Tonight has been a massive rollercoaster of emotions. I was hoping my first entry would be something happy, but alas, it's not. On my way home from the gym today I received a call from my dad saying that my mom was being rushed to the hospital because she had a massive seizure, third one this year. The first one resulted in her bitting her tongue, the second one she split her head open and had a black eye, this time she luckily didn't hurt herself but it took her forever to get out of it. And out of the tree this was the worst one.
For some background, both of my parents are military vets. While my mom was in service she had a car accident that resulted in a brain injury that causes her to have seizures. She has to take medication regularly to manage and keep the seizures at bay. The two recent attacks she hadn't taken her medicine, this attack however was different because she did take it.
On the drive home I felt numb and wasn't sure what to do, my parents live three hours away and I can't just up and go at 8pm with a two year old. Walking through the door and having Rauk ask if my dad got ahold of me made everything set in. I cried, a lot. Looking at my daughter I kept hating myself for moving hours away and my parents not being able to see her as much as they would like. Thoughts of my mom passing away and my daughter never having any memories of her scared me.
For two hours I continued to feel numb, patiently waiting on a phone call to tell me what was going on. an hour after getting home I had to force myself to eat something for dinner because I knew i needed too eat.
When they called me and said everything was alright and she needed her medicine dosage upped, I felt this wave of relief wash over me. At this point my nerves were shot all to hell and I still wasn't functioning. I felt selfish for not playing with my daughter and for asking Rauk to sit with me when he could be on his computer.
The first time I really smiled and laughed was when our dog started furiously licking Rauk's face. He kept screaming how her tongue went 10 inches inside his mouth, scraped across his eyeball and how her tongue was going deep into his ear. I laughed so hard I couldn't breath.
Not long after the lick attack I received another phone call from my dad asking if my mom could stay with us for a couple of weeks while their house is being worked on. You better believe I said yes. I want my mom to be here as long as possible and enjoy her first grandkid.
Within a span of 2-3 hours I went from feeling confident coming home from the gym, to numb, to sad, to scared, to guilty, to relieved and to happy. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted now. Hopefully my next entry will be on a happier note.
Your support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)
