Vengeance

[YukiBlue]

Yuki couldn't help but throw her whole body into the punch hoping not only to put a hole in the wall but also to break her own hand. She could do nothing but hope to force the pain to become physical to get rid of it. It was either that or continue to take it out on all the other people around her. She loved her friends and she hated doing this to them. It came with her illness. She had to hurt those around her to bring her own pain to the surface. She needed to fix it. But she no longer knew how to do it. she wanted to make all of the pain just go away. Her hand was bleeding as she pulled it away from the wall. Looking at it, her knees finally gave out on her. She didn't know why she pushed him away the way she did. She had loved him. She loved her friends and her family, but once they got too close she hurt them, made them leave her. She wanted the chain to stop, to stop all of it. She couldn't help it. She sat there, clutching her hand to her chest, wishing the pain away.

She heard Era call to her but ignored it. She heard her cousin and Twitch, but she turned her head away. Her friends tried all they could to open the door. She heard a quieter voice. Not softer, but stern and deep. Telling her to walk away and not let it get to her. To ignore him until she could deal with her own feelings. She looked up and took his hand. He was a friend. Someone who knew that she could do better if she just tried to fix it without breaking herself. Without breaking others. He was willing to help rather than laugh and ridicule. She smiled at the dragon and agreed. She could trust him. Not to the ends of the earth. But enough.

Thank you dude. I appreciate the help.

 

[Trygon]

Hey, I said I would help, and I meant it. It remains to be seen if you can tolerate my particularly obnoxious brand of 'help'. Most can't.

But I have faith~

 

[YukiBlue]

Hey, I said I would help, and I meant it. It remains to be seen if you can tolerate my particularly obnoxious brand of 'help'. Most can't.

But I have faith~

I can. And I have faith.

 

[YukiBlue]

Yuki walked down the hall to her room, shutting the door quickly to avoid hearing Twitch call out. She leaned her back against it and prayed to what ever god there was that she could just have fifteen minutes alone. She wanted to sing and get all of the mess off of her shoulders. She smiled to herself when she noticed Era sitting on the bed listening to a familiar song. She hummed to her self, thinking about the lyrics and what they ment to her now.

As she began the first lines she thought back to what people meant to her.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCZfJ5ai07U[/youtube]

"I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody"

She thought back to the first day she met her friends. Blaze and Warrik working the coffee cart, she walked up hoping to get coffee but also to find out if she could work at it to. Blaze shot her a dirty look and Warrik smiled. Yuki couldn't help but smile at both of them. When Spence told her to talk to her teacher and get it approved, she nearly jumped for joy. The next month was spent trying to pull herself into routine. Making the drink, doing deliveries, cleaning up. It all made her so happy. She had quickly made friends with Warrik and Blaze was starting to warm up to her. She had found out that the boy she had a crush on, Chaos, was one of her friend's brothers and it made her back off. No matter how much she liked him, she didn't want to lose her friend. She had met Warrik's brother and was becoming good friends. She spent lunch time at the "Game Room" in her math teacher's room, getting her ass handed to her on Tekkin and Budakai by Chaos and Blaze, Playing DnD with Cid and Warrik and laughing about the latest in anime. The next month was spent trying to divide up time with her friends. The stoners wanted her to spend every lunch time with them and the gamers wanted her to play with them. She chose the stoners over her other friends for half of the month before she decided to split the week evenly with them. She had become rather close with Blaze and was hoping that she wouldn't drive him away like she did everyone else. Three months later, she was dating him, her first high school boyfriend. Her friends were happy but Chaos warned her it wouldn't last, his face sad. She didn't listen to him, blinded by "love". Yuki couldn't help but laugh at the memories.

"Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you"

Two years later and Blaze and her had split, she was broken and hurt. She met a boy then, someone who would shape the next four years. His name was Twitch and she had become good friends with him while she was with Blaze. When she found out that Blaze had cheated on her, she ran to Twitch in tears. He held her the whole night, telling her that everything would be fine and that she would never be alone anymore. She believed him. Once again, Chaos told her, with the same face as before, that she would only get hurt. She didn't listen, once again blinded. She wouldn't understand for anoth six months when Twitch joined the Army.


"Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice"

Yuki looked at the floor, nothing seemed right anymore. Twitch had left her, pregnant and heartbroken. She followed her heart and moved to Seattle. Two weeks into living there, she got a phone call from her friend Nova. She was dating a man in Bremerton by the name of Trygon. She knew him from a site she was one and decided to help her friend by taking her to see him. There she met a whole new branch of friends, friends who helped her see what Twitch had done was wrong and that people actually did care about her. She loved all of them. While she was there, she met HIM. She knew that he was a nice boy from what Nova and Try had said so she tried talking to him. She quickly realized that they were right. He treated her well and was exceptionally kind. Not long after, she got a phone call from her mother, wanting her to go home. She didn't want to go but because Chaos was leaving soon, she wanted to be there. She left Seattle and her new friends to help her mother and see one of her closest friends leave. She had fallen for HIM but he couldn't go with her.

"Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me, somebody"

A couple months later, she was left heartbroken and alone once again. He had left her and Chaos was to leave soon. The last night she got to spend with Chaos, he smiled at her. He told her that he would always be there when she needed her. She smiled and told him that no matter what, he would always have a home to come back to. The words were left unspoken but both understood. They loved each other in their own way. Close friends for so long. She didn't want him to go and he didn't want to leave her behind. They hugged for one last time before she left for home, broken, sick and tired. When she woke two nights later, she found herself crying, her heart hurting worse than it ever had before. She looked at the clock and realized it was the time Chaos' plane was leaving. She curled herself into a ball and cried like never before. He was gone. And she wasn't sure he was coming home.

"Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see"

Yuki looked at Era, tears streaming down her face. The only thing she could manage to say before Era hugged her was...

"It's only been four days since he left and it already doesn't feel like home anymore... I want him back..."

 

[YukiBlue]

Yuki sat in the living room pondering the truth of it all.
She had her own doubts about herself but the one's that her Dragon friend had placed in her about him were worse. She no longer knew how to handle herself. She knew who she wanted to be. She just wasn't sure about the pat to take to get there. She sang softly to her self thinking about it.
{'I just want to be better than your,
your head's only medicine'
'I just want to be better than your,
your head's only medicine'}

Yuki couldn't help but think of the fact that she just wanted to be the best thing her friends could need. The strong one that could hold them all together. She wished she could have held her old friends together but they had been doomed from the moment Paul entered the group.

{A downward spiral just a pirouette
Getting worse til there's nothing left
What good comes of something when I'm just the ghost of nothing?}

She no longer knew who she was because of the people that had once said they were her "friends". She didn't know how to repair herself after that. She had no idea how to go from being the ghost of nothing to being a person anymore. She just wanted to pick a single part of her and make it HER. Not just what people wanted her to be. She wanted to be the person she had alwasy wanted to be.

{'I'm just the man on the balcony singing':
"Nobody will ever remember me,"
Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees}

She ran into people she used to know in high school. People she had been close with. They hardly remembered her because she had changed so much. Her face, her hair, her personality, the way she held herself. One of them had actually told her "I don't feel like I know you anymore, Yuki. You have gotten so much worse, I don't know if you can pull out of that hole anymore." When she realized that all she needed was time to find herself, she nearly cried. What she needed was people who would support her changes, not force her to be who they wanted.

{(for a)
Lunatic of a god or a god of a lunatic?
Oh, their faces are dancing
They're dancing til
Til they can't stand it}

For the longest time she had felt like she was losing her mind. She wasn't sure which of her groups of friends would help her the most. She was the crazy one when she hung out with the BM group. She was mearly the Lunatic of the God. When she was in portland, she was the God of the Lunatics. She wasn't sure which role was heathy. Maybe neither.

{A composer but never composed
Singing the symphonies of the overdosed
A composer but never composed
'Singing':
"I only want what I can't have"}

She played the composed one far too often when in all reality, she was a mess inside. She held J together when he snapped. She held Rambo together when him and J fought. She held Era together most of the time. She didn't have to help Shori often other than getting him out of the house at least once a week. Nova was getting to be a lost cause. She wanted to help her. The one that bothered her was Styx. She wanted him to move up. She wanted him around to help her keep her cool. She wanted him to care about her as much as she cared about him. But that would never happen.

{'Heralded as a king before I had a birthday
With double digits
Fit the crown to my head but I was only a kid'}

Her family's expectations were finnaly causing her to cave. She wanted to make her parents proud but she couldn't. By talking to her father, she mearly made things worse. Her mother yelled at her and her dad simply shook his head, saddened by her choice. They had wanted so much from her, to graduate high school with honors, go to college and get a degree that required her kind of intellect, get married to Twitch and be happy. She couldn't do that anymore.

{'I'm just the man on the balcony singing':
"Nobody will ever remember me,"
Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees
(for a)
Lunatic of a god or a god of a lunatic?
Oh, their faces are dancing
They're dancing til
Til they can't stand it
A composer but never composed
Singing the symphonies of the overdosed
A composer but never composed
'Singing':
"I only want what I can't have"
'I just want to be better than your head's only medicine'
'I'm just the man on the balcony singing':
"Nobody will ever remember me,"
Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees
(for a)
Lunatic of a god or a god of a lunatic?
Oh, their faces are dancing
They're dancing til
Til they can't stand it
A composer but never composed
Singing the symphonies of the overdosed
A composer but never composed
'Singing'
"I only want what I can't have"}

When the song ended she was no longer sure of herself. At the beginning, she was sure, she wanted him, she wanted to move to Seattle and get a good job and go back to school. But after reflection, she only knew one thing. She wanted to be herself. That was all that mattered.