People Don't Read

[PensiveWoman]

I find it both interesting and highly annoying when someone sends you an invite to an rp that has nothing to do with your request thread. It really pisses me off and I have got it on here already and the other site I have just left. I can't understand how people can be so stupid and have no respect, has anyone else gone through this before? I don't mean to rant but its really getting old and I thought I would share.

 

[sirix]

I know what you mean. I get cold called all the time, though only recently have I actually put up my own request thread. Its just a fact of life here on the Internet. People have some great idea's but not all of them are for us and others are just bad. You just have to roll with it really.

 

[PensiveWoman]

I know what you mean. I get cold called all the time, though only recently have I actually put up my own request thread. Its just a fact of life here on the Internet. People have some great idea's but not all of them are for us and others are just bad. You just have to roll with it really.

I wish you could strain them like spam in emails. Some times I look at it and am like, why the hell do I give a crap. They are sort of like blood sucking parasites that make me not even want to come on.

 

[RedRose]

I welcome random pms as long as they're not completely random. Please read the thread in my sig and don't waste your and my time suggesting things I hate?

 

[Fruit]

I get your burden. A lot of people approach me because they think I look like my avatar or something like that. I had a guy approach me twice just to tell me that he's a "fellow east-coaster".

It doesn't happen a lot, but it is annoying when it happens. I don't think people who do this are stupid, they're just excited to write and, for some reason, think that its easier to approach people than to read their request threads. I find that line of thinking repulsive, but not necessarily equivalent to idiocy.

 

[Rudolph Quin]

This is a kind of negative and judgemental thread. ^^;

I always hear that this happens to other people but I don't think it has ever happened to me and I've been role-playing for a long time. Sometimes, people approach me with their own ideas but since I only ever had the basic "do's and don'ts" without any hardcore fetishes or kinks, it is hard to know if they looked at my request thread or not. I always assume so because the only time I ever get an influx of messages is when I bump my request thread, while the rest of the time I hardly hear from anybody.

Why is that repulsive, Forbidden Fruit? Some people aren't all about the kinks and sometimes whether an rp picks up is heavily dependent upon having chemistry with your partner. I don't necessarily think starting at a conversation is good or bad. I can see how it would be personally irritating if you're all business and just want to hear about only your thread and ideas and stuff related to that and get started writing right away but they're not "repulsive." >.> Maybe I misunderstood the situation you outlined.

 

[PensiveWoman]

I get your burden. A lot of people approach me because they think I look like my avatar or something like that. I had a guy approach me twice just to tell me that he's a "fellow east-coaster".

It doesn't happen a lot, but it is annoying when it happens. I don't think people who do this are stupid, they're just excited to write and, for some reason, think that its easier to approach people than to read their request threads. I find that line of thinking repulsive, but not necessarily equivalent to idiocy.

It does get frustrating for sure, I had the same thing do to my avatar as well, people got excited and bugged me and sometimes I didn't even want to answer if it was someone I said no to about three times. But I also find it silly when people don't put their request thread link out for people to look at. Sometimes I wonder if its just the noobs the like to drive some people up the wall too.

 

[Fruit]

This is a kind of negative and judgemental thread. ^^;

I always hear that this happens to other people but I don't think it has ever happened to me and I've been role-playing for a long time. Sometimes, people approach me with their own ideas but since I only ever had the basic "do's and don'ts" without any hardcore fetishes or kinks, it is hard to know if they looked at my request thread or not. I always assume so because the only time I ever get an influx of messages is when I bump my request thread, while the rest of the time I hardly hear from anybody.

Why is that repulsive, Forbidden Fruit? Some people aren't all about the kinks and sometimes whether an rp picks up is heavily dependent upon having chemistry with your partner. I don't necessarily think starting at a conversation is good or bad. I can see how it would be personally irritating if you're all business and just want to hear about only your thread and ideas and stuff related to that and get started writing right away but they're not "repulsive." >.> Maybe I misunderstood the situation you outlined.

No no no, I don't mind people messaging me with their ideas, or people messaging me just to chat and see if there is chemistry. That's not just fine, but encouraged. There are people here who regularly message me for chitchat with no intentions of writing with me whatsoever, and that's fine.

I find it repulsive when someone thinks my request thread is tl;dr. Some people think of private messages as instant communication, like AIM, and assume that messaging me with an idea is more efficient than reading a long request thread. That inability to read a request thread because of its length is what I find repulsive. My posts are often large; will that person also feel less inclined to read them once we start writing together? If they approach me with their own idea that isn't something I had listed as a turn off, then that's fine. They don't have to use my ideas. But if they message me about beastiality (which is a limit of mine), then I know they didn't even bother reading my request thread. My request thread also has my status "on/off", which indicates whether or not I'm looking for a new story. People who message me when its "off" give me the same impression as well.

Besides, most of those people send group messages. I had a few people send the same invitation to 10+ other members; I could read their names in the CC section of the PM. Finally, as Pensive had said, it gets irritating when you have to decline the same invitation from the same member a handful of times.

 

[Rudolph Quin]

Ohhh! I gotcha. Yes I can understand that. Thank you for explaining more indepth for me as that does paint a different picture. ^^

 

[Mitsu]

I must state that I am referring to the opening post, and not the unrelated matter of creepy people on the website sending creepy messages to users with attractive avatars. In the original post, PensiveWoman simply whines about people sending her role-play requests entirely unrelated to her request thread. It does not state that these requests are in opposition to what is listed, just simply outside the bounds of what she has listed. If this is not the original intent of this thread, then PensiveWoman should learn to communicate better. This is a website dedicated to writing and communication, after all.

The funny thing is that the world doesn't conform to what you believe to be acceptable behavior. While I'm no proponent of harassment, a simple request for a role-play is no reason to blow your lid. Nobody is obligated to read through your request thread. All they act as is a handy resource to allow people to better understand what you are looking for. There's no rule that states that they have to approach you with anything you have contained within.

Secondly, I'd like to roll my eyes at your fanatic demands for respect. Respect is a luxury that is earned. Demanding that complete strangers show you respect, in whatever maligned form it takes to you, is probably more arrogant than this message I'm posting. Nobody owes you anything. Nobody is chained to your whims, desires, and outlook on role-playing etiquette. It is not rude for someone to skim through your thread, and then pick up the major points, instead of reading through your drab, one-sided demands. It is not rude for them to click on your profile, read your blurb, and then send you a PM asking to role-play. It is literally what this site is meant for. The request threads are a simple resource, not a rule.

So long as someone isn't harassing you, then what is the point of getting so worked up over it? Perhaps these people see some value in you, and simply would like to write with you. Maybe they have ideas they did not see in your thread, but think you might go for anyway. Surely you haven't listed every single interest you have in the world, and every detail of what you like and dislike. Perhaps you should instead consider yourself flattered that all of these people are crawling out of the woodwork to role-play with you.

Best thing about this thread? I read over your request thread, and this grievance isn't even listed IN YOUR OWN RULES! lol

 

[PensiveWoman]

This is a kind of negative and judgemental thread. ^^;

I always hear that this happens to other people but I don't think it has ever happened to me and I've been role-playing for a long time. Sometimes, people approach me with their own ideas but since I only ever had the basic "do's and don'ts" without any hardcore fetishes or kinks, it is hard to know if they looked at my request thread or not. I always assume so because the only time I ever get an influx of messages is when I bump my request thread, while the rest of the time I hardly hear from anybody.

Why is that repulsive, Forbidden Fruit? Some people aren't all about the kinks and sometimes whether an rp picks up is heavily dependent upon having chemistry with your partner. I don't necessarily think starting at a conversation is good or bad. I can see how it would be personally irritating if you're all business and just want to hear about only your thread and ideas and stuff related to that and get started writing right away but they're not "repulsive." >.> Maybe I misunderstood the situation you outlined.

No no no, I don't mind people messaging me with their ideas, or people messaging me just to chat and see if there is chemistry. That's not just fine, but encouraged. There are people here who regularly message me for chitchat with no intentions of writing with me whatsoever, and that's fine.

I find it repulsive when someone thinks my request thread is tl;dr. Some people think of private messages as instant communication, like AIM, and assume that messaging me with an idea is more efficient than reading a long request thread. That inability to read a request thread because of its length is what I find repulsive. My posts are often large; will that person also feel less inclined to read them once we start writing together? If they approach me with their own idea that isn't something I had listed as a turn off, then that's fine. They don't have to use my ideas. But if they message me about beastiality (which is a limit of mine), then I know they didn't even bother reading my request thread. My request thread also has my status "on/off", which indicates whether or not I'm looking for a new story. People who message me when its "off" give me the same impression as well.

Besides, most of those people send group messages. I had a few people send the same invitation to 10+ other members; I could read their names in the CC section of the PM. Finally, as Pensive had said, it gets irritating when you have to decline the same invitation from the same member a handful of times.

I like how your polite about it and you can agree with how I am feeling. And you can explain things clearly.

 

[Chai]

Those are some very charged words, PensiveWoman.

While I agree that it can be annoying to receive messages that are unrelated to what you have in your request thread, why does that make the sender stupid and disrespectful? Can you elaborate on what you mean by that? What do they not have respect for? You? Your thread? I'm quite interested in why you think these people are 'stupid'.

As Fruit stated, the sender is likely very excited to roleplay their idea, and sometimes sending a line out is better than sending none at all; you never know who'll bite on it despite it not showing up on their request thread. And then, some of the time, some of us take on stories that we didn't expect to take on simply because we meshed well with the other person, and they presented their idea in a way that was very interesting and appealing.

Also keep in mind that some people tend to just hit the bigger points on request threads. Sometimes, it's not inclusive of everything people are interested in. I RP monster girls and anthros and quite a few fandoms, but I don't have any of those listed in either of my request threads. Request threads are not hard and fast for everybody. They're more like guidelines that readers use to get a sense of what that roleplayer is all about.

People send me things I'm not interested in all the time. The best advice I can give you is to be more open-minded and less judgmental of people who are just here trying to find roleplays. If you don't find the RP prospect interesting, either just don't reply or tell them you're not interested. It really is as simple as that. More requests will come along. If you waste a lot of emotional energy being upset with people that cold call you, you're bound to have a bad time on any RP site. Which, clearly, you've experienced.

Sorry about the cold calls, but I fully disagree with everything else you've stated.

But I also find it silly when people don't put their request thread link out for people to look at. Sometimes I wonder if its just the noobs the like to drive some people up the wall too.

I don't think this is silly at all. A lot of the time, I don't, simply because I just tell potential partners the things that I'm interested in that match up with their interests. I mean, they're free to look up my request thread if they want, especially since it's linked in my signature. But I don't expect it of anybody, and I don't think it should be expected of anybody, especially if that person is approaching you with a specific idea. I get the feeling that you are applying your own personal 'rules' on other people, and if they happen to not follow them, you think they're 'noobs' or 'stupid'... And that's hardly fair, don't you think?

 

[PensiveWoman]

Those are some very charged words, PensiveWoman.

While I agree that it can be annoying to receive messages that are unrelated to what you have in your request thread, why does that make the sender stupid and disrespectful? Can you elaborate on what you mean by that? What do they not have respect for? You? Your thread? I'm quite interested in why you think these people are 'stupid'.

As Fruit stated, the sender is likely very excited to roleplay their idea, and sometimes sending a line out is better than sending none at all; you never know who'll bite on it despite it not showing up on their request thread. And then, some of the time, some of us take on stories that we didn't expect to take on simply because we meshed well with the other person, and they presented their idea in a way that was very interesting and appealing.

Also keep in mind that some people tend to just hit the bigger points on request threads. Sometimes, it's not inclusive of everything people are interested in. I RP monster girls and anthros and quite a few fandoms, but I don't have any of those listed in either of my request threads. Request threads are not hard and fast for everybody. They're more like guidelines that readers use to get a sense of what that roleplayer is all about.

People send me things I'm not interested in all the time. The best advice I can give you is to be more open-minded and less judgmental of people who are just here trying to find roleplays. If you don't find the RP prospect interesting, either just don't reply or tell them you're not interested. It really is as simple as that. More requests will come along. If you waste a lot of emotional energy being upset with people that cold call you, you're bound to have a bad time on any RP site. Which, clearly, you've experienced.

Sorry about the cold calls, but I fully disagree with everything else you've stated.

But I also find it silly when people don't put their request thread link out for people to look at. Sometimes I wonder if its just the noobs the like to drive some people up the wall too.

I don't think this is silly at all. A lot of the time, I don't, simply because I just tell potential partners the things that I'm interested in that match up with their interests. I mean, they're free to look up my request thread if they want, especially since it's linked in my signature. But I don't expect it of anybody, and I don't think it should be expected of anybody, especially if that person is approaching you with a specific idea. I get the feeling that you are applying your own personal 'rules' on other people, and if they happen to not follow them, you think they're 'noobs' or 'stupid'... And that's hardly fair, don't you think?

Everyone has their own opinion but you have been very polite with what you have to say and I like how you didn't attack me.

 

[Fruit]

I like how your polite about it and you can agree with how I am feeling. And you can explain things clearly.

Thank you.

I disagree with Mitsu's point about respect being earned. I expect everyone to respect me unless I give them a reason not to, because that's how I treat others as well. However, I do agree with the overall argument he is making, I think you're making it too much of a deal. People sending you requests that aren't listed on your request thread shouldn't offend you, unless if: a) you asked them not, in your request thread b) they're massaging you about ideas you explicitly stated you dislike.

I admit in my initial post I dragged the subject of the discussion to include creepy messages and whatnot just to find ways emphasize with your burden.

 

[PensiveWoman]

I like how your polite about it and you can agree with how I am feeling. And you can explain things clearly.

Thank you.

I disagree with Mitsu's point about respect being earned. I expect everyone to respect me unless I give them a reason not to, because that's how I treat others as well. However, I do agree with the overall argument he is making, I think you're making it too much of a deal. People sending you requests that aren't listed on your request thread shouldn't offend you, unless if: a) you asked them not, in your request thread b) they're massaging you about ideas you explicitly stated you dislike.

I admit in my initial post I dragged the subject of the discussion to include creepy messages and whatnot just to find ways emphasize with your burden.

They were disrespectful to me and attacking me that was rude.

 

[Mitsu]

I like how your polite about it and you can agree with how I am feeling. And you can explain things clearly.

Thank you.

I disagree with Mitsu's point about respect being earned. I expect everyone to respect me unless I give them a reason not to, because that's how I treat others as well. However, I do agree with the overall argument he is making, I think you're making it too much of a deal. People sending you requests that aren't listed on your request thread shouldn't offend you, unless if: a) you asked them not, in your request thread b) they're massaging you about ideas you explicitly stated you dislike.

I admit in my initial post I dragged the subject of the discussion to include creepy messages and whatnot just to find ways emphasize with your burden.

We may be operating with two different versions of the word. I do not believe that respect goes hand in hand with treating someone decently. I've never necessarily tied the word with approaching people in a courteous and friendly manner. Even if I held no respect for someone, I may very well decide to not be terrible to them. I've also had heated arguments with those that do have my respect. I respect the people that have impressed me with their mind, talents, or world-view; people that are not afraid to have their opinions challenged, and can even form a good one; people who think critically, or are brave enough to surpass their own limits; people who are truthful, and unafraid to be themselves. I approach no stranger from a position of respect, but I will approach them with friendly courtesy when warranted.

That being said, it isn't what this thread is about. I just felt I should clear up my meaning.

 

[HeyThereLittleBear]

I get extremely pissed when someone messages me and hasn't at least read the important parts of my thread. I hate people who look at the spot where I have it in bright fucking red letters TWICE that I only role playing over threads but still ask if I'm okay with role playing over PM or IM

Some even add "just for meeee? "

Seriously? Go fuck yourself.


And that all probably came across bitchy but I'm in a foul mood

 

[Mr Quixotic]

It happens on these types of forums, as do a lack of numerous other little common courtesies that you'd normally expect to be granted in real life. I agree with many of the others that a lot of approaches such as you've mentioned are not an issue, and, in fact, welcomed, but to those that are an issue, usually where a person has deliberately and obviously ignored what you've requested or stated as your preferences, I find it best to respond with sarcasm and a textual roll of the eyes, if at all, and let it go.

Getting truly angry or emotional about what some anonymous person, whose actions you have no control over, nor mutual respect built, decides to do and/or say or not do and/or say over the internet, to me, is a waste of energy. In the end, those negative emotions affect no-one but you. Then again, I might be different, because I can find them extremely fun to receive and reply to, or rant about, xD

 

[Melevolence]

A lot of it, I suspect, is people get excited and sometimes get carried away. I have had times (Not here, anyway. Not yet.) Where I've been approached for an RP that had nothing to do with any of my requests. Which is fine. I don't expect everyone to want to do what I want ALL the time. But I usually don't get that worked up over it. I try to work with them, sometimes even a 'you scratch mine, I'll scratch yours' situation where I'll do their crave/idea if they do one of mine on the side or afterwards.

Best to not get too bothered. Just note the names if they annoy you and just ignore them.

 

[RedRose]

I think if someone has a thread in their sig (easy access), you read it before suggesting kinks, especially extreme.
And yes, "just for me" is NOT cute unless we're friends or something. Same for "I'd love to see you".

 

[Feral-Scarab]

People will be people and the internet will always be the internet. A massive, bubbling cauldron of individuals from everywhere and all walks of life. From the one's who seek to do nothing more than make everyone else's life a living hell online by trolling to people who simply want to experience what is beyond the physical realm of which they can access in real life. With such vastness there is obviously bound to be plenty of not so nice incidents involving others. Whether it's on purpose or a simple misunderstanding just as in real life its the same online. It all comes down to how you approach and handle it.

From personal experience on this site I can tell you I had a few personal experiences with being messages out of no-where by individuals with requests for rp of which I had no interest in....and these were before I even had a request thread posted up anywhere on the forums to link to. I had nothing on my profile. I hadn't even made any official posts yet on the forum but had been engaging in the 'game threads' as my only form of interaction on the boards when I received my first message.

An individual messages me wanting to do an rp involving a character themed after Elsa from Frozen. Considering the fact I had no information up, no request thread, no f-list, jack squat...and when I clicked on this person's profile I found they had registered very recently themselves....within a few days of myself and also lacked any posts, information, request thread, or f-list. I responded to them short and sweet and told them I was not interested. They responded and continued to ask me to rp via laying out their idea albeit it was only one or two lines per message. All I did was continue to repeat myself that I was not interested and I even gave them an alternative by suggesting they make a thread over in the advertising for role play section of the board as they would stand a better chance of finding a partner. I thanked them again for their interest in me but remained firm on my original statement of not being interested. They stopped messaging me after I made my final statement of not being interested and asking them to please stop contacting me. That was the end of that. Now I will say if they had continued to bother me after this point with the same thing I would have placed them on my block list and been done with it.

I come to the internet as a place to relax, not stress. If someone is bothering me even after I ask them to stop I will place them on my ignore list. No muss, no fuss, end of story. Unless the individual starts targeting me directly rather than constantly pestering me about rps and they continue attempting to contact me even once I block one of their accounts then I will take the situation to the site Staff but until then I am perfectly content to block and ignore it. It's not worth the stress to me or the stress I know it causes others.

Now several weeks ago after I've established an F-list, character bio and so forth and proceeded to link them in my signature of my profile I also received a random message to rp from someone. This one looked more like a cyberish advertisement personally then again it could have very well been an 'in character approach' which is something I listed as a 'no' on my F-list. Either way I know from experience despite the fact you lay everything out for others in terms of making threads and extensive lists of ons/offs people are not obligated to read them. They will do whatever they want. Understandably this can become very annoying if it happens constantly but to me, it's no skin off my back as all I'll do is slap them on my block list if I get irritated enough. Yes it's annoying to have to do this but the block button was invented for a reason. To get people to leave you alone. Too bad it doesn't exist in real life. Either way this other individual approached me and I gave them a short and sweet response detailing that I was not interested, thanked them for their interest however, and pointed them in the direction of making their own request thread to find what they were looking for. This person was nice and did not message me further after I sent that response.

Even when you are in a seriously annoyed mood....the method of 'killing people with kindness' works wonders. Even if it makes your blood boil to do so it's honestly better than running the risk of stirring up major drama. After all misery spreads like wildfire and it could very easily come back to bite you if it gets around on the site that someone says horrible things about you, thus brings down your reputation and level of respect on a given site or even others. If you react too negatively to someone, even if they are annoying the crap out of you, that person could still come back and get revenge on you by dragging your name through the mud of the community and turning others against you and or your friends.

Consequences can be very drastic online....just as they are in real life. It's better to be safe than sorry. Least that is the rule I've always done my best to stick by. Sometimes it's damn near impossible especially if someone manages to push all my buttons at the same time...but I'm too stubborn for my own good. And personally, I'll be damned if I will allow someone to ruin what I come online to enjoy.

Anyways, that is my two-cents.