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Musings of a Fallen Angel

T

TheDarkerMe

Supernova
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Location
Oregon
I sit on my friends couch, thinking about my life over the past few months. The way it's gone, the way I feel... The way that things should have been different. I try my best to wear a smile, but it rarely comes these days. Not in truth, at least.

Life is not as I thought it would be, but usually it rarely is.

I work now, towards a home of my own. A life of my own. A chance to fly.

Fly, like I've wanted to for so long. But now I am torn, in ways that I haven't ever been. Now I am fallen, and shattered.

Slowly I am picking up the pieces, of my shattered being... Of my shattered mind. Of everything, I pick them up slowly.

I put myself in this place, there is no one to blame but myself. But hopefully things will get better.

I want to talk to him, want to at least be friends. But I don't even know if that is possible.

So when I go back to my Tower, I will curl up on my bed... I will rest against my Fire, and wish that there was a dragon at the bottom of my Tower.

Sometimes I truly wonder... what am I?
 
If I had any interest in watching the imminent collapse of your endeavors, I would be around.

Don't bother picking up the pieces, the coming explosion will re-scatter them anyway.

A good friend of mine told me that most girls, upon finding their own identities, go through an extremely slutty phase. Sometimes brief, sometimes extended, usually damaging, sometimes fatal. I was aware of this, but having her put it into terms made it easier for me to handle what you did.

As I told you before, when you're done with this retardation, let me know. Alternatively, bring your 'fire' around sometime. You would think he'd get along well with a dragon, wouldn't you? We should find out.

But be aware, if you stand in my way a second time, you'll simply be another target.
 
I would bring him around, if I didn't fear that something bad might happen. Honestly, I don't know what's the safest decision with some thoughts, anymore. I'll leave you to your watching, who knows... maybe this all was a faze. Either way... Just have to wait it out and see. I wish you would be around, because your advice was always useful to me. But if that's the way it must be, then it must be so.
 
TheDarkerMe said:
I would bring him around, if I didn't fear that something bad might happen. Honestly, I don't know what's the safest decision with some thoughts, anymore. I'll leave you to your watching, who knows... maybe this all was a faze. Either way... Just have to wait it out and see. I wish you would be around, because your advice was always useful to me. But if that's the way it must be, then it must be so.
Click to expand...
I GAVE you advice.
 
Oh, right, it was advice that would force you to do something unpleasant in addition to owning up to your mistakes. Can't have that.

*snorts*
 
I've been sick most of the day. It's interesting the things you think of when such things happen. Slowly I'm getting back into roleplaying. Hopefully things will continue to pick up. It's not as bad as I thought, a little smoke clears the mind. I've found it's really good for the pain in my back, as well. Anyways, Rocky tomorrow night! As well as a friends wedding, and a smashing afterparty. So excited!
 
I hope that you find your way without setting yourself ablaze. While I don't particularly like you in general, I have no desire to see you throw everything away before it's over. Don't hope for things to get better, make them better.

All the advice in the world will not help those who are not willing to commit to change or even redemption. Just keep what people are telling you in your mind. If you decide to apply it or not, that is up to you. Odds are, people will try to help you; though they can't if you have your mind closed to those ideals and such.
 
Pain, can't get enough...

I think that's what my mindset is right now. Pain is an elixir, it's a drug. It's constantly slipping through my system. I hear your voice, and my heart skips. My body reacts sharply, my pulse quickens. My body reacts so easily to your voice. To hear you again was pain and pleasure all in one. Now I sit here shaking, between the cusp of crying and laughing.
 
I've come to realize that living life the way you want to, is the best thing to do. You need to follow what you feel is right, and let go of the strings that bind you to things that may cause you pain. Moving on is the hardest of things to do. Life must move on, and it will. From now on, I will be me.
 
As opposed to being someone torn between loves. Torn between a lot of things. I'm better now, sorta.

Just got outta the hospital, got an infection in my jaw thanks to a zit that got infected. Ended up nearly getting lockjaw, before I got to the hospital. Fucker hurt so badly. Then the technician fucked up on the IV TWICE! They got another chick to do it, and everything was much better. Got pain meds, feel like a fuzzy chocobo... And sitting at home waiting for my fiance to get home.
 
Merry Christmas Bunny. If you ever wanna talk, give me a ring. ^.^

I has been saving bunny pictures, to share with you. Should you ever feel the want to be civil/friendly with me.
 
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Since there seems to be a bit of a trend with it. Ask me anything you want, I'll answer.
 
This is od, though somehow I feel that a normal person would be upset... I feel more happy and free then I ever have.

I feel peaceful, and in the mood to roleplay something fluffy. Hmmmm can't wait for con!
 
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