Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Maybe my RP manners are crap, I'm new.

Status
Not open for further replies.
H

HeroinesUnleashed

Moon
Joined
Dec 20, 2015
I tried another site that had a forum and chat. I posted the link to my thread, one person said "Bad form" and that I should make a profile on that site.

Fair enough, I thought, so I made a thread there. Then I posted that link and said, literally, "This better? Thanks!".

I was banned for 30 days for spamming/being a smart ass. It's mostly the smart ass part, because they didn't do it till I said that.

Maybe that sounds smart ass but I was trying to be really polite.

What am I not getting?
 
HeroinesUnleashed said:
I tried another site that had a forum and chat. I posted the link to my thread, one person said "Bad form" and that I should make a profile on that site.

Fair enough, I thought, so I made a thread there. Then I posted that link and said, literally, "This better? Thanks!".

I was banned for 30 days for spamming/being a smart ass. It's mostly the smart ass part, because they didn't do it till I said that.

Maybe that sounds smart ass but I was trying to be really polite.

What am I not getting?
Click to expand...

Hard to say... Was there any other conversation or interaction between you, the mods, or other members of the site?

Otherwise, just from a very vague and objective viewpoint, yes that does sound smart ass and you even acknowledge that it does. So, not sure what you "don't get" because you seem to get it quite well? Especially since you seem to understand that this was very probably the main reason for your banning. Need a little more info to understand the full situation more clearly. Also, what exactly are you looking for as far as comments? Not sure how to help/what to say about it since your analysis seems pretty clear just from observation.
 
That was the entirety of my interaction there.
"Maybe that sounds smart ass" as in, if you imagine a certain tone to it you can certainly perceive it that way.

I submitted it for General Discussion... thinking people might have comments or similar stories. Maybe some sites are just extremely sensative, which is weird given that these sites are for (largely) erotic roleplay.
 
HeroinesUnleashed said:
That was the entirety of my interaction there.
"Maybe that sounds smart ass" as in, if you imagine a certain tone to it you can certainly perceive it that way.

I submitted it for General Discussion... thinking people might have comments or similar stories. Maybe some sites are just extremely sensative, which is weird given that these sites are for (largely) erotic roleplay.
Click to expand...

Ah, it wasn't clear that this was for commiseration. It sounded more like a journal entry to be honest. And yes, I know what you said, which means you are aware of how that particular phrasing could come off as being smart ass; I wasn't saying that you were admitting to the intention to be a smart ass.

Sensitive towards people who appear to be entitled or challenging to the authority of the site leaders is actually pretty typical anywhere. Not saying that you were but in these social communities, particularly adult sites where oftentimes there is a level of predation among some of the seedier members who have the abusive/bully mindset of entitlement and don't see themselves as instigators but rather like victims, it doesn't change the fact that their behavior is reprehensible and undesirable to the community at large(you know, stalkers, spammers, naggers, people who get defensive about being told "no", etc.). When you cannot reason with someone or they show a disregard for authority for even the most simplest tasks, it can set off a few trigger fingers. I've been a moderator before and have friends who moderate different websites. They deal with a lot of bullshit and sometimes they really don't have time to sit here and reason out whether or not you're being a dick on purpose or just really clueless to simple directions and reasonable expectations for decorum. Especially when the actual bully or predator is often very good at charming their way out of situations or slyly making a case for themselves as victim and not weasely slimeball, before turning right around and reoffending in a way that speaks to their knowledge of the rules but a desire to sidestep them through some loophole. Moderators often get taken advantage of and what could seem like a harmless overture to you could actually be taken as a not very clever way to passive aggressively throw your dick around. Tolerating that in front of other people? What kind of message does that send, you know?

Sorry I don't have any stories to share. I'm fairly well behaved everywhere but here. ^^;
 
I have similar stories, but people here don't really know the nightmare is me, so I'm not going to share.

(And no, this isn't an invitation to PM me and ask me to share.)
 
I would think that being a mod comes with a certain measure of responsibility to be more patient and understanding than the average net surfer. Not identifying oneself as a mod and then overreacting to a statement based on a perceived idea of the meaning is wrong and shows a clear lack of what should be essential mod skills. There's an analogy I could use here but it's a bit disturbing and probably too serious a topic for this place.

Also, for being so aware of how things said online can be interpretted, your responses are exceptionally demeaning.
 
HeroinesUnleashed said:
I would think that being a mod comes with a certain measure of responsibility to be more patient and understanding than the average net surfer. Not identifying oneself as a mod and then overreacting to a statement based on a perceived idea of the meaning is wrong and shows a clear lack of what should be essential mod skills. There's an analogy I could use here but it's a bit disturbing and probably too serious a topic for this place.

Also, for being so aware of how things said online can be interpretted, your responses are exceptionally demeaning.
Click to expand...

I get that and respect that. Not what I intended especially since I try to guve cues in several places of connecting with you and understanding the shitty situation you've experienced.

I guess I did open this, saw you venting but then not really offering a "topic" to discuss and interpreted it as you looking for validation. In other words I took the mods side because it's something I've not only seen before but also done before. " What? What did I do wrong? :D lol oversensitive much?"

So based on my personal experiences and having surfed forums for 10 years that's the impression I got from your OP. So I will admit to that slanting my tone but I also understand that there are 2 sides to every story. Even if it is highly unlikely for mods, the leadership and representation of a place, to just go off without explanation, because you're right that IS bad for business, it does happen. Since your answer to my questions offered no further clarity in regards to the sutuation being more involved I tried to offer explanations other than "you're just an asshole and you know you are" or "power hungry mods are a dime a dozen". You've already made that assumption based on what happened to you. If this thread wasn't made so people can pat you on the back, as you said it wasn't, then I sought not to do that.

Also super sorry if this furthers the impression of condescending. I'm not sure how else to explain and defend myself with a rational discourse when you call me out publicly like that.
 
HeroinesUnleashed said:
I tried another site that had a forum and chat. I posted the link to my thread, one person said "Bad form" and that I should make a profile on that site.

Fair enough, I thought, so I made a thread there. Then I posted that link and said, literally, "This better? Thanks!".

I was banned for 30 days for spamming/being a smart ass. It's mostly the smart ass part, because they didn't do it till I said that.

Maybe that sounds smart ass but I was trying to be really polite.

What am I not getting?
Click to expand...

Were you banned on IRC? (Superheroines_in_peril)

Because I was in the same room as you, and I saw you logged in and put the link to bluemoon up. Generally speaking they want people to get a feel for the place before you drop a link like that. We talked a bit on YIM yesterday as well, (an0nemus2k).

So this is JUST my feeling...
You came off as 'my way or the highway' and while that's your right it will rub people the wrong way. I do it all the time, and I'm ok with it.
 
I assume that the "bad form" was meant to indicate that you should have a profile on that forum and link to it instead of to an external site (BMR). I agree that this is extra work, but every place has its own pet rules and the onus is on the members to read, understand and follow them.

Sounds like a tale of miscommunication to me.

Personally, swinging the ban hammer around seems heavy-handed to me, but then if I were to create a profile on, say, HofE and link to it instead of having a proper one here, DA76 would ban my ass so fast, the rest of my body would have trouble catching up.

That said, I offer hugs and cuddles to make it feel less painful.

Peace,
Lurker.
 
Damn. That's extreme. Not even a warning beforehand?
I would ditch that RP forum faster than an STD.

It's not Elliquiy, is it?
Elliquiy has very specific membership rules and sign up rules.
It's like, a two week process to be approved on there (a process I loathe, personally).
 
Elliquiy is another aduld RP forum run by Vekseid, which mostly differs from other such sites by requiring members to go through an application process in order to gain access to the "adult" areas. The application process usually involves writing prompts and/or "crazy" questions. Opinions about it differ, but personally I found it quite fun and an opportunity to socialize.
 
Lurker said:
Elliquiy is another aduld RP forum run by Vekseid, which mostly differs from other such sites by requiring members to go through an application process in order to gain access to the "adult" areas. The application process usually involves writing prompts and/or "crazy" questions. Opinions about it differ, but personally I found it quite fun and an opportunity to socialize.
Click to expand...

There are exceptionally strict rules to follow as well. At least there were when I signed up (but this was years ago). Personally, it wasn't my taste. I saw it as unnecessary and a nuisance. I also didn't find some of the moderators friendly at the time. If you disagreed with them/their opinion, they had the ability to ban you and once you were banned/ rejected from the application, you could never apply again.

I just found the whole thing silly.

But that was my experience.
 
It's meant to be exclusive. People that don't value their account enough to do the dance get weeded out. That fosters a certain kind of community.

And, to hear certain circles tell it, we ban everyone we dislike around here, too. Hai gaiz~ I'm loving that bitching about us is the most active thread you've EVER had in your GD~
 
Every place has their own little idiosyncrasies and applying one place's standards to another can often land you in trouble.

For example, it felt strange to me at first to write a PM and get no replies, or have the person stop replying in the middle of a conversation, but I realized that I should not project my standards of politeness onto the BMR community.
 
I've had this happen to me before, though the only time I got banned from a site, I kind of had it coming. I argued with a Mod, which never ends well, regardless of the content. It's not an equal relationship, after all. Anyway, to avoid miscommunications and the like nowadays, or at least to minimize them, here is what I keep in mind:

First, this is a really limited medium for communication. All we have is text, and so lack the context given by tone of voice or facial expression. It's a totally neutral form of expression. So different people will "hear" it in different ways, based on who they are, what experiences they've had, how their day is going, whether or not Venus is in retograde...et cetera. So if I'm new to a place, a person, or a situation, I usually type more. I give as much context, as much information as I can to minimize the possibility of a miscommunication.

For example: "This better? Thanks!" Personally, I wouldn't have assumed smart-assery had I been the Mod there. But other people have said that it does sound smart ass. And round and round we go, while the best thing is to have a simple, actionable suggestion that you can use. Which is why I like the "More is better" approach. Adding the line, "I'm still learning the way things are done, and I appreciate the help" would have put your above comment in the context you were actually going for.

When in doubt, spell it out. Have fun with your delightful misadventures, and I wish you all the best. :)
 
Trygon said:
It's meant to be exclusive. People that don't value their account enough to do the dance get weeded out. That fosters a certain kind of community.

And, to hear certain circles tell it, we ban everyone we dislike around here, too. Hai gaiz~ I'm loving that bitching about us is the most active thread you've EVER had in your GD~
Click to expand...

You always wind up the center of attention Trygon. But back to the topic on hand.

In my experiences, if a forum has a chat then you do not solicit there for role play. You post your ad on the forum in a designated spot. The mod probably meant go make a profile and post on the rp request forum When you made a profile then posted in chat again, they saw that as you being cheeky and over reacted.
 
Lurker said:
I assume that the "bad form" was meant to indicate that you should have a profile on that forum and link to it instead of to an external site (BMR). I agree that this is extra work, but every place has its own pet rules and the onus is on the members to read, understand and follow them.

Sounds like a tale of miscommunication to me.

Personally, swinging the ban hammer around seems heavy-handed to me, but then if I were to create a profile on, say, HofE and link to it instead of having a proper one here, DA76 would ban my ass so fast, the rest of my body would have trouble catching up.

That said, I offer hugs and cuddles to make it feel less painful.

Peace,
Lurker.
Click to expand...

Why on Earth would I ban you for that? @_@ Sure, I'd ask you to make one here. But ban? That's hella dumb and not something I'd do if you're RPing here. I always like talking to people first before banning anyway. Unless you're proven jailbait or a spammer, I'll be reaching out first. Just my style. Im confused as to why anyone would think otherwise. That's a hell of an assumption. o_O

Anyway, to the OP...sorry to hear about your experience wherever it was. Members shouldn't be fearful of the staff running the site. They should feel comfortable approaching them about things and, likewise, staff should know they are there to serve their members. It's a balance on both sides. It's why staff has teams and appeal systems all to try and keep things fair. And it's why we have a process in how we do things that we try to keep consistent. : )
 
darkangel76 said:
Lurker said:
Personally, swinging the ban hammer around seems heavy-handed to me, but then if I were to create a profile on, say, HofE and link to it instead of having a proper one here, DA76 would ban my ass so fast, the rest of my body would have trouble catching up.
Click to expand...

Why on Earth would I ban you for that? @_@ Sure, I'd ask you to make one here. But ban? That's hella dumb and not something I'd do if you're RPing here. I always like talking to people first before banning anyway. Unless you're proven jailbait or a spammer, I'll be reaching out first. Just my style. Im confused as to why anyone would think otherwise. That's a hell of an assumption. o_O
Click to expand...

I apologize for making an unwarranted assumption.
It was based on Vek's post but perhaps I misunderstood.
 
Nah, it's cool. : )

That's in reference to site promotions/advertisements, etc. Typically, it's common courtesy to ask before doing so and usually we won't have issue with people doing so. Like anywhere, there are places where promoting isn't comfy. If it happens, still wouldn't ban. Would just send a polite PM asking for the reference to come down. No biggie. : )
 
Trygon said:
It's meant to be exclusive. People that don't value their account enough to do the dance get weeded out. That fosters a certain kind of community.

And, to hear certain circles tell it, we ban everyone we dislike around here, too. Hai gaiz~ I'm loving that bitching about us is the most active thread you've EVER had in your GD~
Click to expand...

I wouldn't consider any of this bitching... :huh:

I've just expressed my personal opinion about the experience I had on Elliquiy.
I get that it's supposed to be exclusive, but I don't think that doing the dance equals valuing the account. I don't think I value my account any less than the next person just because I think the application process is unnecessary. To me, the process is wasted effort. I don't think a writer is of any better quality or value just because he or she took the time to follow all the rules and partake in the necessary steps.

I personally dislike it because it's time consuming, and I'm already pressed for time as it is. Currently, I've thoroughly enjoyed the partners I've found on BMR, too, so I haven't had that grave of a need to go through the jib jab of Elliquiy.

Again, this is just my preference though. I can definitely see the appeal of an exclusive forum and having to get initiated into the community. However, it's not a taste I can see myself acquiring (at least not right now).
 
kingofshadows said:
I've had this happen to me before, though the only time I got banned from a site, I kind of had it coming. I argued with a Mod, which never ends well, regardless of the content. It's not an equal relationship, after all. Anyway, to avoid miscommunications and the like nowadays, or at least to minimize them, here is what I keep in mind:
Click to expand...

This has unfortunately happened to me, too.
However, unless you were blatantly breaking the rules, I don't think getting banned for arguing with a MOD is warranted.

On a totally unrelated but sort of related note... I know I'm walking on a fine line, but as a MOD, the moderator should be professional, unbiased, and unopinionated when they are fulfilling their role as a supervisor, especially when they have the power to ban someone. I don't think it's fair for someone to be banned just because they express a different opinion.

Of course, if the individual is using grossly unacceptable language, calling people names, being disrespect to the extremes, then that is warrant for a ban. But a simple disagreement of views, in my opinion, should not suffice and/or equal being banned.

Opinions, morals, views, etc, should always be kept out of these sort of affairs. It's one of the few things I actually admire about a big name forum like GaiaOnline. Their MODs are specifically trained to keep their nose out of opinions, and warned (and properly reprimanded) if they abuse their power for such personal reasons. I was offered the position of a moderate on Gaia years ago, though, refused because I couldn't fulfill the commitment so I'm aware of the Rules and Regulations to the role.
 
As admin, I've had my share of spats with people and a good number still RP on site. If any chose to go elsewhere or what have you or did end up banned it was certainly not over differing opinions. LOL! Hell, I've got friends I talk to regularly on here and we will have differing opinions and just laugh about it. Honestly, that's such a silly thing and to ban over that is ridiculous. If I ever did that I'd be embarrassed. Like super embarrassed. I've only banned people for good reasons and made sure that my staff team agreed with it. Oh and trust me, we will call each other out if we disagree!! XD But we do have an appeal system for a reason. So that if someone does get banned and truly believes that we need to look at things once again. Yeah. We will. It's only fair, especially if you're mature about it. Personally, I'm about keeping my members...not losing them!! XD
 
darkangel76 said:
As admin, I've had my share of spats with people and a good number still RP on site. If any chose to go elsewhere or what have you or did end up banned it was certainly not over differing opinions. LOL! Hell, I've got friends I talk to regularly on here and we will have differing opinions and just laugh about it. Honestly, that's such a silly thing and to ban over that is ridiculous. If I ever did that I'd be embarrassed. Like super embarrassed. I've only banned people for good reasons and made sure that my staff team agreed with it. Oh and trust me, we will call each other out if we disagree!! XD But we do have an appeal system for a reason. So that if someone does get banned and truly believes that we need to look at things once again. Yeah. We will. It's only fair, especially if you're mature about it. Personally, I'm about keeping my members...not losing them!! XD
Click to expand...

I definitely agree, DA!
:)

I think, in general, BMR is a great community filled with delightful members.
Every community, of course, will have its rotten eggs. But in general, BMR is solid.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom