in a god, sure why the fuck not...?" shaking some people to get their attentions towards me again.
" Do I think that everyone has to answer for their actions, you're damned right, if not in this life then somewhere between this one and the next..." Turning back to the ginger haired shapeshifter realizing who the fuck I was as he watched his powers flicker.
" I kept to myself and watched long enough... What we need to do is keep a few willing to speak out here and let the authorities in, the rest who know they have the right of freedom, go... get out and go find your loved ones or find those you care about to love them... " Shouting my case the teen would yell out in pure rage before producing a knife to try and stab me, Quills moved blindly between us taking the blade in her chest before reaching out and hugging the man in return. Both impaling the other.
Something within my throat caught and I found tears in my eyes. More for the loss of a woman that had been so close to me. Who suffered and survived this gulag with me. But now was dying for me.
Moving to hold her I couldn't even hear her final words as shouting came from all around. Some asked what to do, the life fading from her eyes while the shapeshifter flickered and twitched before passing away himself.
" Go, all of you... leave... get out! "
I don't know how much time pass from that moment to the next.
All I remember was the bottom of a rifle's stock to my face when someone took Quill's away from me. I'd shouted something as her limp figure was pried from my bloody hands and fore arms. Of course in death the body of a powered person doesn't revert from my powers.
So her body tore my being up.
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The path to hell, is laid in good intentions.
The funny thing about being unconscious is there's always a moment of disorienting unknowing when you come around. Like you have to remind yourself of who you are and what your name is let alone your very life for a second or two.
So when I came to strapped to a chair with fresh bandages on my arms and forehead I couldn't help but look around curious.
A man in a suit sitting at a folding table between himself and myself, smoking like it was the 1950's chuckled for a moment noticing I had come around.
" Want one?" he'd offer before getting up to light another himself and move to put it in my lips.
" Please... thank you..."
I'd mutter in return. Obviously unable to take one from his offer.
On the folding table besides the expected pack and astray was several folders and files some opened and others closed.
"... You know... I only wanted to get out so I could see those I loved again..." Muttering from under half-closed lips and puffing lightly.
" I know... " replied the suit and tie wearing man as he sat across the table again and watched me.
" I never wanted anyone kill or maimed to a point of changing their lives..." I'd mutter again before exhaling another bit of smoke from my aching face.
" I know that too... and that you care for Kristin...awh Quills I believed she was nicknamed..." the suit and tie wearing man would sit still watching me as I was still clearly trying to piece things together.
" So... do you know what was going to happen after the prison riot... or how 90% of the captured powered population in the center of the United States would flee before we got here...?"
asked the obvious government man.
" No... I'm surprised I'm still alive with some purpose other than answering questions... not to mention these bandages and stitches within my flesh where done to keep me alive..." Pointing out the obvious.
" We don't need to question you... we watched the prison's footage and saw you wounded ... what did you call her... yes, 'super-bitch' but didn't kill her. " Moving to pull out a few stills and set them down so I could see what had happened of the fight from angles.
" We saw that you spoke to keep people alive and tried to keep things peaceful when that nut, Bradly I believe his name was tried to instill an insurrection like mentality..." Continued the agent Smith like man.
" Meant mutual survival... If we all walk away, what's not to enjoy?" I'd reply.
Nodding a little he'd shuffle through some papers as I'd spit the cigarette, nearly a butt to the floor near my feet to stamp it out.
Muttering a little under his breath before sighing I'd tilt my head a little trying to catch what he said.
" What?"
" Nothing... simply admiring how in better circumstances things could have been cleaned up and continued as they where... but missing people, large scale action near a small town and of course all the explosions has made this a national bit of news... not to mention all of the powered or mutated people now out and about... it's hard to simply put up some media sensation or divert the attention of a nation already on edge... so..."
The agent would sit back in his chair a little eyeing me.
" So now, those that ordained the taking of citizens from their lives are under a microscope and being a one by one stuffed into similar conditions... or am I jumping the gun, just yet..." muttering a little while seeing how one or two stitches on my arms looked from between the gauze and my skin.
" No, no you're right on that... people are being blamed and those that have tried to brush this aside are answering to the choices they've made ... " Pausing the smoking man would put out his cigarette.
"Namely those that thought it was a good idea to circumvent the Constitution and Bill of rights and simply stuff a bunch of super powered mutants together... and then wonder why none of their troops would fire on a bunch of rightfully angry civilians.... hell we might have a new government in the coming days..." Explained the tie wearing man before moving to offer another smoke.
" So... why am I detained and being spoken to as if in an interrogation room?" My question as obvious as the dimly lit room.
" Some people fresh from the prison are ... harder to talk with then others and given the fact you can more than likely kill me with your hands... I wanted to gauge you before letting you loose from some form of restraint. " Replied the man.
" Says the guy who happens to be holding my well past the 24 hour mark of legally holding me against my will... " raising a brow I'd motion for another smoke against my restraints.
" So why am I here and not being spoken to with the rest of those that stayed behind...?" I'd ask again, but with different wording.
The agent would sigh before moving to simply remove the strap over my right arm, I'd in turn move to take my left off. And simply move to get another smoke for myself.
" My bosses and I would like to offer you a job..."
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