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Luna's journal(Remade once again)

L

Luna

Supernova
Joined
Jan 9, 2009
So since I'm pretty much talking to myself anyway when I come here, I figured I might as well make a journal.

Lunarradiance is starting out great. We've managed to keep active members, which is what counts, and we hit the one hundred member mark about two days ago. Now we're up to one hundred and eighteen, but the main thing I want is to recruit new poeple from sites that aren't based on adult roleplaying. That way we can get some fresh blood flowing through Lunarradiance to make it more interesting..for me anyway.

We surpassed Darkers amount of posts a few days ago as well. We're in the seven thousands, which I think is great for the amount of active members we have. Our post per day has gone from a low three hundred to a high three hundred, so were' just about to hit four hundred posts per day.

The site reminds me of old bluemoon, the one that I liked the best. It was small and quiet and anyone could fit in anywhere...

Anyways, I will update this journal only when some more progress is done of if I'm just bored.
 
So I have a boyfriend now and he's the best in the world. He makes me so happy and without him I don't know where I would be. He came over last weekend and I cried when he left. However, we plan on living together very soon.

Lunarradiance has slowed down and it seems like I can't get anyone who is willing to recruit. I'm trying to but its hard. No one wants to do anything to help the website. -__-

Anyways, I'm going to keep trying.
 
So now I don't have a boyfriend anymore. He's now my fiance and he plans on going into the coast guard. I'm proud to be his soon to be wife and as soon as we move in together I'm sure I'll always be happy. Even though I'm a little worried about being a burden to him, I still think that life will be perfect. I know what to do now with my life because of him. I'm getting a degree in sociology, going to the University of Pheonix, having babies left and right, lol. Things seem to be falling into place and the only problem is time. It moves too slow.

Its kind of weird being engaged. A good kind though. I'll have to learn how to keep calling Sol my fiance and not my boyfriend. Lol.
 
So I think its best if I start using messenger again.

I have several of them, but I hardly ever log on because of..well I'm not sure. Perhaps I need people to actually add me and talk to me. I never really got the point of IMs, but its nice to use them once in a while instead of pms so I have decided to add them to those little button things. I think I already have one up, but for those without MSN feel free to add...

sareena101(YIM)
lunasinclair(Aim)
 
June 20nth, happy fucking fathers day, jerk.

After I'm finishing the little bit of schooling I have, I plan to do one of two things.

Go into the marines, or go into some sort of police academy. I know how the marines work, the police, not so much. If anything can provide me with a guarantee that I won't get laid off, and I'll get a good pay check, I don't care what I do.

That's not entirely accurate, I want to be useful to the world somehow and that's why I chose those two things. However, thinking it over again, I'm not really being useful to the world, but rather the United States. So how could I be useful to the world? How can I make that a job? Because if I'm going to be in this world, I need a way to support myself and do something I love.

If I can't find an answer, then I'll have to start small by helping the United States. But if anyone has some sort of idea, you are welcome to contact me.
 
Disgusting.

That's what the world is to me. It's full of narcissistic assholes who only care about personal gain. I hate the way society is today. If you're a nice person, you get robbed, simple as that. When you happen to need help, the world will smile in your face and then drop you a six hundred dollar bill on your door step after they supposedly helped you.

Fuck the economy. I can't get a job worth a shit. I don't qualify for the Navy at this time, and now I'm wondering if I should even bother asking the other branches. So what now? I heard that even getting into law enforcement is hard. I don't mind doing the work, I really don't. But if I need to go to college, I can't afford it. Sure there's financial aid. But that only takes you so far.

Just realizing that the world fucking eats you alive if you don't have someone there for you. Just realizing how tough it is to live the American Dream. Even if I wanted to get out of this country, how will I ever make it out when I'm broke as hell.

I'll continue filling out applications. But my ears are bleeding from the constant bawl that I hear each day about me costing someone else money.
 
Its been an excruciating month. Life for me seems like it has gone in slow motion. Minute after minute, hour after hour...No, its not like that. More like I'm counting the nanoseconds that go by. I don't know what I'm counting them for. I just know that the following dates have importance to me. August 11nth and August 15nth. If nothing happens on these dates, will I stop looking at the time every five seconds? It seems like I begin to go crazy when I don't have a clock to look at. Maybe if I finally get a job I'd be able to distract myself from time, and those dates will finally show up.

What would possibly happen on those dates? A reunion of sorts, I guess. Though every logical part of my brain is screaming that its impossible that this wish will ever come true, I still find myself staring at the calender. I was told I would have a fresh start in three months, and even though this particular person has lied to me about so many things I just want to believe he was right about this one thing. Just one promise, I want just one promise that pertained to my future be true.

If not, there are a number of ways that I could react, and it seems like the worst way will definitely be the outcome. Taking my future into my own hands, I might force this reunion to come true. I will make the fresh start by myself. I might be taking the selfish way out, but I'm so sick of being taken advantage of. As far as I'm concerned I have fulfilled my purpose in this world, and there is no reason to remain here.
 
I'm standing at the bus stop right now.

Best way to describe my life. If I don't move, I'm going to catch that bus.

Its not going to come for another two months, so I have plenty of time to change my mind. But right now, I know if something doesn't change, I will be sitting my ass down for two months on this bench. There are many reasons why I would like to move onto my next destination, so much that they out weigh the current reason I remain here. No matter how big this reason is, its still not a match for the little things toppling over it.

So I'll sit here. I'll watch across the street as others I know catch the bus. Some don't want to leave and end up getting the next one. Some leave and don't look back. But I'm with the people who's bus has one set time. We're looking for reasons to miss this bus, but its nearly a sure thing that we're going to catch it.
 
So I'm still here. And I'm kind of glad I am.

If I did leave, it wouldn't be fair to the kid.

Doing everything in my power to get health insurance to make sure the kid is okay. The kids been helping his mother go to sleep but its not like that lasts for very long. I hope all the food is going to the kid, because I don't need it. I hope the kid is healthy despite mother not having the best life right now, the best eating habits, or the best care.

Mother is going to make the kid happy because she never was. Mother is going to make sure the kid has the best life possible. Mother is getting herself together before the kid is brought in this scary cruel world. Mother is learning things so she can teach it to the kid as soon as possible because she never was given that experience.

Mother is going to work hard despite what little she has.
 
Trygon: So it would seem.

And Hahvy, I'm not sure which posts you are speaking of, the last one or the ones before that. I don't even remember half the things I write in here because I usually do it in a daze. Its not just bluemoon I leave my little notes, its everywhere. My email, my fiance's email, facebook private messages...this is the only actual public place I put them.

But yes, I will not deny that I have severe mental issues, no matter how much I question them and wonder who deems things that go through a persons minds as mental issues. These thoughts do not interfere with my daily repetitive and mindless tasks, so some people would say that there was nothing wrong with me. But that's a whole other story.

I don't believe in right or wrong thoughts, its actions that speak louder than words, and so far I have yet to take any aside from getting my life together.
 
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