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Dealing with Disappointment, Rejection, and being Ignored

CrimsonOne

CrimsonOne

Moon
Joined
Nov 14, 2016
So how do you seasoned veterans here deal with this. Because this whole weekend has been an absolute bust rp wise. And frankly, being I have nothing at all to do on the weekends, rping is generally what I focus my time around. So when this stuff happens I tend to get really down in the dumps.
Of course I am not the only one, which is why I made this. I just want to know how other people deal with this.
 
Honestly I've been at this for a while, and have had my fair share of ignores and rejections. And if it happens at this point I just shrug and say 'fuck it.' Oh sure it sucks, and yeah it's annoying when people won't even respond to you, but people like that... probably aren't even worth the time of the day in the first place.

So, in dealing with rejection, I just decide to move on and look elsewhere. You have to be persistent, and to keep checking other avenues. Eventually that diligence will pay off with a partner that fits you like a glove.
 
Ignore it.

Then, after you've ignored it, try to reflect on why people are ignoring you, rejecting you, and you've had no success at role-playing. You're either undesirable, or you're trying to role-play with people that aren't worth your time. Generally it tends to be the former. You should also consider picking up a second hobby to otherwise occupy your time. Putting all of your eggs in one basket is foolish. It won't be much of a big deal if some eggs in one basket break, because you always have another to attend to.
 
Mitsu said:
Ignore it.

Then, after you've ignored it, try to reflect on why people are ignoring you, rejecting you, and you've had no success at role-playing. You're either undesirable, or you're trying to role-play with people that aren't worth your time. Generally it tends to be the former. You should also consider picking up a second hobby to otherwise occupy your time. Putting all of your eggs in one basket is foolish. It won't be much of a big deal if some eggs in one basket break, because you always have another to attend to.
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More then likely I am undesirable. Which I understand, I would!'t want this either! XD
 
I gather that you're joking, but that isn't the kind of attitude that people like to deal with. Your profile also exudes the same sort of vibe. People don't necessarily like dealing with people that make themselves out to be a pity case. When I see such a person, I can only expect constant self-deprecation, and a potentially clingy personality. While I don't consider myself hot-shit, I rather not hang out with someone that is a constant sob story, or at the very least, lacks a smidge of self-confidence. Even worse is their constant need for attention when I don't need them nearly as much. It can get very old very fast, and even so to the people that approach you with the best of intentions.

"You look good today."

"Nah, you're just saying that."

"Really good post, I think you nailed it!"

"Nah, it really wasn't that good, but thanks."

Even if you aren't like that, perhaps that's the impression you give off. You could also be dull, uncreative, or a very poor writer; I don't know. Just take some time to examine yourself and understand why you are apparently undesirable. If you think that you are, then fix it. Also leave room to interpret your poor luck as being just that, but only do so with complete honesty and self-awareness.

You have a problem that you want to fix. Sort out the perceived problems, and find the real one. Then take the necessary steps to fix it. You'll find greater happiness and fulfillment in self-improvement, and likewise people will enjoy your company more. Role-playing should only be a hobby, not the path to your happiness.
 
Also, This is a busy time of year, and weekends are fairly dead around here. I don't have any hard evidence, but I suspect a large number of users have non-conventional jobs so they are busy on weekends.

I am going to have to agree with Mitsu. Find a second hobby, to occupy your time instead of waiting on here for a post or a pm. It will save your sanity.
 
Mitsu said:
I gather that you're joking, but that isn't the kind of attitude that people like to deal with. Your profile also exudes the same sort of vibe. People don't necessarily like dealing with people that make themselves out to be a pity case. When I see such a person, I can only expect constant self-deprecation, and a potentially clingy personality. While I don't consider myself hot-shit, I rather not hang out with someone that is a constant sob story, or at the very least, lacks a smidge of self-confidence. Even worse is their constant need for attention when I don't need them nearly as much. It can get very old very fast, and even so to the people that approach you with the best of intentions.

"You look good today."

"Nah, you're just saying that."

"Really good post, I think you nailed it!"

"Nah, it really wasn't that good, but thanks."

Even if you aren't like that, perhaps that's the impression you give off. You could also be dull, uncreative, or a very poor writer; I don't know. Just take some time to examine yourself and understand why you are apparently undesirable. If you think that you are, then fix it. Also leave room to interpret your poor luck as being just that, but only do so with complete honesty and self-awareness.

You have a problem that you want to fix. Sort out the perceived problems, and find the real one. Then take the necessary steps to fix it. You'll find greater happiness and fulfillment in self-improvement, and likewise people will enjoy your company more. Role-playing should only be a hobby, not the path to your happiness.
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I don't even know where to begin there, besides your probably 100% right.
I know I am clingy as fuck, and I cringe so hard when I get that way.
As for confidence, thats something I've never had. To me confidence leads to arrogance. Always stay humble.
And I can understand why people wouldn't want to hang around that, happy faces attract happy people.
But If I have an issue or a problem, I seriously would even know what it might be. The fact is that as far I remember I've always been this way.
As for hobbies. Rping is generally something I do to pass the time. Most days I am at home bored out of my skull.
I have no car
No friends in my neighborhood, and no one roughly around my age.
No job.
And town is about 8 miles away.
Typically during the summer if I am bored I bike into town and spend my day there just bullshiting around with people I meet.
But now that's winter and we have about a foot or more of snow. I got nothing to do and no one to talk to.
All my friends are either out of town or working their asses off.
So hanging out with them isn't easy.
I mean, I am not like depressed about this or anything. Don't get me wrong. I got nothing to be depressed about.
 
I can't possibly fix your entire life for you. Nobody can even begin to do that. The best thing for you to do is find another hobby, and focus on improving yourself.

Go get some exercise, even if there is snow on the ground. Dress warmly, and go on some snowy hikes. Also consider lifting some weights, and just generally doing a full-body workout. Consider reexamining your diet as well, should you need to. Cut out processed sugar, junk food, and processed foods. Learn to cook things you wouldn't ordinary cook. Cooking can be therapeutic, and lead your tastebuds on a path of adventure.

Already you could have two new hobbies: exercise and nutrition.

Pile on a third hobby, such as art, model building, or even photography. Something to keep your mind busy and also act as a creative outlet. If you want more passive entertainment, pick up video games.

Next seek out other people. Your town might have social events you're entirely unaware of. Use google to find if there are any social groups in your area, and with caution, contact them. People won't come to you, so you need to go to them.

I know it's easier said than done, but find a job immediately. Make it any job at all, even if it's working fast food or at a convenience store. Getting out of the house with purpose might do you some good, and give you a chance to make workplace friends. Pick up various jobs, even things you think you'll be poor at, so you can accumulate life experience. You'll learn more about yourself and pick up new skills.

There's much you can do with yourself, and you're only limited by your own laziness or creativity. I can't really give you any advice beyond what I've already typed.
 
Mitsu said:
I can't possibly fix your entire life for you. Nobody can even begin to do that. The best thing for you to do is find another hobby, and focus on improving yourself.

Go get some exercise, even if there is snow on the ground. Dress warmly, and go on some snowy hikes. Also consider lifting some weights, and just generally doing a full-body workout. Consider reexamining your diet as well, should you need to. Cut out processed sugar, junk food, and processed foods. Learn to cook things you wouldn't ordinary cook. Cooking can be therapeutic, and lead your tastebuds on a path of adventure.

Already you could have two new hobbies: exercise and nutrition.

Pile on a third hobby, such as art, model building, or even photography. Something to keep your mind busy and also act as a creative outlet. If you want more passive entertainment, pick up video games.

Next seek out other people. Your town might have social events you're entirely unaware of. Use google to find if there are any social groups in your area, and with caution, contact them. People won't come to you, so you need to go to them.

I know it's easier said than done, but find a job immediately. Make it any job at all, even if it's working fast food or at a convenience store. Getting out of the house with purpose might do you some good, and give you a chance to make workplace friends. Pick up various jobs, even things you think you'll be poor at, so you can accumulate life experience. You'll learn more about yourself and pick up new skills.

There's much you can do with yourself, and you're only limited by your own laziness or creativity. I can't really give you any advice beyond what I've already typed.
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Well thank you.
Its really all I can say.
 
I agree completely with everything that Mitsu has said, particularly in that last post. Reading your summary of life and the state of things, Crimson, it sounds exactly where I was at when I first joined Blue Moon. I had no job, didn't go anywhere, no friends outside of the internet, and I lacked a lot of confidence and was clingy with my partners. I thought that I was content with the state of things but it was actually a lie I told myself to keep from making my expectations and standards for myself higher. I thought "not failing" meant I was "happy" but they're not the same thing as being fulfilled and the exhilaration that comes with achievement. I also think that whole "confidence = arrogance" thing is a lie and maybe should be looked at critically. Vanity and insecurity are where arrogance comes from, not confidence and self-pride. Insecurity makes us compare ourselves to others and in cases of arrogance leads to the "I'm better than you" mindset. Confidence is merely self-recognition of your own worth and validation of that value. You're also not being "humble" by minimizing your worth and it is just as arrogant as vanity because you're forcing others to praise you. Humility is being gracious.

One of the biggest things to change my clingy behavior and confidence issues was getting a job. Complete perspective change, even working at a grocery store, suddenly, I wasn't waiting hours for partners to post and I was empathetic to the concept of "busy". I also learned how to sell myself and make myself appealing to others. Having art as a hobby also helped take some of the pressure off of the role-playing and since I had a job and got to talk with people so often, I wasn't too depressed to make art as well. Getting a job isn't just some useless platitude and you'll find hundreds of reasons to tell yourself why you can't and why you shouldn't, so, be aware of what you're doing to yourself by making these arguments. Find the solutions to these problems rather than settling for "I can't." Plus, making your own money, you become conscious of how to spend it and the change in lifestyle will likely follow as you're forced to buy your own food. It did for me as well. Good luck! You can do it!
 
[size=-2]There are other things you can do on the weekends besides role-playing. Go outside and meet people, etc. Find an activity you like and start doing it, pick up new hobbies. For me it was parkour(if you are going to do it, find a professional to teach you or else you will end up breaking a few bones or worse, dying.) Art, teaching myself to write backwards with both hands, etc. As for being ignored and rejected, it happens, I can tell you the exact number of times I have been rejected by people I have approached for rps as well the number of times I have turned down people. Rejection isn't fun, but we must learn to move on, there are always more fish in the sea. Also try new things in rping world once in a while, sticking to the same old thing, isn't going to get you anywhere. I would also edit your profile. (Remove the sob story, no matter how true it is.) Keep your head up, we all must go through hell before we can make it to heaven.[/size]
 
Rudolph Quin said:
I agree completely with everything that Mitsu has said, particularly in that last post. Reading your summary of life and the state of things, Crimson, it sounds exactly where I was at when I first joined Blue Moon. I had no job, didn't go anywhere, no friends outside of the internet, and I lacked a lot of confidence and was clingy with my partners. I thought that I was content with the state of things but it was actually a lie I told myself to keep from making my expectations and standards for myself higher. I thought "not failing" meant I was "happy" but they're not the same thing as being fulfilled and the exhilaration that comes with achievement. I also think that whole "confidence = arrogance" thing is a lie and maybe should be looked at critically. Vanity and insecurity are where arrogance comes from, not confidence and self-pride. Insecurity makes us compare ourselves to others and in cases of arrogance leads to the "I'm better than you" mindset. Confidence is merely self-recognition of your own worth and validation of that value. You're also not being "humble" by minimizing your worth and it is just as arrogant as vanity because you're forcing others to praise you. Humility is being gracious.

One of the biggest things to change my clingy behavior and confidence issues was getting a job. Complete perspective change, even working at a grocery store, suddenly, I wasn't waiting hours for partners to post and I was empathetic to the concept of "busy". I also learned how to sell myself and make myself appealing to others. Having art as a hobby also helped take some of the pressure off of the role-playing and since I had a job and got to talk with people so often, I wasn't too depressed to make art as well. Getting a job isn't just some useless platitude and you'll find hundreds of reasons to tell yourself why you can't and why you shouldn't, so, be aware of what you're doing to yourself by making these arguments. Find the solutions to these problems rather than settling for "I can't." Plus, making your own money, you become conscious of how to spend it and the change in lifestyle will likely follow as you're forced to buy your own food. It did for me as well. Good luck! You can do it!
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Yeah getting a job is number one on priorities once I have my license and a car. And thank you for the advice. All of you. It means a lot to me.
 
Everyone raised perfect points. I just wanted to add something to consider; Everyone is here to RP. When people bump their request threads, they're eagerly waiting to be approached. When they scan through the request threads, they're actively hunting for something interesting. If someone rejects you, there has to be a reason which you should investigate.

It might be that they're simply busy, or you might end up having to tune your preferences, writing style, posting length/frequency, and plots to cater to more people.

Just a thought.
 
Forbidden Fruit said:
Everyone raised perfect points. I just wanted to add something to consider; Everyone is here to RP. When people bump their request threads, they're eagerly waiting to be approached. When they scan through the request threads, they're actively hunting for something interesting. If someone rejects you, there has to be a reason which you should investigate.

It might be that they're simply busy, or you might end up having to tune your preferences, writing style, posting length/frequency, and plots to cater to more people.

Just a thought.
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Yeah I think I need to do a complete over haul on my main suggestion thread.
 
I know what it's like to be rejected and ignored it isn't fun. The newest one happening nowadays is "ghosting" where someone disappears completely without a word or cause. But you know what, I sit with and let it sting for a while, I even write about it (journaling or a blog is a great idea if you love to write), and then move on.

Others have said wonderful things, like getting a job (which I did recently and it made a world of difference), getting other hobbies (I recently took up painting), and getting exercise (getting bundled up and going for walks).

Even online, when you don't want to go out, there are a multitude of places you can visit and go. I spend time on Twitter for shits and giggles (I avoid Facebook its a demon for when you're feeling down), I visit a great forum for people feeling lonely called PsychCentral, I visit many chat sites like Chat Avenue, Paltalk and Wireclub. There are plenty of places you can visit on the internet in which you are not just limiting yourself to Roleplaying. I have left this site for seven months because I have been busy doing other stuff on the tnternet. Trust me there are tons of people out there just as lonely who want to talk and write and collaborate.

But basically everything that Mitsu said was spot on. People are on here to roleplay and you should ignore those that are rejecting you and that are not worth your time. Focus on things that make you happy. I get bored too, but I don't let it destroy me if someone doesn't message me. Hell I was JUST ghosted tonight. But here I am. Smiles and all. So hang in there. Things will get better, you just have to take care of you first before anyone else, then the partners will come running to you!
 
1. this whole side of the game is advertising. it's your job to get people interested in you. it's a rough world and nobody's gonna fall in your digital lap trying to get you off. think about the person reading ALL the time. it's 100% them and 0% you. what do THEY want? what kind of person do THEY imagine themselves playing with, in terms of partner and character? why are they playing with you?
2. read other ads. read ads written by guys. what's good about their ads? if you were a woman, would you want to play with that guy? why or why not? read ads written by women? what are people on this site looking to do? borrow ideas from the best threads. put them in your thread.
3. respond to ads with the same level of writing as you. or less.
4. everybody isn't interested. in fact, MOST PEOPLE AREN'T INTERESTED. it doesn't have shit to do with you. scarlett johannson was doing a thing for a movie and she walked up and down the street and tried to get guys to kiss her. she didn't have a 100% success rate, so who the fuck are you???
5. NOBODY is going to satisfy your 100% unleashed id unless you have some basic bitch fetishes. i've probably found like... two girls that 100% click with the gross parts of my subconscious. and not to brag but i write really good and people are generally interested in my ideas. don't try to find perfect partners...
6. find a partner who is close enough to what you want... that you want to do whatever shit that they want.
 
November said:
1. this whole side of the game is advertising. it's your job to get people interested in you. it's a rough world and nobody's gonna fall in your digital lap trying to get you off. think about the person reading ALL the time. it's 100% them and 0% you. what do THEY want? what kind of person do THEY imagine themselves playing with, in terms of partner and character? why are they playing with you?
2. read other ads. read ads written by guys. what's good about their ads? if you were a woman, would you want to play with that guy? why or why not? read ads written by women? what are people on this site looking to do? borrow ideas from the best threads. put them in your thread.
3. respond to ads with the same level of writing as you. or less.
4. everybody isn't interested. in fact, MOST PEOPLE AREN'T INTERESTED. it doesn't have shit to do with you. scarlett johannson was doing a thing for a movie and she walked up and down the street and tried to get guys to kiss her. she didn't have a 100% success rate, so who the fuck are you???
5. NOBODY is going to satisfy your 100% unleashed id unless you have some basic bitch fetishes. i've probably found like... two girls that 100% click with the gross parts of my subconscious. and not to brag but i write really good and people are generally interested in my ideas. don't try to find perfect partners...
6. find a partner who is close enough to what you want... that you want to do whatever shit that they want.
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Well said.

Not everything is personal and dwelling on the misses isn't a recipe for success.
 
Have other interests/hobbies to take up your free time so that when you hit a roleplaying dry-spell, you won't be totally defeated/deflated. I've experienced my own dry-spells; some lasting literally years. Sometimes these things happen and its no ones fault...but it may not hurt to do a little self-reflection just to make sure you aren't putting people off for some reason.

Also, don't dwell too much on being rejected by another writer/player. Learn what you can from the experience, and then move on to the next roleplay request thread. Focusing too much on the negative experience will cripple you and prevent you from finding someone you are more compatible with.

Hope that helps.
 
You got so much fantastic advice on here that I couldn't quote it all. Get another hobby or two, get out if possible, don't constantly refresh, and before you know it you will find writers and/or it will be much less important.
 
I often feel like I'm ignored all the time when it comes to finding a rp partner. I do work a lot so I'm not always on here . Still I understand how you feel . It sucks when no one approaches you.
 
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