- Joined
- Feb 11, 2009
This is my journal where I will post stuff either daily or weekly about my life or just how I feel.
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- Thread starter Devious Slave
- Start date
Ilovegoatse
Supernova
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2009
Re: Devil's Thoughts
Moving this to journals, since it isn't GENERAL DISCUSSION HUR.
Moving this to journals, since it isn't GENERAL DISCUSSION HUR.
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2009
Re: Devil's Thoughts
I was kinda worried so I guess I clicked on general. Sorry !!!
Thank you Goatse -nods-
I was kinda worried so I guess I clicked on general. Sorry !!!Thank you Goatse -nods-
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2009
Re: Devil's Thoughts
Okay so something has changed about me and my role-play characters. I feel the need that if I become loyal to someone I am willing to kill if I am needed to >.< This scares me and surprises me since I'm usually kind hearted but after breaking up with my ex I've turned into cold blooded killer in role-plays So I don't know if this is good or this is bad. I'm kinda freaked about it but also excited knowing I have a side that will come out when needed to. I hope no one thinks differently of me since I've changed or even since I've gotten so much more different. I'm not an attention or drama whore like I used to be which makes me happy. I'm getting accepted more unlike I did before when I was getting flamed and rejected. So something changed in the last 4-5 months Okay so I'm getting more mature as days go by and also handling my anger problems better. Probably because I am taking my anger out in role-plays or just think of something different instead of focusing purely on how pissed off I am or how depressed I am. I haven't cried or got pissed off in the last month or two which is also a surprise to me >.> Something has changed majorly for me so I'm happy about that. Um if anyone wants to see the intro I just posted and start a role-play with me here is the link to the role-play.
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=7526
Also another thing about me and my characters is they aren't totally focused on being raped and abused and used. They like romance also as well as that. They like to consent and show their true slutty side as well as their hidden sides like being cold blooded killers and such. So yeah hope everyone likes that intro and my new characters.
Okay so something has changed about me and my role-play characters. I feel the need that if I become loyal to someone I am willing to kill if I am needed to >.< This scares me and surprises me since I'm usually kind hearted but after breaking up with my ex I've turned into cold blooded killer in role-plays
So I don't know if this is good or this is bad. I'm kinda freaked about it but also excited knowing I have a side that will come out when needed to. I hope no one thinks differently of me since I've changed or even since I've gotten so much more different. I'm not an attention or drama whore like I used to be which makes me happy. I'm getting accepted more unlike I did before when I was getting flamed and rejected. So something changed in the last 4-5 months Okay so I'm getting more mature as days go by and also handling my anger problems better. Probably because I am taking my anger out in role-plays or just think of something different instead of focusing purely on how pissed off I am or how depressed I am. I haven't cried or got pissed off in the last month or two which is also a surprise to me >.> Something has changed majorly for me so I'm happy about that. Um if anyone wants to see the intro I just posted and start a role-play with me here is the link to the role-play.viewtopic.php?f=7&t=7526
Also another thing about me and my characters is they aren't totally focused on being raped and abused and used. They like romance also as well as that. They like to consent and show their true slutty side as well as their hidden sides like being cold blooded killers and such. So yeah hope everyone likes that intro and my new characters.
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2009
Re: Devil's Thoughts
Okay now this is to all my role-play partners or people wanting to start a role-play or me to reply.
I've been dealing with a major sinus headache the past two months. It went away for about a week and now it's back and worse then ever. I can't think of a reply and my mind is just blank all over. I would force myself to reply or whatever but it won't be my best and the two intro's I did start was before it came back >.< So I'm going to have my mom pick me up some stuff to help me to get over this sinus headache shit and then I will hopefully be back and ready to reply better then ever. Sorry for not informing you right away but I wanted to see if it went away and since it didn't I am deciding to let people who I role-play with or who are concerned about me know. So hopefully you won't be pissed off or mad and I hope I will get to continue the role-plays I have as well as talking and figuring out ideas to. >.< If it doesn't get better I will have to get something more strong and meh I hate taking any kind of pill so yeah >.<
Hope to be back and ready to role-play soon!! ^.^
Okay now this is to all my role-play partners or people wanting to start a role-play or me to reply.
I've been dealing with a major sinus headache the past two months. It went away for about a week and now it's back and worse then ever. I can't think of a reply and my mind is just blank all over. I would force myself to reply or whatever but it won't be my best and the two intro's I did start was before it came back >.< So I'm going to have my mom pick me up some stuff to help me to get over this sinus headache shit and then I will hopefully be back and ready to reply better then ever. Sorry for not informing you right away but I wanted to see if it went away and since it didn't I am deciding to let people who I role-play with or who are concerned about me know. So hopefully you won't be pissed off or mad and I hope I will get to continue the role-plays I have as well as talking and figuring out ideas to. >.< If it doesn't get better I will have to get something more strong and meh I hate taking any kind of pill so yeah >.<
Hope to be back and ready to role-play soon!! ^.^
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2009
Re: ~~[Devil's Thoughts and questions.. and feelings]~~
Okay so I've taken a few new pics. I'm becoming a cam whore but not a bad one. Meh whatever.. Uh well for some reason I have been taking my sinus headache stuff and it's helping. I've been in my room for 2 months straight and right now I am really really really super hyper. I don't want to annoy anyone and I really hope I don't but yeah. Don't know where all this hyperness came from >/////<
Well for me for this coming winter I'm hoping it will be a nice winter. Heavy snowfall and cold but warm inside. ^.^ Me and my dog Gracie love to play in the snow together. She runs after me barking when I go down the hill on the sled. So yes and we run around and play very very fun. So yes ^.^ I want it to be a fun winter hehe
>.> Everyone can see that I'm hyper tonight and meh I need something to calm me down so I will either reply to the role-plays I have or play my video games. Role-plays will probably be it.
So theres and update and yeah ^.^ Hope everyone has a good night -feels awkward-
and feelings]~~Okay so I've taken a few new pics. I'm becoming a cam whore but not a bad one. Meh whatever.. Uh well for some reason I have been taking my sinus headache stuff and it's helping. I've been in my room for 2 months straight and right now I am really really really super hyper. I don't want to annoy anyone and I really hope I don't but yeah. Don't know where all this hyperness came from >/////<
Well for me for this coming winter I'm hoping it will be a nice winter. Heavy snowfall and cold but warm inside. ^.^ Me and my dog Gracie love to play in the snow together. She runs after me barking when I go down the hill on the sled. So yes and we run around and play very very fun. So yes ^.^ I want it to be a fun winter hehe
>.> Everyone can see that I'm hyper tonight and meh I need something to calm me down so I will either reply to the role-plays I have or play my video games. Role-plays will probably be it.
So theres and update and yeah ^.^ Hope everyone has a good night -feels awkward-
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2009
Re: ~~[Devil's Thoughts and questions.. and feelings]~~
Okay so today I have the task of taking care of my Aunt & Uncle cause my parents went to spokane. They wanted to be here with me and OMG they drove me crazy all fucking day. Yes I'm sorry to say that very sorry I just can't handle them. Besides not being able to handle them they talk A LOT and my aunt is very very very LOUD on the phone and off. So yes just starting to get over a bad sinus infection it would drive you crazy to. Other then that I am doing fine I guess.
Besides that I've been thinking today on some stuff more on a role-play partner I used to have.
They joined here and then I guess read through PVP and got their mind set different on me. They got mixed up on another site and played games and I forgive them for that. I've just wanted to figure out why he turned all bastard like on me cause he saw past stuff in PVP and judged me so quickly. I mean yes I have gone through a lot of guys but it was I met them they were all nice and then their pushy and pressuring me side came out. Telling me that if I didn't do what they said they would post my pics everywhere or bad mouth me. In the end with me breaking up with it they did it anyways payback I guess. Well I've learned not to go right after someone that I think is sweet. I haven't used the guys I've been with in fact they've used me more then once and come back with this sad story that they miss me and love me and I fell right back in the trap. Well guess what?? After 2-3 years of that happening I said fuck it and just left them not going back into the trap and not letting them use the excuse of I love you and miss you and want you back.
So the person I'm talking about right now will know who they are and hopefully think differently of me now. I'm upset but I'm not pissed off or judging you. I know you have problems as well as I do and we are both working on them. I knew it would caught up to me sooner or later but going to PVP and reading and judging me right away wasn't fair in my eyes. I've learned not to judge people anymore even though it may be hard I don't. Just hope you can change your point of view on me now that I've told my side instead of just taking everyone elses side and not even giving me a chance to explain myself much less tell me stuff that isn't even true.
Now I'm going to go back to watching TV and looking around for some more role-plays.
and feelings]~~Okay so today I have the task of taking care of my Aunt & Uncle cause my parents went to spokane. They wanted to be here with me and OMG they drove me crazy all fucking day. Yes I'm sorry to say that very sorry I just can't handle them. Besides not being able to handle them they talk A LOT and my aunt is very very very LOUD on the phone and off. So yes just starting to get over a bad sinus infection it would drive you crazy to. Other then that I am doing fine I guess.
Besides that I've been thinking today on some stuff more on a role-play partner I used to have.
They joined here and then I guess read through PVP and got their mind set different on me. They got mixed up on another site and played games and I forgive them for that. I've just wanted to figure out why he turned all bastard like on me cause he saw past stuff in PVP and judged me so quickly. I mean yes I have gone through a lot of guys but it was I met them they were all nice and then their pushy and pressuring me side came out. Telling me that if I didn't do what they said they would post my pics everywhere or bad mouth me. In the end with me breaking up with it they did it anyways payback I guess. Well I've learned not to go right after someone that I think is sweet. I haven't used the guys I've been with in fact they've used me more then once and come back with this sad story that they miss me and love me and I fell right back in the trap. Well guess what?? After 2-3 years of that happening I said fuck it and just left them not going back into the trap and not letting them use the excuse of I love you and miss you and want you back.
So the person I'm talking about right now will know who they are and hopefully think differently of me now. I'm upset but I'm not pissed off or judging you. I know you have problems as well as I do and we are both working on them. I knew it would caught up to me sooner or later but going to PVP and reading and judging me right away wasn't fair in my eyes. I've learned not to judge people anymore even though it may be hard I don't. Just hope you can change your point of view on me now that I've told my side instead of just taking everyone elses side and not even giving me a chance to explain myself much less tell me stuff that isn't even true.
Now I'm going to go back to watching TV and looking around for some more role-plays.
Hahvoc The Decepticon
Singularity
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2009
Re: ~~[Devil's Thoughts and questions.. and feelings]~~
and feelings]~~So I'm guessing you broke up with Kiu.
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2009
Re: ~~[Devil's Thoughts and questions.. and feelings]~~
Yes I did. I need to stop hiding from guys IRL that have liked me for a while. I've hardly had any IRL relationships since well when I was in Elementary school. I'm not going to do online anymore unless it's just like friendship or having fun like role-playing or cybering. I need to stop cowering behind my fears and go out and face them try to get friends IRL as well as online. I've just been to shy and nervous to go and well talk to guys. I feel bad yes I do but I tried to break it off before once and he pulled me back in. My friends on MSN helped me pull back away and told me to stop dating online and go out.
Meh not much of what you asked but I gave reasons. >_>
and feelings]~~--+Hahvoc Requiem+-- said:
Yes I did. I need to stop hiding from guys IRL that have liked me for a while. I've hardly had any IRL relationships since well when I was in Elementary school. I'm not going to do online anymore unless it's just like friendship or having fun like role-playing or cybering. I need to stop cowering behind my fears and go out and face them try to get friends IRL as well as online. I've just been to shy and nervous to go and well talk to guys. I feel bad yes I do but I tried to break it off before once and he pulled me back in. My friends on MSN helped me pull back away and told me to stop dating online and go out.
Meh not much of what you asked but I gave reasons. >_>
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2009
Re: ~~[Devil's Thoughts and questions.. and feelings]~~
Well heres a better explanation.
Okay so yet another journal entry and meh I don't know what to do in this one. I guess I will start off with saying I am seriously going to stop dating online. Friends on my MSN list and even people on the sites I go to tell me to just go out and find someone IRL so thats what I'm going to try to do. Only thing why I hide behind the computer screen and try to date is cause I'm way way to fucking shy IRL. I don't even know how to talk to guys or even react about something good or bad plus I have this giggle that is a nervous one and it embarasses me. So yes when I try and talk to guys at my youth group or when I go like to places where they try to talk to me I get hella fucking nervous. No I'm serious I might not at like it online but fuck I get so nervous to the point I can't even talk and it's like I can't talk to anyone. Plus this guy I like at my youth group has connected with me to a point. Uh we hug and he asks me whats up and even like jokes around with me as well as play around like flipping my hood up or even putting my hood up on my head. >_> I should have noticed the signs of him liking me before but I never did I was to consumed online and now that I finally realize it it pisses me off. I could have had a great and sexy boyfriend right now that I could look forward to seeing every Thursday or even maybe a couple days during the weeks. Mind all of you he works at pizza hut and he stays up late like me. He is I think 19 or 20 forgot and OMG he is sexy. If I ever get a pic taken with us ad some other people in it I will post it and you can see who I'm talking about. Uhm I got my birthday presant today which was a $300 snowboard jacket and it was marked down to $89.99. So I got it today and it fits perfectly and is sexy as hell on me. I am hoping to go up to Mt. Baker this winter and try out snowboarding again. I am also going to get back into taking guitar lessons from my youth group. So my birthday is the 9th of September and I can't wait I will be turning 19!! So I will be close to being an adult well like a year away from then but still I'm so excited. After I finish my online high school I'm planning to try and major in being a Veterinary assistant and Graphic designer since I've always been interested in animals and can blend colors well.
and feelings]~~Well heres a better explanation.
Okay so yet another journal entry and meh I don't know what to do in this one. I guess I will start off with saying I am seriously going to stop dating online. Friends on my MSN list and even people on the sites I go to tell me to just go out and find someone IRL so thats what I'm going to try to do. Only thing why I hide behind the computer screen and try to date is cause I'm way way to fucking shy IRL. I don't even know how to talk to guys or even react about something good or bad plus I have this giggle that is a nervous one and it embarasses me. So yes when I try and talk to guys at my youth group or when I go like to places where they try to talk to me I get hella fucking nervous. No I'm serious I might not at like it online but fuck I get so nervous to the point I can't even talk and it's like I can't talk to anyone. Plus this guy I like at my youth group has connected with me to a point. Uh we hug and he asks me whats up and even like jokes around with me as well as play around like flipping my hood up or even putting my hood up on my head. >_> I should have noticed the signs of him liking me before but I never did I was to consumed online and now that I finally realize it it pisses me off. I could have had a great and sexy boyfriend right now that I could look forward to seeing every Thursday or even maybe a couple days during the weeks. Mind all of you he works at pizza hut and he stays up late like me. He is I think 19 or 20 forgot and OMG he is sexy. If I ever get a pic taken with us ad some other people in it I will post it and you can see who I'm talking about. Uhm I got my birthday presant today which was a $300 snowboard jacket and it was marked down to $89.99. So I got it today and it fits perfectly and is sexy as hell on me. I am hoping to go up to Mt. Baker this winter and try out snowboarding again. I am also going to get back into taking guitar lessons from my youth group. So my birthday is the 9th of September and I can't wait I will be turning 19!! So I will be close to being an adult well like a year away from then but still I'm so excited. After I finish my online high school I'm planning to try and major in being a Veterinary assistant and Graphic designer since I've always been interested in animals and can blend colors well.
Hahvoc The Decepticon
Singularity
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2009
Re: ~~[Devil's Thoughts and questions.. and feelings]~~
and feelings]~~Hon, my advice to you is to get to know yourself. STOP DATING IN GENERAL. You need to become comfortable with yourself first in order to be able to function in an actual give-and-take relationship. Online is hiding in one sense, but using the "I'm too shy" and such excuse has been laid out multiple times. I'm shy, I know what it means to be that way so I'm not telling you off or anything of the sort. I'm telling you that you need to be confident and comfortable with YOU and stop hoping a guy or a girl will make you better. You need to make YOU better. You need to be able to be complete by YOURSELF first before you can be with someone and have a healthy relationship. I suggest that when you go on that 6 month thing you really get to know yourself and don't date until then. Sure, get to know people, but you need to be able to face yourself because if you can't like yourself or love yourself, why expect someone else to? Get in touch with yourself and figure out what you want to change and take it slow. Healing and growing comfortable takes a long time, I know, I'm still not completely there yet myself. But you can do it if you set your mind to it. I have faith that the change you want will take place if you put all your effort into it. It will be hard but damn is it worth it.