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I've Put My Trust In You (Orion/Randomname98766789)

Orion

Orion

Super-Earth
Joined
Jul 2, 2018
Payton Weatherby had simply planned to return to Los Angeles for the summer. After finishing her second year of college she had just returned to the city of angels a couple weeks back. She had found a job working at a little diner that was going to get her through the summer - and hopefully in to the next college year. She did well enough that she found herself with scholarships, but anything extra always helped. As she had found out during her first year in university, being the "starving college student" was not fun. Two months shy of twenty it finally seemed like her life was on track.

That changed, though. Payton hadn't been blind to the sickness that was spreading, but she had not been prepared for what that turned in to. She was at her friend Sara's in a cozy LA suburb when she saw the news about riots down town, and word had spread that cops were shooting unarmed people for days now. The next morning she had tried to go back home only to find military occupancy had begun. Fences were put up and the area was declared a quarantine zone. She was yet to even see what they were being quarantined from.

She had been there two days when an old face brought her back to high school, and back to that fateful night early in her first year of college. Payton didn't look anything like she did before these days - eighteen had spared her another half-inch growth spurt which put her at a whole five feet five inches tall, and in her early days of college she had chopped her once-long blonde hair short (but what girl didn't do something with their hair after a break up?). Now it was grown out again with the one side shaved down (overgrown by now as she needed to redo it for months now, but shaved down nonetheless) and the length down to her breasts. She had stopped feeling self conscious about her glasses and switched back to wearing them after wearing contacts since she was thirteen.

He looked just the same, though. A little less fluffy than he had in high school, a little more tired - but very much Nick Clark. She hadn't been blind to the fact that she was in his neighborhood, but she had been hoping that he wouldn't be there. Instead he stood with just a few people between them, and it seemed like he hadn't even noticed that she was there yet. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't even recognize her. For now she put her focus on waiting in the queue to get some supplies from the soldiers who maintained the safezone, and she hoped that she would go unnoticed.
 
Prior to the outbreak, Nick Clark struggled with an addiction to drugs, and was in and out of rehab many times. He had a difficult relationship with his father, who he believed had changed and become distant and was no longer fulfilling his duties as a father. During this time, Nick was often living somewhere in Los Angeles’ abandoned churches and junkie dens, though often not at home with his own family. About the only thing going right for him involved high school, strangely enough. No, he did not do well in classes, but he was close friends with a special girl named Payton. They were practically inseparable, beginning a relationship in their senior year that extended into college. At this time, Nick started to spiral downwards quickly, disappearing often. Payton broke it off, but Nick promised her that he was changed, sober. When college started, their relationship did, too (again). Their relationship was hanging on by a thread for most of the time since Nick was hiding his drugs from the female. One fateful night, Nick changed everything with his actions. He never forgot about that night even if he could not remember it.

Nick took one pill, then another, shot up, then took another pill, and the cycle continued. It just felt like he needed more. There was never enough to satiate him. Well, Nick ended up doing too much. He overdosed, needing medical assistance. Poor Payton was forced to perform first aid and CPR on him, calling 9-1-1. Obviously, Nick lived, but his life was never the same. Finally, Payton seemed done with him for good. Nick could not blame her.

Back in another rehab facility, Nick started his first serious relationship since Payton. Since that time, he had been somewhat sexually active. Nick did not exactly have any girl he wanted, but many times at these junkie hangouts, everyone was looking for a fun time, so intimacy in a physical manner was swapped. Everything was going well until the tragedy of this outbreak struck. Nick thought seeing his girlfriend literally eating someone else’s flesh was just a side effect, but it was real.

Nick was alone again (with his family, but they didn’t understand him, so he might as well have been alone.). The dark-haired male was now in the quarantine zone with his family. There was a ration supply handout today at one of the military’s trucks, so Nick was sent by Madison to pick up their food. Along the way, the male wearing a light brown t-shirt and tan colored sweatpants found a familiar face. She looked different, but not too different. That was a face he never forgot. The moment felt tense, so Nick shoved his hands into his pockets, trying to keep his head trained down. It did not help that Payton was in the line, right ahead of him. Was it even possible to avoid conversation at this point? Should he at least say something to her? Nick was nervous as hell, he never felt like this.
 
Once upon a time, Nick had been the best part of her life. They had met as barely more than children at fourteen when they had shared a few freshman level classes, and from there they had become nearly inseparable. For a long time Payton was a regular around the Clark household, and then in their senior year her presence only grew. The pair had finally acted on the feelings that they shared, and they had spent the better part of the school year together. She had known from the start that he was in to drugs, but she had thought it was no worse than weed and alcohol. Those were things she was even happy to indulge in with him. Even if that was the case and he had genuinely only been smoking and occasionally drinking at the start, over the next eight months he had spiraled - and he had been so good at keeping that from her that she didn't know until it was too late.

Shortly after graduation she left him for the first time, only to come across him again several months later in college. He had been clean and sober and he looked like the boy she remembered. Payton had been all too willing to trust him again, and those tentative first interactions had reminded her of the boy she had fallen in love with. Quickly they had fallen back in to their norm, but she hadn't discovered that he was using behind her back until about a month later when he overdosed. Things quickly ended after that. The lying, the hurt, and the fear that one day he was going to kill himself and she would have to be the one to find him had all gotten to her. While many people used college as a chance to experiment Payton never did, and to this day Nick was still the only person who had ever been inside of her.

Time didn't move fast enough. It seemed that as soon as she had noticed him, it slowed nearly to a still. Payton couldn't miss how close he was to her, and when she subtly glanced in his direction she caught sight of him looking at her. It didn't seem like he had noticed that she caught him looking, but half a second later he was eying the ground with an intense interest. She wanted to be mad and she wanted to run away, but what would either of those things do. Instead, she pursed her lips and put her hands in to the pockets of her jeans as she moved back a few steps. "Long time no see, huh?" She asked. Payton was obviously tense but at least she was trying to at least be amicable, right? By now she didn't have too many hard feelings left over, but there still were some.
 
Things were just so much easier when drugs coursed through his veins. Getting high meant all the worries faded away, Nick became numb to everyone, everything. That was exactly how he wished he felt right now. If he was high, then this interaction would not have been bothersome. Sadly, Nick was sober in all forms, meaning he was forced to feel. His heart started beating quicker when the familiar voice called out to him. Absently, Nick dragged his shoe against the road and tried to think of what he should say. Apologize? Ask how she has been doing? There was no easy answer.

“Yeah, it has…” Nick responded in a voice, barely above whispering levels. In moments of clarity, he realized that Payton was probably the best thing that ever happened to him. Nick liked to believe that nothing beat getting high or drunk, but, in reality, was anything ever better than Payton? He liked to think that was a lie. It made the pain much duller. Nick knew it sounded dumb – how could he possibly feel hurt when their breakup was his fault? Even if it did not make sense, controlling feelings was a skill he had not yet mastered.

Sometimes, Nick tried the blame game. He was ill with an addiction, but she left him. How dare she? That only lasted a short period of time. Even when he was high, Nick understood that made zero fucking sense. They were coping mechanisms. Now, after a few months, it was much easier. Nick did not think about her all the time. She just seemed to fade away with other memories, replacing more recent memories with new friends and new drugs. It was all ruined by this damn apocalypse. How unlucky did they have to be, to coincidentally end up in the same quarantine zone.

Thankfully, the zone expanded for six blocks. It was not like they were right beside each other. Interactions like this were unavoidable, though. “So… how have you been?” It seemed like a general question that could not have been a bad thing to say. After all, what did you say to someone that you were just trying to be friendly, amicable with? Ask how they were doing – simple enough, but Nick was so damn nervous that it felt like the entire fate of the world rested upon his words, somehow. Finally, Nick forced himself to look at her, to face the music. He could not just bury himself each time he saw her, if this was going to become a regular thing. There was no telling how long this quarantine lasted.
 
How had she been? Broken hearted at first, and then even more so as two weeks passed after his overdose and she had stared a pregnancy test dead in the eye and found out he had made a mother of her. Even more broken hearted when she made the call to end the life they had made together knowing full well she had pictured having his babies one day only half a year before she sat in that doctor's office. For a long time she had felt nothing but grief and betrayal at his hands, even long after she had cut him out.

Time may not have healed all wounds but at least the scar started to fade, right? Payton had thought so at least. Nick never really left her mind. She had always wondered what he was doing or if he was still alive, if maybe finding out he was going to be a daddy might have set him straight... and then laughing at herself for even considering the idea. He had probably known full well he could have knocked her up but was just too high to care about consequence - something she hadn't known the few time she had let him slip inside of her during their brief reunion.

It was hard not to be a little bitter. Once upon a time Payton had seen herself one day married to this boy and yet time after time he had never chosen her. She was trying to be pleasant though. Mature. "I've been alright," she decided to say as her heart pattered fast in her chest. He looked at her finally and she felt... Torn. Time may have past and wrongs may have done, but one look and the boy she had loved was still in there somewhere. "School, work... This. What about you?" She ran her tongue along her teeth in hesitation before speaking again. "Are you clean now, or still going around-" that sentence nearly got accusatory and bitter very fast, so she cut herself off.
 
Why was it so difficult for Nick to look at Payton right now? Their time spent in a relationship felt like a past life. Nick could gaze into her eyes for hours without ever stopping. Now? Just seeing an inch of her face made him queasy. Nick already knew what she was thinking. He barely remembered anything she told him when she cut it off since he was so high, but it would not take a rocket scientist to understand how she felt. For the first week after it was over, Nick tried to get clean, to show Payton that he was not going to treat his life as a joke anymore. That lasted for a short time, before falling right back into his old habits.

It seemed like the conversation was remaining casual. She gave a brief answer about how she was doing, nothing too in-depth. Then, she cordially asked about him. Nick prepared to respond, but did not get the chance. She brought up sobriety, asking if he was clean or still using. Damn. That was pretty straightforward on her part, but Nick could not blame her. How did he answer. “Yeah… believe it or not, I’m clean.” Was it a lie? Nope. Was it the truth? Sort of. Nick was not clean by choice. All of the hotspots were sealed off in the quarantine zone. His usual dealer was dead. Nick really had no access to drugs, which made this past week feel like total hell as he went through withdrawal.

Even so, it was not really a lie, but Nick felt guilty about telling her this, even when he knew that, if he had access to drugs, he would be high right now. Thankfully, he was telling the truth about the sobriety, in a way, so his actions, his eyes, and his words did not sound slurred nor seem like he was on drugs – just ignore the part about waking up in his usual junkie den to find his girlfriend turned into one of those things. “So, yeah… I’m doing better now.”
 
Should she believe him? His eyes didn't look glazed over and he didn't have the slow, slurred speech of someone who was hopped up but that didn't mean much. He could have just gotten so used to being high that it didn't affecr him any more, and it wasn't like she had been good at noticing in the first place. If she had been then she could have saved herself from a whole lot of pain.

More than anything Payton just felt awkward. A strange mixture of hard feelings and lingering adoration flooded her system and she didn't know how to handle that. She wanted to trust him though - even after everything her instinct was to trust him. She had a feeling that was because he had told her what she wanted to hear - that he was clean and well.

"That's good." Tense, short sentences were all that she could muster. As luck had it her name was then called, and she had an out. With a small wave and a smaller smile, Payton was able to grab some supplies and then walk the block back to her friend's place. She was left wondering how living in this area was going to be with him around... especially considering that a mere few glances had made her miss the days when she was naive enough to have true faith in Nick.
 
Awkward was an accurate way of describing how Nick felt right now. It was the best way to describe how he felt. It would have been a lie if he said that he never thought about what he would say to Payton if he saw her again. Even so, actually being face-to-face with her was much, much different from thinking about it. Thankfully, he was saved by the call for the next person in line, drawing Payton’s attention to the soldiers handing out boxes of rations.

A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he shakily returned the gestures of the smile and wave. Soon enough, it was his turn to collect a box for his family, so he did, making no move to talk to Payton again. They both went separate directions to go home, so that was the end of the story. Nick figured that was the last he would see of her again, unless it was just unavoidable. So, the next few days passed, Nick still not doing the greatest because of his withdrawal.

By this time, he was certain he searched almost every empty house on the street, but everyone cleared out any medication they had. There was nothing for him. So, Nick was lounging on the couch one day, Madison sitting across from him, just listening to the radio, hoping to find out about any changes that were happening in the world around them, but getting mostly static. This was right before Nick was about to get an unexpected visitor.
 
Over the next couple days Payton found herself conflicted. At first it was easy enough to say that she absolutely hated Nick and everything that he had put her though. Sara, the friend whose house she was staying at, seemed to agree that keeping a healthy distance was the right call. This girl hadn't entered her life until after Nick had been forced out of it, so it was an objective, outside point of view. It wasn't that simple, though. Whether she had been hurt or not, Payton had still given Nick absolutely everything there was to have - before him she had never even been kissed, and by the time they were done she had carried a child within her. Throughout all of it, until that very last day, she had genuinely seen herself trying to find a way to make things work with him so that they could spend the rest of their lives together. Perhaps that had been teenage foolishness and naivete.

By day three she had somehow talked herself in to taking a trip over to the Clark's house, which is how she found her way through the streets. Her long blonde hair was tied back in to a pony tail and her outfit was casual - black leggings paired with a loose, flowing beige top and some plain black running shoes. She was tired of being mad at Nick. She didn't quite trust him, she wasn't that dumb, but... maybe it was possible that they could at least talk. She would be lying if she tried to say that she had ever stopped missing him, and that feeling had grown amplified.

After clearing the two blocks between their residences, she stood outside for a moment. Hopefully no one had seen her pass the window because she needed a few seconds to work up the courage to knock. When she was as ready as she would ever be, Payton did just that.
 
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Sobriety never lasted for Nick. Even after meeting Payton within the quarantine zone, the young man slipped back into his old habits. Two days ago, Nick caught wind about one of his elderly neighbors being hooked up to a morphine drip. The elderly man lived alone, a quarantine zone doctor checking in once each day. Nick was desperate – even if it meant taking away from someone like that, he didn’t care. Nick needed a fix. He felt super guilty, not just because he was stealing this man’s medicine, but because of what he had told his ex-girlfriend.

Of course, he should not have cared. They were not going to interact again, unless it was standing in line for rations, right? She clearly wanted nothing to do with him. On the other hand, Nick could have taken this proximity as an opportunity to try for a second chance, if she allowed. However, Nick fucked that up by getting high again. At least it took away from his own pain – the withdrawal symptoms stopped and the morphine felt absolutely wonderful. Just lying on the ground underneath the bed – Nick felt at peace again. It helped him forget about the shit around him, which was the entire point.

Back in the present time, Nick thought about that man, thought about going back over there today for another fix. However, he did not make the move yet, instead, opting to lounge lazily around the living room. That stopped when there was a knock at the door. Nick approached it and opened it, not even looking to see who it was at first. When he did, all the blood drained from his face. “Oh… hey there…” Nick whispered softly, seeing Payton standing right at his door. This was totally unexpected.
 
As soon as she saw his face, Payton wondered if this had been a bad idea. She wasn't sure what to do or say or think but now Nick was right there, and she was sure that she couldn't pass this off as an accident.

"Hey." It seemed that neither of them knew what to say. Nick had just as much of an idea why she showed up as Payton herself did right then - none at all. Her hands slipped in to her pocket as she wondered what to say. I miss you so much it hurts? I'm here because for some reason I want to try to be your friend? Hey isn't this nostalgic - me at your house. None of that seemed right. "Can... I come in?" She settled with something simple - and at least a little bit of her wanted him to turn her away.
 
“Yeah, of course.” Nick responded quickly (maybe, too quickly?) After all, who would seem so eager about allowing his ex into his house? Nick did. Shamelessly, there was nothing he could do about it. Turning her away was not something he even considered. At the moment, everyone was out doing their own business. Nick didn’t think he was home alone, but at least it wasn’t crowded, considering the new family Travis had brought here.

“Care to take a seat on the couch? Can I get you anything to drink… or… eat?” Nick asked, his hands fiddling together nervously. There were thousands of things he felt nervous about, but none more than recalling the lie he told her. Well, it was not technically a lie when he said it, but things had changed since then. Either way, Nick just stood by the door, trying to figure out if he was going to take a seat now, or fetch something from the kitchen.
 
The couch, of course. It was less intimate than Nick's bedroom, somewhere she had been many times before, but also more public. Payton couldn't shake the feeling that she had eyes on her as she walked in to the house, and knowing that she would be somewhere that she could be seen and overheard didn't help that feeling. That was also without knowing that there were extra people here. She had met Travis and Chris before but only in passing, and the others were utter strangers.

"I wouldn't mind some water," she said to be cordial. She wasn't particularly thirsty, but a glass of water would still be something to keep her hands busy. She settled on to the couch and looked around. Though the place had aged in the couple years since she had last been here (the last few times they saw each other was in her apartment for college, after all) it was still very much the same. "I just... I missed you, I guess. I wanted to stop in."
 
While fetching a glass of water, Nick felt his hands become shaky. Why was he like this? Nick should have felt indifferent. She broke up with him, he needed to move on. It was much easier said than done, that was for certain. Upon returning to the living room, his eyes locked with Payton’s for a brief second. He placed the water down onto the coffee table, directly in front of where she sat. Nick too his own seat on the next cushion down, his hands gripping the seat, trying to think of something to say. When Payton said that she missed him, Nick could feel his heart flutter.

“I missed you, too Payton… I missed you a lot.” Nick didn’t mean to sound desperate, but he realized that was exactly how he conveyed himself. Moving on from her was not easy, he could barely do it – but once he finally managed to slightly move on with his life, here she was again. “I hope everything’s gone well for you since… we last saw each other. I know this thing around us now isn’t good, but I hope, other than that, you’ve been okay.”
 
It seemed like neither had ever really moved on. There may have been some closure and a for-sure end to their time together, but it wasn't like Payton had walked away because they had stopped loving each other. That had never been the case. In fact, how deeply she loved him had been part of why she couldn't watch him hurt himself like that. Each time it had broke her a little bit, too.

"Yeah, I've been alright," she said and then sipped at the glass she was handed. Nick was on the couch right next to her and even just his presence made her heart face. "Still in school and everything, finished year two now... If things don't get better I have a feeling it will have been my last year, too. What about you? Have you been alright?" All she had asked before if he was sober now - which didn't really say much at all. He could have been sober or a year and she wouldn't know the difference.
 
It was good that she was still in school, doing well for herself. Nick always knew she would make something out of her life, probably leaving him in the dust in that category. That smile on his face that was beginning to grow faded when she asked about how he had been doing. Did he really want to admit to her that he reached the lowest lows of his life? Obviously, it was bad when she left him, but he spiraled more out of control once the one decent thing in his life was gone. It was ugly.

“I-uh… I’ve been… surviving.” That was about as real as Nick could be with her. “Things haven’t been easy… I’ve been doing my best to stay out of trouble, to stay clean, but it’s been tough these last few years.” Nick admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. Even then, that was a stretch of the truth, because, if he was being genuine, he probably would have talked about spending more time in a junkie den or rehab facility at home, but he did not want to hamper his chances with at least getting her back as a friend, if nothing else.
 
Payton couldn't expect Nick to be up front with her - she wasn't either. If she was being honest she would have told him about the baby, the abortion that followed, and how he had ruined her ability to want love and sex from people. He was still her only, and it wasn't because she hadn't had options over the last year and a half. On the surface she was doing good, though. She had good things to tell him at least.

He said that he had trouble staying sober. That alone didn't surprise her, but the fact that he admitted to it was more than he had offered to her last time. "You said that you're clean now, yeah? That's definitely something... And maybe this time could be the last time you have to clean up. How long's it been?"
 
How did he attack the issue? If Nick lied, then he was screwed. If Payton stayed around him for a while, then she could probably figure it out. If he told the truth, well, how would that look? It was a tough position, but what did he fuck up with the first time? She did mention how she hated him not being honest, so that was something to point out. Ah, fuck it. Why was he worried? What would it change? It was not like she was in his life anyways.

Maybe, she’d just leave, move on, and he’d forget about her (yeah right). “Two days…” Nick admitted quietly, eyes trained on the ground, his hands gripping the couch as he made the admission. “I was clean when I saw you… but… it didn’t last long.” Nick admitted with a frown, unable to even look at her right now.
 
Two days - well that felt like a kick in the face. The first thing that Payton thought was that seeing her had driven him to find a way to get high again. She had seen him three days ago after all, so it would have been the next day that he found a way to use. What were the chances that the two weren't related - or was she simply so self absorbed that she couldn't picture another reason for why Nick was the way he was? At least he had been honest with her, though. Payton believed him now more than she would have if he had tried to say he'd been sober for a while, even if he actually had been. This was more truth than he had offered ninety percent of the time.

"Well shit," she managed to say. Nick didn't seem too proud of himself, and Payton had to fight the urge to squeeze his thigh or rub his shoulder - something small to say it's okay. She wasn't ignorant of the fact that addiction was a disease, and it came with relapses. She just hated watching him kill himself slowly. Payton still couldn't fight the feeling that she had driven him back to drugs, though.

"... Is that my fault? Did me being here...?" She didn't finish the sentence, but the ending was implied.
 
“No… No… Not at all.” Nick responded, mostly genuine. It certainly did not help him, but it was not the sole reason Nick got high again. After all, even before seeing her three days ago, Nick had been desperately seeking anything to make him high again. However, after seeing Payton, that search became ten times as intense. It drove him to even seek out an elderly patient that was being given morphine. That was possibly one of the lowest lows he had stooped to before, but he was not about to tell her what he did to get high, especially not since she didn’t ask for specifics.

“It’s just… everything, really. Whatever this is – I don’t know. I just wanted to forget about all the panicking going on.” Nick admitted, opening up a bit. “The truth is… I haven’t been doing well. Rehab centers… until I get kicked out, just hanging out around people that use… it hasn’t been good.” Why did he say all of this? Nick was not even sure. He just felt like he needed to be real with her, because even the half-truth he spoke to her before was making him feel immense guilt, so he wanted to clear his mind of that. “I know that isn’t what you hoped to hear, but I make a habit out of disappointing people, so it is what it is…”
 
Nick was right, this wasn't what she wanted to hear. Payton hated hearing what he was telling her, she hated everything that had to do with his addiction. In that moment she was reminded of how many times she had sat in front of him and asked him the same question. The difference now was that in the past he had always at least tried to lie to her, even during the times when she could see through his facade. For once, as bad as what Nick was saying was, he wasn't lying to her and Payton could tell by his demeanor. She had to give him credit for that much, right?

"I mean... it's not," she admitted as she shrugged her shoulders and offered the boy behind her the slightest smile with a turn of her head. Half a second later her gaze was back on the water, though. "It feels like you're being honest with me, though. In the scheme of things.... I'd rather be disappointed to hear that you haven't been okay than disappointed about being lied to again. The fact that you're at least giving me that much-" she shrugged again "- means you have to have grown somewhere along the way, even if you haven't been able to kick that habit. That's something, yeah?"
 
Even though she only offered Nick the smallest of smiles, it still comforted him. Hell, it was much better than the looks he received in the past after she found out that he was using. Maybe telling the truth did make some sort of difference. Hearing her rationalization did make Nick feel much better, but it did little to ease his demeanor. Nick felt like, at any second, she was going to walk out again. It was not like Nick could blame her if she did. She did not sign up for this – there was nothing he could say that made this any better on her. He felt like such a shitty person.

“Yeah, I’d like to think so. But I don’t think nothing’s ever gonna change. I’m me. I ruin everything around me.” There was the guilt again – he ruined their relationship, which was something he never let go. Plus, he had this negative view of himself, which was showing now. He did not mean to feel so self-loathing, but it did not help that he just kept his feelings to himself and got lost in drugs after they broke up. Nick did not talk to anyone about how it made him feel, just bottling those horrible feelings up inside as he just tried to forget. They were likely to come out now since Payton was so easy to talk to.
 
How was being around Nick still so natural to Payton even after so long? Even after all that had happened? It was, though. Yes the atmosphere was tense and they both had trouble with it, him because there was no good news to give and her because he had lost her trust, but as Payton sat beside the only person she had ever loved all she wanted to do was hold on to him. Nick being hard on himself was nothing new - it predated even their relationship. She had a feeling that hadn't help his descent in to addiction either.

"Or maybe it's just self fulfilling prophecy." It didn't take much for her to lean over and run her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck, and even curl her fingers around the locks for a moment before she pulled away. It was a soft touch and meant to be reassuring, but Payton didn't know ho he would take it. After all, she hadn't been the only one hurt here. Justified or not, she had still left him alone in a hospital bed. "I know you, Nick. You're not a bad person - you've just made some bad decisions."
 
That touch – oh man, that touch. Nick had never felt anything like it before, nor had he felt anything like it since the breakup. He felt like he was at home again, like his life had some stability. Smiling sadly at her comment, Nick shrugged his shoulders. “Thank you for saying that. It means a lot coming from you, but I don’t know – my sister hates me, my Mom has given up on me. It feels like I’m nothing but a burden to anyone, just like I was to you.” Nick felt pulled towards her, like he wanted to reach out, touch her because it felt so right. Yet, Nick restrained himself, though he did finally apologize to her.

“I didn’t get a chance to say this yet, and I was too afraid to reach out after you left, but I’m so sorry about what I put you through. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I feel like it’ll help me to tell you.” Sorry was not enough, sometimes, like now. Despite it not changing anything, Nick had been thinking about this for a long time. Finally, he was given the chance to speak directly to the female. Maybe that stirred the pot more than it did any good, but at least Nick could get that off his chest.
 
"Thank you." An apology was actually a really big thing to Payton. It wasn't the first he had ever given her about drugs, that would have been in the weeks before his father died after his arrest when she found out that he had been using heroin behind everyone's backs, but for some reason it sounded so much more genuine this time around. She had spent so long wanting to be able to believe in him that there was a still a little part of her whose hopes were raised. As good as that felt, it was still a dangerous game that they played. Payton found herself wanting to put faith in Nick again and alone scared her - how long before she was falling back down that rabbit hole? Or was it already too late to avoid that?

She should leave, though. Her glass of water was empty and when she looked at him all she could see was the beautiful boy she had fallen in love back when they were seventeen and nothing had come between them yet - that was dangerous. "Look... It's been really good seeing you. I... really have missed you, Nick. I probably shouldn't stick around too long, though. Sara's going to wonder what I'm up to and if she finds out I'm at my ex's place I probably won't hear the end of it. Maybe we'll see each other around sometime."
 
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