Hollywood Miscasting

[TheCorsair]

What sort of a game is this? Well, you know how Hollywood always seems to screw up the casting when they adapt a book or cartoon to a movie, right? Now it’s your turn to imagine how they’d really get one of your characters utterly wrong.

Here’s how it works: give us the name of the character, a link to the thread they app at in (if desired), and a brief description. Then tell us who they miscast to play the part, and how the character is ruined by the movie.

Here’s an example:

Character: Captain Jack Sparrow.
Description: Yes. He’s that Captain Jack Sparrow.
Thread: The Only Rules That Matter

The bad casting choice: Jason Momoa
How Hollywood wrecks the character: It’s not Jason’s fault. The scriptwriter just decided to take a lot of liberties with the life of Jonathan Nathaniel Sparrow. Like making him half-Hawaiian. And trying to make the movie the centerpiece of a pirate-themed cinematic universe. And getting a director whose previous experience was directing mattress commercials, and going through four scriptwriters.

 

[Madam Mim]

Ooh I'll play! Because also I'm stuck at a walk-in clinic to get Hester's vaccines Ave we've been sitting here for an hour and a half.

Character: Erik Heinz-Schmidt

Thread: Tales of Meridian Society, a multi-part quasi-steampunk pulp action thriller

The bad casting choice: Michael Cera

How Hollywood wrecks the character: Much like The Rock nearly always just plays The Rock, Michael Cera always just plays Michael Cera. They cast him as Erik, sidekick to Professor Swift's Indiana Jones-type two-fisted action scientist. They travel the world solving steampunk mysteries and rescuing damsels such as Anna Maria prostitute and spunky businesswoman/Madame in a turf war with Barcelona's most notorious pimp, and the beautiful Miss Cavendish, heiress to her Texas Ranger father's farm. There is, of course, an awkward, stammering scene where Miss Cavendish is waiting in Erik's bed in nothing but her nighty and comes on to him as a thank you for saving her father from the evil ranch hands, because I'm pretty sure stammering and being chased around the room by a sexually aggressive woman is how Michael Xera has sex.

 

[Xanaphia]

Character: Mercedes Morelllo (Now Moreno)

Thread: Why does the Caged Bird Sing

Bad casting choice: Sonia Braga

How Hollywood wreck the character: Uninterested in the pulp noir tone fo the original work, Holly wood decide to make this a blaxplotation film instead. The speakeasy jazz club became a disco dance hall, where the cocaine flows freely. With Pam Grier playing Marilyn Stone, Fred Williamson as William Stone and Andy Garcia as Columbian drug lord Vinnie Moreno. The Raven's catchphrase is now "Nevermore, sucka."


(I think I did this wrong, because that sounds amazing and I want to watch it)