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Notte's Alternative Reflection

N

Notte

Supernova
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Fragmented Vitality:

The clock strikes exactly 3:33 AM
And I awake to this sick feeling
My mind is chaotic
My body is sleek with sweat
And I can feel my stomach churning
My body starts its heaving
As these tears prick my eyes

I remember before I feel to sleep
All those thoughts were running
The doubt, the hurt, this fear, that longing
My mind and heart at battle
I could feel my soul - its screaming
And without knowing I drifted into unconsciousness
I can't remember, but I must have been dreaming

The sweat is cold, my body hot
And I cannot stop the shuddering
I run to the bathroom
Fall to my knees, I’m wrenching
On the floor, I wipe my mouth
Again the contents gone, I’m worried
Over four days have gone by and yet I still am shaking

I turn the shower on
Hot water to caress me
Wash away my sins and these haunting memories
I can feel myself, I’m slipping, slipping, slipping away
And there is no one here, but me to save me
My legs are weak, I can’t keep standing
Overheated, I turn the water to freezing

I lay my head against the bathtub floor
The water falling in a harsh rain, its beating
Still, I can feel my insides twisting
Whether hot or cold, I can’t stop the shivering
Weakly I reach up, grab the soap and start the half-assed cleaning
Barely there, I’m hardly moving, frail and jerking
Rinse off, I lay there exhausting, this pain excruciating

Turn the water off, I get out stumbling
Make my way to my room, falling into my bed
Not even bothering to use a towel, let the droplets air dry
So I sit down to write these feelings
Trying to give myself relief
From the mental and physical aching
Goddess, I feel as if I’m losing, so say a prayer for me​
 
Maybe the mental stress and physical stress of whatever is on your mind is causing you to get sick Notte...

I remember a time being sorta like that. Those are not fun times.
 
Honestly, I know your right.
And really, that's what scares me the most.
If this keeps up, I'm going to get hospitalized.
That or fall into coma again.
Either or is not good.
 
Yes that is true, and you need to get whatever is causing these vile issues out of your system, Have you talked to anyone about them at all?

No one wants to see you hospitalized or in a coma either my dear.
 
I've talked about some of it, but not most of it.
No one to really talk to, you know?
I mean there is, but if they are apart of whats causing me distress, then it isn't like I can explain it all to them.
Ugh, on top of that, no one can really understand the complications of my mind.
I don't know, maybe I'm just getting the flu or something.
To make it even worse - my damn blood of the moon started.
Like right when I woke up.
What the hell is with that?
 
That is either karma, or something twisted higher up saying, have a heaping helping of bullshit in your life my dear. And as a neutral party to most things, My ear is always open, unless you have no trust in a relative stranger as I am. Either way it is understandable, Yet it also helps to get it all off your...mind/chest/whathaveyou. But anyways, Aside from me acting like a total perve(Which I do constantly D:) I can sometimes provide a good ear to listen and maybe a shoulder to lean on I have found.

And no one will truly understand the complications of anyone's mind, let alone their own Miss Notte, its almost impossible.
 
Neon Boy said:
That is either karma, or something twisted higher up saying, have a heaping helping of bullshit in your life my dear. And as a neutral party to most things, My ear is always open, unless you have no trust in a relative stranger as I am. Either way it is understandable, Yet it also helps to get it all off your...mind/chest/whathaveyou. But anyways, Aside from me acting like a total perve(Which I do constantly D:) I can sometimes provide a good ear to listen and maybe a shoulder to lean on I have found.

And no one will truly understand the complications of anyone's mind, let alone their own Miss Notte, its almost impossible.
Click to expand...

I belive in Higher beings, and that they delight in trying to wreak our lives.....on the other hand Neon Boy is right, while you may not exactly "know us", hopefully our posts give you some insight on who we are....and again, hes right about never truly knowing someones mind....The only thing we can do is try.
 
Meh, I bet it is punishment or karma of some kind. Who knows?
I swear that certain deities have a sick sense of humor.

My mind is having an argument with my heart.
But, I have an idea why I might be physically sick, which wasn't just brought along by mental distress, but I'm not going to just have a heart to heart where everyone can see.
 
Hehe. Now I totally never said we had to have a heart to heart in the open. Or at all with a stranger, if you would like I could always give you one of my messengers, that is if you wouldn't mind talking to a totally unknown person.

But you must get well dear Notte, not many will take to well with you being sick/upset you know. And the whatever's higher up do have a sick sense of humor, I am well aware of that.
 
Neon Boy said:
Hehe. Now I totally never said we had to have a heart to heart in the open. Or at all with a stranger, if you would like I could always give you one of my messengers, that is if you wouldn't mind talking to a totally unknown person.

But you must get well dear Notte, not many will take to well with you being sick/upset you know. And the whatever's higher up do have a sick sense of humor, I am well aware of that.
Click to expand...

they really do don't they lol
 
Messengers work, they work very well.
I have MSN.
YIM.
And AIM.

The links to them should be in my profile.

Although, believe you me, I detest being sick or unwell in any type of way.
I am rather used to it, but I have still never gotten used to it.
 
Oh, I totally agree, and get all hyped up when everyone else is sick, because I rarely do. But alas when I do it's like a brickwall to my head, sinuses and whatever else.
 
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