What Are Friends For? [SelenaFF and Fantysma]

[SelenaFF]

Sam downed another shot. He had lost count after six. He felt like he was floating, which was probably a good thing, because earlier today he had gotten a notice that his scholarship was being revoked. And that meant he wouldn't be able to attend college. He had little to no money, and with his parents were halfway across the country, he had no real support in the family department. The only friend he really had was his lifelong best friend. She had been his friend since elementary school, and they had been inseparable until college. Still, they had coincidentally chosen colleges in the same town.

After another shot was poured and gulped down, he got up and stumbled to the door. However, seeing as he was completely wasted, he grabbed the push bar on the door and pulled. It took a good 5 seconds for him realized that he needed to push. He tottered out the door and made it three blocks before his vision began to get fuzzy. He knew, even drunk, that her apartment was around here somewhere. He vaguely remembered her apartment was on street level. How he remembered, Sam didn't know. So, making a guess on which door, he pounded on it, calling out his friend's name. He slurred it a bit, and after a few more times of calling her name, he heard the click of the door unlocking.

 

[Fantysma]

Aria had been settled in to her apartment for the night, with one of her textbooks plopped beside her on her double bed and open to a random page - she wasn't actually paying attention. Instead her eyes were on the television in her room, which was set to reruns of one of her favourite childhood shows. She was set to be done for the night, maybe pass out soon - at least, that was the plan until she was rudely disrupted by pounding on the door to her apartment. She groaned and clambered out of her bed, and had barely made it out of the door to her room when she caught on to her name being called, and the voice that accompanied it - Sam. But not just normal Sam, something sounded off in the way that he was speaking. Fuck.

She'd met Sam when she was still a kid - seven years old and not even four feet tall. They'd stuck to each other like glue ever since, and she would be lying if she said that she hadn't had a crush on him when she was about thirteen and learning what love and sex was. Now they were fully grown - she'd be twenty one in only a couple months, and they were in college. Conveniantly in the same town, at that. (They hadn't purposely planned that - their favourite schools just so happened to be in the same area. Not that Aria would complain.)

She clicked the lock on the door to the side, unlocking it, and pulled it open. On the other side was her best friend, as she suspected, and he looked quite obviously drunk - and she could smell the alcohol on his breath from where she was inside of her apartment.

"Get in here you oaf!" She said, insulting him in jest, as she raised one of her hands and pressed it to his shoulder, moving to guide him inside of her place.

"What are you doing here?" She asked once they were within closed walls.

 

[SelenaFF]

"What are any of us doing here?" Sam drunkenly mused. But he managed to bring himself out of being completely drunk to being only partially drunk, because suddenly his eyes had a bit of clarity to them that couldn't be explained. "I... My scholarship's gone. They took it back..." he said, looking at Aria intently. Sitting down on the the couch, he pulled out his keychain. He always messed with it whenever he was feeling fidgety. Sam ran a hand through his dark brown hair, which was down to his mid back and was quite the mess at the momement.

He began to speak again, words a bit slurred, but still able to identified. "I don't know... I just don't know anymore. Do you know how depressed I've been... I'm not even sure what I..." he said, then stopped. Sam took a shaky breath, then continued. "I don't what to do... Can I tell you something? I... I'm not sure I even want to be... me. You know what I mean? I'm not sure if I even want to be a guy..."

Then Sam passed out.

 

[Fantysma]

Drunk philosophy wasn't something that came new to Aria, but the fact that Sam was acting that way said all she needed to know aobut just how drunk he was. With what he had told her, she wasn't surprised - he'd needed that scholarship to stay in school. She'd be royally fucked if she lost hers, too, and probably just as drunk - if not more so. (She was quite the fan of vodka when things weren't perfect, after all.)

"Hey hey, it's going to be okay," Aria said to him as one of her thin-fingered hands found the top of his head and began to stroke it softly in an attempt to comfort him. She continued to, repeating the soft motion over and over again as he spoke. He stuttered and lost his words in a drunken haze, but he was still understandable... Until that last line. Was it serious or just depression speaking, wanting to claim him from the world?

She had no time to respond before he passed out, her fingers still drawing lines within his hair. She let out a sigh and straightened him out on the couch, popping a pillow beneath his head and a thin blanket over him. She carefully positioned his head so that it was sideways (one always makes sure someone who passes out drunk isn't going to end up drowning in their own puke in their sleep) and then delicately sat on the arm of the couch...

He seemed lost. Terrified. She wouldn't let the world consume him, though.

Or her?

Being bisexual she was open to LGBT stuff in general... If what he had to say was serious, then she'd be there no matter what. She'd wait and see what the morning would bring, though. If he didn't mean it and ended up regret saying it... She didn't want to be the one to bring it to the surface.

 

[SelenaFF]

Same woke up with a pounding headache when he woke up. He something cushioning his body, and realized it was Aria's couch. Shit. What had happened last night? He had obviously been drunk, but what had he said? He hoped nothing stupid, and he certainly hoped nothing about his gender identity.

He had been in the closet since high school. He knew he wasn't really a masculine guy, but he also had a lot of other issues. He didn't feel right in his body. He just didn't feel like it was who he was. And he was also bisexual, but that wasn't the big issue here (half the college he used to attend was bi). What if he had told Aria? He didn't know what she would think. He knew that she was understanding, but... What would she say if she knew he felt like this?

He tried to get up, but his head wasn't the only part of his body that hurt. In fact, every single bone in his body was aching, as if protesting to his escapade last night. He groaned, then plopped back down on the couch, waiting for Aria to confront him.

 

[Fantysma]

She'd stayed in front of the couch for quite a while before she returned to her room, not wanting anything to go wrong with him while he was drunk and out. Not long after that did she pass out for the night, curled in the masses of blankets that crowded her bed. Morning quickly came upon her, and when she woke up Sam was still asleep. She kept a close eye on him as she downed a cup of orange juice straight from the bottle, and after returning the jug to her fridge she took a quick shower.

She was wet and towel clad when she left the bathroom fifteen minutes later, just in time for her to catch Sam sitting up on the couch as she dashed in to her bedroom. She quickly clothed herself, donning a white bralette under a floral patterned dress that cut off just before her knees. She was haphazardly running a brush through her tangles of red hair when she left her room and made her way back to the living room.

"Sleep well?" Aria asked as she placed the brush down on her coffee table and sat on the other side of the couch. She pulled her feet up on to the furniture and crossed her legs, bouncing the couch a bit as she did so. He was nervous, she could tell even past the grogginess that came with the hangover he was probably having. Years of experience made her wise, at least in his ways... He didn't remember what had happened, did he?

 

[SelenaFF]

Sam blushed a bit as Aria came out brushing her hair. Somehow, he envied her. She had the freedom to express herself how she wished, while he had been restricted to the role society had given him.

When she sat down on the couch, though, he knew that he had said something last night. Something big. The look on her face told him so. He sighed, then said, "Not really."

He looked at the floor, then took a deep breath. He had to tell her. She would understand. She had to. If she didn't, then... He didn't want to think about it. He looked up, and brushed his long hair behind his ear. "Listen... I have... I have to tell you something. I probably said something about it last night... But... I need to tell someone. When I'm not drunk."

He stopped, took a shaky breath, then finally said the thing that had been weighing him down for years. "I'm transgender."

 

[Fantysma]

The tone in Sam's voice confirmed how nervous he was, and Aria would do her best to be delicate about anything that came out of his mouth from here on. Not in a stepping on glass kind of way, but in a way that said she wanted to support him.

"You can tell me anything," she said when he had paused, letting him know that he was in a welcoming environment. If he was about to say what she thought he was going to say, though, she imagined that no amount of comfort would quell the fear. It's not easy not being the normal, after all - she'd learned that the first time she dated a girl. This was a whole new level of different, though, one that she'd never experienced. Sure, there was that girl she knew in her first year of college, but they'd never actually been close... God, she was probably over thinking it. What if that wasn't even what he wanted to say?

And then he said it.

Aria pushed her still damp hair out of the way and leaned in to hug Sam, squeezing gently after she got a hold of him. Her? Her. That would take some getting used to.

"I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me," she said. Despite the wording there was no trace of her being upset about not being told sooner.

 

[SelenaFF]

Sam felt the fear go away as it was replaced by the sense of belonging. He was overjoyed that Aria had accepted this. Well, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. She had known him for years, and she had always been there for him, just as he had been there for her. So now, in his moment of darkness, that faint glimmer had shown.

After the hug was over, he looked at her and smiled. Not some cheap smile, but a genuine smile, one that couldn't be replicated in any other circumstance other than pure joy. "So, what happens now, exactly?" he said, then jokingly added, "Do I turn into a woman now that I've gotten this off my chest?"

 

[Fantysma]

"I think you'd rather get things on your chest," Aria joked in return, hoping that line wouldn't come off as crass. Sam seemed so overjoyed that this conversation hadn't taken a nosedive after his confession, and she didn't want to accidentally ruin that. It had been a long time since she'd seen a smile like that, and she loved that smile. How did this work anyways? She didn't know the mechanics of it, but she'd heard the "born in the wrong body" explanation. If that was the case... How long had Sam been keeping this to himself? She couldn't imagine keeping something so huge from everyone. (She understood why someone would of course, but she couldn't imagine how troublesome that could be.)

"I don't know what happens next overall, but I think breakfast is a good idea for now. You could probably use some coffee." Or was this Sam wanting to talk about it? Either way she was craving some food, and they could always talk closer to the fridge.

 

[SelenaFF]

Sam nodded. "I could use some food," he said, and walked over to the kitchen and sat on one the small stools that were positioned around a small kitchen table, "You can give me whatever you need to get rid of."

"It's mostly because I'm ashamed whenever my... erm... friend down there perks up." Sam looked down, then said, "I think it's some kind of dysphoria. I did a bit of research into it."

He shrugged, then went on. "I guess I've always been... different. Can I tell you something? I know it sounds weird, coming from a guy, but I envy your hair. It's so nice and well cared for. And another thing that I'm jealous of women for is their selection of clothing. Like, guys get suits, shorts, shirts, pants, ties. That's it. Women get a lot more."

 

[Fantysma]

As Sam sat down, Aria danced her way in to the kitchen in a tip-toed walk, where she quickly got the coffee machine started and then grabbed some bacon from the fridge to cook up. She kept her ears tuned in to her friend, nodding when appropriate. She'd just turned the burner of the stove on when his "can I tell you something" line came. That was always an anxiety causing line for her, but luckily it didn't go any negative way.

She actually let out a little laugh. She'd never considered well-cared for hair to be something envied on, nor women's fashion - overall she found it a bit tedious and all over the place. She loved her long hair - she loved the way it cut off in a subtle curve just below the level of her breasts, the haphazard curls it got when it wasn't constantly monitored, the brilliant ginger colour that she had been picked on about in school but had come to embrace as she aged. That didn't mean there were no times when she ached to just shave it all off, though.

"That's funny, because there are times that I've wished there was less selection for clothes. Finding a shirt? It's hell, because you can never find just a plain white t-shirt. Pants? Don't get me started on those. I'm a size six. Six what? Who knows - only the pant gods, because some other times I'm a five, or a seven or even a four, it depends on the store." She grinned as her little tangent ended, and zipped across the kitchen to check on the coffee.

"It doesn't sound weird, though," she affirmed, making sure that everything was good before sitting down at the coffee table across from Sam. "I get it. Plus dresses are freeing."

 

[SelenaFF]

Sam couldn't help but smile and laugh. Aria could always take anything and make it funny. She was that kind of person. "Yeah, I guess you're right about the selection. But being limited simply to graphics and tie patterns gets boring, at least for me."

He smiled again as she said it didn't sound weird. He was glad that she wasn't weirded out by his reasoning. Yes, he had the typical 'born in the wrong body' ideas swirling within his brain, but there were other thoughts, like the ones he had voiced, that weren't exactly stereotypical of transgender people.

"And there's another thing, too. I've never been really the one to ask girls out. I was always timid in that respect. I'm just hoping it'd be easier as a female."

 

[Fantysma]

Aria was pleased that he wasn't finding her little rants strange - she was the type of person who could find some way to bring light to almost anything. Though she was capable of being serious and matter-of-fact, she enjoyed lighthearted, casual conversations a lot more - even if the topics were more serious.

"If you're going to be in to girls, you might have to be willing to reach out a bit because most seem to be timid like that, but yeah, it's easier. I think." Aria shrugged, and the crackling of bacon starting to cook formed in the background. She hopped out of her chair to check on it, moved things around with a fork she'd set on the counter besides the stove, and then leaned over the counter separating the kitchen from the living/dining area of her apartment. "I mean.. You have to transition first, right? But once you're passing, you'll be quick the looker of a girl I'm sure."

"I mean, if that's what you want to do of course." That's what trans people did, right? Was it wrong of her to generalize like that? Had Sam even thought that far ahead yet?

 

[SelenaFF]

Sam nodded. "It is what I want to do." Sam knew that is was what he wanted to do. He had gone on long enough with these feelings pent up inside of him, and he felt that if they stayed that way any longer, he might lose it.

"And I'm into both guys and girls. It's another thing I've been meaning to talk to you about. I'm bisexual. Although I was actually planning on telling you that before... Last night."

He looked down at his lap for a few seconds before looking up at Aria again. "Can I ask you something? If you don't mind... Would you help me learn to be a girl, maybe look like one too? I just want get a feel for what it's like, before I actually become one, so I'm not thrust into it before I'm ready. It's fine if you don't, I just wanted to ask."

 

[Fantysma]

"We're both bi girls - what a plot twist that is. No but really, I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me these things." Before last night, Aria would never have expected that was where they would end up today. Twelve hours before, Sam had been her straight boy best friend, as far as she was aware. The shock of the sudden change in how to percieve Sam would probably hit her soon enough, but for now she was taking everything with stride. (As she probably still would once she had a moment to digest the new information.)

She nodded to him, though, willing to help him out a bit. Right now she was the only one he had to rely on for this stuff, and luckily she was very open minded and always did whatever she could to help another person.

"Sure I can," she said as the coffee finished brewing. She made a cup for both of them, suited to their tastes, and brought it back over to the table. The warmth of the porcelain mug against her always cold hands was a welcome sensation, and while it was still quite hot she sipped at it. "Just, um, let me know what you need? I have a bigger makeup collection than you'd expect, and if you'd be nervous buying girl's clothes I'm more than happy to try and figure out your sizes and buy some things for you. You're just a liiittle too tall to work with anything I already have."

 

[SelenaFF]

Sam grinned. "Yeah, I figured that much. And helping me out would be great, although I'll help pay for the clothes. Don't want to make you do that. But honestly, I really do appreciate all of this. I've kept this bottled up for so long, so it's great to have someone to talk to about it." He picked up his coffee and took a sip. Ah. Perfect.

He had already researched the sizes that he might need, and took out his phone to show them to Aria. He had planned on doing a bit of crossdressing, but now that he was somewhat out of the closet (one person didn't really qualify as 'out of the closet,' but he wasn't too worried). "I... er... did a bit of research on the sizes. I had planned on doing a bit of experimentation. So that'll make that easier."

He looked pensive for a moment. "But I also need a place to stay. Now that I lost my scholarship, I can't stay in the dorm. I know I've already asked a lot of you, so don't feel like you have to do anything more. I just need a place with cheap rent."

 

[Fantysma]

Aria wasn't sure why she hadn't thought that he might have worked through the details already. Though it was new to her, none of this was new to him (except acting on it).

Her apartment wasn't small, but it didn't seem big enough to fit another person and all their things - though dorm living did make people cut down on the amount of things they brought along. She bit her lip as she thought about it (hopefully that moment didn't seem hesitant, she didn't want to give that impression). The couch was free, she could offer him that, at least for the short term. She'd hate for him to have to sleep like that for a longer period of time, though.

"My couch is always free," she offered, wishing that there was more she could offer him here. It was oldish, she'd gone to school around the same time that her parents had moved so they'd offered her one that they'd had for a few years, but she found it comfy enough to pass out in at least a few nights every week. She glanced back at the bacon, figuring it would be about done either now or very soon. Having not yet sat back down, the trip back to the stove was quick - and affirmed her thoughts.

She flicked the burner off, pushed the frying pan to the back element, and grabbed one of the plates from the white cupboard beside the fridge. Soon the bacon was out of the frying pan, with paper towel on top and under it to soak up the extra grease.

"Toast?" She asked as she split the meat in to two vaguely even piles on the plate.

 

[SelenaFF]

Sam nodded, picking up a strip of bacon from one of the stacks. "I figured you'd say that. But I won't stay here for long. Hopefully I can find a job or something, so I can pay for my own place. I still have some money left, but not enough for more than 4 rent payments. I'd rather find a steady job before I get a place. And toast sounds great."

He finished his second strip of bacon, then looked at his friend again. Aria was probably the closest thing he had to a sister. Having been an only child, he had longed for some sort of friend that could be like a brother or sister when he was younger. Aria had been that person. Now she was helping him out again. He couldn't express his gratitude enough, but he figured she already knew how much this meant to him.

"If you need me to, I can help around the apartment. I need to do something to earn my keep while I'm here," he said after a minute or two.

 

[Fantysma]

"You'll figure things out, I'm sure," Aria said back to him as she popped a couple of pieces of bread in to the toaster. "I can put your name in at my work? Fast food is shit but when you need money, it's better than nothing." She had been working at the same mediocre job since she had started college - lots of weekend and evening hours, but she did what she needed to do in order to keep school and rent paid for and food in her stomach. Her scholarship money covered school, but the rest was all on her.

The toast popped and she put two more pieces in and then buttered the finished pieces. She had to tiptoe to reach the upper cupboard where her smaller plates were held (bad planning, she admittedly wasn't the best at using dishes as expected) in order to grab two of em.

She leaned over his shoulder to place the top of the plates, the one bearing toast, on the table in front of him. She grabbed a piece of bacon after a moment of searching for the right piece (the crispiest one) and munched on it, not yet sitting down because her toast needed to finish and she hated sitting down and standing up again and that whole process.

"Don't worry about it," she said, shrugging. "Buy some food once in a while and we can consider ourselves even, okay?" She was speaking in a joking manner - he'd never "owe" her anything. He was her best friend since, well, forever basically. If positions were reversed, she was sure that Sam would do the same for her.

 

[SelenaFF]

It was Monday (two days later), Sam was still living in Aria's apartment. Due to the lack of school, though, he had needed to find something to do. He couldn't just sit around on the couch all day and watch TV. That was what had lost his scholarship, in part (the other half was his inability to turn in homework). So he decided to help clean. The place was already decently clean, but by the time Aria got Aria got home from school, the place was spotless. He figured he owed her this much, if not more, no matter how many times she said he didn't.

He had cleaned and put away dishes, dusted, and vacuumed (which had proven quite a problem, because he couldn't find the vacuum at first).

Sam was sitting on the couch, playing a game on his phone as she walked through the door. "Hey, Aria," he said. He was still feeling a bit awkward being here, but it was a bit better. Either way, Aria had told him before she left this morning that she'd run and get some new clothes on her way home. He had been waiting all day for this, though he didn't like to admit it.

The two things he had told her to get were a pleated skirt and some bobby pins; the rest was her choice. He had made sure that she had taken his money, whether she wanted to or not, because he felt it wouldn't be right to accept it if she had paid for it.

 

[Fantysma]

Mondays were ugh-days. Not only did a weekend come to and end, but on more than one occasion Aria had to survive a full day of classes with more than a mild hangover. This Monday wasn't one of those Mondays, but that hadn't made eight straight hours of class any easier. She'd also gone ahead and offered to get Sam some new clothes - she wouldn't complain, as she was more than willing to help a friend out, but she definitely would not have made it through the day without the four (or was it five?) cups of coffee that had entered her system. Most of which were before ten am.

She showed up back home and quarter after five with a bag from her favourite store in one hand and a bag of McDonalds in the other. The food bag was already empty, as she'd down the ten pack of nuggets on her way home from the mall, and she immediately tossed it in the trash beside the front door as she walked in.

And then she froze. Her lips pursed together and her eyes scanned her living/kitchen area. It took a moment for her to place what was different - everything was clean. Sam's voice cut off her scrutinizing, though, and she offed her shoes on the plastic mat on the other side of the door.

"Hey!" She finally responded after she'd taken note of everything that had changed - she'd offer him a thank you once she'd sat down. Aria had known from the start that he probably would make a point to keep the place tidy even though she said not too, but she appreciated it regardless. He was always such a sweetie, at least from her experience over the years.

Taking a seat in the chair that was perpendicular to the couch, she leaned over the one arm and handed over the bag she carried after pulling a dress out of it. (She'd got that for herself.) It had what he asked of her - a black pleated skirt (which was cute enough that she almost got one in a smaller size for her) and some bobby pins, a white shirt that she thought would match it. Aria wasn't sure what sort of things Sam would like outside of that so she'd had to choose based off of what she would like: a flowy red top, a medium length dress. She figured if he was down with skirts, that would be okay for her to add to the list. If he didn't like it she could return it, though. At the bottom of the bag was a tube of red lipstick for if/when he wanted to use it.

"You did an amazing job while I was gone," she said to him as she handed the bag off, "and I hope this is okay? I wasn't sure what your tastes would be so let me know if anything sucks."