I recently asked someone why are guys who are not strong-willed not found attractive? Being not a strong-willed guy myself I often find lots of women find this as a turn-off . I've also recently been told this as well by several women . So why is this ? Are non dominant men doomed to be alone forever ? Just curious.
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Non-Assertive guys
- Thread starter hanataro
- Start date
Genak
Star
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2018
To piggyback off of Rose, yes there are women out there who like to be dominant, and who will be with guys who are not strong willed. I am one of those men too, and I have found a relationship. On the writing side of things it makes it vastly more challenging though, at least from my experience since many female writers prefer dominant male characters opposite their fiesty submissives. So in short, no you are not destined to be alone, but the playing field is much smaller for what you are looking for.
H
HeyThereLittleBear
Guest
In my own personal experience, it's not that the guy isn't assertive, it's typically something else.
I've been attracted to plenty of guys that are not assertive. I'm typically someone who is more dominant and I prefer it that way.
A lot of guys that are non-assertive, however, I have noticed have a tendency to use the "nice guy" card, which is something that happens kind of often. A lot of "non-assertive" guys that I've known have been passive-aggressive about the fact no one is interested in them, but yet they also don't show interest. I've seen a lot of people that have claimed that they're the "nice guy" but in alll honesty it has been people that have a belief that if you input nice into someone then they will output whatever relationship you're wanting to establish.
It's not the non-assertive personality, it typically boils down to lack of attraction for other reasons. Or perhaps even a lack of communication. If you are so non-assertive you can't communicate your interest properly then no, someone isn't going to magically know you're interested and reciprocate.
You have to learn to draw the line between being non-assertive and non-communicative and learn when it's time to be assertive even if it's not typically in your personality to do so.
Non-assertive doesn't mean non-attractive.Just find the right person.
I've been attracted to plenty of guys that are not assertive. I'm typically someone who is more dominant and I prefer it that way.
A lot of guys that are non-assertive, however, I have noticed have a tendency to use the "nice guy" card, which is something that happens kind of often. A lot of "non-assertive" guys that I've known have been passive-aggressive about the fact no one is interested in them, but yet they also don't show interest. I've seen a lot of people that have claimed that they're the "nice guy" but in alll honesty it has been people that have a belief that if you input nice into someone then they will output whatever relationship you're wanting to establish.
It's not the non-assertive personality, it typically boils down to lack of attraction for other reasons. Or perhaps even a lack of communication. If you are so non-assertive you can't communicate your interest properly then no, someone isn't going to magically know you're interested and reciprocate.
You have to learn to draw the line between being non-assertive and non-communicative and learn when it's time to be assertive even if it's not typically in your personality to do so.
Non-assertive doesn't mean non-attractive.Just find the right person.
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2016
I think a lot of people use labels that we don't fit into every time. "Assertive guys" seem to think asshole is part of it. Not the case, I know a lot of assertive guys that are nice at the core. I know a lot of un- assertive guys that are abusers because they have pent up aggression. It all depends who you go after. If you try to date a sub or "subish" girl...It's destined to fail. She is specifically looking for someone to offer security. You have to tailor what you look for to what you are.
Azuresun
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2018
It's a complicated question, because "non assertive" can mean a whole range of things. It could describe someone who's quietly confident or self-assured and doesn't feel the need to advertise it, someone who's chilled and willing to go with the flow, or passive lumps who cling to other people and expect them to make all their choices for them.
BenthicDreamer
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2017
Warning, I'm going to be blunt and potentially offensive. Bear with me.
The reason IRL men who are "passive," "unassertive," or "the nice guy" don't get the girl is because you want them to work for you. You ask for something for nothing. You are high maintenance and the one's most likely to pursue you are the ones who want something. It's probably not actually love or sex.
Every woman (or at least every woman I know), including the "dominant" ones, wants to feel desirable, wanted, and/or beautiful. An "active" man who is pursuing a woman fulfills those desires even if he's an asshole. A passive man requires a woman to put his desire before her own and is therefore high maintenance before anything's even begun.
Additionally, society puts great pressure on women NOT to pursue men and is exceedingly cruel and judgmental when this rule is not obeyed. For example, imagine being a woman at a bar who just wants to find a dance partner. Every time you ask someone, you get looked at and spoken to like a slut.
If you are a passive, non-assertive, nice guy and you're into a girl, get active. Show her. Don't stop being yourself (that's just lying to the both of you and will backfire horribly unless your goal is just to have a one night stand, but even then it'll still probably suck), but one moment of courage to open up and SAY you're into her, sexually, romantically, or both, is far more attractive than you might think.
Show that you are capable of putting her desire before your own.
The reason IRL men who are "passive," "unassertive," or "the nice guy" don't get the girl is because you want them to work for you. You ask for something for nothing. You are high maintenance and the one's most likely to pursue you are the ones who want something. It's probably not actually love or sex.
Every woman (or at least every woman I know), including the "dominant" ones, wants to feel desirable, wanted, and/or beautiful. An "active" man who is pursuing a woman fulfills those desires even if he's an asshole. A passive man requires a woman to put his desire before her own and is therefore high maintenance before anything's even begun.
Additionally, society puts great pressure on women NOT to pursue men and is exceedingly cruel and judgmental when this rule is not obeyed. For example, imagine being a woman at a bar who just wants to find a dance partner. Every time you ask someone, you get looked at and spoken to like a slut.
If you are a passive, non-assertive, nice guy and you're into a girl, get active. Show her. Don't stop being yourself (that's just lying to the both of you and will backfire horribly unless your goal is just to have a one night stand, but even then it'll still probably suck), but one moment of courage to open up and SAY you're into her, sexually, romantically, or both, is far more attractive than you might think.
Show that you are capable of putting her desire before your own.
Loved your response and so agree! If a man likes a dominate woman, tell her and show her. Do more than lip action please, make it real.
VerboseVillain
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2018
I agree with BenethicDreamer, but I can sympathize with guys that have issues with making their desires known. The issue is that many guys don’t know how to make their desires known in a way that is respectful to women. Chalk it up to modern antisocial activities, a lack of confidence due to inadequate social interaction, or toxic masculinity promulgated by media.
RP, in a way, can be a tremendous help by giving non-assertive guys a safe way to practice social skills, especially when they RP with women. That doesn’t mean that they are owed feedback or that their partners should put up with social problems. Everyone is here for their own fun, after all. And not every male is open to that sort of commentary, unfortunately. However, a few patient female-playing RP partners could really assist their partners with knowing how to escalate relationships properly.
So, with society out of the picture on forums, this is a chance for female-playing RPers to make their desires known, as well as the proper stages that lead to those desires. This should make for more interesting roleplay that matches the needs of both partners, as well as help at least a few people know how to express their desires better in real life.
RP, in a way, can be a tremendous help by giving non-assertive guys a safe way to practice social skills, especially when they RP with women. That doesn’t mean that they are owed feedback or that their partners should put up with social problems. Everyone is here for their own fun, after all. And not every male is open to that sort of commentary, unfortunately. However, a few patient female-playing RP partners could really assist their partners with knowing how to escalate relationships properly.
So, with society out of the picture on forums, this is a chance for female-playing RPers to make their desires known, as well as the proper stages that lead to those desires. This should make for more interesting roleplay that matches the needs of both partners, as well as help at least a few people know how to express their desires better in real life.