What makes you ghost or ignore a message?

[Nykar]

So, what makes you ghost someone or just ignore a message. We have all had it happen to us or done it. For me, it is when I get a post that just isn't exciting super early in an rp. It kills my rp boner and makes me lose all interest. Another is when someone reads your request thread and it feels like they are trying to force an idea. So what about you? And also lets make this productive so we can learn to be better rpers and better at communicating all around.

 

[Chai]

One line PM’s always get ignored. Sometimes messages that don’t interest me will just get ignored. I don’t intend to be “that person,” but I’m often busy, and even formulating a 5 minute reply on something I can tell I might not be interested in can seem like a lot of time for me.

I ignore people that message me about how “hot” my avatar is.

I ignore people that ask me irrelevant questions to anything that I’ve put in my request thread.

I ghost people when they do really strange things, like blend the line between roleplay and real life. Or they start Getting too personal.

Sometimes I mean to reply but I just forget because I’m busy.

Really there are a variety of reasons I might not reply, but those are the top ones I can think of right now.

 

[MellowYellow]

Unsolicited messages, or requests that have nothing to do with what I'm advertising, mainly.

Poorly worded garbage laden with bad grammar is the other big offender.

Other times I just forget.

 

[Mio]

Unsolicited messages wanting me to partner when I've put nothing out there saying I'm looking for one. This is from my experiences on other sites. I don't think I owe a response to someone trying to get me to write with them randomly. There are plenty of request threads for people looking for those messages to come their way.

 

[Nykar]

Every reason I have heard seems like a good reason to ghost. Especially when people start confusing an rp for real life. I like to chat with my rp partners and be buddy buddy but if they get that line blurred that worries me.

@The Goodman You also sound just like me. I have 100% just stared at my screen for a while wanting to replay and then finally thinking "wow this really isn't worth my time..."

 

[Esoterica]

The biggest reason I ghost or ignore someone is for disrespecting me. I try and let people who have done this know, but sometimes, I just dont even bother, especially when someone has been ignoring my messages even though I see them online for weeks at a time. Although all forms of rudeness irritate me.

 

[Chai]

As far as ignoring messages, like people approaching me for rp, or doing something irritating during the first plotting stages, I don't do that. I love to tell folks "no" if they're being dumb. Like Chai listed several situations where if I got any of that stuff, it would bring me great satisfaction to tell them where they fucked up.

"Lol, no."

"Ya nasty. No thanks."

"Gettin' kinda creepy. Curb your enthusiasm next time. Me? No. No, we're done. That's gone. Thanks tho. Bye."

Etc.

Hahahaha, I’ve done that very few times, but it is satisfying to do.

“That’s honestly so weird bruh, just go.”

Some people try to backtrack afterward, though, and that can be amusing, too!

 

[Iridescence]

I think I always intend to reply. But occasionally the spark is just not there, no matter my intellectual desire for it. Waiting for it to come ends up being an exercise in denial, "Let's just not think about it for a while and see if that works."

This!

I am guilty of reading certain message and thinking the idea appeals to me, when in reality that interest wanes with every day I don't respond, until I inevitably forget about it all together. That said, there are a few things which will cause me to outright ignore a message.

Things like "hey, u wanna rp?" will absolutely earn a big fat 'nope!' from me every time. People being overly flirty also get ignored right off the bat; as do messages asking me to play pre-selected faceclaims for some gangbang fantasy. Not gonna happen.

My absolute favorite messages though, are those soliciting me to read their request threads to "see if we can work something out". Nope, nope, nope and nope. Granted, this has only happened to me a handful of times, but it doesn't make it any less rude.

 

[Tinkerer Nadia]

School. I have a lot of math to do and it’s not easy to find the time to post every week, let alone daily. Still, I try and always make a come back, if the partner is still willing.

 

[Chai]

My absolute favorite messages though, are those soliciting me to read their request threads to "see if we can work something out". Nope, nope, nope and nope. Granted, this has only happened to me a handful of times, but it doesn't make it any less rude.

Omg, this one specifically really grinds my gears. Like, presumably they read your request thread, took the time to look at your profile and send you a message, only to ask you to look at their their own request thread.

I don't mind when it's like, "I don't have a lot of time writing this, but I wanted to get something out there before I forget. I'm interested in [blah blah blah] idea, and will send a more detailed message later, but in the mean time you're free to look through my own request thread, just so you know I'm not bullshitting you or anything."

Now that's the kind of PM that I'd likely respect. But when it's just, "Here, look at my request thread and let's see if we can make something good." No, lol.

 

[radiationflower]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that hates one line messages and people who are responding to your request thread with a link to theirs. Lazy people like this are never worth anyone's time.

 

[Deante]

But I never ghost on an RP, just pull the plug, and I try to say either not interested, or "not interested/can't right now, but I'll keep you in mind". Because I will save names for a rainy day.

I will only not respond to PMs if the conversation has sort of pettered out and I'd need to inject a new topic to get it going, and I'm really on the fence about the person. I'm questioning their typing skill, or just how compatible we are. I feel like a heel if I initiated the conversation and then pull out. Something like:

Me: "Hi here's question, question, question."
Them: "yeah I'm ok with all those"
Me: "Oh well, you said what I wanted but not how I wanted it said, good day."

The response to this thread tho of "One line PMs", I do that. Mainly because I want to check if someone is okay with x or y before starting, because I don't want to fire a multi-paragraph PM when something rather necessary is needed before we can get off the ground, or that would shape my approach. For instance, if they say they're into BDSM, but not whether they're a dom/sub, I'm not going to send them multiple ideas of me as sub if they in fact do not dom at all. That's just wasting everyone's time. Some people don't specify how they feel about playing as/with non-humans; I only play with non-humans, and if they don't, then there's no point in going further. So I certainly will send a single question before tailoring a pitch to their tastes. Otherwise it is just a shotgun approach of "HERE'S ALL THE THINGS".

 

[varyingtastes]

I forget, and then feel too guilty to eventually actually reply.

 

[LadyAthene]

At the expense of sounding like a bit of a bitch, I'll go on and bite. Mainly because I am guilty of ghosting. Sometimes shamelessly, depending on the circumstances.

- One line PMs don't bother me with it just being one line, per se. It's when that one line is 'Wanna RP?'. Ummm, yeah. I wouldn't have a request thread up if I didn't wanna.

- Going off the above, failure to include any [or too vague] ideas at all. That typically implies I'll end up doing most, if not all, of the plotting and .... no. I'll do all the work with a book/fanfic written solely by me. RPs are meant to be worked on by two people.

- When a person very clearly hints they haven't read my request thread. Particularly if they try to include kinks I hate. Cheating has been the biggest one for me and it's like ... no. I know my request thread is really long and has a lot of words in it. I'm only kinda sorry - but not enough to change it. I take the time and effort to read every word of everybody else's request threads, so I expect that back.

- If an idea sounds far too smutty and/or boring [which is a more subtle way of knowing when someone has/hasn't properly read my thread]

- I haven't gotten many of these PMs, thankfully. But people who try to get really personal/creepy with me.

- Porn gifs/pics. Also rare, but they have happened.

- Sometimes it's just as simple as ghosting because even with a good idea, I'm not in the mood for it. It tends to be easier for me. I've tried the 'nice rejection' before. Not everyone is good with it, and that typically has led to people attempting to pressure me into agreeing with their ideas. Then it gets awkward/uncomfortable for me. So ghosting is preferred more often than replying; however, I can get a civil 'no' out when I feel confident a person will take said response well enough.

 

[Nykar]

I think most of you sound pretty reasonable tbh. Besides fighting a good writing partner is hard.

Also I totally had an ulterior motive for making this thread. I haven't been ghosted on this site but got a few messages ignored so I was wondering if I could get some insight and this was quite helpful

 

[Nykar]

I doubt I have been blocked. I was on here a while ago so maybe I have blocks but my guess is something about my request just didn't click, or wasn't very good. Which I am fine with. I am still rusty.

 

[Chai]

Does anyone know what happens when you put someone on ignore and they try to message you? Are you able to send a message at all? Like, is the option there? Because if you are, sometimes not responding might happen unintentionally.

The option shows up still for the blocked party, but their message won't be visible to you. If you've previously messaged with someone, then put them on ignore, that PM thread will still show up in your inbox, but all of their messages will be removed. You'll just see your own responses. Ignoring also prevents you from seeing their messages in the site chat and prevents you from seeing their threads on the forums, so that's a nifty little feature as well.

 

[Heiress]

"I'm going to make a request for one specific thing."
"Hi there, I saw you were looking for this one specific thing. I don't know anything about it, so maybe we could plan something else?"

Maybe you can take a long walk off a short pier...

 

[Chai]

Sometimes it's just as simple as ghosting because even with a good idea, I'm not in the mood for it. It tends to be easier for me. I've tried the 'nice rejection' before. Not everyone is good with it, and that typically has led to people attempting to pressure me into agreeing with their ideas. Then it gets awkward/uncomfortable for me. So ghosting is preferred more often than replying; however, I can get a civil 'no' out when I feel confident a person will take said response well enough.

This. I ghost especially when I've interacted with them before, and I know it won't be taken well. Roleplaying is one of those few instances in life where I always tell people it's better to put yourself first even at the expense of """"common courtesy"""", mostly because it's not as simple as holding the door open for the next person or whatever. Sometimes there's some backlash that comes with it, and understandably, some people want to avoid this.


Also piggy-backing off the "too smutty" thing, I personally ignore messages where the first question directed to me about the story is about smut. That lets me know they are in it for one thing only, and while that works for others, it doesn't inspire me to reply. Besides, I am more than willing to be open and flexible about kinks if we've established rapport beforehand, making small talk and trading ideas back and forth.

I like to think of sending a RP request PM like making sale. In this case, you're selling yourself and the talent/skill you have to offer as a writer and roleplayer. If you're selling a car, you would never walk up to a new customer and go, "So do you want heated seats, a sunroof and Android Auto in the vehicle?" without ever introducing yourself first and showing what you have to offer, and what options might be a good match for them. Most car customers would be weirded out, and some might even be offended.

In a similar manner, I ignore messages that just go, "I saw your request thread for [plot idea] and I wanted to know if you were okay with furries, pegging, and choking while sucking dick?" While I might be okay with some of those, or even all of those, it doesn't catch my eye as something worthwhile to respond to. I prefer some rapport building and chatting first, but that's also just my personal opinion, which is neither correct or better than anyone else's.

 

[Alvis Alendran]

The most common is my ownn declining mental state, depression drives me away from things and it feels too awkward to get back in touch with people after a long absence if I don't know them rather well.

Otherwise, forcing issues or presenting an uninteresting plan.

 

[Moons]

I don't ghost but if you don't put effort into your (first) message I'm not gonna respond to you, sorry not sorry.

 

[Deante]

Also I totally had an ulterior motive for making this thread. I haven't been ghosted on this site but got a few messages ignored so I was wondering if I could get some insight and this was quite helpful

Not responding is a non-confrontational way of rejecting someone. Because some people get offended even if you tell them no. But since there's plausible deniability in not replying ("I was busy" "I forgot"), the person feels safe in doing it. Yet again it can be the "i forgot" and "I'm busy", but just not responding is generally the way that folks say "no thanks".

Personally I hate the not knowing, and so strive to be direct but polite.

 

[Kalafina]

I know I just joined but this seems to be a nice question. And, since I've been in other forums, I think I can also reply! I normally try to respond, even if it's just to say "Thank for your interest, but I'm not in the mood right now." It's true that sometimes I forget to respond or may delete the conversation without noticing. But if I detect few to no interest in the responses, e.g.: "sure" or "ok" or something that doesn't really help moving with the plotting part, that ends up killing my muse, and might prompt me to disappear without saying anything. Although it's something I'm trying to get better at

 

[Johnn]

Ditto with Writers Block. If my partner just plain ignores all the details and the effort put into my post it's a very big downer.

Also if their replies keep getting shorter every post till they are just repeating what you sent right back to you. Or just ignores you all together

 

[Nykar]

Great responses! I also want to say good job pointing out issues that we all have without calling anyone specifically. I hope people will read this and know what to avoid in the future.