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Show me your Joke ;)

Toujou

Toujou

Planetoid
Joined
Dec 29, 2015
Location
Brazil
Hi people! I'm the kind of person that believes that a good laugh can change your day,your mood,your way of facing life itself (maybe even the world?)! And thus here i am to propose this simple ,yet promissing, little thread where you sexy and beautiful people can post your jokes at.

So spread the word and help make the day of someone else at last a little bit happier! Afterall, no one resists a good laugh :D

(Also here's my lame joke just so we get the starting kick. Sorry in advance for all of you blonde women :angel: )

"Why does the brain of a blonde woman gets to the size of a olive when she dies?

........Because it swells!"
 
How do you stop your lawyer from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.
 
((Holy moly chicken jolly! SOMEONE acutally replied to this thread *-* ))

A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.
He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
 
I can't help it, I love stupid jokes.

1. A man walks into a bar. He then says ow.

2. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H2O." The second one says, "I want some H2O too." The second one dies.
 
How is Matthew Mcconaughey in bed?

Alright alright alright
 
2008 - The solar system had 9 planets.
2016 - The solar system has 8 planets.

How many liberal terms before the universe disappears?
 
I have a meme joke

You know how yu gi oh you can put cards in face down position

Well for me I'd like to put you in face down position ;D
 
Ah, I love stupid jokes:

A horse walks into a bar, sits on a stool, and the barman says, "Why the long face?"

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the barman says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you." The grasshopper looks at him, and responds, "What, Eric?"

Two peanuts were walking through the park, one was assaulted.

A tortoise enters the police station, screaming, "Help, help, I've just been robbed by a gang of snails." The desk-officer says, "Calm down, and tell me what happened, can you provide a description,", and the tortoise replies, "No, it all happened too fast."

HeyThereLittleBear said:
How do you stop your lawyer from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.
Click to expand...

What do you call a Lawyer at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.
 
Last night I went dressed as a chicken and my fiance went dressed as an egg. We finally answered the age old question.
 
So i've been going out with an Australian lass.

I'll tell you what she taught me alot about eating In The Bush. Du Dun Tish

I don't want to bore you with the details but she's amazing Out Back. Du Dun Tish

My lord it amazes me what she can do Down Under. Du Dun Tish

I'll tell you what, i'd Didgeridoo her anytime. Du Dun Tish
 
I either have a very grim, dry sense of humour, or a very childish one. Bring on the stupid jokes that are so dumb, they really are hilarious.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey!
 
A man walks into a bar carrying a piece of asphalt. He tells the bartender. "A beer please, and one for the road."

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Three men from different countries climb to the top of a mountain, an Englishman, an Italian, and an American. The Englishman declares he will throw an apple off the mountain for the sake of his country. The Italian, thinking it a swell idea, throws an orange off the mountain for his country. The American, wanting to overdo it, throws a grenade off the mountain. When the men come back down the mountain, they each find a child. The Englishman asks a crying child, "Why are you crying?" The child says, "An apple hit me on the head." The Italian asks a crying child, "Why are you crying?" The child says, "An orange hit me on the head." The American asks a laughing child, "What's so funny?" "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

I got one more, it's dirty.

A young man in the country just turned 18, his pa, poor as can be, decides to send his son into the city for his birthday, in lieu of money, he sends him off with a duck. The young man and his duck start going into town before he gets stopped by a prostitute in front of a brothel. "Hey, buddy, you looking for a good time?" "I sure am, lady." "What have you got to pay with?" "Well, I've got this duck." "Works for me, sonny, come on in." The two do the deed, and after the prostitute is impressed. "By God, kid, you're so good I outta be paying you. Want to go again?" "I don't have anything to pay you with." "Sweetie, I'll give you your duck back if we go one more time." "Alright." So they go at it again. Back on his way into the city, the boy is taken by surprise as a truck hits the duck and kills it. The driver, already in trouble, jumps out of the truck. "Oh god, kid, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." "You killed my Duck!" "I know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please don't tell anybody, I can't afford to get in trouble again, please." "What am I going to do about my duck?" "Kid I'll give you twenty dollars for the duck, just please don't tell anyone." "Alright, I guess." The boy returns home, where is pa is waiting for him. "Well, what'd you get in the city, son?" "Well... I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck and I got twenty dollars for a fucked up duck."
 
Two women are out plucking vegetables.One pulls out a carrot and turns to the woman "This one reminds me of my husband"

"Why? is he that big?" the other woman asks

"No he's that dirty"
 
...what does a cow in hurry says?

«Just MOOve!»

Ha
Haha

...sorry...
 
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