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penis jokes

did you enjoy

  • cant...breathe...help!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • dude... :O

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • wtf? nasty

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • holy fucking tolito that's funny

    Votes: 1 20.0%
  • hammer time... xD

    Votes: 2 40.0%
  • no...just...no...

    Votes: 1 20.0%
  • my eyes! they burn!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • all of the above damn!

    Votes: 3 60.0%

  • Total voters
    5

richter

Super-Earth
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
indeed, rather blunt yes?

too put it shortly, my freind was feeling down so i made her laugh with jokes about the versatility of my penis, enjoy. (not modded, except for the name, freind is hc, i am em)



hc (6:37:30 PM): sooooo fucking mad >.<
em (6:37:18 PM): wanna talk about it?
hc (6:37:48 PM): *huggles back* i like explosions too, hehehee *evil grin*
em (6:37:42 PM): what kind of explosions? :eek:
em (6:37:51 PM): i like the messy ones
hv (6:38:16 PM): not really.. i'm gonna get sad if i start talking about it...
em (6:38:00 PM): ok
hc (6:38:29 PM): hehehe, i like the big ones that go BOOM!
em (6:38:10 PM): if you do want to, i ish here for ya
hc (6:38:43 PM): ^.^ thank yous very much ^.^ your great
em (6:38:25 PM): i have a rocket launcer
em (6:38:30 PM): in meh pants
hc (6:38:51 PM): O.O
hc (6:39:00 PM): ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
em (6:38:45 PM): big explosion
em (6:38:52 PM): gets all over the place
hc (6:39:29 PM): xD i don't like the bloody ones
em (6:39:44 PM): it's not blood from this kinf of explosion
em (6:39:47 PM): kind~
hc (6:40:24 PM): lol
em (6:40:18 PM): hehe
em (6:41:18 PM): i would add, but it would sound dirty
hc (6:41:52 PM): lmao, go ahead and add :p
em (6:41:52 PM): the warhead is quite large
em (6:42:16 PM): with a nuclear payload to match
hc (6:43:53 PM): lmao
em (6:43:47 PM): you asked for it
em (6:43:57 PM): ';..;'
hc (6:44:18 PM): xD
hc (6:44:23 PM): very nice ^.^
hc (6:44:50 PM): wow, i just got it xD
hc (6:44:54 PM): god i'm slow
em (6:44:36 PM): lmao
hc (6:45:28 PM): lol
em (6:45:17 PM): i have fun
hc (6:46:39 PM): lmao
hc (6:46:47 PM): apperantly :p
em (6:46:35 PM): wanna know what's really cool about it?
hc (6:47:01 PM): what is?
em (6:46:46 PM): i can change it to a sniper
em (6:46:49 PM): a shotgun
em (6:46:55 PM): and a machine gun
hc (6:47:49 PM): dammnnn
hc (6:47:57 PM): nasty images in my head xD
em (6:47:55 PM): lol
hc (6:48:20 PM): lol
em (6:48:07 PM): haha
hc (6:49:50 PM): wow
hc (6:49:57 PM): images aren't going away o_O
em (6:49:42 PM): lmao
em (6:50:01 PM): you know you love it
hc (6:50:34 PM): xD yes, yes i do
em (6:50:23 PM): i can't help it if my weapon is so versatile
hc (6:50:56 PM): lmao
em (6:50:47 PM): also can be used as a hammer or blunt weapon
hc (6:51:30 PM): wooowww
hc (6:51:37 PM): waayyy worse images
em (6:51:29 PM): that one disturbs even me lol
hc (6:52:08 PM): xD wouldn't that hurt?
em (6:51:57 PM): i go into battle, waving my hammer
hc (6:52:30 PM): LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!1
hc (6:52:43 PM): That is not a good image but god it is funny!
em (6:52:24 PM): it quite strong
em (6:52:35 PM): break a brick god
em (6:52:56 PM): talk about action packed huh?
hc (6:53:16 PM): xD
hc (6:53:23 PM): lmao, yeah
em (6:53:14 PM): i cant stop laughing
hc (6:54:01 PM): lmao
hc (6:54:07 PM): i can't stop these images xD
em (6:54:04 PM): can also be used to plug leaks
hc (6:54:29 PM): like a army of guys carrying that type of weapon xD
hc (6:54:32 PM): O.O
hc (6:54:42 PM): WHAT?!
em (6:54:31 PM): yesh
em (6:54:38 PM): you inesert
em (6:54:42 PM): leaks stop
hc (6:55:10 PM): O.O what type of leaks?
em (6:54:57 PM): though... in some cases it makes it worse
hc (6:55:54 PM): xD
hc (6:55:55 PM): wow
hc (6:56:06 PM): definatly can see it making leaks worse xD
em (6:55:53 PM): lol
em (6:56:42 PM): gives a whole new meaning to the phrase hammer time
hc (6:57:19 PM): lmao, yeah
em (6:57:15 PM): oh wait wait
em (6:57:24 PM): it can be used as a vaulting pole
hc (6:57:47 PM): xD and what exactly does this hammer wanna hit into a wall or something?
hc (6:57:55 PM): xD now that, that i can't see
em (6:57:52 PM): oh?
em (6:58:02 PM): also as a limbo stick
em (6:58:28 PM): and this... was my freinds idea... and actually it was kind of creepy ~_~
hc (6:59:10 PM): lmao
em (6:58:55 PM): i had met her like... the other day and she comes up to me when im with some of her freinds and like you were in my dream
em (6:59:07 PM): we used your penis as a jump rope
em (6:59:14 PM): im like... wtf?!
hc (6:59:51 PM): o.o
hc (6:59:53 PM): dammnnn
em (6:59:47 PM): i'm like... i know its big... but it aint that big
em (6:59:53 PM): and it doesnt bend that way
hc (7:00:22 PM): roflmao
em (7:00:20 PM): so the rest of the semester i would pop up behind them and say furry jump rope
hc (7:00:50 PM): i can imagine the jump rope thing xD thats amazing xD
hc (7:01:11 PM): O.O
hc (7:01:14 PM): FURRY WHAT?!
em (7:00:54 PM): ah ~_~ you want to play with my big furry jump rope dont you -.-
hc (7:01:15 PM): wow
hc (7:01:21 PM): xD not really xD
em (7:01:07 PM): well fuzzy
hc (7:02:25 PM): lmao, sounds cuddly but i'm happy with no jump roping
em (7:02:29 PM): o.0 you want to cuddle with it
hc (7:03:07 PM): lmao
hc (7:03:18 PM): xD when you say it it sounds wrong xD
em (7:03:13 PM): disturbing image
em (7:03:28 PM): of someone hugging it
hc (7:03:50 PM): ROFLMAO!
em (7:03:47 PM): arms and legs wrapped around it
em (7:04:12 PM): now you know how i feel xD
hc (7:04:16 PM): ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
hc (7:04:27 PM): your right, lmao, that is disturbing xD
em (7:04:32 PM): wanna go play hockey?
hc (7:05:00 PM): o_O
hc (7:05:01 PM): huh?
em (7:04:43 PM): i've got the stick
hc (7:05:09 PM): ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
em (7:05:14 PM): o0o wait!
hc (7:05:43 PM): hmm?
em (7:05:24 PM): let's go golfing
em (7:05:27 PM): four!
hc (7:05:57 PM): LMAO!
em (7:05:49 PM): get a hole in one everytime
hc (7:06:20 PM): xD okay, so why are we talking about your penis being so long?
em (7:06:09 PM): uh... i dunno
em (7:06:16 PM): making you smile?
em (7:06:28 PM): and filling your head with disturbing images of meh tool?
hc (7:09:28 PM): thats why i love word
em (7:09:52 PM): ok i got it now
hc (7:10:38 PM): lmao
em (7:10:25 PM): one thing it cant do
hc (7:10:51 PM): so how exactly do they know how long it is? xD
em (7:10:34 PM): be a good telescope
hc (7:10:57 PM): LMAO!
hc (7:11:07 PM): is it a telephone too? :p
em (7:11:26 PM): hmmm... i don't rightly know
hc (7:11:53 PM): lmao
em (7:11:45 PM): it's cordless
hc (7:12:16 PM): FUCKING ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
em (7:12:05 PM): does need to recharge once and awhile
hc (7:12:32 PM): xD that is the worst image i have gotten xD
em (7:12:22 PM): hell sometimes holding it recharges it
em (7:13:01 PM): a good lolipop
hc (7:13:31 PM): xD
hc (7:13:33 PM): wow
em (7:13:25 PM): it can be a paintball gun as well
em (7:13:32 PM): taste meh rainbow!
hc (7:13:54 PM): and i'm assuming it gets recharged very rarely xD
em (7:13:58 PM): it's got big batteries
hc (7:14:36 PM): wow
em (7:14:56 PM): hehe i sink ships
em (7:15:08 PM): torpedo 1 fire!
hc (7:16:10 PM): LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
em (7:16:36 PM): it's a buoy/flotation device
em (7:16:48 PM): pull on it and it activates, good for a few hours
hc (7:17:13 PM): xD wow
em (7:17:15 PM): pull too hard and it will pop though
hc (7:17:44 PM): ROFLMAO!
hc (7:17:50 PM): i've jsut got to balloons
hc (7:17:54 PM): they dont' do much o_O
hc (7:18:00 PM): *two
em (7:17:47 PM): they make good drums/flotation devices
em (7:17:58 PM): used for morse code
em (7:18:19 PM): head lights
hc (7:18:41 PM): xD lmao
hc (7:18:48 PM): yes, definatly drums xD
em (7:18:33 PM): hehe
em (7:19:13 PM): it can also be used as an oar
hc (7:19:49 PM): o_O how the hell are they oars?
em (7:19:57 PM): a oar
em (7:20:00 PM): i only have one
em (7:20:09 PM): you put it in the water
em (7:20:16 PM): and you stroke
hc (7:20:49 PM): xD you have a oar and i have a boat xD
hc (7:20:50 PM): wow
em (7:20:48 PM): .:insert near death laughter:.
hc (7:21:21 PM): LMAO!!!!!!
em (7:21:12 PM): it hurts
hc (7:21:47 PM): agreed xD
em (7:21:53 PM): i would say javelin... but it is attached
hc (7:22:41 PM): xD it works as a apple xD
hc (7:22:44 PM): lmao
hc (7:22:45 PM): but
em (7:22:31 PM): o.0
hc (7:22:57 PM): no one understand teh joke if they aren't kashia xD
hc (7:23:08 PM): or maybe christain or josh xD
en (7:23:03 PM): i dun have happles
em (7:23:05 PM): apple~
em (7:23:14 PM): my tree grows grapfruits
hc (7:23:36 PM): apple and the tree
hc (7:23:41 PM): LMAO!
em (7:23:26 PM): grapefruits~
em (7:23:45 PM): juice is a bit tangy... or so i've been told
hc (7:24:26 PM): ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
em (7:24:54 PM): haha
hc (7:25:51 PM): xD
em (7:25:33 PM): i can use it to difrect traffic
em (7:25:52 PM): i didn't wave you on yet!
em (7:31:41 PM): it can also be used as a jack hammer
hc (7:32:07 PM): lmao
em (7:31:56 PM): and a fork lift
hc (7:32:21 PM): lmao!!!
hc (7:32:27 PM): what the hell would it lift? xD
em (7:32:14 PM): many htings o.o
em (7:32:19 PM): things~
em (7:32:40 PM): it can lift a small person most likely
em (7:32:46 PM): medium sized as well
em (7:32:51 PM): on a good day
hc (7:33:55 PM): lmao
hc (7:33:57 PM): wow xD
hc (7:34:10 PM): thats a damn strong fork lift xD
em (7:34:03 PM): indeed
hc (7:35:28 PM): lmao
hc (7:35:32 PM): does it like work out xD
em (7:35:53 PM): mmhmm
em (7:36:12 PM): i can also use it to water meh plants
hc (7:36:52 PM): xD
hc (7:36:56 PM): i feel sorry for the plants
em (7:36:42 PM): ack it wont turn off! the town is going to be flooded!
hc (7:37:11 PM): ROFLMAO!
em (7:37:31 PM): haha
hc (7:38:20 PM): xD
em (7:38:14 PM): cna be used for ploughing as well
hc (7:38:43 PM): ploughing?
em (7:38:52 PM): like... farming... when you make long holes in the ground to plant seeds
hc (7:39:23 PM): O.O
hc (7:39:26 PM): now that
hc (7:39:31 PM): i definatly cna't see
hc (7:39:34 PM): no matter what
em (7:39:22 PM): well you put it on the surface
em (7:39:25 PM): and run with it
hc (7:40:02 PM): lmao, still can't see it xD
em (7:39:44 PM): can also be used as a battering ram
hc (7:40:16 PM): damn taht would hurt xD right?
em (7:40:13 PM): it's hard
em (7:40:16 PM): sturdy
em (7:40:17 PM): wood
hc (7:40:52 PM): lmao, definatly can float xd
em (7:41:38 PM): it's a transformer!
hc (7:42:09 PM): lmao
em (7:42:20 PM): makes a good bridge
hc (7:43:34 PM): xD wouldn't it be really hard to walk on?
em (7:43:23 PM): it's wide
em (7:43:52 PM): make a good walking stick
hc (7:44:14 PM): lmao
em (7:44:48 PM): plunger
hc (7:45:29 PM): xD
em (7:45:09 PM): i can unclog any drain!
hc (7:45:34 PM): wooowww
em (7:45:25 PM): lol
hc (7:46:02 PM): xD
hc (7:46:41 PM): lol
em (7:46:53 PM): my freinds always ask me for my white out xD
hc (7:47:30 PM): lmao
hc (7:47:40 PM): and its a perfect baby machine i bet xD
em (7:47:47 PM): babies? hmm... it could make a good hook to hang the baby carrier from...
hc (7:48:14 PM): lmao
hc (7:48:16 PM): okay
em (7:47:57 PM): lightening rod
hc (7:48:23 PM): xD
em (7:48:10 PM): ouch! that's a painful thought
hc (7:48:34 PM): ROFLMAO!
em (7:51:04 PM): croquet
hc (7:52:39 PM): xD
hc (7:52:44 PM): that would hurt too, right?
em (7:53:12 PM): its a writing utensil
hc (7:53:43 PM): xD wow
hc (7:53:53 PM): does it write in white or something? xD
em (7:53:51 PM): it changes colors
hc (7:54:36 PM): lmao
em (7:54:36 PM): makes a good elevator
hc (7:55:05 PM): wwooowwww
em (7:55:05 PM): elavator go up, elavator go down
hc (7:55:40 PM): xD
hc (7:55:48 PM): thats a bad image xD
em (7:56:13 PM): hahaha
hc (7:57:11 PM): lol
em (7:57:23 PM): a fountain
em (7:57:44 PM): ya thirsty?
em (7:57:46 PM): xp
hc (7:58:33 PM): lmao
hc (7:58:36 PM): sure xD
em (7:58:30 PM): haha
em (7:58:48 PM): wanna peice of candy?
hc (7:59:25 PM): lmao
hc (7:59:29 PM): xD what flavor?
em (7:59:18 PM): vanilla
em (7:59:39 PM): can change to root beer, apple, cherry, choclate, etc...
hc (8:00:49 PM): lmao
hc (8:00:55 PM): i want rootbeer
em (8:00:40 PM): melts in your mouth
em (8:00:48 PM): creamy filling
hc (8:01:36 PM): lmao
em (8:01:25 PM): how many licks does it take?
hc (8:02:34 PM): hmm.. 5
em (8:02:31 PM): oh?
em (8:02:40 PM): personal experience?
hc (8:03:12 PM): xD nah, estimate
em (8:03:08 PM): lol
em (8:03:30 PM): never ever say bite sized
hc (8:04:00 PM): LMAO!
hc (8:04:15 PM): how about 3 or 4 bites - sized?
em (8:04:11 PM): it comes in two sizes
em (8:04:19 PM): motuh ful
em (8:04:23 PM): mouth~
em (8:04:28 PM): and over flow
hc (8:05:30 PM): lmao
em (8:05:19 PM): wooh haha
em (8:07:55 PM): kids at a candy store and only one peice left
hc (8:08:33 PM): xD
em (8:08:32 PM): lol
hc (8:09:27 PM): like a rush for the last piece?
em (8:09:19 PM): yeah
em (8:09:41 PM): it's a burrito
hc (8:10:38 PM): lmao
em (8:10:29 PM): lot's of sour cream
hc (8:11:00 PM): xD i'm sure the kids love it
em (8:10:51 PM): i wouldn't know o.o
em (8:12:00 PM): what has been your highlight so far
em (8:12:06 PM): ?
hc (8:13:00 PM): xD
hc (8:13:02 PM): probably...
hc (8:13:05 PM): jump rope
em (8:12:53 PM): gah
em (8:13:14 PM): it dun bend that way
em (8:13:25 PM): i am... kegawa sempai!
hc (8:13:46 PM): lmao
hc (8:13:57 PM): kegawa teacher?
em (8:13:43 PM): kegawa=furry
hc (8:14:35 PM): lmao
hc (8:14:43 PM): furry teacher xD thats disturbing xD
em (8:14:58 PM): furry!
hc (8:15:54 PM): lmao
em (8:16:37 PM): signal flare
hc (8:17:09 PM): o_O huh?
em (8:17:03 PM): itt can be used as a signal flare
hc (8:17:30 PM): woooww
em (8:17:21 PM): lights up sky
hc (8:17:46 PM): does it really shoot up that high? xD
em (8:17:27 PM): it's a beacon
hc (8:17:51 PM): lmao
em (8:18:40 PM): hehe
hc (8:19:26 PM): lol
em (8:19:47 PM): it can be used as a scythe
hc (8:21:19 PM): lol
em (8:21:10 PM): it can conduct a symphony
hc (8:21:33 PM): how does it cut stuff? xD
em (8:21:40 PM): it can be used as a windmill ! *whooshing noise*
hc (8:22:04 PM): lmao!!!!!
em (8:22:56 PM): it's a shuriken
hc (8:23:37 PM): xD
hc (8:23:44 PM): shuriken? xD
em (8:24:22 PM): like... throwing star
hc (8:24:52 PM): ohhh
hc (8:24:52 PM): wow
hc (8:24:59 PM): i'm stupid when i'm tired xD
em (8:25:32 PM): lol
hc (8:26:06 PM): lol
em (8:26:15 PM): boom stick
 
please feel free to comment, and tell me of your favourite lines n.n

i personally enjoy hammer and oar
 
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