Come backs.

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

This is dedicated to the best come backs to any and every insult you might have gotten. Or even to jokes where you burned someone into speechlessness. I'm bored and I think this would be funny.​

 

[Distain2003]

I am a very large man. I was walking all a pier where a bunch of guys where fishing. I was about 17. A guy who was in his 20's stepped out and decided to make fun of my weight... Saying " Man your tits are bigger than my girlfriends. " He turned to give five to his friend when i responded."You should try inflating her a more. "I walked away and he stood there stunned.

 

[Ronyo]

Haha, priceless XD

I walked past a group of guys a few weeks ago, they commented on my clothes and asked "hey, what are you gay or something?" before laughing, to which I said "Please, like I'd tie myself down to one gender, bisexual all the way!" Then walked off, leaving them staring at me. XD

 

[DJBayview]

some people tried to make fun of me for being a juggalo.

I punched them in the face and left them bleeding on the sidewalk.


fuck your insults and comebacks, grow a spine.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

Yay, violence. -sighs- INSTIGATOR. D<​

 

[DJBayview]

shouldn't have been talking shit.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

Wait, I was? ​

 

[DJBayview]

no, you're just oblivious.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

-shrugs- Stupid shit doesn't need notice.​

 

[DJBayview]

-shrugs- Stupid shit doesn't need notice.​

not paying heed to the small things is pure ignorance and very small minded of you.

-100 rep.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

-shrugs- My thread isn't about my character. And I didn't say small things, I said stupid shit. =P And I'm quite open-minded. I have a movie-theater in there.​

 

[EuroMutt]

During classes one day a girl in front of me had her thong halfway up her back. She turned around, thought I was staring at her ass, "Why are you looking at me like that?" "You should stop dressing like a tramp..." She just huffed for a bit, pulled her shirt down, then turned around.
Another day, same girl and a bunch of friends just show up at the head of the line in the cafeteria, right in front of me, behind the tray trolley. I grab one of the girl's by the shoulder, shove her away, then calmly lean over to take a tray off the trolley while all, oh, six of them stare at me while I stand in line trying to not burst out laughing.
And lastly in an Engineering course I was taking, we had to do a Roube Goldburg device as a project. Well mine broke so I walked into class empty-handed that day. Teacher looks at me, "Wheres your machine?" "Well... It came up with witty responses to that question, but it broke."
Not really an insult, but an amusing come-back.

 

[Ilovegoatse]

My father came up with a good one when he got glasses.

Some of his friends were making fun of him, so they say "Man, you look so much older." He just squints and looks at them, replying, "Wow... so do you!" I snorted.

 

[3ngag3]

You can fill in the blanks for this one.

"Asking me to __________ is like asking me to keep it in my pants if __________ is in the same room."

 

[Anansi]

I had a guy at one of our parties ask me if I was gay then laugh with his boys after seeing me in a toga(The poor fraternity member's easy halloween costume), so I got his number off the girl he came to our house with and sent him a pic of it about an hr later with the subject "Yes, Im putting it in this man's vagina, oh wait"He came back ready to fight and threw a beer in my face so I kicked his ass and threw him out then banned him from our house. Being older and looking back DJ is kinda right the violence was better than the sex, then again I was drunk....

 

[Anansi]

For something less petty when I was out drinking last week I heard "You look like you're drinking bitch piss" (i prefer liquor to beer and at times frown when drinking the latter) so I replied "Your mom's on tap?"