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Onus of Ominous Operandi(IDC Comment away)

RE: Onus of Ominous Operandi

Entry 1: The Summer of 2016




[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP077RitNAc[/video]

[[ Intentionally coded in another language, those who care enough will decode this embarrassing tirade ]]

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Este año inicialmente tras el éxito de 2015 ha sumergirse rápidamente en basura . Ya se trate de perder mis horas , la soledad empieza a emerger más fuerte a pesar de los intentos de ser más social , y otra basura. Es curioso cómo la canción se refleja mi psique su more..maybe un indicio de lo que vendrá , quién sabe. Charla se ha desviado y cuanto más tiempo me quedo ... sé donde me siento en la jerarquía social . Puedo ser persistentes durante horas , nadie se inmutó . Ciertos individuos consiguen reconocidos y recibidos dentro de los 5 minutos de forma automática . Los experimentos sólo se han confirmado. Vamos a ver dónde termina 2016 ... podría justificar una de mis largas hiatos de nuevo desde BMR ... ya veremos. Concedido viendo todos los que han estado en el sitio antes de manera que consigue elevado a una posición en la BMR no ayuda .... me refiero a casi todo el mundo que ha estado en el chat. ​
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I'll occasionally reliquish more inner thoughts as it healthier than keeping these musing to myself. Those who go through the effort, enjoy. Funny how this other song has the perfect lyrics to my psyche. Maybe some video games and rping replies will lessen these dark emotions.


? We are, we are
We are made from broken parts
We are, we are
We are broken from the start ?​

 
RE: Onus of Ominous Operandi

Entry 2 : September..........


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The arduous mission of seeking better employment has thus far turned its axis, but we shall see. I am finally catching up on roleplays so there that small portion of positive thinking. Onto the bad which venting apparently helps more, makes me ponder who on here really deem you a friend. No one really goes out beyond to greet you, communicate outside of chat. Maybe my writing is unappealing, such is the woe of my mental state already quite flawed since birth. Constantly raking onto my brain...why continue a hobby that is alot more difficult on me to process than others?

Perhaps out of habit since my days on Gaiaonline, keeping that part of me going mentally. 26 is arriving very soon, not expecting some big celebratory thing from the forums. Maybe the give a damn that was already broken is festering me now. Either the random guy around or brief entertainment. For the meager amount of people who don't see it, thanks.

On a brighter hope spot...Fuck yeah Luke Cage coming out on my birthday and more fun with Destiny Rise of Iron. Getting next Friday off would be the topping on the cake to reverse this self-hatred even if briefly.

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RE: Onus of Ominous Operandi

Entry 3 : 20 Fucking 17


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Barring all the political bullshit enough chaos has already started for me. My medical went up enough to make me almost pop a blood vessel like they suspect I am made of cash with just a mere minimum wage increase of 70 cents. Having my cards malfunction due towards stupidity of magnets has almost cost me dearly work wise for the blunder. It's nice to see chat has returned via Discord, Broom did a real solid there. However, it's more apparent after distancing myself how...dunno low I am on the social totem pole. What's to be expected when you're mentally disadvantaged by a learning disability or despite trying to socialize are readily ignored. Maybe I should turn off the old humanity switch off...my give a damn enough obviously is the bastard responsible.

I hate this immensely arduous writers block stopping me from truly mustering replies my partners wait for...once one whom was great and even prided on replies. Luckily my next fun trip to Toronto in 4 or so months, Taxmas is approaching and many awesome games to play starting with Resident Evil 7. So I'll let those be the warm spot in an otherwise bleak mindset.
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RE: Onus of Ominous Operandi

Entry 4: Contemplating Shit


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Perhaps it's a cumulative effect of stress, all the headaches for my impending move, sleep deprived and other elements that are better left unsaid. Months ago I was flourishing in roleplays and by today I got to watch the last decent ones die with my inspiration to bother anymore. Enough times either gotten the ever silent one sided response, our styles do not mesh together and of course I have enough roleplays. How much longer will I bother remaining on BMR? Dunno truthfully for I feel just tolerated..barely valued. Nonetheless, to make it established I am listing my retirement from doing this anymore. My signature should suffice, however, its not forever as one can't ever know if the spark will return. For now, we shall see. My worth is nearly in the negatives now with only a few meager things I deem as a talent for me.


[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4[/video]

Music that works...drink time now and maybe enjoyment of the weekend.

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RE: Onus of Ominous Operandi

Entry 5 : All the Meh....


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Staring at the sudden shift of colored names verywhere within the last week...this is all my brain is signaling. Popularity never ends!!

47732274.jpg



Barring that it's been a rollercoaster of crazy thus far. Finally bested Mass Effect Andromeda...admitely it could have been a lot more intriguing but I am a completist by heart and a reluctant fan of the series as a whole. More space with the apartment is a slight plus..but feels quieter, emptier dunno why. I suppose living in the same home for enough years does that to one's psyche.

RP retirement still a thing but lowered from the advertisement on my signature now. Should interested parties appear, I will give them a chance and the rare scenario I approach someone who might feed my creativity muse of sorts.


Me pregunto si alguien se daría cuenta si me fuera? Me pregunto a quién le importaría si terminara todo. Sigue sin saber nunca, avergonzado por aquellos que pensabas que eran amigos que te descartan de las historias. Sano podría necesitar ayuda o un arma.


Enough ranting for now...summer begins soon and that cheers me up enough. Anime North, BBQ food, and fanservice here I come...or not we shall see!!!


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RE: Onus of Ominous Operandi

Entry 6: People are Cunts


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The summer is quite lovely with crapped falling apart, treated like shit for allowing someone to stay with you unemployed yet your reward is them acting ungrateful the temptation to toss them to the curve and let them ruin their life gets ever inspiring. I think the highlight is essentially trying to engage in conversations only to receive nothing in exchange and ignored in the process. Certain individuals I roleplayed with ruined my confidence in roleplaying. .. driving me to retiring more or less. Dunno if I will stay on BMR fir much longer.

Suppose for an ending to this entry a fun ol song . This year can sod off

[video=youtube]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3kaUvGSLMew[/video]


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RE: Onus of Ominous Operandi

Less an entry vs a sudden thought staring at new shiny colors on the site. Must be nice playing crowd favorites. Alas that is life for you. People can read into it all they want, not like anyone pays mind to me. But I got nuggets and a day off so yay me. Interesting rp I just got so there that too!
 
RE: Onus of Ominous Operandi

I hope I'm the interesting new play ;)
 
Bear- You caught me... your prize is...dunno gimme time to think up one that isn't lewd.



Entry 7 I Surrender


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I don't see a reason not to fully submerge into my pessimism anymore. The excitement of the new apartment has faded with 1 chaotic element I am this close to getting ugly with. My year long ambition of moving up the hierarchy has crashed and burned over the hopeless endeavors of showing your worth for years only for those less qualify reaching by the favorism and crowd favorite flag with like only a two years on their belt best. Life imitates art seeing it on BMR... 8 years here even here longer than the administration barring Vek the creator.

The ambition has died this day and it's a very long road to see if it returns akin to adventuring out in the dating workd. Why push when denied countless times though showing the drive, willingness? Going to urge through work..giving it the average as the extra mile isn't appreciated. Not recognized, barely acknowledged. Feel like could apply by either place.



Suppose should leave this on a happy note. Defenders coming out in a few days and I have 2 days off after Monday. Silver linings I guess. . I thank the very few people that don't make me feel like shite.


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I'm here for you :heart:

Discord isn't the same without us there to frighten and disgust everyone else :heart:
 
Entry 9 Too hot for Fall + Birthday


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Why is it so bloody hot near the end of September. ..damn you global warming. I am very convinced I am on either most block list or a ghost for how littLe people respond to me on chat...almost a week since gotten a hello or anything. 27...cannot believe I will be that on a few days honestly.

Do I matter here anymore is the lingering question. The dark thoughts start springing back which have been minor for a long time.

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Entry 10 Halloweennnn


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The birthday event went off with a few issues but overall it was of the more eventful birthdays I've had this year which boosted me up after feeling like crap lately..sadly that happiness high got shifted sadly by today.

A little over 24 hours and not a sole this year bothered to post a happy birthday compared to other years. Really tells a man his insecurities are warranted. No one cares about you in the cycle of things. I am not the best person around...however this is cemented fresh now.

Why bother writing anymore entries who here reads them. Oddly the 1 year hitting up there in age that some affection or acknowledgement would help. It's now very clear after my rps finish its either time for a long hiatus or leaving altogether.

At least it's the month of October so I can be my spooky self.

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Entry 11 Aftermath of Halloween


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There were many downs and a few positives throughout the month. With what upcoming...maybe I can revisit this month again despite the pain. Positives include going to a top-tier haunted house, marathoning enough horror movies, copious alcohol and candy....lastly to the people in my life whether online and off that put up with me and keep me sane.

P.S. I wished my Halloween outfit and decorations were more intact but til I rest its still HALLLLOWEEENNNN


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Entry 12 Life Getting Better

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Despite what few who read this I can occasionally have kickass entries that aren't filled with dread. Receiving a hard-fought promotion has definitely risen my spirit...reminding me even I can fight back against diversity in some regard. I want Halloween again but I am ready for the Holidays one way or another. Though not related this song speaks to me atm.


[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcpOlYYRMuY[/video]

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Entry 13 Thanksgiving Aftermath

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Already I am recovering from the Turkey Coma...Black Friday sells murdering my wallet and fighting back this horrendous cold at the same. Here to the rest of the year and see what 2018 will be like.

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Entry 14 Reservations & Long overdue internal writing

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It has been years since I tackled this little soapbox here, honestly part of me has forgotten it even existed. Recently some strife has spilled into my life including a looming threat of not surviving probation for a job that improved my life so much. I worry so much and at times I debate quitting the hobby. I've done this starting this year have tackled this one way or another for twenty years...gaming the only other hobby I can swear on longer for full commitment. Guilt plagues me, knowing my disabilities have always hindered my writing and oftentimes those who stick around do it for some odd version of loyalty though they can do better. Fractured... my brain doesnt articulate things the same like showing my excitement.....Alas I might utilize this more just because and for my mental life, we shall see.

To 2022..may it be a better one one can hope. At least there still Anime not ruined by the crazy world insistent on politics.....................yet :censored:

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