A Dose of Chai and a Spin of Reality

[translucentfeathers]

Well hello there!

It has been a long time since I actually involved myself in writing online outside of third person roleplay, short stories and poetic prose. Actually writing in first person and giving myself an outlet for thought is something I haven't explored in a while. I suppose, perhaps, that this could be a place to do that?

I don't tend to be forthcoming in regards to personal matters, simply isn't in my nature. Sure a small fortune cookie sized tidbit here and there but I find myself preferring to take a back seat and listen to others stories about themselves rather than go on incessantly about myself. This isn't to say I don't have an opinion...I just prefer spouting unexpected one liners or using sarcasm to defend myself when provoked. Subtly shattering others assumptions and confining stereotypes that people try to box the 'quiet girl in the corner' into, leaving them stammering and thrown off balance in real life is a favorite past time of mine.

However, for the sake of introduction, this mornings chai infused entry will be a wink and tip of my hat towards anyone interested in getting to know me. It won't be something so shallow as perhaps my favorite color of nailpolish though later down the road I may devote an entire post surrounding the pros and cons of constantly resorting to black. Back to the subject at hand, though.

My life can be summed up easily into the simple word, eclectic. I have traveled and lived all over my country and while my more exotic cravings for travel have yet to be sated, I am working towards those goals. I may mention on here I keep odd hours, which is in fact due not only to my insomnia but the fact that I care for a menagerie of misfit creatures that have all stumbled across my path in need of a safe haven at some point. If I am not engrossed in a book, writing or spending time with my animals I can usually be found doodling on the closest available flat surface. I love art and everything to do with it. Painting, sketching, using a array of mixed mediums or staining my fingertips with charcoal, it all appeals to me and I love losing myself for a few hours doing it. However, I no longer study art academically due to the great debate of chiaroscuro between myself and a very close minded professor.

Well, I think that is enough about myself for now. This journal will mainly be comprised of everything from well written thoughts to much more casually expressed rantings as a way of an outlet.

Hopefully I haven't scared anyone off, and feel free to comment or just say hello if you would like. If you want to talk about art, books or authors, creatures feathered furred or scaled, share quotes or even discuss nail polish (if you were inspired by that little bit) feel free to post below! I love hearing from others.

For now I leave you with this quote as it seems to sum up how I am currently feeling and will be using this online journal as a way to hear and express myself above the noise.

~Zel

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."
~Oscar Wilde​

 

[Xanaphia]

RE: A Dose of Chai and a Spin of Reality (comments welcome)

Let me be the first to welcome you to the journals. I am excited to see your work, when it isn't hindered by writing to my level!

 

[translucentfeathers]

RE: A Dose of Chai and a Spin of Reality (comments welcome)

Note: this was NOT written in response to anyone in particular on this site but has been brought about due to both past and recent events and experiences in both real life and roleplay.​

All readers beware, a distinct lack of caffeine and sleep has fueled this particular entry. If you prefer reading something pretty skip along past this as this will be bordering damn near a rant, fueled by frustration, lack of caffeine and general disbelief.

Now, before I continue let me be clear here, just because someone has limits or preferences? This does not make them close minded. I absolutely hate when someone tries shoving me into a box to fit what they want, especially when they are the one who contacts me. Whether in real life or in roleplay, I find it insulting when someone questions my interests or tries to force upon me something I clearly stated I was not interested in. There is NOTHING wrong with people having differences. Most of my closest friends and I have varying opinions on a variety of subjects; this isn't cause for a fight or disagreement, no, this opens us up for discussions. I absolutely love having people in my life who make me think and are able to bring new perspectives into my life...where I draw the line is when this passes from a sharing of differences into the realm of trying to change my opinion and force me into their ideals.

Red flags tend to be thrown down when someone's language turns from informative to forceful. This excludes individuals who get excited and are simply being enthusiastic, that doesn't bother me in the slightest and I recognize the difference between that and someone being controlling and trying to force me to fit their requirements. I would never try to change someone else to meet my expectations or requirements and I appreciate the same respect whether in real life or in roleplay. My limits, preferences and choices as to what I like, dislike, will do and won't do are simply that...mine. No one has the right to inflict their will upon me or attempt to force me into anything I don't like.

Saying all of this, I want to note I do tend to be open minded. I would never pretend to know everything and I love growing as a person and seeing something in a new light but this doesn't mean I am required to change my hard limits or even explain my reasoning behind them. No one has the right to force anyone into explaining themselves or pushing them past boundaries they are uncomfortable with. I find sometimes letting people know I prefer to be submissive welcomes in a lot of stigma and assumptions as to how I will let others treat me and my boundaries.

I have made mistakes in my life of being involved with controlling individuals, people who don't know where the line is and how to respect others. It is what fuels me to be so protective of my limits and the boundaries people place. In conclusion I suppose this is just to say I love the differences other people can bring to the table but while I may be open to discuss our differences? I would never expect someone else to change themselves to fit into what I need or require.

Please do not waste your time if all you are looking for is to find a crack in my armor to exploit by insulting me, trying to be manipulative or attempting to push me into feeling guilty. Go on, your attempts will be met with laughter. I have dealt with much scarier people than you and I have experienced the headspace that comes from allowing someone to disregard your limits and it isn't a place I care to revisit out of character. I am a lot stronger than people give me credit for, but I will repeat myself to say do not mistake my more submissive preferences for weakness, and do not kid yourself into thinking you can corner me or force me into explaining myself. I have my reasons, my preferences, my boundaries and my flaws and they are what make me the person I am. I repsect anyone who doesn't share or completely agree with me and usually if we can work around our differences and find common ground it leads to some of the best interactions I have had in both real life and roleplay.


A final note and summary-

Walls, in my opinion are not always rational, sometimes they are illogical and built on false assumptions and fears. This doesn't make them any less improtant or invalid to the person who built them. I don't search for people who will tear down my walls, but I do welcome individuals into my life who can open my eyes to the reasons as to why they may be faulty or inspire me to tear them down myself. It doesn't mean the end result will always be me changing my mind or even agreeing with you, but sometimes a mutual respect of differences speaks volumes more than any similarities or common ground ever would.​

~Zel

 

[translucentfeathers]

RE: A Dose of Chai and a Spin of Reality (comments welcome)

Finally, the week has come to its close and I can breathe again. Spending the night relaxing and enjoying the nothingness for a little while. Hoping to catch up on some sleep and my reading list this weekend and I am looking forward to a chance to recuperate from the craze that has been this week. Oh and....

Happy Halloween​

 

[translucentfeathers]

RE: A Dose of Chai and a Spin of Reality (comments welcome)

Rough last few days...the kind that just leave you an exhausted mess with your mind scrambling for some kind of purchase or grip and has your concentration shot to hell. Going to spend the day or two focusing on building a new enclosure for some of my outdoor lovelies before winter settles in.

On a side note, my hair has decided to reach new heights today. The normally pin straight easily tamed mass always seems to sense my frustrations and chooses those days to expand into something monstrous that would make Helena Bonham Carter proud. It is probably simply due to the fact that it is an old nervous habit of mine to tease with, run my hands through and tug on my hair incessantly when under stress...ugh.

Hoping some coffee and focusing my attentions on something external for the afternoon will help encourage my thoughts to settle into a calmer state.

 

[translucentfeathers]

RE: A Dose of Chai and a Spin of Reality (comments welcome)

Out of all of my animals large and small, scaled feathered and furred, I believe it is my cat who is the most demanding and possessive of my time...

Today is a morning where in my cat has decided that my being out of his eyesight is completely unacceptable. So if I stand and leave a room (or walk five feet away in this case) regardless of where I actually am he will run to the center of the house and call and cry inconsolably until I go pick his fuzzy ass up, carry him back to where I am and let him perch on my shoulder while I work. Normally he isn't this codependent and while he has always been clingy I attributed that to the fact that I bottle raised him when he was left abandoned outside of my office building at two weeks old as a muddy shivering little fluff ball a coworker found one rainy bleary October morning. Don't get me wrong, I adore the little bastard, but I did actually have things to do today that will be hindered by a ten pound behemoth trying to play parrot on my shoulder.

That and I am out of caffeine in my house and broke until this Friday...may the games for sanity begin.

 

[translucentfeathers]

RE: A Dose of Chai and a Spin of Reality: Holding off the Oncoming Storm 11/20

I used to take ballet-that is until my mother finally accepted the fact that while I love being active, pink frills and glitter weren't exactly my style (despite her hopes). But I remember one of the first things I learned was how when you spin the importance of finding something to focus on in the distance and to let it catch your gaze on every turn, otherwise called spotting. Cliche as it sounds that lesson applies to more than various dance turns-focusing on something while you spin so you don't get lost and stumble. I'm currently attempting to focus on something to keep from drowning in everything being thrown my way and my head spins. And while I am exhausted? I am getting a lot of work done.

To all of my partners waiting for a PM or Thread response I will hopefully get to you this evening-if not? First thing tomorrow morning. To all those in the process of word building or exchanging plot ideas? I will respond as soon as I get posts out for my current RP's to continue our discussion. Much love~♡

 

[AndNich123]

RE: A Dose of Chai and a Spin of Reality: Bereavement 01/05

My deepest condolences to you. It is clear he will be missed greatly. Sending out strong, positive thoughts and wishes to you.