Roleplays dying without notice?

[Anglemarr]

Hey!

I've been part of this community for a few months now, and I've already taken part in some 40+ roleplays. A number higher than I personally would have liked...

Now, as a disclaimer, I will say I have run away from one roleplay (my very first one) because I panicked, then felt ashamed... But I haven't done that since.

I roleplay via PM and external IMs, and there seems to a few types of people:

1. The kind that say they're interested and it never goes anywhere.
2. The kind who reply every few days, but it eventually stagnates and dies
3. The kind who reply quickly, then drop off the face of the earth

I constantly receive complements for my RP, so I really hope it's just not a problem with me people are having...

Why do so many games die without warning? Several times I'm mid scene with someone... and they're gone.

I've gone from having 8-10 active RPs to about 2 in the space of a week (if you count active as a post every 3 days) and this is a cycle that keeps on going. I have only one RP that has lasted more than a month.

/rant
- a currently very disappointed Roleplayer

 

[Rudolph Quin]

Have you ever heard: "writing is hard"?

I'm not making fun. Any writer you talk to, I can literally dig up a hundred quotes right now from Bestsellers and successful writers that tell you how fucking hard writing is. And that's when they're getting paid, man. That's when they're actually gonna get the work published and read, it is hard to stay with it, it is hard to put down the words, it's hard to feel like you even want to do it anymore. Take away the payment, take away the obligation to commit and that's where the role-play community is at.

It's not a unique experience. It is literally part of the role-play game to up and down, cast and reel, cast and reel, sit and wait, napping at the side of the lake under a goddamn tree, getting a bite, and it's fierce to pull that sucker in, thrashing the line all over the place and it still sometimes knocks free and runs away with the bait. What you describe IS the role-play experience. The rarity is the strong connection, the long term commitment, the story that ends up being 900 pages long. Because writing is hard. And role-playing is the specific type of writing where you each pick a character and play that role. Not a lot of stories have parts in them where they aren't completely fueled by character interaction of some kind. If there are, it's not usually for very long because it's fantasy based. We're coming together to each of us play out a fantasy and in turn validate the other person's fantasy. So, if I'm sitting over here and you give me a freaking novel that has nothing to do with my character, depending on how it's done, it can be a bit of a mood killer. Because where is my character in that? You know?

Another thing is, the rp community isn't necessarily known for it's healthy and well-balanced individuals. And that's not an accusation. There are two people involved and they don't always play the same role when it comes to interacting with each other and an idea. So, even if for a certain idea or for the most part, you consider yourself a forgiving individual and very cool and balanced, the person(s) you encounter are not always in that spot. So, while you may be really chill in regards to a particular idea and plot line, the other person is secretly having a fit of anxiety and insecurity in regards to either "feeling not good enough when writing a response" or "not being able to respond at all because they're just not feeling it" or "how to approach you, since you seem to like the idea and they don't want to disappoint you". You can be the most calm and collected person ever and it's not going to change the way another person's reacts or the internal dialogue they have with themselves when it comes to confronting you. And a lot of times, they just don't know. Sometimes this is based on previous personal experience where someone got real needy and in their face about rejecting an already started rp or sometimes it's just stuff they tell themselves. Sometimes, it's not anxiety at all; it is just easier to move on.

All of that stuff works together with not only the rp getting dropped randomly, because writing is hard enough as it is, but then we have the added human interaction to deal with and those who are either waiting to hear from a partner about a rejection or those who have to give one aren't the most emotionally mature or level headed when it comes to confrontation period.

 

[Anglemarr]

Interesting ideas. I've been RPing online since I was 15, and it is an acquired taste. I *still* can't write the epic 10 paragraph responses some people on site enjoy.

I just feel like I should be taking things personally when someone ups and leaves, one person quit the post after she told me how much she was enjoying the RP and the ideas she had for the future. I know I can't tell what happened on the other persons side, but it can be quite disheartening.

 

[Rudolph Quin]

Interesting ideas. I've been RPing online since I was 15, and it is an acquired taste. I *still* can't write the epic 10 paragraph responses some people on site enjoy.

I just feel like I should be taking things personally when someone ups and leaves, one person quit the post after she told me how much she was enjoying the RP and the ideas she had for the future. I know I can't tell what happened on the other persons side, but it can be quite disheartening.

It can't be you, man. It fucking can't be. Because that literally happens all the freaking time to fucking everybody. There are at least 10 maybe more threads exactly like your OP on this General Discussion Board that have been posted over the years. I usually flip out because they come off very whiny and insecure and even entitled, like, "I'm not paying you but I deserve prior notice!!!" Like, do you not hear how toxic you sound right now? Say it again. Actually, let me say that to you but how about we make it about video games, or a birthday card. Not saying you as in you but in general when these topics come up.

I know it's disheartening but try a bit of perspective. It isn't you and it can't be you. I'm telling you it is a part of the process. Even writers doing their own independent projects for themselves bail on their own ideas all the time without a call in the morning. If you're having trouble with perspective, I'd suggest doing something else for a while. Because if you're going to take something that is literally part of the format and game personally, then you're not gonna have enough presence of mind to have fun when it goes right anyway. Just sayin'.

 

[Master Raelthorne]

This kind of thing can happen for more reasons than any single person can ever understand. I am sad to say that I have been responsible for far more than my fair share of these incidents, but I was in a very dark place for a number of years during which these incidents happen. In my cases, role play shad stopped being a hobby and started being nothing more than a means for me to escape my reality. If the other writer posted something that I didn't like, my broken and despaired mind justified vanishing because this other writer had become a threat to the perfect little fantasy world that I was trying to live in.

Obviously, this isn't going to apply to everyone who vanishes from a role play. It probably will apply to a very minor portion. The point is that everyone will have their reasons for doing what they do. The best thing you can do is to keep going. Even if you can only keep a single role play active out of twenty, is that one reliable writing partner not worth the struggle? If you do not think so, then forum RP probably is not for you. If you do, then keep chugging along. You won't find those people if you don't keep looking.

 

[Anglemarr]

1) Continue to write as much as you can. That is the only way I know to make yourself a better writer.

2) Actively solicit feedback. If a person gets to know you OOC, they are less likely to leave you.

3) To thine own self be true. You like heels, try to find someone who likes wearing heels. Actively solicit it. Make it fun: Valentino, manolo, jimmy choo.......

4) Finally, I always try to remember that I am receiving a gift from another person in the post. I try to treat it as such. Someone actually cares about my writing enough to give me a reply and I have to try to give them back a reply they deserve.

5) Don't be a role play whore.....guys can't do it, women can. Try to read as much as you can about the person before you solicit (not as a prostitute but as a writer) a response. Forty role plays in a few months seem to me very excessive.

6) Be disciplined. After a week if you don't receive a response (if that is your time frame), send a note telling the other writer the rp is over.

7) Broaden your horizons. When I came here I made up my mind I would never write with a "male" on the other end. All it did was limit my writing pool. Now one of my favorite role plays is with a male. Just because someone writes that they are beautiful rich and kinky doesn't mean they are. Try to find people who put quality into their posts instead of the pretty picture and the "lets smut" kind of role play.

Thanks for the advice. There have been times where I have sent sub par responses simply for the goal of keeping the RP moving. It doesn't happen often, but I'll try and cut this completely out.
As for 40 RPs, it might have been a bit over exaggerated, but it's a fairly high number, I like having about 7/8 roleplays on the go at once.

As for number 6. I'm going to have to start doing that.
7. I try to broaden my horizons with every RP, my interest posts and F list are out of date (and on my to do list). I guess updating them would help too.

 

[Shovel]

I think we have all experienced roleplay's dropping without notice at one time or another. It sucks, but it happens.

But I also know that it is likely that we have all dropped a roleplay without notice as well. Or maybe it's just me. I dunno. Maybe I'm just a terrible person. @_@ The internet makes it easy to disappear without explanation. I'm not saying its right...I'm just saying how it is.

I am probably putting my head on the chopping block here but for the sake of gaining insight...

The main reasons I have poofed on people are either...

A) The plot or writing ability of a new partner didn't turn out as expected.

Or

B) Life happened.

Regarding A, you could say "You should tell someone if you aren't enjoying the roleplay! It's the right thing to do!" ....and yeah, I see what you are saying there. But I really don't know this random stranger on the internet. We have never interacted before or established a connection. I don't how how this person is going to react to negative criticism. They could take it well, or they could throw a big dramatic hissy fit. I have no way of telling. I usually just take the path of least resistance here and just disappear.

And with B, sometimes I just get really busy, or stressed, or depressed ect. ect. ...And I either forget to reply or don't have the willpower to reply. An RP is a low-priority recreational activity for me. If stuff is going on, then thats the first thing that gets cut out of my focus.
​

 

[Karameida]

We all have. There is no "may" or "probably" about it. Everyone who has RPed has had this happen to them. I've had it happen innumerable times. I have personally never done this to anyone, I will always tell someone if I'm dropping them.

@ Shovel :: For me, it has nothing to do with the fact that its "right" or anything. I tell them simply because its a lot easier than trying to "disappear" on them. As for your reasoning, I can't really say thats a good reason. Its the internet, yes. They are a stranger to you, yes. However if they decide to make a big hooplah about it you can ignore them. If its bad enough, report them and then staff will take care of them. If they keep at it, they'll be banned. In the end, you don't really end up paying for it.

At the least, they'll move on. At the worst, staff deals with them directly and they either get a warning and later banned if they persist. Because if they are going to go that far over a dropped RP and make that much of a mess the site is better off without people like them.

If you do ignore them, you won't know what they are doing but other members will and will report it for you, or staff will come upon it and deal with it.

So I can't agree with your reasoning for just "disappearing". As I've said, I've had it happen far too many times to count and I've also dropped my fair share. To be honest it is easier to tell them you are done. Having been on the receiving end, its annoying when people disappear. I'd rather be told than have my time wasted waiting for a post that won't come. Thats a week or so I could have been looking for a new partner.

Thats just my two cents.

 

[Shovel]

Yeah, it's not something I am particularly proud of doing. @_@ I wanted to share my personal experience with it to sort of shed some light on why people may feel the need to poof without notice whether those reasons are justifiable or not.

So for you, its less a question of whether its the moral thing to do and more of a utilitarian argument? Meaning its more efficient and less of a headache to give notice than not.​

 

[Anglemarr]

Interesting ideas.

I've given up on one RP without telling the person because their grammar and spelling were appauling. I'd spend a fair while typing up at least a paragraph (not huge, but for this person I found it difficult to write more) and I'd receive a single line back, no caps, no grammar, almost text speech. I felt so disheartened I just let it die.

Another time I dropped an RP was because I really didn't enjoy the setting/idea, my replies slowly dwindled to every other day (from 2 a day) and after a week I PMed them telling them so. Now we have another RP on the go and it's definitely one of my favourites.

On an update (for anyone who cares) I now have a few more RPs and my faith has been restored! Also received a "termination" of RP PM from someone, their last reply was a month ago

 

[Karameida]

@ Shovel :: Yeah, basically. Which, probably doesn't make me look too good but it is what it is. For the most part if you try to "disappear" you'll get various messages and other things with them wondering whats going on. At a point they get the hint but by then you've wasted their time and I can't imagine receiving and ignoring various messages from a person you don't want to communicate with is very fun. And sometimes there is also the guilt aspect, not being proud of ones actions. Thats not very fun either.

I mean, even ignoring them can have really bad consequences. Some will start harassing you more and sometimes publicly in threads or attack you if you post somewhere or just be hostile all around.

Of course staff will intervene if they do but if you report them after they've sent you 20 messages it can be a little limiting if you haven't actually told them to stop. If they are overly aggressive or anything we can talk to them on that but...not everyone is good at picking up hints.

So either way you go there is that area of not knowing how they might react. I just looked at the different options and chose the one that would help me more in the end.

I am here to RP for fun, I don't want to spend too much time dealing with people who get pissy because I'm no longer having fun with the RP. If one of you isn't having fun then the whole point of RPing gets lost. Thats how I see it.

@ Anglemarr :: I dropped someone before because their grammar and spelling was atrocious. I told them I wasn't having fun with the RP, thats generally what I'll say when dropping a RP. However if they ask why I will tell them. If you don't tell them then they won't know what to work on so they can get better.

If you tell them, yeah it can sound a bit harsh but at least they'll know they need some work.

I also dropped another person because they were acting like immature brats both in the RP as well as OoC and I wasn't going to deal with a child. So, I dropped them. I've dropped several people for different reasons sometimes its just because me and my partner just don't mesh. There are any number of reasons why a RP might go south and more RPs fail than succeed so its not like its a huge shock or anything if one does fall through.

Sometimes the problems your having can be fixed by talking and being honest with the person. All in all I find honesty to be simpler.

EDIT ::
@Shovel :: I wasn't trying to shame or call you out or anything. I meant no insult by what I've said ><;

 

[AkityMH]

If I ever had someone who was unhappy with me, before or during the Role Play, I do appreciate a heads up before anything else. I like a definable "no thank you" and such. I feel its something that should be done in all cases, at least at first. I know I always give a heads up if I ever feel need to drop a Role Play.
But then if that person persists and harasses, then.. well, yeah, ignore it or report it and such.

 

[Shovel]

@Karameida: Yeah I definitely understand that, though I have never had the experience of being harassed like that. (But I suppose there is a first time for everything! XD....:/ )

And no offense was taken. :3 Anyway, I was putting myself out there and calling myself out, so I was prepared for any sort of negative critisism. I'm purposefully doing this for a couple of reasons.

A) To try and bring awareness to myself on my shitty behavior so that I can change it and move in a more positive direction.

And B) Bring awareness to others to whats going on inside the mind of a potential poofer. Maybe there is a way to be preemptive about things and prevent (or at least lower the likelyhood) of a poof happening.

In my case, if I get stressed or overwhelmed from things going on in my life, having a patient and supportive partner who checks up on you and doesn't pressure you to get out a reply would help me feel at ease. Further, it would assure me that I can bring up concerns and would not be chastised if I am not enjoying the roleplay. ​

 

[Temptationist]

2. The kind who reply every few days, but it eventually stagnates and dies
3. The kind who reply quickly, then drop off the face of the earth

I have been guilty of both of these, on several occasions.
I will proceed to defend both point 2 and point 3, as well as give a general reason/excuse as to why I *rarely* inform partners that I'm dropping them.

(Ps. everything here is relevant to myself/ my opinion, I'm not talking for others)

2. Usually, this is due to one of two reasons - either life kicks in and kicks my ass, or the roleplay sucked from the beginning and I was trying to toughen it through until I just finally gave up. The latter is usually due to poor writing, or a poor plotline that was not fluid, and/or wasn't going anywhere interesting.

3. The only time I've done this, was when my partner brought in a factor to the roleplay that was a total deal breaker. Something that turned me off completely. Once I'm turned off, there's no going back. No salvaging. Game over.

Now, here's the real reason I never tell my partners I'm dropping them:

"Well, what can I do to change that?"

NOTHING.
LITERALLY. FUCKING. NOTHING.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
I'M DROPPING YOU.
DON'T MESSAGE ME.
THIS IS A BREAK UP.
FUCKING GOODBYE.

Yep.
Too harsh?

 

[Rudolph Quin]

Now, here's the real reason I never tell my partners I'm dropping them:

"Well, what can I do to change that?"

NOTHING.
LITERALLY. FUCKING. NOTHING.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
I'M DROPPING YOU.
DON'T MESSAGE ME.
THIS IS A BREAK UP.
FUCKING GOODBYE.

Yep.
Too harsh?

Serious. There seems to be this weird expectation in the role-playing community that someone is owed the chance to "fix" what they did "wrong". What if it was nothing? I just don't like the way you fucking write. What then?

 

[Temptationist]

Now, here's the real reason I never tell my partners I'm dropping them:

"Well, what can I do to change that?"

NOTHING.
LITERALLY. FUCKING. NOTHING.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
I'M DROPPING YOU.
DON'T MESSAGE ME.
THIS IS A BREAK UP.
FUCKING GOODBYE.

Yep.
Too harsh?

Serious. There seems to be this weird expectation in the role-playing community that someone is owed the chance to "fix" what they did "wrong". What if it was nothing? I just don't like the way you fucking write. What then?

Marry me, pls.

Exactly.

I don't owe you shit. How's that for change?
The worst part is that usually, it's because the writing is TERRIBLE (partly my ish, because I don't ask for a writing sample, nor do I ever go through their posts/threads to see their writing style).

Uhg, I hate it. And it's happened literally EVERY SINGLE TIME I've dropped someone (with notifying them). So usually now, unless I have a rapport OOC with the partner, I don't message them. I just stop replying and pray they don't come harass me for a response.

 

[Rudolph Quin]

Marry me, pls.

Exactly.

I don't owe you shit. How's that for change?
The worst part is that usually, it's because the writing is TERRIBLE (partly my ish, because I don't ask for a writing sample, nor do I ever go through their posts/threads to see their writing style).

Uhg, I hate it. And it's happened literally EVERY SINGLE TIME I've dropped someone (with notifying them). So usually now, unless I have a rapport OOC with the partner, I don't message them. I just stop replying and pray they don't come harass me for a response.

Hah! I don't endorse monogamy.

I'm the same. I sometimes look through rp posts but a lot of times people only rp through PMs. So, I like trying people out, winging it. After all, if it doesn't work out, what have I really lost or risked? I'll find a good writing partner eventually. Having high standards, for me, limits the time I actually have enjoying any kind of writing at all.

I used to drop without a message but then recently when I put out the fishing rod again, I tried to be direct and honest... and immediately remembered why I did it the other way. Because people don't care why you said you don't want to rp. They really don't. Very recently, I had a bad experience telling someone straight up that I did not like their writing style and did not wish to continue the story. I was very polite and straightforward, letting them know it was a personal issue, going as far as to thank them for the time and wishing them luck in finding partners in the future that they could connect better with. They turned from reasonable to an emotional and ugly mess. They made assumptions, took it all personally, and got defensive, telling me I should have told them earlier that there was a problem so they could fix it for me. I again, tried to reason with them, telling them that it was not them. They told me they could read between the lines of what I was saying and knew what I really meant. ... Then why even send a message at all? If you're going to assume I'm an asshole and that you're a piece of shit that nobody will ever want to write with, then why put myself out there for a reasonable handshake good bye? I'll just leave them to their delusions from now on.

After all, the point a lot of times of breaking it off when you have to make the decision "say something or not" before checking out, is usually because you do not want to rp with them anymore or ever again. Why cater to a relationship that wasn't that strong to begin with. It's different if I have a personal relationship OOC, like you said. We have a friendship, we decided to do this thing, if it doesn't work out, then we can remain friends because the relationship is not based upon the story and doesn't fall apart without it. But for some nobody that I just met and exchanged less than a page of posts with? It's not even rooted, so, it doesn't need "tending".

 

[Temptationist]

Marry me, pls.

Exactly.

I don't owe you shit. How's that for change?
The worst part is that usually, it's because the writing is TERRIBLE (partly my ish, because I don't ask for a writing sample, nor do I ever go through their posts/threads to see their writing style).

Uhg, I hate it. And it's happened literally EVERY SINGLE TIME I've dropped someone (with notifying them). So usually now, unless I have a rapport OOC with the partner, I don't message them. I just stop replying and pray they don't come harass me for a response.

Hah! I don't endorse monogamy.

I'm the same. I sometimes look through rp posts but a lot of times people only rp through PMs. So, I like trying people out, winging it. After all, if it doesn't work out, what have I really lost or risked? I'll find a good writing partner eventually. Having high standards, for me, limits the time I actually have enjoying any kind of writing at all.

I used to drop without a message but then recently when I put out the fishing rod again, I tried to be direct and honest... and immediately remembered why I did it the other way. Because people don't care why you said you don't want to rp. They really don't. Very recently, I had a bad experience telling someone straight up that I did not like their writing style and did not wish to continue the story. I was very polite and straightforward, letting them know it was a personal issue, going as far as to thank them for the time and wishing them luck in finding partners in the future that they could connect better with. They turned from reasonable to an emotional and ugly mess. They made assumptions, took it all personally, and got defensive, telling me I should have told them earlier that there was a problem so they could fix it for me. I again, tried to reason with them, telling them that it was not them. They told me they could read between the lines of what I was saying and knew what I really meant. ... Then why even send a message at all? If you're going to assume I'm an asshole and that you're a piece of shit that nobody will ever want to write with, then why put myself out there for a reasonable handshake good bye? I'll just leave them to their delusions from now on.

After all, the point a lot of times of breaking it off when you have to make the decision "say something or not" before checking out, is usually because you do not want to rp with them anymore or ever again. Why cater to a relationship that wasn't that strong to begin with. It's different if I have a personal relationship OOC, like you said. We have a friendship, we decided to do this thing, if it doesn't work out, then we can remain friends because the relationship is not based upon the story and doesn't fall apart without it. But for some nobody that I just met and exchanged less than a page of posts with? It's not even rooted, so, it doesn't need "tending".

Basically yes.
Ya.
YUP.

All of it. My sentiments exactly.

I have had nothing but super defensive reactions to me cutting/ ending roleplays.
The absolute BEST is when on their thread they ask "just let me know if you lose interest, no hard feelings, blah blah" so then you're deceived thinking 'hell ya this dude is chill' and then you message him and then BAM!

THE DEFENSIVE BACKFIRE OF INFINITE BUTTHURT AND CRIPPLING INSECURITY.
And you're left there all like "lolwut".

Story of my life. #ghetto

 

[SithLordOfSnark]

Marry me, pls.

Exactly.

I don't owe you shit. How's that for change?
The worst part is that usually, it's because the writing is TERRIBLE (partly my ish, because I don't ask for a writing sample, nor do I ever go through their posts/threads to see their writing style).

Uhg, I hate it. And it's happened literally EVERY SINGLE TIME I've dropped someone (with notifying them). So usually now, unless I have a rapport OOC with the partner, I don't message them. I just stop replying and pray they don't come harass me for a response.

Hah! I don't endorse monogamy.

I'm the same. I sometimes look through rp posts but a lot of times people only rp through PMs. So, I like trying people out, winging it. After all, if it doesn't work out, what have I really lost or risked? I'll find a good writing partner eventually. Having high standards, for me, limits the time I actually have enjoying any kind of writing at all.

I used to drop without a message but then recently when I put out the fishing rod again, I tried to be direct and honest... and immediately remembered why I did it the other way. Because people don't care why you said you don't want to rp. They really don't. Very recently, I had a bad experience telling someone straight up that I did not like their writing style and did not wish to continue the story. I was very polite and straightforward, letting them know it was a personal issue, going as far as to thank them for the time and wishing them luck in finding partners in the future that they could connect better with. They turned from reasonable to an emotional and ugly mess. They made assumptions, took it all personally, and got defensive, telling me I should have told them earlier that there was a problem so they could fix it for me. I again, tried to reason with them, telling them that it was not them. They told me they could read between the lines of what I was saying and knew what I really meant. ... Then why even send a message at all? If you're going to assume I'm an asshole and that you're a piece of shit that nobody will ever want to write with, then why put myself out there for a reasonable handshake good bye? I'll just leave them to their delusions from now on.

After all, the point a lot of times of breaking it off when you have to make the decision "say something or not" before checking out, is usually because you do not want to rp with them anymore or ever again. Why cater to a relationship that wasn't that strong to begin with. It's different if I have a personal relationship OOC, like you said. We have a friendship, we decided to do this thing, if it doesn't work out, then we can remain friends because the relationship is not based upon the story and doesn't fall apart without it. But for some nobody that I just met and exchanged less than a page of posts with? It's not even rooted, so, it doesn't need "tending".

Basically yes.
Ya.
YUP.

All of it. My sentiments exactly.

I have had nothing but super defensive reactions to me cutting/ ending roleplays.
The absolute BEST is when on their thread they ask "just let me know if you lose interest, no hard feelings, blah blah" so then you're deceived thinking 'hell ya this dude is chill' and then you message him and then BAM!

THE DEFENSIVE BACKFIRE OF INFINITE BUTTHURT AND CRIPPLING INSECURITY.
And you're left there all like "lolwut".

Story of my life. #ghetto

Exactly the reason I don't tell people I'm not interested anymore. I don't have enough time in the day to deal with your butthurt. Just fuck off, okay?